Here I am.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning to see my sleep specialist about the results of my sleep test finally. Nothings has changed, and I don't have anything more! Whew. :o) Thats good. :o) Thats really all I wanted to know. That was good news. Thankfully, my mom took me. My walking has not gotten any better at all. My physical therapist yesterday morning had me bawling like a baby! It hurt so bad. Not her fault of course. I don't think I can take anymore this morning....I'll probably get sick! I'll have to call her. My sleep specialist is my favorite doctor. :o) If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had the first of the MRI's to get the ball rolling to my diagnosis of fibromyalgia! He was the only one that never told me it wasn't in my head! :o) And yesterday I was talking with him, and he really knows me. After our talk about the results, he asked me what was wrong. He said that he could tell by my eyes that something was wrong. When he said that, The water gates just opened up! I've had so much on my mind lately and haven't really been able to talk about it to anyone. I just told him that I've really been under a lot of stress here lately and it's a cycle once again with my sleep and the stress. Which he knows all too well about. Now, if it would have been any other doctor, they would have sent me to the Adult Mental Health Unit! Which had happened to me before! :o( I knew I could trust him. He talked to me like I was a human being, and not like a piece of meat. He told me that he could give me another medicine that would knock me out and help more with my pain...I agreed. I've heard of it because my mom used to tak it when I was a young girl for her migrains. Darvicet.

My mom told me that it would be alright for me to take because it didn't giver her any side effects, and it helped her as well. So I agreed to take them. Plus, I thought, if they would knock me out, that would be great! My mom told me that she used to take 25 mg. Well, when we went to get mine filled, I have this mamoth bottle! Mine pills are 250 mg! My mom said OMG!!!!! When we got home, she told me to get in bed and to make sure that I had everything I needed and then take a pill. I'm to take them 1 every 5 hours! Ok. So, at 11:00, I took my first pill. Boy was I ready for my butt to be kicked! I wanted to sleep so bad. My home health aid had come, and left at 3:30! Her normal time. Nothing! My daughter had some free time, and I talked to her about what has been on my mind! I felt sooooo much better! It came time to take another pill. Still didn't feel a thing! But....I was starting to feel a relaxing feeling come over my whole body! I've needed that feeling for years now! I didn't get knocked out, but the relaxing feeling was enough for me! :o) I thought if I got up and tried to walk, maybe it would hit me...you know, like when your drinking and when you stand up, then it hits you! Nope, didn't happen. My daughter was keeping her eye on me, which was so sweet of her to do. :o)
The thing is, I've just been worn down. Made fun of. Put down. Put in the middle of things. Told to do certain things and did them while crying. I've been crying everyday. Because of my pain, and all of the above, and because I've let it all happen. :o( I ashamed of myself. :'( I spilled my heart and guts out to my daughter. My mom knows, but she is very busy working alot and she works nights. She's pretty upset, and she cried as well in that office yesterday with me! God bless her! She's worried about me. So is my daughter. As all of you know, I've been having problems with my walking and my back for awhile now. I've just been sucking it up. I shouldn't have. Then, my husband brings home the cutest puppy. I was told that my duty is, when I get up, which is early, to clean up all of the pee and the poo! One morning, in my room alone, there were 8 piles to clean up, then in the kitchen there were 3 plus pee pee! It took me 2 hours to clean all of that up because it's hard for me to bend over! But, I did it. If I don't, I hear it! I've asked him to please put the food bowl up at night to help. He did one night, and there was no poo in the morning. Hasn't done it since. He sleeps on the couch because he says so he can be on "night duty." LOL Yea right! Thats me! I get up, at 2:00 or 3:00 and he's snoring away! I take care of the puppy and all of the above mentioned! I wake him up at 5:30 for him to go to work. Ever since I had the throat test done, I still feel that I have little pieces of stuff stuck to the sides of my throat and in the morning my voice is weird because of that and my throat is very dry like my mouth. He sits up, looks at me, and will ask me a question, and I will answer it. It's usually about the dog. When I talk, my voice will do odd things, out of my control...he'll repeat what he heard, then say, well blah blah blah to you too! :o( And says if you can't talk righ to where I can here you then don't bother! Then I cry, then that pisses him off! Thats how my days starts! :o( Then, I'm still on duty until someone else gets up. Even if I'm tired and need a nap, I have to stay awake to watch the puppy. Which I do love him...he's so adorable, but physically, I'm not able to take care of him. When my daughter gets up, then I can lay down. This is not all of what I've been going through. So much more. ;o( I'm not at all having a pity party, just talking to you guys, my friends. :o) It seems that all I have anymore are my daughter and my J-Land friends to talk to. Geesh! Now I've made myself cry...sorry.
I want to thank you Gerry so so much for sending me the blanket! Wow! It's so much better then the one I have! Thank you so very much! :o) I need to go now.
Thank all of you for caring enough for your comments and emails! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Tags: Love, puppy's, Love, in need of love