An open wound

I actually put my heating blanket on my bed yesterday! I haven't used it in years! Because if I get over heated my muscle cramping gets worse, or if I get too cold, the same thing happens. But with this cold weather kicking in so soon this year, and my body getting worse, I had to do something. :o) It felt so nice and snuggly! :o) Until I had to out from under neath of it. lol I had the heat set on 75, but it didn't feel like it was. My daughter said it didn't feel like it either...so then it wasn't just me. Most of them time I have to ask others about the heat or cold because to me, it's very different from others. My Thalimus is damged due to what I have, which in turn makes it very hard for me to tell how cold or hot it truly is.
I got to bed pretty late for me last night. Certain things went pretty smooth, and I just stayed in my room watching Scar Face. :o) My room's my safe place! :o) My daughter was watching Beaches in the living room and wanted me to watch it with her!!! Nope! Didn't feel like crying! I could hear it and still cried! lol :o) I heard her sniffling, and that made me cry! Geesh! :o) When it was over, I told her why not put in Terms of Enderment and The Note Book! They make us both cry too! Thank fully she didn't, I was all cried out! :o) So, she came in here with me and my grandson wanted to play with me! LOL :o) He's a riot! :o) It's just like 20 years ago when my daughter was that age! :o) He the best medicine and cheapest! lol :o) He makes me laugh so hard! Which I really needed that! :o)

Tonight, I was suppose to go to a party with my best friend. I was going to be a white angle! I had a dress we were going to work with, and she had the wings for me to use. Things got changed around, so I'm not able to go. There's always the next time! :o)
Moving on.........
I got up at 3:00 this morning. I couldn't sleep all that well last night again. I kept waking up every hour, like I did the night before. ggrrr! I'll just try and get a nap in today. I have the heating blanket on a low setting, and it has really helped my hips. When I woke up, I could feel the pain in my hips, but it wasn't as bad! :o) I'm glad of that! :o) Right now my hips, legs, feet and my back are hurting pretty bad. But...I expect it.
I hope that today will be a much better day then it has been. I've actually caught my self disconecting from certain situations within that past few days. Adults from past child abuse are so used to doing this. I've notice myself doing it 2 nights ago! I won't go into detail, but, as I was sitting there listening, I just "zoned" out! Something that was all too easy for me to do...like going to a better place if you will. I could still hear and see the person, but, "I" wasn't there! I was protecting "me!" Just like I did when I was a young child getting molested or a beating! And I'm 43 years old! Certain things must "trigger" it. I do know I felt like I was a "child" all over again! That didn't help much. And right now, I feel like a gaping wound...so just keep pouring salt into it...! Sure, that always helps.
Moving on.......

Got to go....
Thank you for your emails and you comments! :o) God does Bless us Everyday! :o)