Friday, December 31, 2004

I got out of the house...YAY!

Yesterday....I was able to get out for awhile! Since it was like a Friday...I went to the store, instead of my husband. It was later in the evening, but, I did it! YES! It felt so good to get out and see the town, and how the snow is. It was in the 40's all day yesterday, and melted a little of it. There are still places that you can't see, because of the corners are so high with snow! I grabbed my daughter, and asked her if she would go with me. :o) We had a lot of fun, just her and I. :o)

My neck and shoulder is really hurting now. It was before I went to the store. It woke me up again this morning. I got up at 3:25. :o( This is really getting old. Again....this is what's it's like!

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Just another day with fibromyalgia.

Yesterday seemed to go on for ever. I've been stuck in this house for so long. It kind of makes you feel like you are going stir crazy! My son dug my car out for me, and parked it on the street, instead of the driveway. There was still at least 2 feet of drifted snow behind my car that had me stuck there! I'm glad someone thought of me, and got my car out. :o) All I did yesterday was sleep. I was feeling very dizzy, and just not very well at all. Of course, the usual pains that I have everyday with this horrid disease. I was out in the kitchen getting ready to make supper. I almost passed out. I got so dizzy, I just hung onto my walker, and hoped for the best. I did almost fall. Oh well. My daughter came out to see if I needed any help. I'm glad she did, because I really needed some help at that time. I went and sat down. No one knows about what happened. It doesn't matter if I told anyone or not. What could they do? Not one thing. Again...I woke up with pain. Gee...what a surprise! This time, it's my right shoulder and neck. Probably because of trying to hold my head up all day. Laugh it you want...but I had to. I have days to were I struggle to do that much! I went to bed at 10:00 last night, and my husband waited up for me, so he could rub my back to help relax me. :o) Little did he know how much pain I was in, and how dizzy I was. I really needed that. :o) I'm very thankful for having such a caring man. I thank God for what I do have. :o)

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Well, I got up at 3:30 this morning. Pain woke me up. It's something that I'm used to. My mom came over yesterday. It was so nice to be able to visit with her. :o) "Mom...stop letting other's walk all over you, even if they are your friends." I seen that it's really wearing you down. I just love you, and care about you, thats all. :o) There's others that work there besides you, and they can make sacrafices like you. Ok? Take care of yourself, not everyone else. :o) Isn't that what you're telling me?

I'm going to call my doctor today to ask if I can have a script for my physical therapist back. My pain is getting to the point to were I can't hardly even "live" my daily life again. I'm going into too many exacerbations. It's too the point to were I can't sleep, walk, move my arms, and be my "normal" self. With my physical therapist, I was able to do those things a little better then now, and wasn't going into as many exacerbations. No...I'm not whinning! I'm just looking out for myself. I'm the only one that knows my body, and thats just how it is.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Another good night!

I'm so glad that I was able to get 6 hours of sleep last night! :o)

Yesterday, my legs were really hurting pretty bad. I had a cramp so large on my right thigh, you could see it through my pajama pants. Then of course, my left leg is still doing it's own thing. Weird. My upper arms, and my shoulders were killing me as well. My right arm is still partially numb. I still don't understand that one either. I guess my left hand id numb as well. Last night, I got a ring on my finger cought on a cupboard door knob, and my kids yelled out to see if I was alright! I guess it looked as if my finger broke, because of the way it bent....but I didn't feel a thing. Thats scary. What if I did break it, and didn't know it? I didn't...but, thats what happened last year with my right ankle. I suppose if it's going to happen, then it will. Obviously, theres nothing that I can do about it. My mom is going to come for a visit today. :o) I'm glad. I haven't seen her in a while. I hope she can make it here ok...we still have about 19 inches out there!

Monday, December 27, 2004

Finally able to sleep!

Last night, I was finally able to get more then 2-4 hours of sleep! I had 8 hours! YAY! That should help my pain level today. Should. Again....I wasn't feeling very well yesterday. The pain kind of makes you feel kind of "not well" after awhile, and thats how I felt yesterday. Everything was hurting, and it drained me of all my strength. I still feel alone. I try to have converstions with others, and all I can say is, "Yes...I used to do that!" Used to. Not, "Yes, I do that." No...I don't know what anyone is talking about anymore. But I have good memories of how I "used" to do the things they talk about. Years ago. The closes that I think that everyone that lives in this house, that got a taste of what it's like to be me, was when everyone was snowed in on Thursday! It was just a normal day for me. Everyones days were all mixed up, and they said how much they hated having to stay home all day! Gee...I know that feeling! I even said, "Now you know how I feel." That was like I had just opened up a can of worms! My bad! was different! Was it? Nope! Then I heard, "I'm not complaining, but I really hate being stuck in this house for so long!" Really? That changed the meaning by saying, "I'm not complaining?" Nope! I don't to them. In fact...they don't even know what I write in this journal. This journal is my outlet. When I write in it, I don't feel so all alone.

Saturday, December 25, 2004

.....and once again!

This has to get through to someone.....To all of the "normals" again. I've experianced this, and I know others with fibromyalgia has as well. To all "normals".....Please remember that your loved ones, mothers, sisters, brothers fathers, and relatives that have this dilbiltating disease.....are in pain either most or all of the time. At times, when talking or observing them, they may have a look about their face of grimace, or a "pissed" look.....they're not! Just in pain. Nothing more....just in pain. It does not mean they are mad at you, just in a silent pain of their own. The feeling of being alone is bad enough, and when you ask the dreaded question, "What, are you mad?" will only make them worse.....more tense and stressed....which adds more pain. See...a domino effect. Is this making any sence at all? I can be sitting, and may "look" like I'm fully relaxed, and someone starting a conversation with me....I may look at them, and automatically, they think I'm mad! Why? Not for what I've said....because the look on my face. It's just that I'm in so much pain, and no one to relate this to...and again...more stress put on me. Why? I only wish I knew why my friends and relatives can remember that I do have this Demon inside of me....and be a little more sensative to my expressions. I've had this for a long time now.....and still...I'm alone! Because no one can remember that I'm in pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I walk with a walker, and sleep in a hospital bed....and no one can remember? Why? I've heard of others with this same problem....their spouces not understanding them with this horrid Demon disease! Why? You'd think that the ones that do live with you would realize! The "normals" need to be educated more on fibromyalgia. If you "normals" out there really love and care for your friends and relatives with this disease, you honestly need to learn more about it! If your loved one or friend has a grimace look on their face....start out by asking them if they are feeling alright....but never assume that they are mad, or in a bad mood! It's not fare to's something that we can not help. Make any sence? The two main things that we are supposed to make better in our lives are; stay away from stress, and get as much sleep as possible. When you are accused of being in a mood that you are not in, only because of your pain....added stress, which also could make you not that what you want for your loved one or friend? Educate yourselves! Please.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope all with fibromyalgia, and other diseases with pain, have a pain free day, and a wonderful holiday! :o)

Friday, December 24, 2004

Snowed in.....!

We survived the weather. We got around 24 inches of snow droped on us in 1 night! That broke all records in this area! We were all snowed in. The first photo, is the back yard. The second, is my car. The third is my husband having to shovel our street! The fourth is our front yard. Fith, my husband shoveling the street still....which took all day. Sixth, the front of our house, and the seventh is a little path from our garage to another little path, to get to our back door. The city went on strick during the storm, so thats why my husband had to shovel our street. He only did, from our garage to the main street. He said that he couldn't stand being stuck in the house all day with out being able to go anywhere. I then said, "Now you know how I feel."

I did get out to take a few photo's. But of course, I paid for it! My left leg started hurting pretty bad. I was having a level 10 cramping in my whole leg. :o( Nothing was helping it. Then my right knee started in! Then it seemed that everything else had to follow through, and give me pain from the cramps, and the burning on the bottoms of my feet. My right hand started to cramp up, and it stayed that way. This morning it seems to be better. I slept through the night without waking up with pain. I got up at 5:00. Thats pretty good for me. My only wish for this holiday is, that I would like to be pain free for one day. Thats it. You'd think that wouldn't be too much to ask for. Especially to the "normals" out there. You don't get it. Actually...I hope you never get it!

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Who ordered a mini blizzard?!

Ok....the photo's that I have are from this morning at 4:30. It started to snow at 5:30 a.m. yesterday morning, and it hasn't stopped! We have right now, 15 inches! And it's still snowing! They say we are expected to get at least 5 more inches! Yikes! We had a mini blizzard last night. The winds are still blowing, but not as bad. The photo's are hard to view because of the snow drifts, you can't see where anything starts or stops.

