Sunday, December 31, 2006

Hear me God.....

Good morning. I was hoping that this morning would be better than the rest, but no. :o( I did it agiain last night, stayed up late, so my husband would have to take care of the puppy in the morning like I have to do. :o( He hasn't spoken to me all morning, just the dagger's coming from his black eyes! Yes, his eyes are the color black, you can not see his pupils.
I just went out to the Kitchen to give him something that he'd asked for. I seen that the baby gate was up, and I asked why it was up. He said because of the puppy! I asked him what did he do that was so bad? He said that he can't house break him and is so pissed at the dog right now, he's out back, and I said, what are your going to do? Because when he gets this way, it's anything can happen time! :o( He said, I want to get rid of him! :o( I told him that this is what I do everyday in the mornings! He just gave me a dirty look, so I walked away. :o(
It's out of my hands now. :o( I've cried so much for so long, you'd think I'd have no more tears left. :o( Last night he was trying to fight with me, and I took control over that real quick, because I know when he's doing it. So I turned it around on him.

Today...I really need to get out of this house! I'll aske my daughter if she has any plans, and see is she can go somewhere, anywhere with me. I'm just shaking so badly right now. And it's not because of my illnesses either! :o( Mt faith is really being tested right now through all of this! He can't ever take that away from me!
He can live his life the way he wants too, but I chose to live my life in a more positive manner and without drama! And so far, it's all around me right now! :o( The more stress that is given to me, the more pain I endure! And he knows it! :o(
All I want to do is get under my covers in bed, and scream, and then go to sleep forever.
Thank you all for your nice comments and emails...God bless all of you, and that you don't have to fo through any of this.

Happy New Year's Eve!

Saturday, December 30, 2006


Good morning. I do hope that all of you are doing well!
My daughter had an appointment yesterday to try on wedding gowns! We have so much fun! Oh...just beautiful she was in them! We both agreed on the same one! :o) It looked like something out of a fairy tale! :o) The pictures don't show very well at all how beautiful she and the gowns were! Absolutly stunning! :o) We both were so glad that they could fit her, when we shop for her and buy her a top, she is busty, and it's so hard to fit her. Bless her heart. She wants a reduction so badly. But the lady that was helping us was able to find the right size to fit her! She was so worried about that at first. We just had so much fun there! It was great to get out as well! :o)
The place was David's Bridal In Dayton by the Mall. She has another appointment for her bridesmaids to go in and get fitted for their gowns. :o) The lady showed me the mother of the bride gowns .....and Nena and I just laughed! :o) No way! LOL She didn't even like any of them! They weren't very nice at all! LOL
Then we came home. Oh boy! :o(

As I walked in, I could imeditly feel the negativity! I could have just sliced it with a knife! I got out of my clothes and changed in to something else. Nena was trying to show her boy friend the pictures we had taken and he really didn't want to see them. That hurt her feelings! Because the dress she likes was more expensive then the one he wanted he to get! Geesh! She came in here and loaded them on the computer to see them better and wow...just beautiful! He still would not look at them! Neither would my husband! I sat in my bed, gave her a hug and told her to not worry about them and to try to relax. Well....not long after that, I hear her in the living room with jer boy friend and my husband, crying! :o( So, I go in there to see if there was something I could do. I asked what was wrong. My husband said that she doesn't need to have a dress and that they can just go to the court house and get married, or just live together because it costs to much to just have a piece of paper saying you're married! UH! Then, He asked me a question that I honestly don't remember, and I answered him, but I said too much because he yelled at me and told me that I didn't have to go that far! Well, how was I suppose to know? Nena calmed down because he stopped nagging on her. I had came back in here in was sitting in my bed with my heating blanket on for my hips and legs.
Well, I thought maybe it would be an ok night. Nope! It's like he goes around to everyone to see who will fight with him. He sat down on my bed and started talking to me. Again, honestly don't remember what it was about. After he was done, I told him that I had some things that I wanted to talk to him about! I felt strong enough mentally to do it! He got all pissy about it and really didn't want me to talk to him! Too bad! My turn!
I asked him why in the mornings, does he make fun of me of the way I talk (my throat is very dry and can't talk well) and then will yell at me about it? He told me that it's because that he's in a bad mood in the mornings and he feels like making fun of me, then he will! That hurt! I told him how there are times in the monings that I'm not physically able to clean up the puppies poo and pee because of my illness. He said, "I thought you wanted a dog!" I said that I do, but, I repeated what I had just said! He just shook his head as if I was making up excuses. Then right after that, when I told him that in the mornings, my back hurts the worse usually. Then he told me that it's probably because "I need to lose alot of weight!!!" :o( And that I really should get started on it soon too! :o( And that the YMCA membership that he's getting me in Feb. will really help me! And then he just went on and on and on about all of the new things that they have there that will help me lose the weight and that would be good for my muscles and how I can go everyday! :o( I just sat there and cried! :o( Talk about a slap in the face! As if I didn't know I need to lose weight? :o( Then he didn't like it because I was crying, so he got up and left. :o( I just sat there. I was also going to tell him that I want to move out too, but he didn't give me a chance. But that ok, I need to look into it more before I say anything to him.
I honestly do not know this man that I'm living with! I need to go now. I need to go and relax....and blow this nose of mine again.
I do want to thank all of you for your supportive emails and comments! o) God does bless us all!:o)

