Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you
that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you
for seven years and 
I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the
last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't
even notice that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal and even wore
a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband


P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER
and I are moving away to  West Virginia together! 
Have a great life!




Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your letter.  It's true that you and I 
have been married for seven years, 
although a good man is
a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining and
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut
last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a
girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say something
nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and
I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you
and felt that we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to  Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote ensures you won't get
a dime from me. So take care.


Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!


P.S. I don't know if I ever told you
this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a
problem.