.................................Never fail to know that if you are doing all the talking, you are boring somebody.

 

                             ---Helen Gurley Brown

Only MY thoughts......

Again, I wasn't able to sleep last night/tonight. Went to bed at 9:30, got up at 12:30. I have more stuff on my mind again, just when I was starting to relax. I once again received another email from the same person! All I want is to be left alone, how hard is that to get across?! The claims and accusations are not true, and am very tired of the nasty letters. For the first time, I wrote back, explaining that I want it to just stop. I don't understand why anyone likes to keep doing this to someone? Then, I noticed that the letter was also sent to my daughter!!! Why?! My daughter doesn't need this either! It's like I'm not enough to keep upset, so now, upset my daughter too?!!! Thats going too far in my book! Again, the letter is over petty things just to upset me. She is claiming that everytime I write in my jouranl, she receives it. I have no control over that! She had to have done that one herself, I can't do it, and everyone that has a journal knows that a person is able to click on the part where it says, alert me when a comment is posted, and, it goes straight to your email! Now how can I do that? I do not talk about her personal life on this. It has been just mine. I honestly don't want to know her personal life to tell the truth. I only write about my fibro stuff and what I go through with it, and the letters that I've been getting and that I still don't understand as to why! I have moved on with my life, or at least have been trying to, until I get another letter. Just as soon as I am able to feel a bit more relaxed, I end up with another one! That isn't at all helping my pain any! I'm trying to feel better, and the letters aren't helping. Not blaiming her for my pain, the stress makes me flare up! Plus, the hateful things that are writen in these letters are very hurtful to me. I guess if I'm doing the things that I am being accused of, it wouldn't hurt me so bad. Accusing me that I am going to go to her husband and tell him that she smokes! No, I'm not that kind of person, and if I wanted to, I would have already! She also states that by us saying that we are poor, that she was tired of hearing "poor" excuses! Whats that all about? And they are not rich, just well taken care of. I'd say so! The part that really hurt me the most was when she said that, "Being a good Christian and knowing "Thou shall not throw your pearls before swine or they will be trampled under foot." I'm a Christian as well. AndI have never in my life have talked to anyone or have writen such nasty things to someone like these letters are. They are hateful and down right nasty. And to also send this same letter to my daughter? What would that accomplish? Just hurt her as well. And keep this whole mess going! It really needs to stop! My body can't take any more of this! What do I do? Please....I could really use some advise on this.

.................When you build bridges you can keep crossing them.

                                  Rick Pitlino

What a day.....

I went to bed last night at 10:00 and got up at 3:00. Not bad, more sleep then the night before. Which I'm hoping will help this pain. I still can't believe how this feels! Again, I never knew anyone could have pain like this. My husband helped me into a hot bath last night hoping that it would help ease the pain somewhat. It felt goo while I was in it, but when I got out, it seemed to feel worse, and was more swollen then it had been all day! That part I don't understand. You'd think it would have helped. I don't know what else to do about it. I'm just going to ride out this wave as well. This one feels like a big one too. I still can't get that letter out of my head either. Thats probably another reason why I'm in more pain. That letter really upset me. Plus, there were things in it that didn't make any sense. Which made it harder to get it out of my head. I have a strong seeling that her husband doesn't know about the letter. Only because of some of the things that were written and how. I know I have to let it go, but for some reason, I can't. It really threw me for a loop, and came out of no where. Oh well. I am going to try and put a lawaway in for Christmas today. I hope I'll be able to get dressed and drive. I could reall use to get out of this house for a few hours. :o) If I can't, I'll try to do it tomorrow. :o) Well, thats about it for now. I do appreciate all of the comments. Thank you so much! Keep them coming. :o) Gentle hugs.

Just another day.....

