I just need to talk.

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......

 

Good morning everyone! I do hope and pray that you are all feeling and doing well today!

I just feel the need to log a few things. uuugghhh! Where do I begin?
Well, I'm not feeling 'sick' today...thats good news! :o) Yesterday, my daughter stoped over for a few minutes, so I got some much needed hugs from her and my grandson! I know she doesn't realize how their hugs makes me feel.
I got a phone call from the nurse that will be coming here weekly to check on me and do my medications for me. She sounded really nice. She will also have to go through the house and make sure I have the proper things that I need and if I'm living in a 'clean' enviroment. Like this room and my bedroom. I basically live in these two rooms. So, that will help me out a lot. Maybe I get my bedroom door widened, so I can ride my wheel chair in there. I have two ways that I can get into my bedroom; the regular door and from this room, a pocket sliding door, which is wide enough for me to get in to my toilet. And I park my wheelchair there, right outside that door, then use my cane to help assist me to get to my bed.

I also want to thank all of you for your support and kind words! You're letting me know that you are still there with me while I'm going through all of this. Thank you!

Yesterday was not a good day with the other illnesses and pains! This morning my eyes are puffy and swollen from crying. I have no idea as to even try to explain the pains I had all day yesterday and this morning. I just screamed andthen I cried and hit my pillows. I'm losing so much more in such a small time. In my opinion. Because I don't know what to expect with the ms.
It's still my legs that are really hurting and getting the best of me. I've been using my wheelchair, but last night after watching Big Brother, my dh went to the kitchen and had his supper and I decided to go up stairs for something. Big mistake. While I was coming down the stairs, my legs went to this 'noodle' type of way, and the pains were so bad, I got as far as I could get so I could yell for my dh. He came and had to drag me to the nearest chair. My legs were not working at all! The pains were horrid! I sat there for a bit and then he picked me up and put me in my bed! He asked me what he could do to help me. I just told him that I had no idea. By far....this has been my worse! He even started to cry! He sat with me and didn't want to leave me alone. I let him know that I would be alright by just sitting in my bed and for him to finish eating. He did.

When he came back in, he told me how helpless he feels. God bless him! He asked if rubbing my legs would help at all...and I told him that I didn't know. He put his hands on my legs and he said how cold they were and that if felt to him that the circulation was bad. My right foot was purple, but it always is. I let him go ahead and rub my legs even though the pain was horrific! He was crying along with me as he was rubbing them. After he was done, he felt them again to see if they had warmed up...he said they did. I couldn't feel it. And I don't...thats why I can burn myself or get my body too cold because I can't feel.

He sat down with me on my bed and said that he thinks it's time for me to go into assisted living! :o( He said that he's doing so much to help me and some days it takes him longer then others and he still gets up early to go to work. And he works 10-12 hour days! Comes home and then does what needs to be done here at home for me. He's exhausted! I don't blame him one bit.
This morning, my physical therapist came and gave me the deep massage. Again, I screamed and cried. I felt like a baby. But it seems that I'm not able to hold it in anymore. I got out of my bed and my sons girl friend was down here. She asked me if there was anything that she could do to help me. I said yes. Every morning I always go up stairs to wash my face and try to brush my hair. It's just out of habbit. She turned my coffee on and she helped me up the stairs and stayed with me and then helped me back down the stairs. She had someplace she had to go, but she said she didn't feel right just leaving me alone. I was and still am in my wheelchair. She sat with me for a half an hour to make sure I was alright. She really help a lot. I'll be alone all day. So, after I get off the computer...I'll go back in my bedroom and sit in bed until someone comes home. Which will be around 5-5:30.
Sorry for me just rambling on and on but, I needed to log this. My appointment is next Tuesday to go to Cincy to see the ms specialist. I can't wait. I want to know why I'm losing so much of my abilities so fast! Why? I will still have my dignity. I'm still fighting. I'm pretty mad at how my body is doing. I know that sounds funny to say but like I say, my mind is fighting my body! They are not the same....meaning; my mind and body doesn't work together like it once used to.

I guess I'm done now. Thank you for all of your support! If you've gotten this far.....thank you for reading! :o) I'm trying to get what I'm going through out for others to see and just maybe someone else might have a few answers for me! :o)

Please remember to laugh, give hugs and live your life like you've never had! Because you don't know what is in the near future!
Gods blessings to all of you! :o)

 

 

Tags: Fibromyalgia, MS, Pains, Love, Live, Life, My life!