Humor!

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone
can top this one:

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks
I'm lying.

On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway,
because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply
mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would
feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could
think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The
accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. The new acquisition
was no problem.

Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I
heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. Honey! The
garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."

"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower
pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"

But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"

There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you
a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent
outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behavior as extremely cowardly.

Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink
to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my
circumstances. It wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the
fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my
legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I
reached under the sink.

And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt
at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle- like
claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily
movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the
full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight"
syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"
option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up
into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully
impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke,
my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding
oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group
of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been
fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly
as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to
suppress their hysterical laughter...and not succeeding.

Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it
back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an
explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent,
claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was. "What's
the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!

sent to my by my friend! lol

 

Tags: Humor, Laugh!