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. I was having alot of pain as well. Not surprised at that. :o( A letter really upset me to no end last night. I did get 2 hours of sleep last night/this morning. I got to bed at 3:00, and I took a pain pill to help. My massage therapist came this morning. And I thought the last time she came hurt like hell! Not even close to todays! I now have 3 lumps on my upper stomach area, that have gotten larger, and 2 more on my right side in the rib area! Plus, a new one has started on my left rib area! Thankfully it's not as big. But it hurts. I can tell you this much, the areas that these are in; I couldn't wear a bra or a seat belt if I had to. :o( That whole area is swollen. I was going to try and get a picture of it, but I can't get a good enough one that shows up. I'm going to keep trying. I still have those other lumps on the right side of my face. She can't do anything for them. So, my face twitches in muscle spasms. Feels pretty weird. And of course, all of the usual places that have always been a pain, my upper shoulders and chest and back and down to my hips and legs. And my upper arms. I have a large lump on my right upper arm right now that is killing me. Oh well. I really think that tumor on my back has gotten larger. I could feel it this morning when she was massaging my back. :o( Again, if anyone else that has these problems or any other that I have mentioned, like the "fibro fog," Please leave a comment. It lets others know that they are not alone, and the people that doesn't go through this, to know that this is a real thing that we do go through, and it's not for self pity from anyone at all. Thank you for your comments, they encourage me to keep writing no matter what. :o) God bless you all. :o)

Just because.....

Well, I'm still awake. :o( Not a good thing for my pain. Less sleep, more pain. All fibros know that one. I want to ask all of the readers a question that have fibromyalgia. Do any of you suffer from "fibro fog?" And, isn't this the correct term? I would appreciate it if I was corrected if I'm wrong. It's just for my own personal sanity. I am tired of people thinking that I'm making it up to use it to my advantage. Thats all. I'm not at all. I'm hoping I will be able to get sleepy soon. I had something that hurt and upset me tonight, but I'm glad it happened because now I know the truth. I guess I am that neive. <----can't spell. :o) Oh well, glad it's over now. Going to find a web site to see about the "fibro fog." When I do find it, I will post it. :o) http://www.fibromyalgia.md/viewtopic.php?t=20

Just need to talk....

I'm still in alot of pain. I have those muscle lumps on the right side of my face now. I'm in so much pain all over my body now. Just feels kind of weird. I have so much on my mind as well. I really need to talk. I've been trying to get ahold of my neighbor still with no luck. I've called a few times and got the answering maching, left a message, the other times the phone was busy. I can't right now, just walk over to talk. I couldn't even go vote yrsterday even though the place for me to vote was at the end of my block. I'm in too much pain. I still have no idea as to what I've done for this person to plain out ignore me. I'm confused. I did what she had asked me to do. And she said that she still wanted to remain friends. So do I. I guess she changed her mind. I didn't. She said in her last email that she felt that she had to lie to her husband about our situation. And that she didn't want any lies between them. I feel that was her choice to do that. I told my husband, and he felt that our arrangment was going fine and I was handling it. Not a problem. Until the emails. Which blew us both out of the water. Again, if I would have gotten a call or if she would have came over and talked to me, it would have been different. Maybe I would understand this alittle better. Who knows now. And I would like to get back a few things of mine that she still has. But if she won't return any of my calls, then what do I do? She has a white dress and a pillow and she still owes me 4 packs of cigerettes. I did what she asked me to do, now she should return the favor. Plus, her husband doesn't know when she comes over here, she smokes. She lies to him about that. Again, thats her choice. She's always paid me back before for what she's smoked of mine. Why not now? It's like over night, our friendship just made a total flip! I have a friend, I don't have a friend, which is it? I'd like to remain friends. The fact is, we are poor. We live week by week, check by check. They can pay their morgage for a whole year, and did. She says she knows what we are going through, but I wonder if she really does. Then she said in her last email, Why is money the root of all evil? How should I know? I just paid her back the money I owed her. Yes, it took alot away from us, and really strapped us. But, at least she has her $75.00 now. To me, that just answers the question. She also said that she feels that I have made her look like the bad person for helping me. I don't know how. When I got her email, all I did was write back that I didn't have it, and why I didn't have it. Because I had already paid her $25.00. Which was our agreement. No, she's not the bad person for helping me. It just seems bad for the way it all went down. In my opinion. And all summer, when we would talk, she would tell me things like; I'll help you do this, and "we" will help you with this and that. And, it did get my hopes up with all of the things that were mentioned. I guess I am very gulable and neive. But since I wasn't able to do these things, I believed her. It's not like she would say these things only once, it was all the time, so I got my hopes up and couldn't wait. But, thats ok. Things came up out of her control, she says, none of my bussiness, and none of it has happened. I guess it's like the money I owed her, things came up that were out of my control. Yes, it did hurt my feelings. I'm too trusting. I would really appreciate any comments. Am I seeing things wrong? I did what I was asked, and now it seems as if I have the pleague. I just don't get it.

...................................."No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."  --Aesop