****Feelings*****

I love this graphic and the title of it. "Trapped." I chose this this morning because there are days that I feel what you see in the graphic. I'm the lady in a shell of my body. At one time, the room was being used, and to look at it now; it still is because the lady is in the room but it's not being used the way it was. If that makes any sense? It does to me. My body was once used as an active, painfree open, bright and breezy room. But not anymore. I have an empty shell now in which I have to live in. Please, do not think because I'm writing this, that I do not have my strength in my faith, I do. I do have the Lord's light residing in me. :o) Just writing down feelings. I'm still in mourning over my losses. I have had a few more losses just in this last month. My hands are going faster then I had expected. My back is getting much worse. There are more, but choose not to write about. It also gets so tiring to hear, "But you look good!" On the outside, but no one but me really knows what I'm truly going through on the inside. I have what I have for a reason. God gave these to me for a reason. I accept them all. I will do my best to get what I'm going through, across to others as best as I can. :o) I feel that maybe thats why I have all of what I have. God gives gifts, and I accept them all. But, it doesn't mean that I'm not "human." Because I still feel, I have emotions, and I have to learn from this gift. And I will.
I am in a lot of pain this morning in my hips and back. I'm getting used to all of the muscle cramping. Unless they are in a different area. Again, yesterday I was shaky. I'm trying to learn what illness is this from. I had a seizure on Friday, I've had that disorder all my life; I have myoclonic seizures. When I was a baby and diagnosed, I had grand mal...which aren't very fun to go through. Yes, I know that I put people in harms way on Friday while driving home. God was with me the whole time, guiding me. :o) The progressive ms is very new to me. I'm still learning as I go through everyday. I'm getting the fibromyalgia down, my blood pressure has been doing good and my heart is still in a bit of a crisis with possible stroke and heart attack. My liver is still the same, I have what is called; non-alcoholic liver. There are so many other things that I go through day in and day out that no one even knows about. I still haven't listed all of my illnesses. Just too many, and don't really feel up to it. When I say that "Your comments get me through my days." I'm very serious. Because they do, and I don't feel so alone. I'm tired of being sick...I don't like it one bit. I have no choice in the matter. And when I do get a cold/flu, it takes my body forever to fight it off. With the fibromyalgia, I have to have sleep and very low stress. Since I have 3 sleeping disorders, it makes it hard for me to get enough sleep which adds stress. Then it's a cycle. My immune system is already low, and no sleep and stress makes it lower plus more pain.
I'm not depressed at all. I'm a very happy person. Today, I thought I'd just write about how I truly feel. :o) Maybe it will help someone that reads this. That is my mission for having this journal. If I can help just one person, that would be great! :o) Thank you all for your comments. Again...my alerts aren't working. lol :o) God bless all of you! :o)
ty Jenny for the tag. :o)