Friday, December 29, 2006

I'm still here

Good morning. I hope that all of you are well this morning.
I truly want to thank all of you for your support! Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without all of you or where I'd be! Thank you so very much! :o) I have all of you and my daughter as well! :o) She has seen and has heard most of the things that goes on around here. God bless her. My son is hardly here because of band practice after work. I hardly ever see him, and when I did try to talk to him, he didn't want to hear me, so I stoped and said no more.
I told my daughter that I feel like a puppet. I do and say what I'm told to do without any question. I never really thought about it until these past weeks. My daughter said that I'm his scapegoat! She's right! :o( So when I am told to tell someone something, then he looks like the good person, and I'm the fallguy! Oh well. It will be over sooner then anyone thinks.

My daughter has an appointment at David's Bridal shop to look at wedding gowns today! Yes, I'm going with her! :o) I'm taking my camera of course! :o) No matter what she will put on...she'll look beautiful in! :o) And thats at 3:00. And the Darvocet has gotten in my system now and what it's done is relaxed me. Which is a good thing. I hope I don't embarrases her when we get there.
Plus, last night, what I did was I stayed up as late as I could to make sure that I could try and sleep in! It worked! I wasn't the first one up this time, he that meant that he had to clean up the messes! :o) Not trying to be mean, just wanting a break for myself amd my body! :o) He was coping very well either. He was yelling at the puppy, and I never do that becasue it's not his fault. I think I'll try it again tonight and see if my daughter will stay up with me! :o) And in hopes that he will go to bed before me. Geesh...I feel like I'm plotting something. See, I always second guess myself. Because I feel mean. And I'm not a mean person. uuuggghhh!
Oh, and I found out something last night that I didn't know! He came to me and asked me if I minded if he gave my daughter money this week? ( he gives her money every week so she can have money, I don't understand it when her boy friend lives here ) I told him that it was up to him. I don't like the idea at all because he could be giving it to me. Or something else! It's like $40.00! But, awhile back, he took my credit cards away from me! Telling me that I didn't know how to keep up with my bills or something stupid like that. Which wasn't true at all. I have all my receipts to prove I paid everyone of them every month, infact, one of them raise my credit line becasue I am a good customer with them! :o) I have about 16 cards. I was allowed to keep 4 of them. The rest, I thought he cut up and threw them away. And I was still making the payments on them. He told me last night that he feels it to be ok that he can give my daughter money every week because he says he helps me out on my credit cards!? What? Oh sure! What ever! The ones I have are store ones, the ones he has, aren't, and I wonder if he isn't using them and making payments behind my back, or not and making my credit bad! If so....All hell will break lose! It's not my fault that my credit was good and his isn't! I've asked him last night if I could have them, and he said he could find them! gggrrr! I'll look for myself then!
I am just so tired of being used and abused and called a lier, and so many other things when all I do is what I'm told to do. And basically my days are sitting in this room! Oh boy! Others can believe what they want to, and say what they want to, but at least "I" know what I'm going through and living through right now and years before this! I'm just now starting to talk about it, thats all! And my health isn't getting any better at all. He sure doesn't help by getting me upset everyday, but I do try to relax. I get up and try to make myself walk so I don't lose muslce mass there. I am, but I just feel that it's a good thing to do when I can. I do as much activity as I can. I really do not like being sruck in a wheel chair. I'm more restricted then ever. But, it does help my back, hips and legs so much. Since I'm relaxed more from the Darvicet, I have noticed that my pains are easier for me to cope with as well. Good call on my doctor's side! :o) He is a good doctor.
I'm going to go now. I've ranted way to long and I'm sorry for that. Thank you all for your supportive emails and comments! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Thursday, December 28, 2006

