Just a bit down.

Yesterday I talked to both my son and daughter. It wasn't easy to do, but I had to. I think I got through to my daughter, and my son is doing better now. :o)

This is to all J-Landers! There is another J-lander out there that has bashed me and another on her journal! The link to that journal is on the left called, "another j-lander." This has to stop! I'm the one that "chose to link her journal to mine." And No...I don't "deserve everything that comes my way! And why would you say such a thing?

My day yesterday was very sad for me. It still hurts me to have to reprimand them. But it did help. Whew! :o) So my day wasn't very good at all. I was very upset. It's still like you always say, "this is hurting me more then it's hurting you!" It's still the sameway. And it did hurt me. But it had to be done. I went to bed early, and got up at 3:00 again. That doesn't help my hips and back to heal. Oh well....this too shall pass.

My nerves are shot right now. After yesterday, and then waking up to find that I'm once again being bashed in anothers journal, for what reason, I don't know, has really upset me. I truly thought it was over! Because I received this from her in an email... 

I am Sorry for the hurtful and unkind words that I have spoken and for my actions that have followed. I hope the prayers for your needs are answered. I wish you nothing but the best from this day forward.
May we walk our separate ways in peace.

So thats why It was all over! Well, if you set out to upset me, you have accmplished it! If it that makes you happy, then If you talk about me, I've got some advice, click your heals three times and say I wish I had a life!

Thank you for all of your comments and support. God bless you all. :o)

:::::Sigh:::::

Yesterday was another one of those days again. For the better part of the day, it was just my husband and I here at home. I was in bed on the heating pad. Now both of my hips are hurting and my upper left thigh. And now my upper body decided to start in on me again. I was expecting my sister home and my daughter had said that she was going to come over for a bit. I didn't know where my son had gone, so I didn't know when he'd be back. My best friend came over which really cheered me up. :o) Right after she left is when everyone started coming home. :o) It was great to see my sister again and my grandson. :o) My son came home with his girl friend and a few of his friends. At around 7:00, my daughter asked if I could babysit for a few hours so she and her boy friend could go to dinner or watch a movie. Of course I did. :o) With the help of my sister and my husband. Now....what I witnessed last night of my grandson, my daughter and my son is what is tearing me apart! My son has not listened to our house rules for some time now, and I'm going to give him 2 weeks to find another place to live. I can't handle the stress from that! When my daughter was here with my grandson, I noticed that when he was going to sleep, he had to hold her hair to fall asleep. and when she would try to get her hait out of his hands, he would wake up crying. Now, to me thats a security issue. In my opinion. Plus, when she was here, he was very hyper, which is not like him normally. Of course, I didn't mind. :o) But what I noticed and my husband and sister did as well, was after she left and his dad, he went right back to the way he is normally! And was I was rocking him to sleep, he did still have to have something in his hand to fall asleep. This is all new. Last week when my sister and I watched him, he was so mad, we put him in his play pen and he did nothing but yell and scream for about 2 and a half hours! No crying no tears, just a bitch session for him! After he got it all out on his toys and beating them up as well, he was all better and right back to being the same as I know him to be. I do know that my daughter and her boy friend haven't been getting along for awhile. In my opinion, I feel that my grandson has witnessed way too much! And it hurts me to see this. :o( So, my heart is very upset. :o( I don't know what to do. If anyone does, please help. I can't stand to see my grandson go through this. I've tried talking to mydaughter about it and I thought I got through to her, but I guess I didn't. Because in my opinion, my grandson should be their prority! As I'm seeing it, he's not! :o( It's just tearing my heart out! :o( My son, I know how to handle, but this situation, I don't. When I know it's not just me seeing this and so is my husband and my sister, then I know something is wrong. :o( I just had to get all of that off my chest.

Please keep comments coming...I really need them. God bless you. :o)

Nothing in general.

Yesterday was just another long and boring day. Still feel the same. Still don't understand that one either. Been using the moist heat hot pad as well.

My daughter called me to let me know she got home ok. I'm glad that she does that. :o) My sister called me as well, to see how I was doing. :o) My best friend came over for a bit. :o) My husband was home all day working on this house as usual. He would ask me how I was doing when he took breaks. :o)

There are things in my life that I feel needs to get worked out. There are some people in my life that I just don't understand where they are coming from anymore. I can't handle the stress it puts on me.

The only thing I have planned today is to go with my husband to pick out a paint color. :o) I have one in mind. :o) After that, my sister will be coming back today. YAY! :o) Boy have I missed her being here. :o)

This is all for now. God bless.....  :o)

About anything.....

Yesterday was such a long day...it just seemed to drag out. My mom stopped by in the morning after work and gave me a moist heat heating pad. Now I know the difference. :o) I feels so much better then a regular heating pad. I still have to watch though on burning myself. I really appreciate her doing that for me. I'm still having the severe pain in my left hip and upper thigh. My hip will even go out on me at times. I don't understand whats going on. I thought I would be better by now. When I told my physical therapist about my hip going out on me, she just said, "Uh oh!" As if she knew something and couldn't tell me. I'll find out sometime.

My sister left yesterday to go back to Eaton for the weekend to see her boy friend. I really miss her already. She's been so much help to me in so many ways. No one will ever understand how much I appreciate her help. :o) Now she see's what I go through and write about in this journal is very true! It's like when my grandparents were ill and they lived all the way in Indiana, and every weekend I would drive over there and clean their house and do the things that needed to be done. And at the begining of each month, I would help them at the groceries to get everything stocked up for the month. I did it out of love. I didn't do it for anything else. No one else were helping them, so I did it. They would tell me that if it wasn't for me helping them, they wouldn't know how certain things would get done for them. My husband understood that I would be gone every weekend with the kids to help them, and it was years while I was doing this. They were my grandparents, I couldn't just let them be there with no one helping. Now, I'm on that same end! I know how they must have felt. I'm in need of help, and no one has done it! Now that my sister has been here, she has seen what I've been saying as true! It's sad that some of your own family doesn't see it. My husband helps me as much as he can after work, and I really appreciate it so much. :o) And now my sister is here and has helped me so much. :o) I'm really going to miss her when she leaves. My life will go right back to where it was before she got here. My best friend helps me by just coming over to visit. :o) She isn't able to do certain things either because of her shoulder and hands. My daughter helps me when she is able to, which isn't often because she has the baby to take care of. :o) Bless her heart! :o) Now my son...yea right! Nope..if someone else needs him, he's there to help them way before me. :o( He honestly dosen't realize how much that hurts. I've told him but he thinks that I will get better. I've told him I won't. Oh well..I can keep going on that one. :o( Another sad thing is when I'm told that someone is going to either help me in some way, or donate medical needs to me then don't has really hurt me as well. They don't realize how much that has hurt me. It sets me up to believe in a false hope. Thats happened all summer. :o( I guess what I'm getting at is how people "chose" to say and do certain things, and it ends up hurting someone else in the mean time. Like me. If you say you can't come over because you work, thats fine, I understand, but if you chose to stay up and not go to bed, again thats your choice. When knowing someone could use your help, and chose not to. I don't want to hear excuses, or their "friend said this and is believed when it is a lie or hear "what do you want from me?" Or even, "I don't know what your problem is, or "I don't know what you're thinking now!" That hurts. The answer to all of those comments are...simply Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! And no, I don't expect anything! Just to clear that up. Someone wrote a comment about when they weren't able to work anymore, how all of their friends and co workers stopped coming by, calling or the like! What we have isn't "catchy!" And what others don't understand is NOW is the time when we need them the most in our lives! And they "chose" to ignore you. And others don't get it! Yes, as you can tell, I have so much on my mind that I truly need to get out. I've been hurt by a few people in the past few months, and they don't even realize how much they have hurt me. People that I even thought were my friends! Oh well. This is my life! It sucks! and the only other family member that actually has witnessed and seen for herself has been my sister. She's also the only family member that has been helping me as well. So much has gotten accomplished since she's been here. :o) Just too bad that no one else see's it. :o( Excluding my husband. And too bad no one "hears" me when I ask for help and I'm ignored and the subject is always changed. When I realized a few months back that I really did need help and that I should even ask for help, I honestly thought I would get it. Boy was I wrong. Excluding my husband and my best friend. My sister lived so far away, and didn't really know how it was here. She doesn't understand it either. I guess I'm done pissing and moaning again. Sorry if my entry isn't "uplifting" to others, just needed to get things off my chest. And I hope you understand. I'm in so much pain right now, with so much on my mind....I feel if I get it out in this journal, it just might help my pain a bit.