I wrote a letter to my daughter's boy friend's mom yesterday, asking her nicely to not talk to my daughter in the manner she has been. She called her and talked to her nicely. :o) It better stay that way.

I woke up this morning all by myself! YAY! I still have the pain, but I was able to sleep through it. My legs are still giving me a problem. My back, my shoulders, my ribs, my arms, and my hands have been cramping up, as well as my feet. I'm still noticing my eye sight is getting worse. :o( Oh well....the life of a fibro person.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

A day from hell!

Yesterday morning, my daughter and I went to her doctor's appointment. Her boy friend never has gone with her, even though he is the father of the baby! I go! Which I would any way. She told him an aproximate time that we should have been back. Then he goes to bed, because he works nights. Not yesterday! Nope! Since we went last week, and the doctor wasn't there, they had to reschedual all appointments! So....that meant that the office was packed yesterday! She got in to see the doctor at the time she told him that we would be back.....not her fault...right?! Since it was lunch time after she got out...I asked if she would like to go to McDonald's. Which was right across the bridge from his office. We got home around 1:20. The bridge that we had to cross, was under construction! Did we know that? NO! We were stuck in that traffic for about 15 minutes, just to cross the bridge! Not her fault...right?! The bridge goes over a major highway...I 70! We get home, and there sat her boy friend on the couch, and I started to tell hime some good news about her visit. Plus, wondering why he was still awake. He starts to head up the stairs! Then when my daughter came in the room to tell him all the good news about the baby....he imediatly TELLS her that she HAS to call HIS mom!!! I don't think so! And why?! Here...the time that she had told him that we should have been back, he was on the phone to his mom, asking if she had heard from my daughter! Duh....who do you think she would call first?! That put her in a very stressful situation! Because I came home to emails from her...that weren't nice! Wrong thing to do! So, my daughter's bubble was poped as soon as we got home! All because of her boy friends mom! I also has a voice mail from her, demanding her to call her as soon as she got home, because she "had to talk to her now!!!" I don't think so! My daughter was in tears...and I was so angry at the fact that this lady thinks she can say and do what ever she feels she wants to, when it comes to my daughter! Not in my life time! That meant I was stressed out as well! Not a good thing either! So...yesterday..the whole day, my daughter was very stressed out from this woman. :o( She had a few pains, and got sick. I blame her for that! I woke up this morning at 2:30 with the sensation of my feet on fire! They felt "normal" to me, by touching them. Since the stress I was under as well yesterday, I am going through more pain then I should be as well. Nota good thing! After I finish writing this, I'm going to write her a letter, asking her to please stop harrassing my daughter, and putting her under so much stress! We don't need this. She could end up losing the baby, and I will have more pain that I don't want! Plain and simple!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

I shouldn't have said anything...... always, the Demon that's inside of me, feels to attack me once again! I'm not going to be in an incumbent state today! I refuse to be that way! I'm going to win over this Demon...i.e, illness! My shoulders, legs, back, arms, feet,and ribs are now hurting! I just wish that I still had a physical therapist to help with the massages. This will be a good day...because I said so! I'll just have to take baby steps, and use my walker. I refuse to let this disease win!

A nothing unusual day.

Yesterday, I didn't do anything but put supper in a slow cooker, and let it cook all day. I really wasn't feeling all that well, but, it still could be that I'm still doing too much for my body. I honestly don't know what is "too much" or "too little." Or even just right. It really gets old after awhile, trying to "guess" at it. It's just a day by day thing. Lately, for me, it's been an hour by hour guessing game. Too bad not many people know what I'm actually talking about. My pain has still been localized to my back and legs still. I was able to shave my legs yesterday!!! Wooohooo! My back let me bend enough to do it! You don't know how that feels, not being able to shave your legs because of your back not letting you. Boy did it feel great! I payed for it afterwards, but, my legs do feel much better now. :o) Today my daughter is suppose to go to her baby doctor. But, I just got an email from our local news and weather, and we are on a weather storm warning. We are going to get hit with a lot of snow real soon. :o( Her doctor is about an hour away from here. I don't think we should drive in that weather. I'm going to ask her if she could reschedual her appointment. She really wants to hear the baby's heart beat, but I feel that it's more important to be safe, then to take a chance of getting in an accident. Last night, my son has a lot of presents in his room, and I asked him if he could bring them all down and put them in the living room, to make it look more like Christmas here. He did, and my daughter went and got all of hers as well. :o) I like the way it looks. We don't have any decorations or tree up, because we don't have the room for it all. But with the presents out, it looks so much better. :o) I'm going right arm is starting to act up on me again.

Monday, December 20, 2004

A bit better today.

I was able to take a nap yesterday afternoon. My arm was still numb, and hurting me all day. I was woke up once again by more pain. This time in my hips, my left leg, my right knee, and my back. At least I got some sleep. I haven't done anymore unpacking, or putting things away. Nor have I been doing anything that would aggervate my muscles more then usual. If I don't listen to my body, I won't feel any better. I was able to sleep through the night last night, without waking up because of pain! YAY! :o) Yes, I did thank God for that. I thank God for even being alive. :o) For some reason, I have this Demon inside me. Only He knows why, but I have to live with it. And I do. But...I'm only human. It hurts! I just can't wait until my next appointment. I have a lot to ask, and to say to my doctor. :o) 

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Just to write.

Well....this morning when I got up, my back was hurting so bad, it was taking my breath if I had the wind knocked out of me. I couldn't do much. I really wasn't able to use the bathroom upstairs....just glad that my husband installed a toilet in my bedroom. :o) My son has stopped smoking. It's been almost 3 weeks now. I'm very proud of him. :o) Thursday evening, I got to feel my daughters baby move! :o) It was so wonderful! :o)

I went to bed last night at 11:30....I got woken up by my right arm at 1:30! So....I've had exactly 2 hours of sleep! My right arm was numb! It was hurting. It's now 2:34, and I'm still having problems with it trying to go numb on me. The vains are all poped out. It is a pretty gross site to see. It feels as if there is a rubber band tied very tightly around my upper arm. I can't feel my hot coffee! I took a drink of my coffee, and the cup is hot...I have it on a warmer....and I can't feel it! :o( My arm hasn't done this in a long time. When my physical therapist came, she told me that it could be because a muscle has gotten around one of my main veins, and has contracted, and is making my arm numb, and my veins pop out. I don't know. My shoulder and everything else in that area are fine. I was finally able to change my bed sheets to my 310 thread count sheets. Much better! I can't stand anything less. It makes my skin feel like I'm laying on burlap! I do hope I can get my arm to feel better. I haven't done anything out of the ordinary to make this happen. My duaghter and I made Christmas cookies last night, and my best friend came over. Thats it. Oh well....thats the Demon that lives inside me. I can't do anything about this horrid disease.

I really don't like fibromyalgia!

Ok....again, more pain. I've tried laughing at myself....because if you don't have a sense of humor with this disease....I don't feel that you won't get very far in your life without it. There have been times to were it is hard to even do that. This pain is so horrid....I sometimes feel like it's slowly making me crazy. Not in the sense of hurting myself or others....just wondering if this is all true! It is. The pain in my back yesterday was so was making my chest hurt as well. It hasn't hurt that bad in a very long time. It sure made up for it yesterday. I had a hard time getting around as well. Thats part of what this disease does to me. Stops me in my tracks! I don't haven anything planned for today....if I even wanted to, I couldn't. I still need help getting things put away, from unpacking them last week. Oh well.....that goes to show you how people just knock down my door to help me. LOL

Friday, December 17, 2004

A little bit better.

Yesterday, my leg did feel a bit better. I feel that what I did to help it the previous day must have worked. When I got up yesterday morning, my whole body felt as if I was "under water!" My arms were heavy to move up, and to walk, was pretty hard to do. My next doctors appointment is soon, and I can't wait. I need some kind of explination for all of this new stuff. It's really scaring me. I know I'm an adult, but, walk in my shoes for 5 minutes, then you'll feel it. I found out last night, that Christmas is going to be very tight this year. :o( Gift cards for the kids, and our nieces and nephews will get a card with money in them. But....the real meaning of Christmas isn't the gifts any's celebrating the birth of Christ! Thats all that matters. :o)

Thursday, December 16, 2004

I must expect too much.

