My doctor knows

Firstly, my doctor knows about my legs. Thats why I'm having the EMG done. He needs to know why they are doing this, and why I have no reflexs in them. This is my neurologist. I do trust him, but he's an hour's drive from here. There is no other doctor that can help me at this point. And all of my doctors know that none of my medicines help me. Thats why I'm to go to this other pain clinic to see if they will put this "pump" thingy in me, so then I can distrbute the medicine myself. Which my doctor told me is the last alternative for me. After that, there is nothing else, they are just making me comfortable. Thats all.

It's like when you see pictures of me....no one can see how much pain I'm in. It's on the inside! When I write, I don't have to write how much pain I'm in. I can keep it hidden. All of my doctors are working together, and this is what is going on for me. This is the rest of my life. Making me comfortable. Well, now that the Vicodine doesn't work anymore, I was told that morophine will be used next. Then after that, there will be nothing more that can be used. I'm already loosing my limbs. That was found out at my last neurologist appointment. So, I know this as a fact. I have a hard time with my legs the most. He knows about the circulation in them and how they do get cold and they are purple, he has seen this. It's worse in my right leg. Which again, another reason for the EMG.

There are times that I have, that are hard for me to cope with this. The last few days have been pretty hard on me. When I woke up that one morning, and could move my legs from my hips down, I thought I'd lost my legs for sure then! I sat there and waited and then stood. They came back. I was very thankful. I cried so hard! My husband ran in to see what was wrong. He just grabbed me. What am I suppose to do? What I do is what my neurologist has told me to do. Even thats ben a stuggle for me lately.
I've been wanting to go shopping, but I will only drive when I know for sure that I'm 100% able to. So, I'm still stuck here. I made that video for you to see when I talk about when I'm at the computer and where my bed is from that. Yes, I know it's cluttered. I do the best I can. Everything I own is in this 1 room. How do you think 1 room would look if you had everything you owned, in it?

I'm not at all saying that I am the worst case out here! This is why I applied for Extreme Home Make Over! It's sometimes hard for others to really see what it's like for someone like me to live. Yes, I didn't always live this way. But, I was also taking care of my elders in my family, which helped me realize to never take life for granted. I drove to Indiana on the weekends to help my grandparents and my aunt that had cancer. My aunt died. That killed me! My grandmother had circulation problems and a heart condition. She died soon after my aunt. :o( That changed my whole life from then on! I was told that I was never the same since. And I know I haven't been. My grandpa had a stroke and diebeties. (sp) 2 years after my grandmother, he died! :o( Taking care of them taught me so much about life! Look deeper! If you are superficial, then you'll never see anything! I have so much love in my heart to give. And I do.
There are and have been people that have taken me the wrong way....and why I see it is because they never gave "themselves" the chance to know me. Too busy with themselves! Sad. Like I always say, slow down! Because you're missing out on something!
Yes, I'm still in alot of pains! My physical therapist came this morning. Yes, she made me cry becasue it hurt so bad! :o( She doesn't like doing that. She's just doing what my doctor feels is the best for me. My left leg was the worst. My home health aid will be coming soon as well.
You know, I've learned a valuable lesson here. No one hurt my feelings or anything like that. So don't get me wrong. Again, Fibromyalgia is an unseen syndrome. The video was funny to me because I was having a hard time getting it to work. :o) I wanted to make it for the reasons I stated above. Yes, it was laughable! But, I invited you into my home. Take this how I mean it....but, how would you feel if I would have said to you that your home was cluttered and a mess if you invited me to your home? This is where I live. This is my home, my room I live in. All I own is in here. I have a few unseen illnesses, and I am not able to get around good enough to clean it like I'd really want it to be. Yes, I know it's a mess and cluttered, because Ilive in it. I don't like it this way. And do you know how many people have "told" me that they would help me clean it? Then changed their minds or came up with an excuse? Well...since it looks this way...try everyone. I honestly don't want to be told something, then to have someone change their minds! Screw that! So, my room is going to look this way because I'm not going to let someone else tell me an empty statement anymore. So, yes this is my room where I live. :o) And I like it. This is my home, even if it's just one room.
I need to go now...and I hope I didn't make anyone mad. But thank you for your comments. Don't think I want you to stop.