God bless you all. :o) And thank you for all of your comments and PLEASE keep them coming! :o) They really do help me get through my days. :o) If you only knew.

P.S. This is to someone that knows what I'm talking about; Yes, I did say, "I didn't know what you're talking about," only because he said something else other then the item in question. Then when it was repeated to me, I then knew what he was talking about and did tell him the truth and Yes I did know. So please, that is the truth, and if he would have said the item in question instead of something else, I would have known right away what he said in the begining, and wouldn't have said that I didn't know what he was talking about. Ok? I want you to know that.

This Glass Box

As I sit alone,

Still watching people around me,

I'm in a glass box thats well known.

Feelings are rushing and I'm waiting,

Do you hear me-Do you see me?

I'm the one yelling and waving.

I'm not the one missing out,

I'm not the one who has changed

The people who have, are too many to count.

I didn't chose to be this way,

Life threw me a surprise

I didn't lose my life, unless you think it's that way?

To be the same person inside a different body and shell,

It's still me, just look deeper inside

Then, and only then, you might see what I go through and the hell.

For you to not take the time,

makes me wonder about everything you've told me

And now it seems as though it has all stopped on a dime.

I will no more be submissive to your words and tales,

Words that are spoken with no feeling

Only make me stiff to even inhale.

I have feelings and I'm not dead,

But somewhere you must have forgotten

Because of the many times I have been mislead.

I'm still here as I sit alone,

Still watching people around me

Still in this glass box that is well known.

Hanging in there.... :o)

Well....my physical therapist came yesterday morning. Like I've said before in past entries, I've been using a heating pad to sit on while in bed and at nights while sleeping. The thing is, I've always had it on the low setting. Well, she found that I have 4 burns on my hip and leg! There is one that is pretty bad! On my hip! She wasn't able to massage that area very hard because she said it would rip my skin off! Yikes! :o( with my body being as numb as it is, I had no idea I was burnt! I didn't even feel it! I was more worried about catching my bed on fire! I keep forgetting that I'm not able to feel how hot or how cold things really are. I've burnt myself so many times without knowing it. This disease is so weird! :o( Needless to say, I'm still in the same pain that I have been for so long. Geesh!

Yesterday just was a blah day. I was able to take a nap. That made me feel a bit better for awhile. It was just one of those lazy feeling days. My sister felt the same as I did.

Has anyone ever felt alone or ignored even when there are people around you? Well, I do and have been. I haven't felt alone since my sister has been here. But I still feel ignored. Not by my sister or my daughter or my husband, but ny the rest of my family. In my opinion, just by reading my journal, doesn't mean that you are keeping up on me and my health and what is really going on in my life. I don't write everything in this. And thats just my opinion. Too bad I don't get emails or calls to see how I'm doing or just to say hello. No pity party here, just stating the facts. There are family members that have stopped calling me and emailing me to just say hello. That hurts and makes me feel ignored. I'm here all the time in this house, and I haven't changed. Someone else has. It takes less then a minute to write an email to say hello, and maybe 2 minutes to call. Oh well...I'll keep doing what I've been doing...nothing. Thats just another thing that bugs me. When someone thinks they know me and how I am. Do you really? Not if you don't talk to me and hear me. Then you don't. In my opinion. Or, in some cases....someone that does all the talking and never let you get a word in edge wise, then they think they know me when they couldn't because they were the one talking and not getting to know me or let me talk. Or again, just read my journal and think they really know what's going on in my life when I couldn't possibly write all of that in here. I guess by writing what I just did is something thats really been on my mind for awhile. Just kept it in. By not doing anything and always being here in this house, and everyone knows this, it just kind of hurts a little that people have stopped emailing me or calling me and thinking by reading my journal then they know how I'm doing. Not true! Plus, wouldn't they think that maybe I would like to hear from them too? That it just might brighten up my day. hhhmmm? Oh well, their loss, not mine.

My daughter called me last night and wanted my sister and I to come over to try her up side down cake. :o) It was the first time that she made one. :o) So, we went over and it was perfect! YAY! :o) I'm very proud of her! :o) I'm still worried about her and my grandson. I only wish she would be honest to herself. If she doesn't then my grandson will suffer in the end. :o( I don't want that.

I guess I'm done pissing and moaning. Felt good to get just a few things off my chest. I only wish I could get a lot more off. It would make me feel so much better. Maybe I'll write another entry in today, who knows. I guess what it is...I know how I am and what I would and have done for others, and then to have people in my own family make me feel that they really don't care. It just hurts.

Enough for now......God bless you all. :o) Please keep the comments coming. :o) Gentle hugs. :o)

Just moving along.......

Yesterday my sister and I watched my grandson again so my daughter could get some rest that she really needs. I'm really worried about her. :o(

Still.....I'm feeling the same. My physical therapist is coming this morning. I slept with the heating pad on my left hip and upper thigh again last night. It sort of helps, but not, if that makes any sence. No body will ever know how much I so appreciate my sister helping me! :o) After she has been here, she has seen how much help that I really do need, and am not getting it. I told her what I write in this journal is the truth and when I say that I'm alone, I really am! My mom used to call me and come over, but still hasn't done it in a long time. I've noticed a change, but she says she hasn't changed....well, she has when it comes to calling me and dropping by to check on me. Like I said, when I talk about what I'm going through and the pain and the muscle lumps that I have, I'm not lying about it! Yes, I do need help. And thankfully my sister has noticed it and has been helping me so much. :o) Just tto bad that she will be leaving sometime. But at least I have help now. :o) My husband works his arse off and can only do so much when he comes home from work. And I really appreciate what he does as well.

With having so much on my mind right now concerning my daughter and grandson, it has taken a toll on me a bit. I do see an end coming with that situation soon. Hopefully. I'm doing all I can to help out with her and for her. :o) She really needs it right now.

No one will ever know the pain that I go through every second of my day, and no one will ever really know the apprecitation I have for those that do help me and see that I really do need a lot more help then others see. Again, I may look good on the out side, but you'll never know what I'm going through on the inside. And I hope that no one ever does. My sister is going to help me finish this room! YAY! Finally I'll be all unpacked! I'm very excited about that! :o) I've needed help in this room ever since we've moved in here alittle over a year ago! That right there shows you the kind of help I get. :o( I feel ignored all the time. Everything else is done in this house, but my room. Go figure! :o( And others wonder why I feel the way I do? hhhmmm! Wouldn't you feel ignored?