part 2

I still needed to talk. Sorry about me whinning so much, but right now, I don't have anyone to talk to and I'm not able to write, and this is it! You don't have to read if you don't want to I understand. :o)
Again, nothing different happened this morning. Of course...I was hoping it would be different then it has been. I told him to watch the kitchen floor, because I had to mop it because of the pee pee all over. Yes, mop it! My back is killing me right now! He again didn't hear all of what I said, and grumbled at me again. Oh well, you fall you fall, I told you!
I'm so tired of taking care of everything and everyone in this house. Well, you know what I mean, I think.....I still do a lot of things. It just seems if I was here to tell some people to put their right foot in front of their left foot, they wouldn't know how to walk! No kidding! It would be great if I could take care of me for a change. That'll be the day. My mom is soooo mad that this is happening to me! She doesn't understand why I'm not getting the help I need. Well, I told her, I don't either. She hates to see the way my bedroom is...STILL! After this whole time we've lived here. Oh well. I'm used to it being this way.
The pictures that I posted below of our Christmas. And the last picture that my husband took of the futon...he told me to post it and what to say about it! :o( The next day, he asked me if I did it or not, and I told him yes. :o( And yes, my daughter was tired. I didn't find that out until the next day either. She wasn't mad. But being told things from someone else things, and having things put in your head, makes you almost believe it...if you know what I mean. In the talk I had with my daughter yesterday, I told her everything! Because I know what I did was sooo wrong! My heart hurts for her. :o( I don't know why he told me that she was mad and that she made that mess when he was the one that did it! :o( How childish! The termoil and the drama that I can not have or can not stand! It is litterally killing me! I've told him that, and I wonder if he even cares or not! It's not like I was just diagnosed last week! :o( I don't feel that he happy in life, so he has to make everyone else around him feel as he does, and I can't take it, and I do not want my children or my grandson around it!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS KILLING ME!!!!!! My doctors are telling me this! But I already know it! I can feel it down deep! I think thats why he took outlife insurance on me last year...that when I found all of this out! And I'm suppose to feel safe and comfortable in my own home? Well, I don't half the time. :o(
I asked him for the 3rd time about the extreme home make over and if he would get on the video whil everyone was here, which was Christmas. This was his 3rd excusse..."I don't own the house, my brother does so you'll have to get with him about it!" Ok...His brother did buy this house....but for us because my husband filed bankrupsy, and he pays his brother the mortgage payments every month! Plus, he can have it in his name right now if he wants too, and I don't know why he hasn't done so. So...after I get the loan I took out to get that ramp put up out back....I guess I can try to get another loan to try and get my medical needs met inside the house! :o( And, the ramp that HE said HE would put out front for me and never did! Probably waiting for me to pay for that one too! I have a whirl pool tub in the basement thats brand new since last spring! I was able to use it 4 times! Because I can't get down there! Plus, I'm the one that payed for that and all of the materials to make a room for it as well! It's beautiful! But, I can't use it! He was going to put it on the back porch for me.....but, from that to the basement, I don't know what happened! Maybe the wind blew another direction! :o(
And he complains about ME not going down there and NOT using it! hmmmm, I wonder why?! :o( DA!
When the kids aren't in the same room with us, or not in hearing shot...thats when he starts bad talking to me about either one of them 2 of them or all of them! Just depends I guess on what kind of mood he's in! Then, he tells me to tell them this or that, and this or that needs to be done and get done, and I need to tell them all of this stuff! Why "I"? I tell him that HE'S the man of the house and that HE'S the one that needs to tell them what he's telling me! Then he says, well that put's me in the middle then!!! What? Uh...NO that is putting ME in the middle! AH! So, I will go to who ever it is that HE wants ME to go to to talk to, but I just tell them that Jim asked me to say ***** and I kind of make sure that they know it's not that bad. Plus, they all know how he is too! Like my daughter said to me yesterday, she's so tired of seeing him treat me like he does! How sweet of her to say that...I didn't even know that she noticed.  God bless her. :o) I love my kids so very much and my grandson! If I didn't have them, I honestly don't know where I'd be right this very second! All I've been doing is just sitting and crying. Yes, because of my physical pain, and the mental pain as well. Which makes more pain for me. :o( I wish I knew what to do. I pray and I pray! I don't know if anyone remember the entry I wrote about when I was a little girl and what had happened to me. But, I feel exactly like I did then, but without the physical abuse! :o( Here I go again....geesh. I just want all of you to know where I'm coming from right now. I'm just not doing very well right now. I guess when he brought home the puppy and gave me a "duty," thats what broke my back for me! And made me see so much more then usual. Plus him making fun of my voice too. :o(
I'll go now. Sorry for complaing and this being so long. I really am so very thankful to have all of you as my friends! :o) I love each and every one of you so very much! :o)


