~Trying this again~

Well. I'm going to try this again! I hope nothing gets misunderstood!
The reason why I wasn't able to write in this journal was because of family problems, not becuase of my daughter not taking my new diaginosis well. Ok?
It had nothing at all to do with that. Nothing.
I'm glad to be back! This journal means way too much to me to stay away from it! Even when I'm told not to write in it! I need and have too! :o) I need my J-Land family more then ever right now for your support! :o) Please! I do!
I got my palm pilot yesterday! I love it! :o) It has everything I need! :o) I'm still getting used to it, but I just love it! :o) I was suppose to syncrinize it to my computer! Too cool! lol :o) I can also order this thing that I can install, to where all I have to do is speak, and it will do what I want it to do and write it down as well! I'm going to get that as soon as I can! I really need that! :o)

Through all of this home/family mess, I've been doing my best to still keep my mind on track, and think of the future. I also ordered a phone set that has a base phone and another phone that you just plug in. I also ordered another one, so I had 3 all together! One in my sons room, one in my room and the base right here on my desk! :o) That way I can still get ahold of my son if I need him if he;s in his room! :o) You can also use them as walkie talkies. :o) And you can buy up to 7 phones! I likd that idea! :o) Then, I went to Sear's on line, and they have like this stuff you can order that isn't in their stores for handicap. I ordered this thing to help me wash my hair, and a dew other things that will help me! :o) I was spening alot of my time and keeping my mind busy by thinking of the things that I do need now and the things I will need along down the road pretty soon! :o) I had to keep my mind on something seperate then what was going on! If not, I would have ended up in a mental hospital! lol :o)

I really just need all of you to just understand that when and what I do write is brutily honest and just the truth! Thats me and I can not change for no one! No, I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings. And yes I have wrote my entry's in word pad before putting them in here, and they were the same as I would have writing in entry in this! My feeling don't change like a faucet! I can't and will not just turn them off and on like that, because thats not human nature! Thats fake in my eyes! I'm who I am because I am! Take it or leave it!

And if there is an assumsion, ask me, write to me and I will tell you. I don't hide anything! Sometimes I just have problems getting what I want out on paper/journal thats floating around in my mind that I want to put down properly. I get fibro fog, and I have cognitve problems. Everyone knows me. :o)
What I need is to just to be understood! :o) Thats all. ;o)
I'm not here! :o( I get so much more support from my J-land friends then I do here at home! And you don't know how that means to me! :o) I felt so alone when I wasn't able to write in here.
I have no one!
And, thats my next move, to start calling around for a social worker and ms support system. :o) Boy do I need it! :o) I have to keep my mind working at all times, I don't want to let it go, so I don't have more cognitive problems! I feel if I keep doing this, even if it's reading the back of a cereal box, I'm helping my brain! :o)
My back/spine, hips and espeically my legs and arms and hands have really gotten much worse! And it seems that they have much faster then I expected! My lege are the worse! I get up and walk around as much as I can to keep my moblity. I haven't even been able to go out to my chimney for my prayer smoke because I can't make it that far right now. But I am still working on it! :o) I'll get there! :o) Baby steps! :o)
My arms are a different story. I can't get them up and out! And I don't know how to work with them. I'll think of something or ask my physical therapist. She wroks them over when shes here. She liked to killed me this morning! Whew! Man did it hurt! Ouchie! I had so many bulging large muclse cramps in the back of my upper thighs! And in my hips! I thought I was going to pass out! Geesh! Even she could believe how bad they were!
I need to go now. I need to get up to walk now! :o)
I do really want to thank all of you for your comments! Believe me, they really do help me to get by! Gods blessings to all of you! :o)