Thats all for now. God bless and gentle hugs to you all. :o) Have a good day! :o)

Another not so good day........

Again, I was in bed most of the day. I had the heating pad on my left hip and upper thigh. It helps a bit. I'm still very weak, and having some trouble walking and getting around. It really gets boring to be in bed all the time. But again...if it will help, I'll do it. I'm still having problems with my upper body. My shoulders and upper arms are very weak as well. By the way....no, I'm not having a pitty party, nor am I trying to "manipulate" anyone when I write what I do in my journal. I feel that I need to make that very clear. I write the facts and the truth of what I go through in my everyday life. Nothing more. (for the person that is collecting information on me for further action that I have brought on myself)

My daughter finished up her laundry yesterday, and left early. :o( I love it when she and the baby are here. :o) My sister went out job hunting. She found some promising leads. :o) YAY! My son helped me out yesterday by cleaning parts of the house. :o) I really appreciate it when he is able to help. :o) My sister baked a pinnapple up side down cake yesterday! :o) It was so good, but way off my diet! I had to try it! :o)

Again, I was looking for anyone or anyplace that could help me with my medical needs. I came across this web site:  http://www.usagovernmentgrants.org/Government_Grants.html

I wrote an email. I haven't recieved any responce back yet, but I am not going to give up. This web site is the most promising that I've seen so far. :o) I put the link up to help others that might need help with anything they might have. :o) And good luck to you. :o) They have grants for almost everything! I hope it helps at least one person. :o)

Today I'm starting another one of my new nedicines. This one will help me to stop smoking. Good Grief! I really want to quit so bad. I know this will work. :o) I think I will start my other new medicine tomorrow, the one for my blood and liver. I don't like to start all of my new meds. at the same time just in case I might have a reaction to one of them, then I wouldn't know which one it would be. So, I'm doing this slowlythis time. :o) So far, so good! :o)

I want to thank everyone for all of your comments. :o) I need all of you advice and support. :o) And I thank you for it. :o) God bless you all. :o)

 

Not a very good day..............

I was in bed all day yesterday with a heating pad on my left hip. After my physical therapist came, I was so much more pain! She found even more large muscle cramping lumps in places that I couldn't see. Boy did it hurt bad. I knew I had one on my right knee cap that was just killing me. That one showed up the night before. :o( I have many more on my upper body, and upper stomache area as well. More on my left leg and hip area. And my right hip, which I didn't know about because of the pain the left side has been giving me. But I sure know it now! :o( My body was in such bad shape, she asked me if I had done anything to cause them. No, I've been resting because I still haven't been feeling all that well. Plus, like I told her, I can't do anything! So, she has no idea either as ro why I'm having these very large muscle cramping lumps all over my body. So, I just stayed in bed. I'm suppose to ise moist heat on my body, but at first I had no idea what moist heat was. I was at my pharmacy and had seen a moist heat heating pad, so now I know. I didn't have the money to get it. So, I'm just using a regular heating pad. It helps a bit. And I'm thankful for that much. As soon as I can come up with the money to get the other heating pad that I'm suppose to be using, then it should really help the pain. I'm having a real hard time getting around as well. Walking is killing my left hip and leg. I'm not able to use my wheel chair because of my upper body strength is not there. But I know I need to use it. This pain is getting to the point to were it's so unbareable. But, it's my life and what I live everyday. :o) Just thankful for what I do have. :o)

My daughter came over yesterday, and is still not feeling all too well. She and my grandson are staying the night so I can help her with the baby. My sister has really been so much help. She made supper for me last night. :o) I hope that she can find a job here as well. :o) I feel bad that I'm this ill while she is here. I know she understands. :o) My grandson has gotten 2 bottom teeth! :o) Oh it's so adorable! :o) And he's still getting more in! Just like my daughter when she was a baby, she just got her teeth in all at once! Whew! :o)

Still nothing on my progress on trying to find a motorized wheel chair. I wrote the govenor of our state, and that was last week and I still haven't heard anything. Oh well, thats not going to stop me either. I'm on a mission. :o) Next, I'm going to see if there are any types of grants that I am elegable for. There has to be something out there like that.

Well.....thats enough for now. God bless you all. :o)

An entry.........

I had fun all day yesterday trying to figure out those eyes! LOL :o) I'm still up in the air with 3 of them. :o) I love Jeanntte's quizes! Keep them going Jeanntte! :o)

Other then the above, I didn't do much at all yesterday. Not because I didn't want to, because I couldn't. My whole body hurts so badly. The lumps keep showing up in different places and staying. Which makes it very difficult to walk, or really do anything. My sister and I played a game on my bed, then we watched 2 movies in my room while I was in my bed as well. Even though I was in my bed resting, I was still having the muscle lumps pop up and out! I just don't get it. I was also just reading and I had one pop up very large on my right calve! Boy does that one hurt too! On my upper arms and my legs still. Even when I'm not doing anything, it still happens. I wish I knew why this is happening. To me, it just doesn't make any since. My physical therapist will be coming this morning, and I know it's really going to hurt. But I know it will help me.

My daughter called me and said that she's feeling better. I still worry about her with what she has. That must be the mother in me. :o) My sister is feeling a lot better as well. :o) Whew!

I don't have any plans today. Just to rest as much as possible. Which I thought I have been doing. Maybe I'll catch up on some reading. :o) But, no matter what I do, it still hurts to sit, walk and lay down, actually it hurts to do anything. I have that many lumps on me and in so many different places. Ouchie!

I suppose this is all for now. :o) God bless you all and have a pain free day if possible! :o) Keep the comments coming, I enjoy reading them. :o)

Another one of Jeanntte's quizes.......

A little bit of fun for a Sunday.  Please leave your answers under comments or on your journals.

So, here we go  ~

1.    Madonna.

 

2.    Tony Blair?

 

3.   Elizabethe Hurley?

 

4.   Simon Cowell? 

 

5.   Micheal Douglas? 

 

6.   Julia Roberts?

 

7.   Johnny Depp?

 

8.   Suzanne Sommers?

 

9.   George W. Bush?

 

Who do you think they are?

Just my day yesterday........

I was able to take a nice long nap yesterday, and I really needed it. My throat and my glands are still hurting. I can feel my lefy gland getting larger. Then...of course my muscle pain is really getting the best of me as well. Being as weak as I am and getting a shower, (I use a seat in the shower and have a hand held shower head) made my upper arms and shoulders start in on me. Geesh! I still have the large lumps on my legs and arms, I just might have my sister take a picture of them to show.

My daughter went home yesterday. :o( Her boy friend is home over the weekend and feels that she will get help from him. I'm crossing my fingers. She really needs to rest and take her naps to heal. And with mono, it will take a long time to heal. She understands this, but I hope her boy friend does as well. Like to get up with the baby like we did for her here, so she could get her rest. :::::crossing my fingers:::::

I was able to get 6 hours of sleep last night! YAY! :o) I know that will help me to get better. :o) Now my sister is starting to have the same symptoms as my daughter, my best friend and I are having. :o( Not a good thing. My husband and my sister have been such a great help with all of this going on here! :o) Now my sister coming down with this makes me feel bad. Just like when I heard about my best friend having the same things going on with her. :o(

My last entry was a little quiz from a very good friend of mine from J-land! :o) It was fun and interesting to do! :o) I really had to think about a few of the questions...lol. :o)

Well....I guess this is all for now. God bless you all. :o) And I'm so glad that you can't get this virus through my journal or email! :o) Whew! :o) Have a good day! :o)

Jeanntte's Quiz...........