Here I am.

I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning to see my sleep specialist about the results of my sleep test finally. Nothings has changed, and I don't have anything more! Whew. :o) Thats good. :o) Thats really all I wanted to know. That was good news. Thankfully, my mom took me. My walking has not gotten any better at all. My physical therapist yesterday morning had me bawling like a baby! It hurt so bad. Not her fault of course. I don't think I can take anymore this morning....I'll probably get sick! I'll have to call her. My sleep specialist is my favorite doctor. :o) If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have had the first of the MRI's to get the ball rolling to my diagnosis of fibromyalgia! He was the only one that never told me it wasn't in my head! :o) And yesterday I was talking with him, and he really knows me. After our talk about the results, he asked me what was wrong. He said that he could tell by my eyes that something was wrong. When he said that, The water gates just opened up! I've had so much on my mind lately and haven't really been able to talk about it to anyone. I just told him that I've really been under a lot of stress here lately and it's a cycle once again with my sleep and the stress. Which he knows all too well about. Now, if it would have been any other doctor, they would have sent me to the Adult Mental Health Unit! Which had happened to me before! :o( I knew I could trust him. He talked to me like I was a human being, and not like a piece of meat. He told me that he could give me another medicine that would knock me out and help more with my pain...I agreed. I've heard of it because my mom used to tak it when I was a young girl for her migrains. Darvicet.