Yesterday, my left leg was useless. I woke up at 11:30 p.m.! I went to bed at 10:30! I layed in bed in so much pain. My right knee was starting in on me as well. Great! Just what I needed. All day yesterday, my left leg would go numb on me, no matter what I was doing. It felt as if it was the size of a tree trunk, and felt very heavy. I kept it up as much as possible. Hell...what am I suppose to do! I had no idea that this was part of fibromyalgia as well. I've been through such pain in my back, that I've cried for hours....but nothing like this! And I thought my back pain was bad. Not! This disease does nothing but seem to get worse! Now I have a leg that won't work! It just "drags" behind. If you're thinking that I should tell my doctor....I have! He has no explination to tell me. I'm learning all of this on my own! I'm scared. I couldn't take much more of the pain, and numbing of my leg, so I went to my room and layed down to get it up. Right after I layed down, my best friend came over. She had a gift for me to unwrap! She said that she was going through her presents under her tree, and saw mine, and thought I might be able to use it now, instead of after Christmas. I opened it, and it was a pair of inflatable full leg massage boots and cuffs for my legs! I cried! I gave her a big hug, and thanked her! I put them together, and put them on as soon as I could. I had them on for about a half an hour, and it really helped my leg! What a difference it made! I was able to make supper after that. :o) God works in misterious ways! Thank you Rhonda! :o)

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

......another day in my life.

Well....I was hoping to find that someone out there might have had an experience with their leg like I did. I didn't get any entries or emails on the subject. I write in this journal in hopes that I might get some feed back. I do, but it's only been if I write something bad, or something good. Not if I experience something, and ask if anyone else does as well. Thank you.

I had just another day, that contained all of the things that my body is crippled from. Thats all.Thanks again.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Being scared.

The photo I have up, is my daughter and son. I was taking a photo of my daughter's belly, and my son jumped in beside her to show me his tummy! lol :o) They are so funny. :o)

Yesterday, I was having a problem with my left leg. When I got up, my leg seemed to not work. It seemed to just drag along with me. I had a very hard time walking. It felt heavy. I just wasn't feeling "right" most of the day. I wasn't able to do anything at all. I went to the kitchen, and made myself lunch. I sat down to eat. I use large handled utensils so I can hold onto them better, without dropping them. I picked up my fork, and tried to pick up a bite. All of the sudden, my right arm started to shake uncontollably, and I had an extreme muscle spasm in my upper arm! It kept my whole arm down on the table! So, as I tried to take that bite, it basically just threw my arm back down, while shaking, back onto the table! It stayed there! I've never had any of these happen to me before! It really scared me. With all of the pain I've been in, and now this happening, I really don't know what the hell I have! Do any of the other fibro's have a leg that will drag? I'd like to know. After that incident, I layed down for a nap. When I woke up, it appeared that my arm was better, but my leg was still "dragging" behind. :o( This morning, things seem to be "ok" for now. Thank you God. :o)

Monday, December 13, 2004

Baby steps.

All I could do yesterday was to go through all of my photo albumns, and put loose photo's back into them. I could sit down to do that. After I took my shower, I was in a full body exacerbation! I could only take little baby steps! I could hardly move. Everything was in so much pain! My pain level was a deffinet 10! I couldn't do anything. I tried to lay down.....I couldn't do hurt so bad! I hate this demon!  

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Pain is worse.

When you think that it couldn't ever get any happens! Both legs, ankles, and my feet were in so much pain yesterday, I could hardly walk. Let alone my hips, my back, and my arms and shoulders. That makes it hard for me to hang on to my walker to try to walk! No "normal" will ever know what this is like.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Weird how quickly things can change?!

Situations that have been in this house, with others that live here as well, have been cleared up!

Now....with my body, thats a different story. I wasn't able to do much yesterday. I did put a few things out, that were sitting to be cleaned, and put out. But, not with out something having to give me pain! No way! What would I expect? Thankfully, this is Saterday. My husband is home, and he is going to help me get things put out, and cleaned. He helped me out last night. I had to sit in a chair, while he got things out of boxes, held them up for me, and I decided were they went, or to throw them away, because I didn't want to mess with them. We did, however, get through a couple of boxes that way. Which is good. My right ankle hurts, and it's the one that I broke last summer. It has been shooting pain up to my knee. Not easy to walk that way. Especially when you have cramping in your thigh, as well. I did get some sleep last night. That will help me out today. My shoulders, back, hips, left leg, and my feet are still in pain. I find it the oddest thing, how quickly your body can change, with pain, in one minute!

Friday, December 10, 2004

This is going to be one of those days! :o(

I had a lot of pain yesterday. :o( More then I've had in so long. I guess the "remission" I was in, is now over. To bad I still don't have my physical therapist. Boy could I use her now! I was having these bulging bumps, that were muscle cramps, in both thighs last night. The pain was so bad, I couldn't even think! The pain is now in ALL parts of my body. Again. :o( I can clearly say, that there isn't a place that doesn't hurt. Too bad that no one else can relate to this kind of pain, except for those with fibromyalgia. Yesterday was just a preview of what today will be like. Because thats what woke me up, once again...pain!

Thursday, December 9, 2004

Not a good night.

To start out, I had a horrible night! I went to bed at 10:30, like I usually do. Again....I have this clock radio, and it went off! Loud music! was at a different time! Weird. During the day, I check it to see if it is turned on. It's isn't! Then, I wake up because of pain. Geesh! My right fore arm was hurting pretty bad, and my left leg, and my left fore arm, left elbow, and my left upper arm! Thats just what woke me up. Not what's still in pain. Last evening, I was having some major pain in my right thigh, and my left thigh. My right thigh was hurting so bad, I was crying. There was a very large lump. A huge muscle cramp. It appears that my little "remission" is over! Here come the stupid relapse! One plus, all of the boxes are in the house, and have all been gone through. All I have to do now, is to put things away. My daughter got sick last night. :o( I feel so bad for her. She is really having a hard pregnancy. My sister called me yesterday, and I feel sorry for her as well. My heart went out to her...and still does. My friend called me as well, and her arm is doing much better. :o) I am going to call my doctor. I feel that I need some more tests done. My eye sight has really gotten worse this last time of relapse. If anyone needs or wants to know anything further, write or call me. Other then that....don't sweat it! 

Wednesday, December 8, 2004 better now. :o)

Yesterday I emptied a few more boxes. It seems to be never ending. I had a very good talk with my daughter about her and her boyfriend. It went well, and better then I expected. Things went more smoothly yesterday. :o) I'm glad.

I've been having more cramping in my left leg. And of course, my arms, shoulders, back, and feet. All of the usual things that I have hurting me day to day. Whats new?! Just my stupid life, thats all. When I layed down for a nap yesterday, I had those horrible "pins and needles" on the bottoms of my feet! Then I get them in my legs as well. :o( My left leg is still going numb on me. No, not going asleep, numb! I just pray that they both don't do it at the same time. You know, I'm so tired of putting on a "mask" for everyone else. I'm tired of everyone "thinking" that I'm fine! I'm not! It has to be why I don't hear from someone that is very important to me.I hear from my sister.From now on in my writings, I feel I have to be "black and white" and very blunt, to get through to others, that don't live with this horrid disease! I realize that everyone else has a life they need to live as well. I am too. But alone. Just because I'm not in an exacerbation, doesn't mean I'm not in pain, or hurting.

Life goes on.....even if it is a life that you didn't pick!

Tuesday, December 7, 2004 I pay for it.

Well yesterday, I did pay for my night of a chance to slow dance. Thats ok....I had so much fun doing it. :o) I didn't do anything yesterday. I already knew that I couldn't even unpack one box. Thats ok. I'm not getting any help, at least from my daughters boy friend. I had a feeling that would be the case when he moved in. My husband was out in the garage last night, breaking down boxes, and getting the trash ready to go out. He comes in, and asks if he can put his ATV in the garage! As if we have the room, and, as if we got any help from him to help make room for it! He never once asked my husband if he needed any help! How rude! My son helped us move, and he is also suppose to help do things around the house. He isn't doing his job as well. He says why does he have to, if my daughters boy friend isn't? So, My husband and I are the only ones that have been doing all the unpacking! Gee...what a surprise?! We've also noticed the change in my daughter when she's around him, and not around him. She acts like herself when he's not around, and then when he is, she has this look in her eyes as if she has to do what ever he says! This is not right! He hasn't once given us any money for help with food, or anything! My son does, and he goes to the grocery to buy his own food for the week, and for work. I try to talk to my daughter about certain things, and when I bring up his name, it's like I'm talking to a wall! She changes that fast! It's just not right! She's pregnant, and he will sit on the couch, while she carries their stuff in the house! WoW! What a man! What a catch! My husband is about to let lose on him! My fear is that he'll convince her that we are the bad people again...and take her away from here, and her family! If she allows that, and does that, then I'm through! She knows right from wrong. And when he's not around, she helps me. It's like he makes her not help us, or want to even talk to us. She won't even do that much! Very weird and odd! I've never seen her this way. I'm very worried about her. And so is the rest of the family that has seen this. He's NOT a hard worker like she says, and he hasn't lifted a finger to help any of us or her out! He does nothing....he does put more stress on her, and I hear her yell at him! He doesn't think of the baby, or her. I'm going to have a talk with the both of them very soon! I can't take it much more! It's driving me nuts! We would have been done by now, with unpacking and putting things away, if we would have gotten more help, instead of others sitting around and watching a person that uses a walker to get around with, working more then they should! Very lazy! And I'm paying for all that I have done! Not good!