1.   If a film was being made of your life, what actor or actress would you like to see in the lead? Sally Fields.

2.   If you could choose to live anywhere in the world, where would it be?England.

3.   If you could meet someone famous (alive or dead) who would you choose and why? Abraham Lincoln. Because he freed the slaves, and had very good ideas.

4.   What is your all time favourite film or book? Saturday Night Fever!

5.  If you could change one thing about your appearance what would it be?My teeth. I had to have all of my upper teeth pulled because of all the medicines that I take for fibromyalgia, (they ruined my teeth), and I now have false uppers, and they aren't like my real teeth. I would love to have a new set of dentures that look like my real teeth. :o)

6.   If you could appear on a T.V. programme, which one would you choose? Ghost Whisperer.

7.   If you were going out to dinner, what type of restaurant would you pick? Sea food.

8.   If you could invent a totally new gadget that would make your life easier, what would you like it to be? A bed and furniture that I can sit in without pain.

9.   If you could own a racehorse, what would you call it? Kitty!

10. What is the most memorable event in your life so far?Giving birth to my children. :o)

11. If you could live your life over again is there anything that you would change? Nope! Then I wouldn't have learned from all of my mistakes. :o) They have made me a better person today. :o)

12.  What one thing annoys you the most? People that lie and are fake!

13.  If you could change your first name, what would you like to be called? I wouldn't...I like my first name as Lisa. :o)

14.  If you were a keeper in a zoo, which animals would you most like to be in charge of?  Dolphins.

15.  Is there any actor/actress that you really dislike? Not really.

Another day........

Yesterday was just another day like the day before. :o) I'm still not feeling very well. yesterday was a bit worse. My daughter is getting a little better, which is good. She really needed this much needed rest and help for her to heal. :o) To bad I'm not able to go to her apertment and clean it all up for her to go back to. That would help her as well. :o) She went over there yesterday to pick up a few things, and came back and told me that it's worse then what it was before she left to come here. :o( I feel so bad for her. Her boy friend hasn't helped her. :o( In my opinion.

I was able to take a nap yesterday and when I got up, I was really feeling sick. :o( Plus...all the fibro pain and muscle cramping and lumps. :o( I was able to be in bed for awhile to rest my body up. My sister and I played a game. :o)

I wasn't able to get to bed at my usual time. I only had 3 hours sleep. gggrrrr. I'll just take another nap again today. :o) My daughter got to bed at a good time last night and is still sleeping! YaY! :o) She really needs this. :o)

Well...I need to go tend to the baby now. :o) Thank you for your comments...please keep them comming. :o) God bless you all. :o)

Learning from failure........

Learning from failure

You've failed many times, although you don't remember. You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim. . . . Don't worry about failure. . . . Worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.

Guess what's happening......?

Well.....I kind of figured this might happen. :o) Now I'm getting sick. But at least the baby is still fine and healthy. ;o) And my daughter is getting the rest that she needs. I made homemade chicken and noodles for her last night. She was able to eat! :o) I woke up way too early again. Only 2 hours of sleep. Not good. My Whole body is in much pain, and it hurts to really do anything. Even to lay down. The muscle lumps aew all still there. :o( And boy do they hurt. I had to call my physical therapist to let her know not to come here yesterday. So, I missed a session. Probably why I'm in so much pain. Oh well...my daughter needs me right now.

My sister came yesterday as well. :o) YAY! She will be staying here for awhile. :o) She really helped me out so much yesterday! Well...she always does. :o)

I'm deffintly am going to call the doctor today and try to get in. I need to try to stop this before it gets worse. We don't need a mono epademic. Even my best friend is showing signs of having it. :o( If we only knew.

I guess this is all for now. Please pray for all of us. :o) Keep the comments coming, they help me get through my daily life. :o) Thank you for all the comments and support that I've already gotten. :o) God bless you all. :o)

What a day it was...........

Well...yesterday was a very full day. First, I went to my appointment. My doctor was in with me for about an hour. He finally got to see my muscle lumps! The large ones that I still have on my left leg. He thought that I had done something that might have caused them to bulk up that way like walking too much or excerting myself in someway. Nope! I told him that I have those all over my body all the time and that this was the first time that he has seen them. I think he was pretty amazed by the sizes of them. My mom was with me and she can tell you the same thing on his reactions. He didn't give me anything for them. Just to keep my physical therapist working on me and to get plenty of rest. Yea right! :o) Thats what I've been doing. And I told him this as well. Before I left to go to my doctors, my daughter had called me. She was still very sick. I told her to wait until I get back from my appountment and I would come and get the baby so she could go to the ER. She came back here after the ER. She found out that she has monoucleosis and strep throat!!!!! :o( No wonder she has been feeling the way she has for a few weeks! :o( She is infectious and I have her and the baby here with me so she can get the rest she needs and so I can take care of the baby. Thankfully the baby is still on his medicine from last week when he had a cold...so his body will be fighting off the infection of what she has. The ER doctor let her know this. Whew! Had I known this before I went to see my doctor, I would have had him check me. I might go ahead and call today and let them know and see if I can get in as soon as possible. We've got in touch with everyone that she has been around in the past 2 weeks to let them know. My husband and I were very busy last night taking care of the both of them. :o) Having a new baby and not getting the rest and help that she needs is what had caused this. I'm glad that I do watch the baby from time to time so she can get her rest and help. I feel so bad for her. Too bad she doesn't live here so I can help her out more often.

My doctor took some blood tests at my last visit. The results weren't too bad as they have been in the past. I'm doing better with my diet. Some of the tests were high because I did let him know because of the holidays I did go off my diet. So, the test results were pretty good knowing I was off my diet. :o) Oneof the test results, a white blood count was high, so now it makes since on why that was high. My body is fighting of some kind of an infection. Thats why I really need to go back to be checked. He also wants me to quit smoking. Which I would love to myself, but have failed many times trying in the past. He gave me a medicines to give me 10 days to ease up on smoking and then after that I have a patch to wear and I won't be able to smoke after that. I'm glad that I don't have to quit cold turkey! Even he said that is impossible to do. Glad that he understands that! :o) Whew! So, we'll see how this will go. :o) I'm going to really work hard on this. :o) Wish me luck! :o) He also gave me more Tylenol 3 for my pain. And another medicine for my cholestrol. When I walked out of the pharmacy, I had one of those extra large white bags! LOL That was embaressing! LOL But at least I'm set for awhile on my medicines. :o)

Well, thats about all for now. :o) I know that my day today will be a busy one. :o) Please keep the comments coming! :o) God bless you all. :o)

A very painful day and night.

All day yesterday my back and my left hip and entire left leg was in severe pain. My leg would go numb no matter what I would be doing. It felt so heavy and swollen, even though it wasn't swollen. I have 3 hudge muscle lumps just on my upper thigh. The largest one is the size of small football. When my husband seen it, it gave him tears. He feels bad that he isn't able to do anything for me. I'm just glad that I have a doctors appointment today.

My daughter and sister will be coming today as well. I am really looking forward to that. :o) It's snowing out right now, and hope that they will be able to make it here safely.

