......for those who wait.

This entry might be a bit different this morning. Who knows! :o) Firstly...again; Thank all of you for your comments! I've never met so many understanding people! :o) And....alerts are still not working for me still. gggrrr! I'm doing my best to scale through aol journals to find all of you! :o)
I don't know why I've been feeling so melanchally lately, but I'm rolling with it. :o) Like the graphic I used above, it's seems to be magical. I've written about this before, but I guess I'm going to write about it again this morning. When I was 4, my mom got married to my stepfather; which at such a young age I didn't like him at all. He gave me such bad feelings. I soon learned why. We moved here in Piqua to an appartment. From that moment on, my life was a living hell. He was an alcaholic and cheated on my mom. I remember her getting me out of bed and getting in the car to go look for him. Then we moved again to a house. He stopped drinking and we went to church. What a change. When someone has an adictive personality, when they stop one, they go to another addiction. Well....we went to church everyday, I was sent to summer church camp and summer revivals. By this time, my mom had my 2 younger sisters. He abused me in everything you can imagine. It started when I was 4, until I was 17. He would cover it up by taking me to church events with him to make it look like he was a #1 stepdad. His other addiction was all about our church. Now, please don't take this wrong, because it was a great thing to be able to go to church, but like everything else, he took it way too far. I was being abused sexually, mentally and physically. I never knew about how other kids' life was about, because I was never allowed to assciate with other kids unless they went to our church. I was painfully shy, so I really didn't have many friends at school. I accepted the Lord into my heart when I was 12! :o) I did it on my own. I knew I wanted that life that I was being taught in Sunday school. Being as nieve as I was, every night before I went to bed, I would pray to God to help me to get out of the situation I was in with my stepdad, and to leave a magic wand under my pillow when I woke up the next morning. I never gave up, I would still pray for a few years, and no magic wand. I did stop praying for the magic wand....and started praying for him to stop hurting me. He didn't hit my sisters. Then it was like as fast as a blink of an eye, he didn't want anything more to do with going to church or the Bible. He went back to drinking again. I knew how bad I would get beaten that night when he came home by how many 6 packs he had under his arm. My mom and I continued our beliefs and still went to church. I learned the power of prayer and for those who have patience and wait, He does answer prayers and God does always hear you! It's just in His time. I was finally saved from his beatings when he slipped up and pulled his fist back to hit me in the face, and my mom stopped it. She came in when he didn't know she was there...God watched over me...even though I went through what I did growing up, he was the one that was sickened with evil. I knew one day...he would get caught. Yes, I told my mom about it all when I was 15, but he stalked me and the laws back then weren't on my side. It was like, "I was an unruly child and I was getting what I diserved!" NOT! Mom finally divorced him. Since then, I've forgiven him for all that he's done, but, it is very hard to ever forget. Still working on that one. Just a hudge life lesson for me. :o) I will move that mountain. :o) Because of all of the beatings and when he would just throw me across the room...and land on and what ever....My doctors have said that is a big reason why I have what I do. It does make a lot of since. And why my back is the way it is. He remarried and lives about an hour away from me and I don't see him, unless I run into him at the mall or something like that. I say hi to him and go on my way. I pray for him....he knows not what he has done. Until he meets his maker. I guess I'm a survivor. I know that I have patience enough to wait. I know if I'm in need of something and when I pray...it will always be in God's time, not mine. Like with my illnesses...it will be in His time, not mine! :o) And I'm very willing to wait! :o) I love life, I chose to live! I thank God each and everyday for another day He has given me! :o) I do hope that no one has taken what I wrote in a bad way...nothing was ment that way....just trying to describe certain things. :o) He still has an additive personality to this day. If it's not one thing...he moves on to something else. I was going to write something different this morning...but this is what came out! :o) This must have been what I needed to write! :o) Thank all of you again for your support, and comments! Gentle hugs and God bless you all! :o)