My mom told me that it would be alright for me to take because it didn't giver her any side effects, and it helped her as well. So I agreed to take them. Plus, I thought, if they would knock me out, that would be great! My mom told me that she used to take 25 mg. Well, when we went to get mine filled, I have this mamoth bottle! Mine pills are 250 mg! My mom said OMG!!!!! When we got home, she told me to get in bed and to make sure that I had everything I needed and then take a pill. I'm to take them 1 every 5 hours! Ok. So, at 11:00, I took my first pill. Boy was I ready for my butt to be kicked! I wanted to sleep so bad. My home health aid had come, and left at 3:30! Her normal time. Nothing! My daughter had some free time, and I talked to her about what has been on my mind! I felt sooooo much better! It came time to take another pill. Still didn't feel a thing! But....I was starting to feel a relaxing feeling come over my whole body! I've needed that feeling for years now! I didn't get knocked out, but the relaxing feeling was enough for me! :o) I thought if I got up and tried to walk, maybe it would hit know, like when your drinking and when you stand up, then it hits you! Nope, didn't happen. My daughter was keeping her eye on me, which was so sweet of her to do. :o)
The thing is, I've just been worn down. Made fun of. Put down. Put in the middle of things. Told to do certain things and did them while crying. I've been crying everyday. Because of my pain, and all of the above, and because I've let it all happen. :o( I ashamed of myself. :'( I spilled my heart and guts out to my daughter. My mom knows, but she is very busy working alot and she works nights. She's pretty upset, and she cried as well in that office yesterday with me! God bless her! She's worried about me. So is my daughter. As all of you know, I've been having problems with my walking and my back for awhile now. I've just been sucking it up. I shouldn't have. Then, my husband brings home the cutest puppy. I was told that my duty is, when I get up, which is early, to clean up all of the pee and the poo! One morning, in my room alone, there were 8 piles to clean up, then in the kitchen there were 3 plus pee pee! It took me 2 hours to clean all of that up because it's hard for me to bend over! But, I did it. If I don't, I hear it! I've asked him to please put the food bowl up at night to help. He did one night, and there was no poo in the morning. Hasn't done it since. He sleeps on the couch because he says so he can be on "night duty." LOL Yea right! Thats me! I get up, at 2:00 or 3:00 and he's snoring away! I take care of the puppy and all of the above mentioned! I wake him up at 5:30 for him to go to work. Ever since I had the throat test done, I still feel that I have little pieces of stuff stuck to the sides of my throat and in the morning my voice is weird because of that and my throat is very dry like my mouth. He sits up, looks at me, and will ask me a question, and I will answer it. It's usually about the dog. When I talk, my voice will do odd things, out of my control...he'll repeat what he heard, then say, well blah blah blah to you too! :o( And says if you can't talk righ to where I can here you then don't bother! Then I cry, then that pisses him off! Thats how my days starts! :o( Then, I'm still on duty until someone else gets up. Even if I'm tired and need a nap, I have to stay awake to watch the puppy. Which I do love him...he's so adorable, but physically, I'm not able to take care of him. When my daughter gets up, then I can lay down. This is not all of what I've been going through. So much more. ;o( I'm not at all having a pity party, just talking to you guys, my friends. :o) It seems that all I have anymore are my daughter and my J-Land friends to talk to. Geesh! Now I've made myself cry...sorry.
I want to thank you Gerry so so much for sending me the blanket! Wow! It's so much better then the one I have! Thank you so very much! :o) I need to go now.
Thank all of you for caring enough for your comments and emails! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Just need to lay down or something right now. I'm not doing good right now.

I'll try to get back on sometime later to hopefully put a real entry in. Please, please pray for me.


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

~My Life in general~

Good morning! I hope that everyone had a great Christmas day! :o) I shared some pictures that were taken yesterday from my home! :o) I hope you enjoyed them. ;o)
Well...the time that we were to open our gifts was noon. My daughter told us thats when they would be back by then. My son and his girl friend were going to be leaving by 12:30 to go to her relatives. And my mom and my younger sister were going to be here at noon as well. So...we were all banking on my daughter to do what she had told us! It was getting closer to the time. So I called her to see where she was, and if she was going to make it or not. She was in Bellbrook still. Well, we then decided to go ahead and open presents so my son and his girl friend could go ahead and leave on time. It was so much fun! :o) I was very surprised that they had gotten me a few things! :o) And my husband as well! :o) We had just finished up and in came my daughter, her boy friend and my grandson! :o) There were so many presents for him to open...from other family members that dropped them off here for him. :o) When my daughter walked in the room we were in, she was holding my grandson and he looked so tired, and she didn't look like she was in a very good mood. :o(

So, all I wanted was a happy day! That was it. :o) Well, thats really all I ever want! lol :o) She brought him in and he started to open his gifts. :o) I got some pictures! :o) He is so appreciative! :o) My daughter sat in the room with him while he opened his gifts. :o) I didn't see her boy friend. Then she gave him his gifts to open. He liked the gift that we got him. ;o) You know, look back at the pictures I put in my last entry. Look and see if you can see a smile on my daughter's face? Or her boy friends? grandson with OUT his pacifier OUT of his mouth? My husband and I are always yanking that think out of his mouth...because he needs to learn to talk! Plus, they took him off the bottle, so, he needs to be off the pacifier as well, but everytime he starts to wimper or cry, in it goes! :o( He's teething again, and getting 3 more teeth! Thats got to hurt! So, I would be crying too! Good Grief! It was hurting my heart when I was watching the pictures AFTER I had posted them! No smiles on their faces...just looked like they were mad or something. :o( Plus...the last picture on there my husband took, because he wanted me to share to show how the futon is all the time, and it was actually cleaned up! Because he did it! :o( He did it because I need the house to be picked up so I can get around in my wheel chair! My daughter and her boy friend and my grandson just went and took a nap, and left the mess all over the floor to where I couldn't get around at all! :o( Yes, that hurts my feelings. Especially when I'm told that they're too busy taking care of a baby to do anything else! WHAT? Then I think back to when I had 1 baby, and then 2 babies and living on my own and having 3 jobs! hmmm! I did it! And the same age! So, my morning was great yesterday! I had so much fun! :o) After that, I have NO idea what happened! I just stayed back in my room to stay out of THEIR WAY! As I try to do. :o( If she only knew how much love is in this home for her and our grandson!
Thank you for the supportive emails and comments and the e-cards too! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