Today...all I have planned is my doctors appointment, and to do nothing but get my leg up, or whatever I need to do to feel better and rest my body so it can heal. This pain is very bad. I'm having difficulties walking now. :o( This is scaring me. I have to find a motorized wheel chair or scooter fast now.

Thats all for now. :o) God bless you all, and Please..keep the comments coming. :o)

Sharing some photo's.

Just sharing some photo's! :o)

It's been a week now.

Yesss...I was able to get 7 hours of sleep last night! It's been ahwile since that happened. I've needed that to help make my body heal.

It has now been a week since our loss in our family. Yesterday started out pretty gloomy. My physical therapist came, and I told her. Of course I lost it once again. :o( She understood because she too is an animal lover as well. The deep massage that she does on my body hurt so badly! Whew! On my back and my hips she had to use both of her hands and pushed down hard to help rub out the muscle spams. Yikes! I could feel each and everyone of the little muscle lumps! Even she was amazed on how bad my body was. Thats what stress will do to me and add on no sleep as well. It adds up to a lot of pain and muscle cramping.

My daughter called me and I baby sat my grandson for her, so she and her boyfriend could get a few errands done. My day then was brighter. :o) He was easy to take care of, I gave him his lunch, we played, and then he took a nap. :o) My husband came home early yesterday so I just crawled in bed with my grandson and took a nap as well. :o) So cozy!

My husband was glad to see our grandson here when he came home. My husband was having a hard time yesterday as well, and my grandson cheered him up. :o) That was so good to see. :o) My husband and I still break down over our loss. I know we will get through this.

Today my daughter will be coming over to do her laundry. That will help me once again get through my day. I love to have my family around me. My sister called me last night, and she will be coming back up this weekend. :o) She needs everyones prayers as she is going through a lot right now as well. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow for a check up on the medicines that he gave me the last visit. I had to stop taking them because of the effects they gave me. Back to the drawing board. It feels at times that by having the fibro, I am a geunia pig for new medicinces. But, if it will help someone else down the line, I am willing to do it.

To Dianne: I want to thank you for taking the time to get to know me. You actually know the real me. Unlike some people that never gave me the chance. And thank you so very much for all of your help. You are such a good person! :o) Thank you for being you! :o)

Thank you for all the comments and please keep them coming. God bless you all. :o) And I hope you will all have a pain free day. :o) Including myself. :o)

In too much pain......

I had almost 2 hours of sleep. I got up at 11:30 tonight. uuuggghhh! My back pain and a headache woke me up. I've taken some headsche pills and am hoping it will help. Before I went to bed last night, I was in so much apin, I could hardly walk again. When I went to bed, my husband layed down with me until I fell asleep. :o) He was worried. I just have good days and bad days, and yesterday was one of the bad ones. Too bad I have to wear clothes, or I would go without. It actually hurts to wear them anymore. All of my sences are very hightened.

My physical therapist comes this morning. I know already that it will hurt. But, it will also help as well.

My visit with my sister and her boyfriend was great! I miss them so much. :o) I really enjoy their company. :o)

Today it will be a week now of our loss. :o( I know it will get better after today. It is still very hard on my husband and I.

I'm going to try and see if I can lay back down to get more rest. If I'm not able to, I'll try to get a nap in today.

I really want to thank Dianne for your help! :o) You are such a wonderful person. :o) Since today is a Holiday, my phone calls will be postponed until tomorrow. But I will not give up. :o) I believe that I will get the medical things that I need. :o) And with help from others, it could be sooner. :o) Thank you so much! :o)

Thank you all for your comments, and please keep them coming. :o) God bless you. :o)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I didn't do much at all yesterday. My "numbness" from our loss is starting to wear off of me. So I'm really starting to feel all the pain all over my body once again, but far much worse. I woke up with such a backache and a headache which made the day seem very long. Nothing I took for the pain helped. My best friend came over for awhile, which always brightens up my days. :o) My husband and his dad were in the basement all day working on a room. Which entailed a lot of hammering and sawing. It was loud to me. I was able to take a nap when the noise eased up.

My sister and her boy friend came over again! :o) When I woke up from my nap, they were here, and so was my neice. :o) Nice to wake up to. :o) They planned on staying the night with us, which I love when my family will come to do. :o) This house is a third of the size house we used to live in, but we can still have enough room and accomadations for all. :o) The guys watch football last night and my sister and I and my neice watched a movie in my bedroom. :o) It was fun. :o) After the movie, I was really tired and my neice and I went to bed. :o) I truly love having family around. :o)

My husband and I are still having are moments with our loss in our family. :o( Tomorrow it will be a week now. :o( Pray for us to get through that day. Some may understand and some may not, but it is very hard on us still.

I don't have anything planned for today. My sister did mention that she might know of a place that might be able to donate a hot tub to me. I would like to check it out if possible. Tomorrow I need to call that other number in Dayton about the motorized wheel chair and a ramp. There is still light at the end of the tunnel. I've been working on getting my medical needs for months now. It's great to see that I am getting closer. :o) I was once told by someone that they would help me, but they don't help those that don't help themselves and manage our money right. I never understood that, because I've been doing this the whole time by myself, and with some help from my friends and family. And our money mangament is we pay our bills and go to the grocery, and have very little left. My husband uses what we do have left to help fix this house. It needed to be rewired, the walls are very bad, and so much more that would take up too much room. And he still isn't done. We've lived here now for a year and 2 1/2 months. The person that said this to us doesn't truly know what our money situation is. Oh well. We are getting by. :o) God knows. :o)

Thank you for your comments and God bless you all. :o)

.......................Morale is self-esteem in action.

                                           -Avery Weisman

Nothing special.....

I had the appointment yesterday at The GoodWill Industires in Dayton for a motorized wheel chair. The man that I had talked to on the phone had thought they had 3 motorized wheel chairs, but was wrong. But....he did put me on a waiting list, and gave me another number and place to get ahold of in Dayton that they are affiliated with. So, still good news.

I had a lot of pain yesterday. I think it is the weather. Plus, I have been pushing myself a bit too much lately as well. I've been doing things that I know I shouldn't do just to keep my mind of of certain things that have been going on in my life. It really helps when I have my family around. :o) My sister and her boy friend came up yesterday and is coming back again today. :o) My husband took yesterday off of work to be with me through certain things that have been going on in my life. He is so sweet. :o)

Other then that, I had just another day. Whew! I want to thank you all for the supportive emails as well. :o) God bless you, and all comments are welcome. :o)

Just keep moving on......

Yesterday was just another very painful day. In more ways then one. My body is still kind of in a "numb" state after our loss, and I'm now starting to feel all the pain and large muscle cramping once again pretty bad. This too shall pass. It's amazing what stress can do to my body. It was in the 50's here and nice and sunny out, so I thought I'd go out back for the first time since our loss. It was a very hard thing to do. To look around and see all of the places that she would sit to gaurd our house, and to not see her there was very painful. I had my phone with me, and my best friend called, and we cried together. My family and friends have been so supportive. And I thank them so very much.

And going through pain other then was just mentioned, has been very hard on me and my body as well. Yes Jeannette, I have been having someone speak ill of me and my family. Why? I don't know. And yes, I have been ignoring it so I can heal myself. I feel that my health is way more important then the pettiness of someone elses behavoir. I did, however, recieve an email saying that they were sorry for the hurtful and unkind words that were spoken and the actions that followed. And they hope that my needs are answered. I honestly hope thats true.