Monday, December 6, 2004

I had a very nice day!

I had a great day yesterday! I unpacked 5 boxes. I didn't put anything away, just sat things out in the open, so I can see what will go were. I thought that system will work a lot better for me. I can take my time that way. I was able to take a nap again, and when I woke up, I really felt good. :o) Yes, I was still in pain....but, not the "surface" pain. Like the bulging muscles cramps on my legs and arms. Those really do hurt. It felt like I had just got out of a whirlpool bath! :o) It was truely great! I was able to save up some energy to do something that I haven't been able to do in so very long! I put a CD in, and my husband and I danced together! A slow dance, but, I was doing it! YES! It was awsome! Then, I rested. I didn't want to ruin a good thing.

I was thinking yesterday about my membership to a club I belong to. I've been paying my dues for the past year and a half, and not going there to enjoy it. I used to go on Saterdays to listen to the band, and dance. And sometimes to eat dinner there. I would love to continue to pay, but with not going....why? My friend still goes at times, but not me. So why pay? I really miss going there as well. Just wish others could walk in my shoes for 5 minutes.

Yes, my back and everything else that I've mentioned before, does still hurt this morning. :o( And to the "normals," I wish that you could understand me. I feel that it is your loss that you don't. Not mine.

Sunday, December 5, 2004

My life.

Yesterday was an intersting day. Yes....I did get a few e mails from my last entries from yesterday. Good and bad. I honestly don't care if anyone doesn't understand. I'm not trying to sound crass, just honest about me and my life.

I was able to take a nap yesterday. That really did help me with my pain. I'm feeling a bit better now. I do still have all of those little crampings in my back, legs, arms, and my feet. But it's getting to the point to were I can take it. I'm having problems with my right ankle for some reason. It feels as if I twisted it again, and I haven't. I broke that ankle last summer. It was never set right, and I've had problems with it since. But, it's feeling like I've either we broke it, or just twisted it pretty bad. I just try to ignore it. As I do all of my other pains. What else am I suppose to do? I do have to go on with my life, as do anyone else. Don't I? My friend invited me to go out with her last night! YAY! I had a blast! I really needed it. Thank you! It was so nice to get out for awhile. :o) I got a little bit more hours of sleep last night. I got 5 hours! YAY! Thats the most I've had in so long. Sleep really does help my pain. As other fibro's know. :o) Well....that was just another glimps into my life. :o)

Saturday, December 4, 2004

To those that took my last entry wrong.

It's about what I deal with in a day to day setting. It's my life.....the life that I "have" to live now. That is how I one sparked my thoughts and feelings about my writings.

It's like when someone asks you, "How are you?" Do they really want to know? Or, do they just expect your responce to be a general, "Fine, thank you."? I'm just getting a little bit tired of just saying, "Fine, thank you." Anything wrong with that? I don't seem to think so. Do you actually think that someone would ask you how you were feeling, and then litterally sit down and "listen" to you? I don't.....Because when and if I do say that I didn't get much sleep, or, my legs are really hurting me today, I hear, "I know just how you feel, mine are hurting too!", and "I didn't get much sleep either." But, does anyone stop to think.....why? My Demon is part of the rest of my life. It was not my choice. Sorry. Do others feel that if they say that they hurt also, that it will make you feel alittle more "normal?" It doesn't me....I just want to crawl away.....imagine what "they" would do with this Demon.

My dream in my life time, is, to help the people, that want to understand and get to know the "real" me, to understand the "real" me. To understand what it's really like to walk in body pain. A never ending Demon. I see people that will get a leg cramp.....they go nuts trying to rub it out! Imagine your whole body like that leg cramp.

Try living with the people around you, that you used to go places with....and they still go places......but stopped asking if you'd like to go. Even if I have to turn them's the thought that counts. Like I said....I cry in silent, and through my forced smile.

Again....this and my last entry was, and is not to anyone in particular. So, more emails thinking it was "you" I am talking about. Unless you are feeling guilty.

To the "normals."

Please don’t get angry at my lack of interest in doing things, I punish myself enough. My tears are shed many times when no one is around. My embarrassment is covered by a joke or laughter, but inside I want to die....

Most of my "friends" are gone, even members of my own family have abandoned me. I have been accused of "playing games" for another’s sympathy. I have been called unreliable because I am forced to cancel plans I made at the last minute because the burning and pain in my legs or arms is so intense I cannot put my clothes on and I am left in my tears as I miss out on yet another time out, going to places I still love and once participated in with my friends.

I feel like a child at times. When I talk to people, many times I lose my train of thought in mid sentence or forget the simplest word needed to explain or describe something. Please try to understand how it feels to have another go behind me in my home to make sure the stove is off. Please try to understand how it feels to "lose" things. As I try to maintain my dignity the Demon assaults me at every turn. Please try to understand….

Sleep, when I do get some, is restless and I wake often because of the pain the sheets have on my legs or because I twitch uncontrollably, or the "thread count" of the sheets aren't high enough. I walk through many of my days in a daze with the Fibro-fog, laughing at me as I stumble and grasp for stablity.

And just because I can do a thing one day, that doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same thing the next day or next week. I may be able to take that walk in the mall, the next day or even the in the next hour I may not be able to walk to the fridge to get a cold drink because my muscles have begun to cramp and lock up or spasm uncontrollably. And there are those who say "but you did that yesterday!" The hurt I experience at those words, scars me so deeply that I have let my family and friends down again, and still they don’t understand….even how susceptible I am to viruses and germs.

On a lighter side I want you to know that I still have my sense of humor. If you take the time to spend with me you will see that. I love my kids and shine when they give me my hugs. I am fun to be with if you will spend the time with me on my own playing field, is this too much to ask? I love you and want nothing more than to be a part of your life. And I have found that I can be a strong friend in many ways. Do you have a dream? I am your friend, your supporter and many times I will be the one to do the research for you, many times I will be your biggest fan and the world will know how proud I am of you, and how honored I am to have you in my life.

So you see, you and I are not that much different. I too have hopes, dreams, goals… and this demon…. Do you have an unseen demon that assaults you and no one else can see? Have you had to fight a fight that crushes you and brings you to your knees? I will be by your side, win or lose, I will be there in ways that I can. I will give all I can as I can. But I have to do this thing my way. Please understand that I am in such a fight myself and I know that I have little hope of a cure or effective treatments, at least right now. Please understand….

We become angry and depressed just as you do...... we struggle with being sick, to being angry that no one understands to stay away when they are sick. Then we become angry at ourselves for feeling selfish and thinking of ourselves.... thinking of the added stress on our lives... the added responsibility.... the added guilt. No one will ever know what it's like. So will anyone really ever understand what we're going through?

......just another day.

Getting up too early yesterday, made my day very long. I wasn't able to get a nap in. My daughter and I went to the mall because I needed to buy some new bathroom towels and wash clothes. We really needed them. Elder Beerman's had a great sale going on, so I bought them there. They were much more cheaper there, then they would have been at K Mart. Then, we walked to the other end of the mall, to an oulet store called Steve and Berry's. I got my daughter some terry cloth and sweat type pants to wear, so she doesn't wear her jeans. She looks so adorable with her tummy finally popping out! :o) I took the photo above last night. :o) After coming out of that store, I was so worn out, I had to sit down, and my feet and legs were swollen and "thumping!" I didn't think that I would make it back to Elder Beerman's, to get to my car. We did it! YAY! It felt like I was walking, and not getting anywhere! Like I was on a convayer belt. We got home, and I felt as if I just had been beaten and ran over and left to die! The pain was so bad! I had taken the advise of a friend of mine, that also has fibromyalgia, not to wear the same shoes everyday. And it does help a bit on my feet. I bought a new pair of slippers, and they feel great! I litteraly passed out from exaustion around 8:30 last night. I just couldn't stay awake any longer, nor move! It hurt way too much. I woke up this morning at 3:00! But, that is more sleep then I got the night before. So, I am gratefull for that. Today, my husbands mom is going to come over again to help me with unpacking, and putting things away. I don't know how I would have gotten all of this done, if it wasn't for his family and my friend helping me. :o) I thank them so much for thier help. :o) I don't know how I would have gotten so much done without help. No one else has offered. We are also going to get our washer and dryer today! YAY! My husbands dad made new basement stairs. So, we can now move things that belong down there. :o) Again, thanks to all that has helped me. :o)

Friday, December 3, 2004

Still more to do.

