I'm still here

Good morning. I hope that all of you are well this morning.
I truly want to thank all of you for your support! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without all of you or where I'd be! Thank you so very much! :o) I have all of you and my daughter as well! :o) She has seen and has heard most of the things that goes on around here. God bless her. My son is hardly here because of band practice after work. I hardly ever see him, and when I did try to talk to him, he didn't want to hear me, so I stoped and said no more.
I told my daughter that I feel like a puppet. I do and say what I'm told to do without any question. I never really thought about it until these past weeks. My daughter said that I'm his scapegoat! She's right! :o( So when I am told to tell someone something, then he looks like the good person, and I'm the fallguy! Oh well. It will be over sooner then anyone thinks.

My daughter has an appointment at David's Bridal shop to look at wedding gowns today! Yes, I'm going with her! :o) I'm taking my camera of course! :o) No matter what she will put on...she'll look beautiful in! :o) And thats at 3:00. And the Darvocet has gotten in my system now and what it's done is relaxed me. Which is a good thing. I hope I don't embarrases her when we get there.
Plus, last night, what I did was I stayed up as late as I could to make sure that I could try and sleep in! It worked! I wasn't the first one up this time, he was...so that meant that he had to clean up the messes! :o) Not trying to be mean, just wanting a break for myself amd my body! :o) He was coping very well either. He was yelling at the puppy, and I never do that becasue it's not his fault. I think I'll try it again tonight and see if my daughter will stay up with me! :o) And in hopes that he will go to bed before me. Geesh...I feel like I'm plotting something. See, I always second guess myself. Because I feel mean. And I'm not a mean person. uuuggghhh!
Oh, and I found out something last night that I didn't know! He came to me and asked me if I minded if he gave my daughter money this week? ( he gives her money every week so she can have money, I don't understand it when her boy friend lives here ) I told him that it was up to him. I don't like the idea at all because he could be giving it to me. Or something else! It's like $40.00! But, awhile back, he took my credit cards away from me! Telling me that I didn't know how to keep up with my bills or something stupid like that. Which wasn't true at all. I have all my receipts to prove I paid everyone of them every month, infact, one of them raise my credit line becasue I am a good customer with them! :o) I have about 16 cards. I was allowed to keep 4 of them. The rest, I thought he cut up and threw them away. And I was still making the payments on them. He told me last night that he feels it to be ok that he can give my daughter money every week because he says he helps me out on my credit cards!? What? Oh sure! What ever! The ones I have are store ones, the ones he has, aren't, and I wonder if he isn't using them and making payments behind my back, or not and making my credit bad! If so....All hell will break lose! It's not my fault that my credit was good and his isn't! I've asked him last night if I could have them, and he said he could find them! gggrrr! I'll look for myself then!
I am just so tired of being used and abused and called a lier, and so many other things when all I do is what I'm told to do. And basically my days are sitting in this room! Oh boy! Others can believe what they want to, and say what they want to, but at least "I" know what I'm going through and living through right now and years before this! I'm just now starting to talk about it, thats all! And my health isn't getting any better at all. He sure doesn't help by getting me upset everyday, but I do try to relax. I get up and try to make myself walk so I don't lose muslce mass there. I am, but I just feel that it's a good thing to do when I can. I do as much activity as I can. I really do not like being sruck in a wheel chair. I'm more restricted then ever. But, it does help my back, hips and legs so much. Since I'm relaxed more from the Darvicet, I have noticed that my pains are easier for me to cope with as well. Good call on my doctor's side! :o) He is a good doctor.
I'm going to go now. I've ranted way to long and I'm sorry for that. Thank you all for your supportive emails and comments! :o) God bless all of you! :o)