I couldn't sleep again last night. I got up at 2:00 this morning. I just have so much on my mind. I did get good news for a motorized wheel chair. I have an appointment this morning at The Good Will in Dayton. :o) They except donations of everything that will help others like me. They even have cars. I never knew this. What a great place! :o) Since they are helping me, I am going to donate my wheel chair to them, since I no longer can use it. :o) I know it will bennifit someone out there like me! :o) And it gives me such a great feeling! :o) I have crutches too, and I will take them with me as well, because you never know who might need them. Now, all we need to do is build a ramp for me to get in and out of the house. Easier said then done. Maybe they might know of some place that can donate one for me, who knows. :o) Our money situation has been very tight for months now, and can't offord anything extra thats out side of the house bills. Getting things for Christmas was hard enough on us. The next item that I have a prescription for that I need is the hot tub. That is very hard to find. I've been calling around on that as well. No luck. I guess no one likes to donate those to people with medical needs. But, I still will not give up on that either. I still pray for the help that my family and I need, not want. Through all the calls that I have been making through all of these months, I have found that the people that are in a money situation as we are do the donating, and the people that can afford it and are well taken care of, don't. Very sad to see. When so many people in need could bennifit from their many gifts.

My sister called me last night to let me know that she and her boy friend will be coming up today. :o) I'm looking forward to it. :o) Having my daughter and grandson here again spending the night, has really helped me so much. :O)

I do want to thank you all for your comments of support. :O) You don't know how much it means to me to know that there are people out there in J-land and people that reads my journal do care. :o) Thank you! :o) God bless you all! :o)

 

A commentary.......

What makes people say and do the things they do? What makes people act one way, and then another? What makes people talk lies? What makes people change from one extreme to another? Why do people feel they are able to judge another? What makes people feel that they can use the past against you? What makes people think that "they" are "Holier then Thou?" What makes people think that they know more about you then YOU do?

In my opinion, these kinds of people think that what they believe, is the only way to believe. Should it be that way in life? In my opinion, there are many kinds and types of beliefs in this world today, and everyone was given by God freewill. So, they have their choice to believe whatever they want. I have never looked down or away from people that believe differently then me. God doesn't. We are all His children, no matter what.

What makes people feel the need to boast? What makes people feel the need to covet you? What makes people feel they need to put you down to make them feel better about themselves?

In my opinion, all to have someone else as a scapegoat. Someone else to cast blame on.

In this journal, I have been nothing but the way I am if you would meet me. I do not change for no one. And no one can change me. I love the way I am. I feel thats being true to yourself. Yes, I do have lots of pain everyday of my life, and will continue to. I made this journal for fibromyalgia. I have it wrote that way at the top. So, no one can honestly tell me that I am constantly complaining about what I have. This is me, and this is my life. .....I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue: I will keep my mouth with briddle, while the wicked is before me. Psalms 39:1. We are all human and have human feelings and no one on this earth can walk on water. I have feelings, I am still grieving over our loss! My whole family is. That is being human as well.

The reason for this entry is because I am very confused over some issues that someone has brought up. I am me, take it or leave it, I don't care. I also feel that....There by the grace ofGod, walks I....By that, I have taught my children as well. It could be you in their situation. So do not mock or hold covet. James 2:7-10..Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called? If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself, ye do well: But if ye have respect to persons, ye commit sin and are convicted of the law as transgressors. For whosoever shall keep the whole law and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all....

I don't go out of my way to bother or hurt anyone. I have a loving family that I keep in close contact with, and are very supportive of me and the things that I do. And my health. I respect all, and only wish the same back. I do not boast of what we have. I feel that is our business and no one elses, and what we do have, we worked very hard to get, and was not handed to us on a plate. Which makes us appreciate what we have better. Romans 3:27...Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.

This is my opinion. My commentary. Things that have been brought up to me by someone and questions that I'd like to see answered.

Thatnk you for all the comments of the passing in my family. God bless. :o) All comments are welcomed. :o)

And so on......

Yesterday seemed to just drag out. :o( I was having such a hard time coping with our beloved loss. I knew my daughter would be coming over to do her laundry, and I just couldn't wait for someone to be here with me. I was in so much pain, so I just laid in bed. gggrrr! I finished calling the resources that the manager of my city gave me. I have great news on that one! I finally found a place that will except my insurance! When you work hard enough for the things you need, it will happen. God only helps those who help themselves. And He did! I was Blessed! I've been praying for this everyday. My daughter finally came over, and it was so nice to have her and my grandson around the quite house. I couldn't stop crying over my loss. It was like a rollar coaster day. Good news and then memories...... My best friend came over as well and was upset like the rest of my family. My sister called me as well. Bless her heart. This is just another "wave" that I have to ride out.

I go and see my doctor again on Thursday. I'm going to let him know that I had bad reactions to the Percacet. But thats alright, I don't want anymore medicines.

My grandson is up. :o) I need to tend to him. :o) Thank you again for all your comments and the emails. God bless you all. :o)

He who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide lips shall have destruction.

                                      Proverbs 13:3

Sad.

We had a member of our family pass away last night. :o( She hasn't been well for the past month, and her left hip was going out. Yesterday, her right hip went out on her, and wasn't able to get around. It progressed throughout the day, and then late last night, she passed. :o( The whole family is greiving. :o( But knowing that she is in heaven makes me feel better. She made such an impact on all of our lives. We will all miss her. She was in my prayers last night.

When God gives you something, like an illness that is not curable, you must make the best of your life. There are many changes that happen. As in things that you can no longer do. Which in my case, I already greived my losses, and have excepted what I have and moved on. I do what I am able to do now, which in my eyes, is better then not being able to do them at all. I am very grateful for that. However, writing about my life and what I go through with having this disease, has helped others to understand fibromyalgia a little bit more. I've meet knew friends that have fribo that I still keep in contact with. I don't feel that when I talk about my pain, and what I'm going through in my days are constant complaints. I would like to know from others that do have this disease if you think that this is a self indulged illnes? In my opinion, how can it be? And do you feel that I'm being selfish in writting about what I go through? I would love to hear from others. In my life, through every obsticle that comes along, I get through it, and move forward. I beleive if you don't, you will become stuck in a rut. I just ride the waves that come along. You have to live your life to the fullest. And that has always been my motto. I have faith in God, and I have put my health problems in His hands. I know He will take care of me and watch over me every second. My doctor has asked me to start a journal awhile back, (the reason I started this one) to help me get through this illness and to meet others like me as well. Since I am not able to write for a long period of time, Thats why I decided to have an on line journal. I'm an honest straight forward person, and I write my opinions on what is going on in my life. Which does not mean that I am complaining, Think I'm the only one like this, or not moving on with my life in a positive way. My doctor and my physical therapist are very proudof the way I'm dealing with this as well as everone else that knows me. I use this journal as therapy as well, and it helps.

All morning yesterday, I was calling about a scooter or a motorized wheel chair. I finally came across some good news. I have an appointment in February. I was down to 3 more phone calls, after going through 3 pages of numbers, and the help from the city's Manager. A break through! :o) I'm a person that will not stop to help myself. If you don't help yourself through things, then how would you expect others to help you? Thats how I feel any ways. I was raised that way, and to be honest and respectful to myself and others. I'm still going to call the others numbers to see their qualifications. But I do have a good feeling about the appointment. :o)

I also found out yesterday that we are not to go into our neighbors property. A policeman called me to let me know that our neighbors were very concerned that we might be doing this! I honestly couldn't beleive what I was hearing! We have no reason to do that, and no one has. I can't wait until this spring, because my husband would like to put up am 8 ft. fence! YAY! Then we can have our own little oasis! :o) I'd love that! :o) We do know that changes need to be made for a happier summer. It gets old after awhile hearing lies and words of anger and selfishness. What I truly need from others is support, not people that think I'm being selfish and negative. If you don't understand fibormyalgia, then you have no idea what it's like to live life with it with out the support from others that will put you down first, before helping.

