Wednesday, January 3, 2007

~Setting myself free and being true to myself~


Yesturday seemed to just drag on forever to me. My physical therapist came, and I had my husband watch her so he would at least know how to help me when I need it.
Today, my home health aid is coming to help me. I have some questions for her. She might know that answers to.
My husband and I talked again last night. I guess it went ok. He asked me if something was wrong, and if I wanted to talk about something because he said it looked like I did. Well....if you don't want to hear the truth, then don't ask me. Because thats what you're going to get from me! So, I told him that I've been thinking about trying to find an assisted living place. He didn't like that all that well, but he did take it well. He asked me why, and I told him my reasons. I told him how I'm not going to be made fun of anymore, a door matt, and someone elses scapegoat! And I've can't physically and mentally take it anymore! At first, he started to say that he didn't.........then he remembered that he DID tell me that he DID make fun of me on purpose and that he justified it! He apolized last night, but sorry, thats just too late for me.

I'm just am not going to sit back and nod my head and say yes or no for him to others to save his butt! Nope. Because I've lost alot by doing that all ready! Even friends. People that believed him, not me!
He said he isn't mad at me....well if he is or isn't, too bad any way. The damage is already done here, and is very deep. And no, it's not the holidays that is making him like this. This is how he is, and I used to just write in my private journal...not anymore.
I talk to my daughter about certain things about this situation, I really don't have anyone else that I can. She started the first day of collage yesterday. I'm very proud of her. :o)
Once again....sorry that this is another rant. Please pray for me, please!
Thanks for the emails, ecards and comments. And God does bless all of us! :o)


17 comments:

Anonymous said...

let us know how your calls and finding a  place go today. I pray you find just the right place for you. Imean you need a place with room for you to move about too.

Anonymous said...

{{{{Lisa}}}}  good luck with what ever you decide.. we are here.
love ya
d

Anonymous said...

Thinking of you sweetie and hoping all works out in the end.  So sad to read what you are going through - you have enough on your plate with out the adding extras...big hug, Millie :)

Anonymous said...

I wish you all the best in whatever it is you decide will be good for you. ((((((((hugs))))))))))
Cindy

Anonymous said...

whatever happens, i will stand by you. I just want you happy, healthy and safe.
XO lj

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

I think you are on the right track.  Remove all stress and drama from your life.  INCLUDING HIM.  He doesn't love you and it is obvious because people who love you would NEVER EVER treat you like that.  He isn't mad at you????? WHAT???? He is the one who showed out!  He should be hoping that you aren't mad with him!!!!  I'd just go.  Life's too short.  And that future son in law of yours needs to go too the way he treats your daughter.  If she gets caught up in marrying a man who doesn't even want to see her dress she's in for a lot of heart aches.  This is all to sad.  You both deserve to be loved.
NELISHIA
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/WISHINGANDHOPING/
http://journals.aol.com/tsalagiprincess1/JumpingOffTheDeepEnd/

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa,
Glad to hear it's out in the open, at least you both know where you stand. You're no 1 in this game, how about "for better for worse"?!

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you have some type of support with having your daughter.But i am still very worried for your well being. TAKE CARE.
your in my thoughts and prayers
love and hugs
katie

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwww Lisa I hope everything works out for you, Hugs Lisa

Anonymous said...

I am glad that it is out in the open now. At least he can't say that you did not tell him.
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

Anonymous said...

Bravo dear one!! Your gaining your confidence back. That is the start of a whole new beginning. Your wise to understand an apology doesnt necessitate change. His actions have spoken for him all along, words cannot possibly soften anything else.
Your in my prayers on the smoke. Love Ya Indigo

Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa,
Your not ranting, that's what a journal is for.
Glad you are standing up for yourself.
Hugs,
Donna

Anonymous said...

Lisa, hope this all works out.  At least you have voiced how you feel.  Whatever you decide, I hope it's the very best for you.  HUGS  Chris

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

You need to do what is right for you. take care vicky

Anonymous said...

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