Lipstick in School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the
mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had be! en to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers .. and then there are educators.

 

Tags: Humor, laugh

........just 2 more.

 

Tags: Videos

videos

 

Tags: Mothers day

Rodney Dangerfield

Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield Because he said . ..

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me
to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I
went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate
myself now.' I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a
two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the
bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex
offenders. My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in
the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' My wife's such a
bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling..

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

MY FAVORITE: My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,
I wouldn't of had anything to play with.

 

Tags: Humor

I really hate going to the doctor....

I had and appointment this morning to see my Primary Care doctor. I do like her. OK...where do I begin....I also have C.O.P.D. My Aunt has this as well. The doctor gave me twice as much inhalers and am to use them more then I was. Plus the start of Enphizema. Oh joy. Actually, I hate tests. I was also given Urecholine to help my bladder problems. But, my insurance doesn't cover it, so the pharmay called the doctor to see if there were anything else for me.
C.O.P.D. is chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Do you remember when I had that sinus infection? Guess what....I still have it! I'm to take the medicine that I used to take until my insurance stoped covering it. Maybe this is why I'm having such a hard time with my sinuses....being used to taking what I used to take and then I'm off of it, my body must have went out of whach. Good Grief!
Right now, all I want to do is to just go and lay down for awhile. I'm pretty weak and out of breath already. Well now I know why I'm getting out of breath so fast. There just seems to be nothing right about and in my body. Geesh!
I did have a good Mother's day. have videos and pictures, but I really don't feel like uploading are just being on the computer. BTW, she did see my logs that I kept with my BP, pulse, sugar and weight. I am down 2 pounds, thats good.
Please make sure you do something that makes you laugh today! :o) They're so good for you! :o)

Lisa

 

Tags: COPD, Enphizema, Out of Breathe

Making Pancakes

Six year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor.

He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten.

Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad.

He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove and he didn't know how the stove worked! Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away, knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs, getting his pajamas white and sticky.

And just then he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon's eyes . All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But his father just watched him.

Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process!

That's how God deals with us.. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour.

Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him.

But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried...

I was thinking. and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that need rekindling or three words needing to be said, sometimes, "I love you" can heal & bless!

 

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Happy Mothers Day to all you Mothers!

 

 

 

 

 

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