God bless you all. :o)

Frustrated.

Number one: I realize that I have illnesses that others might not understand. Number two: I can not possibly write in this journal everything that I would like to, I only write what I feel is important TO ME! Number three: As I've said before, if you don't like what I do write, then please do yourself and me a favor and don't read it. Ok? Number four: through my writtings I HAVE helped others. I HAVE gotten emails thanking me for being honest. And by those emails, that keeps me going. Number five: If you DO NOT know me personally, then you can not "know" everything about me and my day to day life. So please don't pretend to "know" me and write comments as IF YOU DO! Number six: What DOES keep me going is having the faith in God that I do! Number seven: PLEASE by all means...STOP JUDGING me! God is the one that will judge me. As for you as well. Number eight: No one will ever know the pain that I am in and the things I have to go through in my days. Except for me. I do try my best to explain, and if you do not understand, thats not my fault. I live with this. And so do many others. Again, if you, my neighbor, would like to talk to me, there are other ways to do so instead of through my journal, and I would appreciate it if you would do so! My journal is NOT a place for this pettiness.This was too my neighbor.

Yesterday went well. I took a long nap to rest my body. As for the chili that was to be made, my son and his girl friend were here, and I was able to talk them through making it. :o) Whew! :o) My whole body was in pain. My left leg kept going numb. I don't know why, my left hip was hurting as well. Could be from that. My physical therapist will be coming this morning, and I'm not looking forward to it. I know how much it will hurt. Plus, I think my husband is coming down with something. It's probably the weather. One day it's warm, the next it's freezing. Today will be a busy day for me, I have so many numbers to call on leads for the items that I need. I'm getting so much closer. :o) When one door slams shut, another will open. :o)

This is all for now. God bless you all. :o)

 

Very sad.

Well...this morning my mom came over to take my sister home. ;o( She wasn't suppose to leave until 2:00. She was going to make some dinners for me to freeze for the week to help me out. :o( That would have helped me out so much...more then anyone knows. I'm in so much pain. She was going to help me make chili for supper, but I know I sure am not able to even do that. I'll see if I can talk my husband through it. If he won't do it, then that will go to waste as well as the other stuff that was bought for my sister to make for me. But...oh well. :o( I took a nap after they left. It didn't help at all. Time for the stronger medicines. :o(

A realazation.

This weekend, since Thursday, my sister has been here. :o) I've missed her so much. It has been so fun with her here. :o) She has to leave today at 2:00. :o( Having her here has really made me realize how much I do need help! A lot more help then I ever knew. :o( I'm alone during the day, and when my husband comes home from work, then he does all of the things that need to be done around the house that I'm not able to do. He works his butt off at work, and then has to come home and work. I worry about him because he has lost so much weight through all of this with me. He isn't well either. I'm really going to miss her when she leaves today. She has helped me laugh and have fun! :o) Yesterday, she and her ex husband bought me a high chair for my grandson for my house! WOW! I couldn't believe it! It has a little basket underneath the chair and a little shelf on the back and it's on wheels for me to be able to take care of him! :o) It made me cry. I was so surprised! I've been wanting to get one for awhile now, and haven't had the money to get one for him. I've been in so much pain this whole weekend as well. I've been trying not to show it as much as possible. I dread tomorrow, because my physical therapist will be coming and I'm in so much pain, I don't think I can handle it. It has seemed that for the past month or so my body has gotten so much more worse then it was. My ability to do the things I used to do a few months ago or gone now. :o( Plus more pain. Having my family around really makes me so happy! :o) Thats what keeps me going! :o) They give me the strength to keep going. Thats all for now. God bless you all. :o)

Nothing....

Doing the same. God bless and thanks for all the comments.

To talk.

My day yesterday was very busy,even though I had onlu 1 hour of sleep. My daughter needed me so I went over to her place. Then, my sister called and said that she could come up a day earlier! :o) So, my son and I drove to Eaton and picked her up for the weekend. :o) I was able to get 7 hours of sleep last night! YAY! :o) I still feel like I could use more. My body is very worn out. My physical therapist came as well yesterday, so was in a lot of pain from that too.

Thats all.......

Update.....

I wrote to my city's Manager this morning, and I got a very nice letter back. :o) He told me that If I would have need these items in the begining of 2005, there would have been grants for me to get them. But...he did give me a few other places and ideas to go on in the city. :o) Finally the light at the end of the tunnel has gotten bigger. :o)

Need to let off some steam.

I've been up all night now! Didn't get tired! I've been in pretty bad pain all day, and my massase therapist never came! Whats up with that?! This probably sounds like a joke but I had an appointment with my sleep specialist today! HA! He was going to give me somthing to help me, but then he decided not to because of a certain medication I'm on! Geesh! So....I have to wait 3 months! I was on the computer all morning still trying to find places to get a motorized wheel chair. I called 3 more places. And so far, thats all there is! When each one found out the kind of insurance I have, they said they would have someone else call me back! hhhmmm....so far, my phone hasn't been ringing off the hook! I called to see how this place in Troy was coming along with my statice on something else, and they told me that they don't have 2 papers that they need from my doctor! OMG! Don't you think that they could have called him?! Then they actually asked me if I would like for them to get ahold of him?!!! UH Yea!!! OMG! People!!! This whole ordeal has made me so stressed out! It would really make me feel a lot better if I had people show me some support over this matter!!!! I've been to other web sites, and have seen over 20 different comments for someone that had a bad day!!! Now thats support!!! What am I doing wrong? Please tell me! No, I'm not feeling uplifting right now! So please don't say that it's that! I've heard that enough! And no, I'm not trying to get something for nothing, and Yes, I do know that God helps those that help themselves!!! I've heard that one too!!!! No shit! What have I been doing since August?! I even had a hot tub donation jar! That didn't work! And you know the ones that told me this are the ones that were going to doante a hot tub, but then changed their minds! Saying that I wasn't trying to help myself! Yea right! This whole matter has been way too stressful for me to handle! When you tell me something and then don't do it, to me that like telling me a lie! And thats one thing that I can not stand, is a lier! The only thing thats keeping me going is my faith! If I didn't have that, I would be in a rubber room right now! It seems that I have help and friends when I'm the one helping, but where is everyone when I need help?! And no, I'm not ungrateful! Everyone that knows me knows that I'm thankfull for everything that I have! And no, I'm not hiding behind my fibro either!I'm writing all of this so I don't hear it in a comment! Like I said...I've heard them all! I don't get support...I get dogged on every word that I write! This may be a harsh entry, but everyone feels frustrated every now and then! I do have my mom my daughter, and my son and husbands support. It just would be nice to hear that I have it from more then them. This may be the last time I write in this journal for awhile. It doesn't seem to help me and I haven't gotten anymore emails from anyone that it's helped either. So whats the point?! I had bought a friend over the summer something that I really wanted, and I went ahead and gave it to her! Stupid mistake! I happened to be walking up to my house, and seen it outside holding something up!!! Boy, that was appreciated!!! What a bitch! I just walked in the house and thought that this is it, I'm never going to be nice and buy anything nice for someone ever again! I'm so tired of being the dirt under someones shoes! I grew up that way, and my life still hasn't changed! Even though I have! If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all!