A few pictures of our Christmas present opening.

| View Show | Create Your Own You will see that the room our tree was in, was my old bedroom which is very small, and behind my son, you can see the toilet paper holder, and behind the green curtain is my toilet. :o) Also, at the end, my husband took a picture of our futon. For me to get around the house, this is what he has to do to help me with me in my wheel chair. Adults do not know how to pick up after them selves, so he puts it on the futon to help me. It litteraly makes us upset when they know that I have to use my wheel chair, and when the living room is a mess, I'm blocked in my room and I can not get out, unless I take my chances and use my cane...and that lately has been scary! It hurts my feelings. But, this is how I have to live. Just wanted to show you. My husband took that picture for that reason! Hugs to all of you! :o)

Monday, December 25, 2006

~Happy Birthday!~

Good morning! Today is a birthday we celebrate! :o) I call it Christmas! :o) Remember, a Christmas heart is a giving heart! :o)

No one is here yet....just my husband and I and the puppy! :o) I actually put a bit of make up on! lol I was bored and had gotten up so ealry again, and just thought I would. :o) It took me awhile, as I have those shakes again this morning. :o) This isn't a very good morning for me health wise, but I'll push through it! :o) I'm in my own little military. :o) (no guns allowed)

Yesterday wasn't good either. :o) I made it through ok. :o) I don't know what it is that seems to be going on with me now, but once again, I'm riding this wave out! :o) I'm not able to walk. I can hang on to my walker and move it to kind of scoot it along with me hanging on, but thats as far as I can walk. So, I've been using my wheel chair because I have too now. No if's ands or buts about this one! This is serious. Thus morning I can't feel from my lower back down! Kind of odd feeling. So...I'm hobbling along and doing the best I can! :o) When I can get up and try to feet hit the floor like I'm stomping real loud! LOL :o) Boom Boom Boom! lol :o) I guess it happened while I was asleep, because when I woke up, thats the way they were! :o)

Well....I just can't wait until my daughter gets home! I want to see my grandson open his gifts so bad! :o) I charged all my batteries so I can get lots of pictures! And hopefully a little video! :o) Haven't seen him all weekend either! :o) My mom and my younger sister will be here as well. :o) Thankfully my husband has made the ham and the pies for me...Whew! :o)

I just remembered...I need to make sure my camcorder is charged as well! oooops! lol :o)
I really should get off of here just in case they walk in the door! :o) Crossing my fingers! LOL I feel like alittle kid again! lol :o) I get as excited as they do! LOL I'm just a big kid myself! I'll never change that! lol :o)
Thank you all for your supportive emails and your comments! :o) God bless all of you! And Have A Very Merry Christmas today! :o)

Merry Christmas!

1And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed.

 2(And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)

 3And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

 4And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)

 5To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

 6And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.

 7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

 8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.

 9And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

 10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

 11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

 12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

 13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

 14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

 15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.

 16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

 17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.

 18And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

 19But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

 20And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

 21And when eight days were accomplished for the circumcising of the child, his name was called JESUS, which was so named of the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

 22And when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were accomplished, they brought him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord;

 23(As it is written in the law of the LORD, Every male that openeth the womb shall be called holy to the Lord;)

 24And to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.

 25And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon; and the same man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel: and the Holy Ghost was upon him.

 26And it was revealed unto him by the Holy Ghost, that he should not see death, before he had seen the Lord's Christ.

 27And he came by the Spirit into the temple: and when the parents brought in the child Jesus, to do for him after the custom of the law,

 28Then took he him up in his arms, and blessed God, and said,

 29Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:

 30For mine eyes have seen thy salvation,

 31Which thou hast prepared before the face of all people;

 32A light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.