Yesterday, I took time with what I did. I can't afford to have my body in the pain it was in, within this past week. I emptied 4 more boxes, and it went well. They were the last of all the bathroom boxes. Trying to put 3 bathrooms of boxes, into one, that we have now, wasn't very easy. But now finally done. When my back started to hurt, I sat down, and rested. It may have taken longer, but well worth it for me. I unpacked a box that belonged to my desk. Of course I was able to sit down the whole time for that one. :o) Slowly but surely, I'm getting things done. I'm still not able to "grip" things, like a hammer, so I can hang things up. That would eliminate so many more boxes. My hands are still "acting" up on me. They are very swollen as well. Yesterday, I was walking down my hallway, using my walker, and some how, I twisted my right ankle! Thats my bad ankle. I suppose I must have moved my foot the wrong way, as I walked. I had to quite working around the house for awhile. It felt as if I re broke my ankle all over again! It was very painful. Once again, I'm up at 2:00! Not a good thing. 3 hours of sleep makes my pain so much more worse. Oh well...this is my life. I live in pain. And right now, a lot of it!

Thursday, December 2, 2004

A day of rest.

All I did yesterday was nothing. :o) It felt great! No unpacking boxes, and no cooking. I just sat with my feet up, played a few games on the computer, took a nap, and my duaghter and I took the whole day off. I can actually feel my body trying to feel better. Today, I'll only do the very easiest things. My body is in way too much pain to keep pushing it the way I did. Wasn't a good thing to do. I got up this morning at 5:15. 6 hours of sleep is very good. :o) My husband and my son finished cleaning the old house yesterday. When my husband got home to do it, my son had most of it all done for him. :o) That gave him more time for him to rest as well. :o) I'm just so glad to see how everything has been going so smoothly with this move. I was so worried about it. It's been a week now. Thats why I didn't feel the least bit guilty to rest. :o) I deserved it! :o)

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

.....feeling better?

I finally got some sleep last night. YESSS! I didn't do too much yesterday. I went with my daughter, to her OBG/YN appointment. He says she's doing fine.

When we came home, my one sister was here. I wasn't expecting anyone to be here, so it starteled me. All I wanted to do was to take a nap. By the time we got home, I had already been up for at least 8 hours, and I really needed to rest, so my body could feel a little better. I think it was going on 2:00 by the time she left. I then layed down. I got up, and no one was around. Everyone else must have went to bed too. I tried yelling for help, when I was in the kitchen, but I didn't get any responce. I came in and used the innercom to call my son, no responce. I really needed help in the kitchen, because I can't peel poatoes! My hands can't do that kind of work anymore. So....again, to get anything done in this house, you have to do it yourself, or it won't get done! I sat down at the table, and it took me over an hour to peel just a few potatoes out of a 5 pound bag! My hands were useless afterwards. :o(

After all of that, yes of course I was in much pain. I'm not to sit with my feet dangling. Plus, my hands. My left knee is getting better. I think. It appears that most of the fluid on my knee cap is gone. But, my thighs are still very swollen. And...yes..everything else hurts. Everything I've written about before. I don't feel like typing it, because it's too long. I'm taking today off!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Amazing how pain runs your life!

Well, I got up way too early this morning. 2:00 a.m.! :o( You see, it doesn't matter how tired or sleepy you are, what seems to matter is the pain you are in. Thats what controls my life. It's so amzing how that works.

Yesterday, I did some more work on the house. My husband was home, so he helped me with a few things. I did things that consisted of putting things away while being able to sit down. My son and daughter have helped me so much! :o) Actually, there's not that much more that needs to be unpacked. YAY! It's just putting it away thats the hardest. My back hurts so badly. I feel like crying. My feet still hurt the same. My left leg and knee cap are the worst, besides my back. If I wouldn't have fallen, I'd be in a little less pain right now. Gee...I wonder what woke me up?! PAIN! I'm having a few spasms in my neck, shoulders, legs, and my arms. My eyes are even hurting a little worse. It hurts to move them. Eye drops do not help. None of my medicines are helping anymore. Something I have to live with. I did, however, find new information yesterday morning on why my jaw bone had been swollen. I'm going to print it out, and take it to my doctor. I'll let my dentist know as well. This morning I'm going to go with my daughter to her doctor. I hope she has gained weight. To me, it appears that she has. :o) I'm doing my best! :o)

I'm doing my all I can do with my life. :o)

Monday, November 29, 2004

Now what do I do?

Ok...I finally was able to take a real good look at my left leg last night. I had time to sit down to rest long enough. OMG! I think I should have went to have it checked! Who knew? I'm in so much pain as it is, I had no idea that it looked as bad as it did. My thigh is very swollen, there is some kind of fluid on top of my knee cap. :o( My ankle and foot are swollen as well. Both of my knee caps are still going out of place, so I never thought my left knee was that bad. It only hurt just a little above my "normal" pain. My back....well, boy does it really hurt! I would say it is in exacerabation right now. My shoulders and my arms are really hurting. I'm sure it has to do with my back as well. This pain seems to be never ending. I found my pain chart yesterday. I read it, and realized that I've been bouncing between an 8 and 9! Not a good thing. A 10 is were you can no longer funtion properly, and are crying with the pain. I just don't know what to do anymore. This is just my life. No matter how I feel when I get up, I still have my life to live. Pain or more pain. I don't have a choice in this matter.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

I rested.

Yesterday, I rested. I didn't put anything away. I couldn't. I took a short nap to try to get my body back to were it isn't hurting so bad. I woke up way too early this morning. Thats going to make it a long day for me now. :o( Today, I have to start back up with unpacking, and putting away. You would never in a life time ever think that your body could be in so much pain at one time. It is. I'm very grateful that my friend has come over to help me. If not, I wouldn't be as far as I am now, on unpacking. Thank you! :o) I thought that I would have had more help, I did when I had to pack. Oh well. I don't give a shit anymore. So, if I hear that I'm not suppose to "do that," then you help me it, or shut up!  I'm too tired to hear those things, and too tired to deal with it.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Ok....I think I was asking for too much yesterday!

Ok...I had more than my fair share of pain yesterday! And then some! I got up this morning barely able to walk. Today, I have to listen to my body. Both knee caps are deciding to go out of place this morning. Just praying that they both don't do it at the same time. Today, I'm hoping that I can stay with this thought, I'm going to just unpack boxes that just say, "Lisa's desk." :o) I can sit for that. I know I really have to tend to my left leg today. I should have had it checked. Too late now. Now I have 2 bad legs. Falling is one of the things that happens to me with having this fibromyalgia. Then the rest just happens on it's own. :o(

Friday, November 26, 2004

How about not too much pain today? Ok?

I'm in one of the most painful times in my life, with this horrid disease. It feels like someone took each and every vertabra in my back, and knocked them all out of their order! I feel like I broke my back! It hurts that badly. My legs aren't doing very well either. But, they never really have felt that great for awhile. My left leg is really killing me! It is hurting from my hip, all the way down to my foot. I have to use my walker now, all the time. I have to depend on it all the time once again. :o( I will probably have to until this leg gets better. It's still swollen a bit, but not as much as it was. My knee cap seems more lose than before. It keeps coming out of place more than ever, and more then my "bad" knee! Not a good thing. I can hardly get my arms up past my chest area. My arms and shoulders are in a lot of pain as well. The bottoms of my feet are still really hurting. The only way that I can describe the feeling of it is, like I have marbles taped to the bottoms of my feet. Then try walking on them all day. And then add on all the pain that they are already in. OUCH! This is just my life. I have this for some reason, and I have to just live with it. There's nothing I can do now. Except to pray. And I do. I tried to get some laundry done yesterday, at the old house. I came back here, and unpacked a few more boxes. No...we didn't get to have a "Turkey day." I wasn't able to do any cooking at all this year. I can do it another day, I feel. We just gave thanks to having a new and better home for us.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

What a fool I can be! LOL

Ok....I am in the one of the worst pain that I have been in a awhile. It has been raining here for a fewdays in a row. Plus, we have been moving as well. On Tuesday, my daughter and I stayed at a Hotel with a hot tub in the room. Boy did that feel good on my back! :o) I stayed in that thing for as long as I could! :o) Then yesterday, I had went to the old house to pick up the dog, and I was coming out of the house and to my car. I did it...I fell because of all the mud! I had a feeling that I would, because of all the rain, and how muddy our old yard gets. Down I went, landing on my left knee, and my lower leg bending towards the left! A way that a leg isn't suppose to do! OUCHIE! My knee went out of place again, and I had to just lay there until I could get my knee cap back in place. Then my husband picked me up and put me in my car. I have some pretty bad pain in my hip and thigh as well. Plus, when I landed, I tried to catch myself with my left Can't be done! left arm hurts as well. Shooting sharp pain going down to my foot and then back to my knee. I don't think I broke anything this time. The last time I fell, I broke my right ankle last year. Whew! But, the good news more packing!!! YAY! Now the unpacking. :o) Wish me luck.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Just another day.

