Simply....To me.

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess,and in hopes it might help someone else as I do. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. May God bless you!......

 

Good morning all! I hope that everyone is doing and feeling good! :o)

It has been appearent that I've been going through a few things in my life lately. A few, not so good. One, is the obvious. Then the ones I really haven't talked much about. Just kept it in. I think that also has alot to do with some of my weird dreams and night mares.
Being sick with that cold/flu thingy that's was going around didn't help matters either. :o) I'm so much better now! Thankfully! :o)
Ok...I'm over the grieving part of my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis. I've moved on. I've excepted all my new losses as well. It's a prosess to go through, baby steps. It has been for years though...and still will be. And I except that.
One thing that keeps going through my head is my 'now.' I finally opened up and talked about this to my daughter yesterday about some things thats been concerning me. I like to run things by her because she lives here too and I don't want to think that I'm 'just seeing' things all wrong. If that makes sense? Because that happens. I'll be the first to admit if I'm wrong.

Well...she has wanted to talk to me as well about the same thing. How about that!
***First off, don't ever think that by ANY means that I am at all ungrateful!***
What is and has been going on for a few months now has kind of been a baffle to me. (for lack of a better term) When I was diagnosed with all that I have, someone has taken on the role as my care taker. I never asked and I even have and still do ask if I can bring someone else in. Because I can. No, because they don't see it as being a 'care taker' for me. Just helping around the house. Ok, thats fine. I really appreciate it. :o) When someone does something, even my Home Health Aid...I always thank them. Because I'm gratful for them and their help. :o) What makes me feel the way I feel right now...is when I here, " I had to work all day long and stand on my feet on cement floors for such and such hours, and I have to come home to this?!' and ' I can't do that right now, I have to go sit in the sun until it goes down, then I'll come back in.' No...these are not selfish things. But to hear about working all day and coming home to_____fill in the blank....well, it just flooded my mind to when I worked all day and had 2 small kids, a house, laundry, dishes, errends to run, stay up at nights with sick kids, iron clothes, go to the store, and deal with the my seizures I had, and the pains I was having at the time after the birth of my daughter is when they started, ( the fibromyalgia) was falling all the time. Taking the kids to and from school, was both of their room mother, went to their plays and school functions, and still could hold down a job! Again, I'm not complaining...I just don't understand the difference here. And no, age wasn't a factor, I was well into my 30's then. My daughter has seen this. I'm not saying I was this supper human person...just saying what's the difference between a man and a woman's way of looking at this, at what I just wrote. If this is his way of not wanting to be my care giver, yes, If asked if he still wanted to and he said yes...then I really wish he could tone the comments down. When I ask him to, again...'I' don't stand on my feet all day long! So, I keep it in and don't say anything more. My children both, help out as much as they can as well. My son has been doing the cooking. ;o) They both help clean...and so does my grandson! :o) It's a pulled together effort. :o) When I'm having a good day, I am able to do the dishes. :o)
Just remember that words do hurt! Especially when they're said over and over.
I just hope that no one took what I wrote wrong in any way. I wish I could get my care giver to understand after all these years....that if you don't want to do it anymore, then let me know. Just don't put me through the mental part.
It's just like the mouse in my last entry! Everyone plays a part!
Thank you for your comments! Yes...they keep me goingand brighten up my days! :o) Gods blessings to all of you! :o)

 

Tags: Caregiver, Love, Happyness!