 33And Joseph and his mother marvelled at those things which were spoken of him.

 34And Simeon blessed them, and said unto Mary his mother, Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; and for a sign which shall be spoken against;

 35(Yea, a sword shall pierce through thy own soul also,) that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.

 36And there was one Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Aser: she was of a great age, and had lived with an husband seven years from her virginity;

 37And she was a widow of about fourscore and four years, which departed not from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day.

 38And she coming in that instant gave thanks likewise unto the Lord, and spake of him to all them that looked for redemption in Jerusalem.

This is MY all time favorite Christmas carol! What Child is This!

Tracking Santa! :o)

I've been Tracking Santa! :o) If you want to see where he is right now, all you have to do is click here! :o)

Merry Christmas!



Sunday, December 24, 2006

I just love this cute little song! :o)

Where ever this may leed

Good Morning! :o) I hope that all is well today. :o) I want to thank Barbara and Michelle for the Christmas cards! :o)
I also want to explain a few things. In the last entry that I wrote, I said that I give up. I give up on anymore tests, and anymore medicines. My reasons; Like my doctor told me, there isn't anymore medications out there for me to help with my pains, and everytime that I've been put on something new, I end up with a new problem, as in a new illness...etc. I don't want to live this way for the rest of my life. I'm not able to take anything for the osteoporosis, or the osteoarthritis, because he said it damages my esophigus. So, thats out of the question. There is nothing that can be done for my spine, I have to live with it the way it is. Thats, that. With God's support, I will. :o)
Plus, the tests that I have left that are for me to go through, are for my throat. I've decided not to go through them. Because I now know why my throat is closing. Because of my dentures not fitting me the right way. In which, I have also found out that I have even more damage that has been done to my face and jaw and mandilla, all because of the dentures. So, it would be a waste of my time, when I already know the "why." So, instead of going to all of this long and unnecessary testing that is hard on me and makes me hurt worse, I'd much rather stay home and rest.

I'm still a fighter! :o) And with all of the medications, I'm going to go back and take my herbs and vitamins! Thats what I used to do, and I was so much better off then, and thats what I would like to be now. :o) No more useless medications that are causing me more grief then I need. Of course, it's not like I'm going to go cold turkey or anything like that. I know how to do the medicines and slowly go off of them. I'm only on 1 that my body is addicted to, and will take about 2-3 weeks to fully get out of my system. Plus, I can work with my doctor as well. :o) With what he said to me this week, I'm sure he will help me do this. :o) So, I'm not giving up on life, or anything like that! No way! I don't have that in me! :o) My instinct in me is to fight something, more then to just lay down and take it! I remember when I was very young, like around 2, I had a doctor that nicked named me "Tiger!" LOL Because I would always fight him off! :o) And I haven't changed! LOL Now the word tiger has changed to the word b**, and oddly enough, I'm glad, because the doctors see that I'm not a quiter, I'm a fighter! lol :o)
I want to be an inspiration! :o) I want to help those out there that read this jouranl. :o) And, remember, What you do me! :o) I don't "candy coat" anything! :o) I think the reason is, because I don't like to have things candy coated to/for me! :o) I want to know the truth about everything that is told to me. And thats just black and white! :o) I do my very best to do the same in this journal, and I do hope that I am doing it for you! :o)
Welll, need to go. ;o) Thank you all for your supportive emails and comments! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Saturday, December 23, 2006

The second real meaning of Christmas ( a joke )

The second real meaning of Christmas
Twas the Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's -- all here!!

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,

Twas the Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, while
Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's -- all here!!

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,

Tags: ,

I've been tagged....Again! LOL

I was tagged by Guido

"The Rules:
The player of this game starts with "3 things he/ she would love to get for Christmas" and also has to list "3 things he/ she definitely does not want to get for Christmas".
Then he/she tags 5 friends and list their names.
The ones who get tagged need to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, as well as state this rule clearly, then tag 5 more victims.
And the one who tags needs to leave a comment that says "you've been Christmas tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

What do I want for Christmas?
-Peace in everyone's hearts
-For everyone to know what Christmas is truly about and what we are celebrating.
-The strength needed to cope every minute of the day, to get through my days.