Yesterday was just another day. It seemed to just drag on and on. :o( My son moved almost all the boxes over to the new house. There are still so much to get moved. I went over to the new house to take before and after photo's. I couldn't stay long, because of my feet hurting. I still don't know what it is. Or what to do about it. They are getting much worse now. My left foot will go numb on me. Oh well. I suppose thats all I have to say. Everytime I write in this journal about having fibromyalgia, and tell what is going on with me, and ask if anyone else has the same problems, no one will answer. So, I am assuming it's just me then, right?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

YaY! Sleep! :o)

I finally was able to get some sleep last night! :o) I was able to get 7 hours! YESSS! My body really needed that! Well, I took it real easy yesterday. My feet were really giving me fits all day yesterday! I've never had anything like this. I don't know what to do about it. I have more little muscle cramps on the bottoms of my feet. At least I think thats what it is. I don't know. But it hurts so bad, it's very hard to walk! Does anyone else have this? I'd like to know, and what do you do about it? With all of the other pain I have, and on top of all of that my feet hurting like they do, it makes it hard to even concentrate. I was able to get a little over an hour nap in yesterday. That helped somewhat. But, I woke up with a headache and a backache, so, that didn't help the pain. Geesh! And that wasn't the fibromyalgia pain. Just "normal" pain. What ever that is anymore.

My husband told me that the kitchen has been painted yesterday. :o) They are still working on the electrical wiring, and the plumbing for the new mini bathroom down stairs. The plumbing has taken longer then expected. Thats just our luck. :o) My daughter told me that she is going to be coming up on Monday, after her appointment with her doctor. :o) YAY! It's about time! So I have that to look forward to tomorrow! :o)

Saturday, November 20, 2004

There's always someone out there that seems to know everything!

I woke up this morning, again, too early. the way..this is to "FullaBalony", If I have a letter out of place like htis (this), I have long nails, and my fingers do go a little faster then they should, so, please restrain yourself from making fun of me and putting a label on me. I'm sure I'm not the only one that does this. There's always someone out there that has to think they are above everyone else, and can make fun and laugh at their expense.

Today is going to be very busy. We are going to start moving everything in the new house. :o) YAY! I can't wait! So, in just a few days, we should be all moved, finally. A day I couldn't wait for. feet are really killing me. Both of them now. I don't know what to do about them. I still have those little muscle lumps in my rib area, and big muscle cramps in my thighs again. I didn't do anything yesterday, so I could be rested enough for today. And still have these stupid problems. My feet will get numb as well. Thats something new. I do have one more box to pack. That I can do. I'm so glad the rest of it all is done! Whew! I'll try to get a nap in early today, so I can help my husband and son. Thankfully, my room is in the back of the house, so it won't bother everyone else that will be here. Well, I need to get some coffee, so I'm done for now. One more thing...THIS IS TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT READS THIS JOURNAL, IF I DO MAKE A MISTAKE IN MY WORDING, OR SPELLING......SO WHAT! Thank you.

Friday, November 19, 2004

A grea time. :o)

Yesterday morning didn't start out very well. Getting up too early is hard on me. I took a nap, and it helped. When I got up, my son had laready been home, and was coming back from the new house with the vacuum. He got off of wrok at 1:00. Shortly afterwards, my husband came home. Then we went over, and I took a few photo's with my digital. The house is so much cleaner then it was! But, there is still a bad smell were the previous owners cat sprayed. It just takes my breath away. It's even in the basement. While we were there, my best friend came over to see the house. :o) Of course, we have about the same taste, so she loved liked I do! :o) Then, after my husband installed a new kitchen faucet, we left to get something to eat. She and I were going to go get Chineese, but, Red Lobster sounded a whole lot better! :o) I have not been that full in months! Whooo! Then we went to a new store in town, where her daughter works, an animal store. They had such cute puppies! There is a bird that my girl friend is getting for Christmas, and she was able to get it out. She was holding it, well, it was walking on her. lol Then, I held it. It likes silver and gold things, so It went for my bracelets. It was a really nice and cool bird! Then I came home, and my daughter called me. She was very upset because she lost a very expensive pink diamond ring that her boyfriend got her on Sweetest Day. :o( I felt so bad for her. She thinks it might have fell off while bagging a sack for someone. It would be nice if the person that finds it, does return it for her. What a day that was! :o) It really turned out so much better then it seemed like it would. :o) The bottoms of my feet are still hurting. Of course, my back, and all of the above. But, I got to get out of this house!!!! YAY!!! It was so nice!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

.....oh well.

Well....this morning I got up a little too early again. Which will make for a long day for me. My feet really seem to be one of the worst pain I've been having. I've never experianced this one before. Again, what do I do for them? I have no idea. My sides have little muscle lumps in them as well, by my ribs. As well as all of the usual pain I have, my back, shoulders, front of shoulders, legs, knees, and my arms. The only thin I know to do is to just sit here. I'm trying to take care of my feet by keeping them up, and trying to stay off of them. I'm trying to stay painless for the big move. How? I already feel useless. Just sitting around and not doing anything isn't good for you. And I hate it! Oh well. Thats my life with this horrid disease.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Please, don't take anything for granted!

Yesterday, I didn't pack, or do much of anything. I couldn't. I was in too much pain. I now really have to listen to my body. I wasn't told anything about this fibromyalgia, and what to do. Yesterday morning, my bottoms of my feet hurt so bad, I couldn't put any weight on my right foot. Of course, the usual was hurting as well. Plus a new place on my left side, near my ribs. I think that the most grosses thing about having this disease is, you can feel the tiny or big muscle "balls." When they are on the bottoms of your feet, and you go to step down on them, you're stuck. I'm not able to hop. That would be a sight to see. :o) Last night, and the night before, I did get 5 hours of sleep! YAY! My husband went over to the new house last night to clean. I felt so useless. Thats my job. I haven't been able to do very much to help in this move at all. His mom called last night, and she and her sister and her girls are going to go over and help clean for us. That was so sweet of them. :o) That will help my husband out so much. My son and his girl friend went over and cleaned out the garage, so we can start putting a few things in there. Here I sit. I would love to be able to clean my new home. I have the keys, and I'm not able to do anything, or even go over there right now. Thats my life.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Bad day.

Yesterday wasn't a very good day at all. I didn't get any sleep to start out with. Which means that I was in a lot of pain. This packing is really making me hurt pretty badly. Then, my physical therapist came, and told me that she can no longer come over! She said because that I showed some improvement! I have, but now, I'm having troubles again. Then while she was here, I got sick, and had to get to the bathroom as fast as I could! I still need her. The medicines I'm on, are not helping me at all! She does. Thats my life. She did say if I get any worse, I could call her again. uummmm, yea, I'm still the same! Then the rest of the day, we had to pack my room. Of course, my husband helped me. It's done, except for a few things I have on my desk. Just one day, it would be nice to have a full day to where nothing bad happens. I'll just have to stay as positive as I can, and go from there.

Sunday, November 14, 2004


I was able to get some sleep! What a great feeling that is. :o) My back, legs and arms are hurting. I'm sure it's all from the packing. My physical therapist is coming this morning, so I'll know what type of pain I'm having. :o) I finally got an email from my daughter yesterday. She's doing fine. I can't wait until she can move up here. :o) My best friend came over yesterday, for the first time in weeks! lol We both have this same nasty cold thing, and it has kept us both down and out. It was good to see her. :o) Thats it.

Friday, November 12, 2004

.....what happened?

