~I'm going to spill my guts...it's not going to be pretty, just bare with me,this is THE why~

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess,and in hopes it might help someone else as I do. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. May God bless you!......

Good morning! :o) I hope you are all feeling good! :o) My body is feeling a bit better this morning. I'm glad of that! :o)
OK...what I wrote about last night, I had to get off my chest so I could sleep. I realize it won't make sense to everyone, and thats alright. I just want you to know where I'm coming from is all. And the "why" I've stopped writting the way I have in my journal. I have a question; how would you feel or make you feel if you had a few friends that you talked to and trusted, for awhile, to then find out that they really weren't your true friend at all? It hurt. What made it worse was when I found it out. I was just diagnosed with having ms, and was doing my best coping with that and with all of the new losses as well. Thats in my life and that "is" my life. Well...I felt such a sick knot in my stomic! Oh...before I go on...NO...this is not a "pity party." Ok? I'm going to finally tell why I haven't been writing, and yes...I am very perinoid about writing in my journal anymore becuase of certain people! I've been made to feel this way. No, you can't block people from reading your journal, only from commenting, I've already wrote to Joe and asked. Because I will not go private! I will not be pushed into that! I've decided to put a few things from emails in this post; no names are involved. Maybe you will see the "why" I feel the way I do. If not, it doesn't matter, I know how it made me feel, and thats what matters to me!

What is the matter with you? What in the world have I done to you THIS TIME, for you to write as you do. Please show me which entry I have written, that is about you, or even gives you any indication that I am reading your journal for subjects to write about. Why does everything revolve around LISA? If you feel as though I am preaching Lisa "Please then STOP reading MY journal". It's that simple. I know of one of my readers that also reads your journal ~ because she makes it a point tolet me know when your word of me are unkind.

That is just the begining of an email. No, I do not read the journal. I could care less! More from an email.

All Christianity Aside,
How Dare you....... You are nothing but a LIAR !!!!
YOU
ARE THE MOST SELF CENTERED BITCH I HAVE EVER, EVER IN
MY LIFE MET. Where did it become and I's
responsibility to make sure your ASS is taken care of
or even helped when you won't get off your sorry ass
to help yourself. How much lumber(for a ramp)or food
for your best friends children do you think you could
buy for a carton of cigarettes, how much disability
access could you provide with a weeks worth of 12
packs. You have some nerve to think WE would EVER or
should ever help you when all you do is squander your
money. My way of life is the way it is because I GIVE
BACK TO THE LORD. I don't donate unwanted things to
charities or used books I no longer want, and consider
that giving. When was the last time you tithed????? No
matter what you say or do your simply jealous of what
happens when your love for GOD is stronger than your
love for "WHAT ABOUT ME".
IT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL LISA, A COLD DAY IN
HELL, BEFORE I EVER APOLOGIZE TO YOU FOR ANYTHING
ESPECIALLY HAVING THE WISDOM TO WALK AWAY FROM
STUPIDITY. I have met several people here in Piqua -
kind,generous people who think of someone else other
than them selves, but never in my life have I ever met
anyone like you.
I think you have said enough, I wash my hand of this
filth.

These are responce's from entry's that I had written in my journal. Not the whole email.

You say this is YOUR journal of YOUR thoughts and that this journal helps others???? Please! I read the journal to collect information, trust me not for pleasure. You write that I send you all these e-mails and letters and that we won't leave you alone.. nothing but LIES. Again PLEASE Lisa, I've only sent you one letter and now 2 e-mails, All responding to the Bullshit and Lies.

Another email. How would these make you feel? And be honest! Wouldn't you kind of want to watch what you write too? And have lack of trust? Well..I do. And pretty much hurt badly over it all. But, that doesn't matter as you can see. I have more..but choose not to post them.

Now...this is one big step for me! It's such a huge release off of me. I've held so much in. The stress from not releasing hasn't been helping my pain. This is one big step in the right direction for me. I'm pretty proud of myself for actually standing up for myself! :o) People say/think that words can't hurt....YES they can! And they did! If I write about someone in my journal....so what! Believe you me....I can go to so many other journals and read them, and thats all they do is talk about other people and have so many people think they are such good people! Thats a mixed signal to me! All I want to do is talk about MY life! And if someone is in my life...so be it! If you don't want me to say anything about you, which I don't say anything bad...unless "they" are bad! The only thing I want is to have the freedom back...and this is my big step back! :o)
There are no names and no one was mentioned. So, no one can come back on me about anything that I have in this entry!

Thank you for your patients with me! :o) And for all of your support! Gods blessing to all of you! :o)

Tags: Just bare with me, I'm coming back.