What do I NOT want for Christmas!
-No peace

Now I'm going to tag;


Lisa Jo



Terry Ann




Friday, December 22, 2006

My grandson playing


I don't remember who it was that want me to put a few of the supportive emails that I do recieve on my journal. I don't think that I was believed. I don't care if I was or not. But here is one of them, and I left out the name because I don't have his permission yet to use it.

      Lisa, please remember the devil is also real and he puts the greatest fear in us all and that is doubt.yes i know your physical pain is so very real and it hurts like hell but he's not after our body's but he want's our soul' never doubt GOD love's us so very much that he gave us these earthly vessel's but our spirit's we shall surely soar to the heaven's with and that is the greatest gift to us all that belive in the LORD JESUS CHRIST AMEN.Keep the faith and your reward is not of any treasure here on earth but in heaven.

Now...This is the second one I've recieved this morning! This is why I thank everyone for their supportive emails! :o) Because I do get them!

Tags: , , , ,

I don't know how this entry will turn out

I had a doctors appointment yesterday morning to see my family doctor and a follow up on my blood work. I also had a few questions for him as well. My blood work all came back great! Thats the good news. :o) Very glad to hear that!

I wanted to ask him about the osteoporisis. And if there was anything for it. Well, yes there is, in fact, alot of things...but, they all will damage my esophagus! So, to me, there is nothing. Thats ok. I also wanted to ask him about Thrush again. My mouth is burning once again! :o( ggrrr! I just don't get it!

Plus, I can only open my mouth so far on my right side and it's not very far at all. I have to squeeze a sandwich together as much as I can just to fit it in my mouth! He looked in my mouth. No, I do not have thrush again! Whew! Well, I thought that was such good news! I wish I would have had it! What I do have is something that has to do with the mucus in my mouth!

Why? Because of my dentures that do not fit! Plus, the TMJ that I already know I deforming my FACE!!!! :o( The joint of my jaw on my right side is already damaged! :o( My mandilla is already damaged! :o( And my left jaw is on it's way to being just like my right one! :o( Then I won't be able to open my mouth at all! :o(

Oh yes....everytime I've seen my dentist, I've told him how my dentures do NOT fit me right, and I told him that when I got them! But....He agrues with me! Doesn't he think that I should know? I've had them for 3 years now and thats why my face is so bad! :o( I had a feeling something was going wrong, because of my breathing and a few other things that were different! :o( Thankfully my doctor got right on his cell phone yesterday, and called a friend of his that is a ortho and will take my insurance! I don't know how many times I thanked him for doing that for me! Because if I were to try and call, no one would take me in as fast! My doctor said it's that bad, and it needs to be taken care of asap! :o(

So....I found out so much yesterday. The only good news that I had was my blood work was great! And thats it! I also have to start using my electric wheel chair now. :o( My lower back, hips and legs are and have gotten much worse. :o( So, I will do my best to clean up toys around here so I'll be able to use it. They just need to be put in their place, where they belong.
I told my mom yesterday that this is it! My doctor also told me that there are no more medicines for me to help with my pains or really anything else, because I've either been on them or tried them all. But, I'm not going to go through anymore of this! No more tests, no more anything! All I get done doing is cry and pray for strength! I'm just so very tired.
And the extreme home make over....yes, it would be such a blessing if it could truly happen....but to get my husband on the camcorder...yea right! I can't do it! So, there goes that down the drain! And yes, this house does need to be made over so I can live better in it with my wheel chair! :o( Life would be so much easier if others would/could help, but if they won't, what can I do about it? Thats what I want for medical needs met! I know, thats a laugh! :o(
And my daughter....I don't know what's going on there with her and her boy friend. It seems that she doesn't talk to me much anymore about really anything! :o( And that hurts! :o( I don't know whats going on. Why I'm hurting so badly? Because I feel that when you go and help and help and help and it takes from you....and then it's all turned around to where what ever happens or is suddenly is YOUR FAULT??? HOW AND WHY???? I just don't get it? heart is hurting pretty bad right now! :o( Over everything that I've talked about in this entry! It's all about, "WHY?" And to that, I say, "I'm done with it all!"
God bless all of you!