Ok...I'm up again way too early! :o( I got up at 1:00! I just don't get it. I was able to pack only one box yesterday. Again, I started to over heat. What is with thie fibro stuff? It starts on the back part of my neck, and just esculates! It litterally makes me sick to my stomach! I have to sit in front of a fan for almost an hour, everytime this happens! Does everyone else out there that has fibromyalgia experiance this too? Oh well...thats life for me!

Much better now! :o)

I've had 3 good night's of sleep! YAY! Which makes me feel better. My physical therapist came yesterday for the first time in 2 weeks. She told me how much better I have gotten, even since the last time she was here! Wow! I was surprised. I was in pain, and thought it was the fibro. It's so hard to tell whats what. I only had 3 bad points! Wow! That was a first! :o) She's going to only come once a week now. I knew taking myself off of all of those medicines would help me! It has! My daughter came up yesterday to go job hunting. :o) I think she already found a job! They will call her this week. I'm so happy! I worry about her so much. With her here, then I can take care of her and the baby. :o) Thats all for now!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

......I will get sleep!

Again, I got up way too early! I got up at 3:00 a.m. This will be another long day. My daughter is suppose to come up and spend the night. She is coming up here to look for a job. YAY! :o) My mom finally called me yesterday. Well, I should say she had my sister call me on my mom's cell, to let me know some good news about my sister. I'm confused. I needed to ask my mom a question, and I actually talked to her. Then she hurt my feelings, by saying to me, "Now don't go and tell your other sister!" Yea right! Like I even talk to her! Like I would have in the first place?! Thanks mom! Geesh! Not getting any sleep, is really making my fibro stuff act up big time. I can hardly walk all over again. Plus, I'm having a hard time helping to pack. I was able to pack two boxes yesterday. I got way over heated, and had to stop. Oh well....this is my life! Sucks!

Tuesday, November 9, 2004

.......up too early.

Well, I was able to get a few hours of sleep yesterday morning. That helped out some. I'm still in pain. I had to call off my physical therapist now for the second week! :o( I really need her right now. I took a very hot shower, to try to sweat out this cold. It didn't make me feel any better. :o( Nothing has been helping. I put the head up on my bed, to try to help on my coughing. I had to put the foot part up last night, because my legs were going to town on me! :o( I still coughed all night long, until I got up at 3:45! :o( Oh well. It just means for a long day for me. I'll try again to get some more sleep today.

Monday, November 8, 2004


I went to bed at 9:00 last night, because of this stupid cold!!!!!! I'm still sick, and I again, had to call off my physical therapist!!!!! NOT HAPPY! Still NO sleep!!!! I'm going to try to stay in bed today! With no sleep, and not having my physical therapist here in two better believe I'm in a lot of pain! If anyone needs me today....leave a message on the machine!

Sunday, November 7, 2004

Sometimes I feel I'm not going to get rid of this cold!

Well....I still have this horrid cold. It used to be when I got a cold or the flu, it would take 7 to 10 days! Not anymore! It's 2 to 3 weeks, at best! My immune system must be pretty bad. Geesh! It's been two weeks since I've been able to have my physical therapist come over. And I really need that! All I did yesterday was rest. I took a nap, and tried to feel better. But now it's in my chest! Blah! I could barely even walk. I don't need to even say what hurts on my whole body is in pain! My legs and my feet have been swelling. :o( My husband told me that I should have them above my heart! Then I told him, then I should have my body, from my neck down, above my heart too! :o) lol It looks swollen too! lol But, I have had them up. I did, however, get the second set of photo's back yesterday! They are ones I took of my daughter and her boy friend when they were here! :o) She looks so cute! And so skinny! :o( She's now 11 weeks along! She has a little bump that shows! :o) Well....gotta go!

Another.....what a day I had! lol :o)

Boy...yesterday was a long day for me! My body was telling me to ssslllloooowwwww down! This time I had to listen! :o) I had no choice. Which was fine with me. I still have this cold. :o( Well...being out in the night air on Friday night, I think brought it all back. It was worth it though! I felt bad, because my husband was doing all of the packing in the kitchen yesterday. I couldn't do one thing to help him. I wasn't able to stand up for very long again. Even using my walker. I had to sit down on it, if he asked me in there to see something. Then, back in here. It's still hard for me to just "not" do anything. It's still in my soul, to just jump up and go, move, do something, anything but to sit or lay around. It takes a lot of self talk to get through a day. I'm still having a problam with this stupid cold. I finally found something that I think might work. Robitusson cough syrup. It seemed to help me last night. YAY! :o) I haven't heard a responce back yet from my letter I sent to my daughter. She was probably sick, and tired when she got off of work last night. She has no legal ties to stay down there, where she is. I wish she would just come up here to live for her health, and the baby's health. My husband and I were talking about this last night, and are very worried. :o( Nena....for your health, and the baby's health. Listen to your gut instinct! YOU are very right!

Saturday, November 6, 2004

What a night! :o)

Last night, my daughter and her boy friend came up for a visit. :o) She was going to spend the night, because we had plans to go shopping! Her boy friend came this morning to pick her back up. I had a blast last night! lol I have so much fun with her! :o) Well, we both have so much fun together! :o) I wanted to by her a pair of maternity pants, and some baby things. :o) I origianlly wanted to get her a baby book. I couldn't find any! I will have to look in the next town to us. We don't have many stores here. But, we had fun looking at all the baby things! Things sure have changed since I had my children! lol Prices too! :o) I bought her a pack of new born t-shirts, a night gown to bring the baby home in, and a little lamb finger puppet! The baby's last name will be Lamb! :o) And a pair of after bath slippers! I had too, they were just too cute! lol Boy, we both were worn out by the time we were done. I got home, and felt as if I was going to just drop. Litterally! I changed into my night clothes, and tried to watch a movie with her, but I couldn't. I had to go to bed at that moment. So I did. Today, I'm in so much pain. :o( I really pushed my self way too far this time. But, it was all worth it. :o)

Friday, November 5, 2004

ditto. :o(

Last night, my back was hurting so badly, it felt as if someone was pushing a knife in me! It was hurting so bad! :o( The "knife" pain, in my opinion, is the worst pain in my back that I can have. It just takes my breath away. I went to bed at 9:00 last night. I felt so exhausted. It just cames on real fast. The next thing I remember is, doing things in my sleep again! I even got out of bed, and started to sleep walk! :o( That is so dangerous for me. Well, it was before all of this fibro stuff happened too. But, my knees have been going out of place, and I've been falling, and the way my back feels, it would give out, if I didn't use my walker. My legs are so weak. I feel like I'm at least 95 years old! I even rested yesterday. It just doesn't matter when it comes to this fibromyalgia. It seems to get you know matter what. Getting up at 3:30 this morning is going to make for a long day for me. Great! Just what I need!

Thursday, November 4, 2004

too much pain. :o(

Yesterday, I did it again. I went to the grocery store to get things for vegetable soup. Luckly as I was getting out of the car, my husband drove up. He has been having to come home early. His boss has taken his over time away, and he used to go into work at 4:00 a.m. , and get home at 5:30. Now, he goes to work at 6:30, and can come home like yesterday, at 2:30! This is really hurting us finacially! But, The stupid president got re-ellected, so I can see that this will be a normal thing now! Because we aren't rich! Yes, my whole body hurts like hell! My fault. If I had known that he would have been home when he did, I wouldn't have went to the store. Too late now. I'm still sick. That means, AGAIN, I will have to call my physical therapist to let her know I'm still sick, and then she can't come. :o( I really need her help right now. I guess thats all for right now.

Wednesday, November 3, 2004

Getting better.

Yesterday was a bad day for my fibro. The cold that I have flared it up! Great!!!! At least now, the cold just isn't in my head and sinuses now! It's in my chest, too!!! YAY! Fun fun! Add on a full day of nothing but rain to all of this too! That always helps! This has really set me back. I'm so weak, and with my knees going out of place, I fall! My back is killing me. My hips, my arms, well, just say now that my whole body is in PAIN! Yesterday, in my muscles, if anyone has ever had a TENS unit on them, thats what I was feeling in my legs and my arms all day yesterday!!! On top of all of the other pain, then add that...OUCH! I'm going to put a little sign on the front door, that will read; "If you're sick, go home!" Sad that I would have to do that. You'd think some people would have the common sence to stay home! One thing that I made sure I did yesterday, was to vote! If I had to crawl, I would have. The rest of the day, I was in bed. I'm really trying to get rid of this shit, so on Thursday, I can have my physical therapist come over to massage me. But, since I've been sick, that takes away from me as well!!!!!! Thanks again! :o(

Tuesday, November 2, 2004

I'm going to have to stay in bed today! :o(

Again.....I got up at 2:30 this morning! Not a good thing here!!!! I am so sick, I again had to call off my physical therapist! Thats not a good thing either! I don't know how many times I have to stress to people that having fibromyalgia makes me more suseptable to many more viruses!!! IF YOUR SICK.....STAY HOME!!! And away from me!!! I'm in so much fibro pain, plus, add on a very bad cold! Not a good time! :o( I just wish that others could walk in my shoes for just five minutes! Thats all it would take!