I'm not sorry for this entry, but I have no intentions of offending anyone as well. I feel better letting of some steam. God bless you all. And don't worry about any comments or if you happen to know anyone or any place that could donate, because I don't care anymore. Have a good day!

Just to talk.

I was still very dizzy yesterday. I decided to not take one of the new pills to see which one is doing this. I stopped taking the Percocet. So far I think thats the one making feel all strange and dizzy. Because I'm feeling a bit better this morning, and was able to get to sleep last night, and slept for 8 hours! :o) The Percocet reminds me of the Oxycotin! :o( Not a good thing. I have to go to see my sleep specialist today. My daughter is going to go with me. :o) Thats so good, because I was afraid I'd have to try it on my own. Whew! I can still drive, it's that I really shouldn't be with the way that I'm feeling. Don't want any accidents! :o(

My daughter came over yesterday to do her laundry. :o) I got some more pictures of the day. :o) My best friend came over as well. :o) My grandson is feeling a bit better. :o) He's acting very onary! :o) I went to the Extreme Make Over Home Edition's web site and downloaded the application. I can't think of anything else for help. I've exhausted all my leads. :o( And I'm not getting any help from anyone else, so I have to keep going on my own here. I'm going to send it in and see what happens. It's not like I haven't been turned away before. I'm really getting used to people either telling me one thing and not doing it and getting my hopes up, or getting the door slammed in my face. And...I want to thank them all for doing that to me! :o( Karma! Nothing like getting your hopes up for a big let down! Getting used to it though!

My physical thareapist is coming this morning. I've been having so much pain in my right shoulder and down to my upper arm and then down to my right side of my ribs. I know this is really going to hurt today! :o( The pain is worth it, because I usually feel better a few hours afterwards.

I guess thats all for now. Once again, and this will be my last time putting this in any entry....If anyone might know someone or some place that could help in donating the medical needs, Please let me know. :o) God bless you all. :o) Have a good day.

A very dizzy day!

All day yesterday I was very dizzy. I don't know why, unless it's the medicine doing this...will, it would have to be. Even sitting down, I would have to hang on to something to make me feel a bit better. The room would be just spinning so fast. Nothing I did helped at all. I'm still very dizzy. I don't know if it could be a side affect that isn't good or what? But, I'm still taking them to give them a chance. I wasn't able to get to sleep last night until 3:30. I got up at 9:30 which is pretty good. :o)

My massage therapist came yesterday morning, and I told her what the doctor told me. She agreed, and the doctor also told me to let her know to keep doing the same type of massage until I see the neurologist. My whole entire body was in pain! YOUCH! She hit most all of the places that was hurting me! She's very good. :o) My upper body is still in a lot of pain, like my upper arms, chest, and shoulders. :o( I'm still having a hard time getting around as well. Geesh! I asked her how long this relapse will be. She told me that it could be anytime. So I'm just going to ride this hudge wave out. Nothing else I can do.

Again....If anyone that reads this might happen to know of anyplace or you might know of someone that could help me with the medical things that I'm in need ot, please let me know. :o) And please, keep the comments coming! :o) God bless! :o)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I had another quite and relaxing day yesterday! :o) My husabnd and I made the pork and sour kraut for New Years day as always. :o) I invited my mom to come over for dinner. :o) It was so nice that she was able to come. :o) We sat in my bed and watched to tape from the New Years Eve party we had. :o) LOL...Boy was it funny! :o) It was so nice to sit there with my mom and watch it. :o) I think almost everyone had the camcorder. LOL I had no idea that I was on it as much as I was! Good Grief! LOL I brought back all the fun that I had from the night before! :o)

I didn't take a nap yesterday. I was extremely dizzy again, but not tired. All I did was sit and hold on. My daughter had invited us to her place for a little football party, but we couldn't go. There would have been no way that I could have done it. :o( But she understood, she seen how bad I was that morning. Again, I'm very thankful that I was able to get that cane. It really has come in handy for me to use. :o) I've been using my walker and the cane to get around. My mom had seen a house for rent just arounf the corner from our house, and wanted to get the phone number. I went with her with a pen and paper to write the number down. She found out that there will be a showing today at 6:00. :o) The we came back here. Even just that little bit wore me out. :o( And all I did was get in her van, with her help, and rige around the block and came right back. She of course helped me back in side. I was so worn out and in more pain just from that. I just don't understand it still how I get in so much pain. :o( I've been having trouble controlling my eyes again, and my face muscles having such spasms. I know thtas not the medicine because I've had this problem befor. I was only able to get 5 hours of sleep. But I'm bot complaining, at least thats more then 3 Hours. :o)

My husband has today off ! :o) I'm so glad! My physical thereapist will be coming this morning as well. I know how much that will really hurt. :o( But, I know it will do some good to make me feel somewhat better. :o) At least my husband will be here to help me if I need him. :o)

I would say thanks for all the comments, but I didn't get any. :o( Thats everyone's choice. I did however, get an email from my dad yesterday letting me know how much he is giving me all the support that I need, and I'm in his prayers. :o) That brightened me up! :o) Just to know that someone supports you makes a world of difference! :o)

I suppose this is all for now. God bless you all! Again....All your comments do help me get through my days. :o)

What fun!

Wow! I had so much fun last night! :o) I will remember last night forever! :o) My sister and her boy friend came up, my daughter and her boyfreind were here, and my best friend was here! My brother in law stopped by as well. :o) We had great food and such a great a great group of people here to celabrate the New Year! :o) I had the best time! I so needed this! :o) I'm really paying for it this morning...lol well, this afternoon, but to me...it was worth every second! :o) At least I have photos and my memories! :o) I truly love to have my family around me! :o)

I am so glad I got that cane when I did. If I didn't have for today, I wouldn't have even been able to go to the bathroom, and it's in my room! :o( I just can't believe how bad and fast my body is failing me. I'm just so thankful that I seen my doctor when I did. And very glad that he knows what's wrong with me and is treating me for it. :o) He's the best! :o) I do agree with a comment that I had...No, no one will ever know the full pain that you are living with. I know how I live my life with what I have, and yes, I do try to hide my pain from othes, but for the past weeks, I haven't been able to. I am still doing my best to get around and go places on my own. It takes so much from me and gives me so much more pain, but I feel I need to at least live my days the best that I can and do what I can while I am able to. I can only live day by day right now, and am going to do it. :o) I am just being myself because nothing and no one can take that away drom me, and I guess I'm testing my own limits to keep going. :o) Thats something I need to do. :o) I also want to thank another person that made a comment...yes, I do need all the prayers that I can get. :o) And I do thank you so very much. :o) I just want to say also that yes, the comments that are made mean so much to me and they do get me through my days. :o) It helps me to know that there are others out there that do care enough to write to me. :o) And thank you so much, I really do appreciate it very much! :o) And if anyone wants to send me an email, be sure to put: about your journal in the subject line so I won't think that it is spam. :o)

I guess thats all for now. :o) Again, Please, if anyone knows of any place or anyone that can help me with donating any of the medical needs that I truly do need: The hot tub, and the motorized wheel chair, Please let me know. :o) God bless you all! :o)