Rodney Dangerfield

Why We Miss Rodney Dangerfield Because he said . ..

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me
to time an egg.

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet
she won't drink from my glass!

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy
negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

A girl phoned me and said, 'Come on over. There's nobody home.' I
went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor. It was self service.

If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said, 'Are
you going to hate yourself in the morning?' She said, 'No, I hate
myself now.' I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a
two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the
bag over her head comes off.

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex
offenders. My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in
the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I'm so ugly, I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for
mooning.

The other day I came home and a guy was jogging, naked. I asked
him, 'Why?' He said, 'Because you came home early.' My wife's such a
bad cook, the dog begs for Alka-Seltzer.

I know I'm not sexy. When I put my underwear on I can hear the
Fruit-of-the-Loom guys giggling..

My wife is such a bad cook, in my house we pray after the meal.

My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex; she called me from
Chicago last night.

MY FAVORITE: My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy,
I wouldn't of had anything to play with.

 

Tags: Humor