Monday, November 1, 2004

.....Now I have a cold! Thanks! I have a cold! I just got over the flu. Thank you to who ever gave this to me! :o( Plus, I still have the fibromyalgia pain on top of the cold pain! Yuk! Not too overly fun here! I'm up way too early, because my right knee was killing me, and I couldn't breath. Thats one of the worst ways to wake up, from pain! I know I pray to just have my body back the way it was before all of this pain. Then I think I'm being selfish for asking such a thing. Because I'm praying to God for this, and His son went through way more then I am! But, I do know there is a reason for me to have this. I just wish I could figure it out. Thats all, I can't breath, and I'm coughing too bad to type.

Sunday, October 31, 2004

I didn't order this weather...who did?! :o)

The winds here have been very wickedly high! It brought in some cold behind it. Not a good thing. I am having pain now, from head to feet! On top of that, it feels like I'm catching another cold. :o( Great! :o(  Because of the high winds yesterday, my husband had to rake our kitchen! There were leaves everywhere! Amazing to think of how they got in like they did. So, nothing in my little piece of the world has changed much.

Friday, October 29, 2004

I can't believe my baby has a baby growing inside her! :o)

Wow! Yesterday was a very eventful day! :o) I was able to go to my daughters first ultra sound! Things sure have changed since I had my kids! Which is good! That experiance was something that I'll never in my whole life, forget! It felt so weird to see my baby, laying there, and seeing a baby growing inside her! Somebody really needed to slap me! I was in a state of mind that I haven't been in, in a long time! euphoria! It was a very beautiful thing to witness! If it wasn't for her boy friends mom, I wouldn't have seen it! Thank you so much! Today, I am having the "normal" pain that I usually have. My back, neck, hips, knees, arms, and feet and ankles! My eye balls hurt as well. Too bad they can't go behind my eyes and fix the damage that is there. Oh well. Well, I need to go. I just had to show off my grandbaby! :o)   <-----BIG SMILE!

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

.....and again.

Well, I guess my "good" fibromyalgia is over! :o( At least I did have a time to where I didn't have very much pain at all. I'm thankful for that. I absolutly HATE this! I know that everyone else out there, that might be reading this, that has this as well, feels the same as I do. It hurts like no other pain that I've ever felt! I've said this before, and I'll say it again, I'd much rather give birth 10 times in a row, then to go through this pain!!!!!! I am in the most pain now, then I've been in a about a month and a half now. :o( ggguuurrr!!! back is in enormous pain right now! My shoulders, my arms, my hands, and wrists, my hips, upper and lower parts of my legs!!! My ankles, and my feet! My neck, and it just radiates all the way down to my tail bone! I'm swollen all over again! (And NO IT'S NOT MY WEIGHT either! I already know that I'm fat!) I had to take my watch up a whole 2 notches! I've had this watch since summer! It's been on the same notch since! I will still work with my medicines, and listen to my body. I just feel that I haven't listened to my body enough, and pushed myself too far. :o( I did sleep again all night last night. I went to bed at 10:00, and got up at 7:00. Thats really good for me! I really need my sleep. Oh well...back to the drawing board. signing off!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

here we go again.

Today is Tuesday. I got 7 hours of sleep last night. I'm very glad about that. My physical therapist came yesterday, and told me if I don't start taking it easy, my pain will worsen. Yes, this time all of my pain was from the fibromyalgia. :o( Since I'd been feeling better, I guess I was over doing things. I didn't even realize it. But my body sure did! Not good. My back, hips, and knees are really hurting this morning. All of this fibro stuff seemed to start in my back. If I could just open it up, and get my hands in there, I know I could rub the pain away. Because you can't get it from the out side! My bed is begining to feel hard to me again. I have no idea what to do about it. I have an old mattress on it, the one's that you can just fold, and a gel mattress, and a down feather bed pillow. When you lay on my bed, you sink in. But, to me, it feels like concrete. :o( Thats just another thing that I have to deal with. That could be one of the reasons why I haven't been able to sleep very well. My mom and sister came over yesterday. They took me to lunch with them. They came back over last night, and watched a show with me. They are going to come back over today to help me pack. If I feel anything like I do right now, I have to do what my body says. I can't push it any further. It hurts way too much, and then I pay for it when I don't listen. I don't want that to happen anymore. Thursday is my daughters first ultra sound. :o)I can't wait. I miss her already! :o) Ok...I just experianced something very weird from my house!!! It's only 8:00 a.m. right now. Time to go now to investigate. Bye!

Monday, October 25, 2004

It's all good! :o)

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 2:30 a.m. It was non stop all day. My daughter and her boy friend were coming up, and my son's girl friends play was yesterday as well. I got my shower and dressed, and my daughter finally came! :o) It was so good to see her again! :o) Her boy friend bought her a new car, for when the baby comes, they will have a car that will be dependable. :o) It's so nice! She gave me a ride around town in it, and I loved it. It's an 2001 Eclips. My mom came over as well. We all were going to see the play. By this time, it was around 1:00 p.m. We sat up in the balcony, because the seats below were the metal folding chairs. I knew I wouldn't be able to sit in one, without having a lot of pain afterwards. But, I did anyways. :o(  I felt so bad, because I had to leave early. I did get to see his girl friend though. :o) I feel the lack of sleep, and my legs dangling for such a long time, made my back hurt very bad! I spent some time with my mom and my daughter and boy friend. I took some photo's of her. She still doesn't have a belly on her yet. I had her weigh herself while she was here, and she had lost 2 more pounds in a week. :o( I've never seen her so thin. She still gets nauseated. This pregnancy is really putting a toll on her. :o( My mom seemed to be worried about my other sister, and went ahead and left. I'm glad I made chili for everyone after the play, because it made me feel better that everyone got to eat before they left. I was going to send some home with my mom, but I didn't get a chance to. I wished she could have had more time to spend with my daughter, though. I know we don't get to see her that often. Oh well. It was good to see her and her boy friend. :o) Getting to know him is really going to be a great thing! He's so happy with my daughter. And seeing it, made me happy as well. :o) I can't believe how he takes her mood swings in such stride! :o) Which is very good! They took some of her things back with them, and I gave them some chili to take home. I could tell, when they were getting ready to leave, that my daughter had had a full day, and really needed to rest. The poor thing. By then, my body was in full pain! I tried not to show how much pain I was really in. My back was in so much pain, I could hardly move. My hips, legs, ankles, feet, neck, and arms were all hurting! Then, I got a really bad headache! On top of all of that! OUCHIE! I went to bed at 9:30 last night. It was so sweet, my husband was giving me gentle hugs, and rubbing my back. :o) He could tell how much I was hurting. Thats all I wanted to know. He even tucked me in bed, and tried rubbing my back. Just feeling his hands on my back hurt. Even though it was very light touches. :o( But the thought of him trying was so sweet of him. :o) I slept all through the night, and didn't wake up until 6:20! YAY! I did it! I woke up with a very bad headach that could go into a migrane at any time right now. :o( I did take something for it, but, you just never know. My physical therapist will be coming today. I can't wait. My mom and sister will be coming over today as well. Before I end this....Sweetie, we are really looking forward to you two coming back up for another visit!! :o) We are not anything like the your dad. :o) Well, you know that one! lol :o)

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Was that sleep I had?

Yesterday wasn't a very good day, to say the least, with pain. :o( I had so much planned to do. With no sleep, I get pain. I couldn't even walk without my walker. :o( I was doing so well. goes on. I did get one thing accomplished that I wanted to do. I made a batch of Toll House cookies. :o) And, I don't think I burned myself either! :o) My sister that moved away, and now has come back, came with her kids last night for a visit. It was one of the best visits that I've had with her in I'd say years! :o) She didn't ask for information on anyone. She came to visit us! It was really so good to see the kids. It's been a few months shy of a year, since I last saw the two younger ones. They've really grown. If she can come over and be the way she was last night, and not ask me any info on any one, then I won't mind her visiting. :o) After that, we got a pizza, and my husband and I watched shows about haunted places. That was pretty cool! I feel so badly for him as well. He's sick like me, and he was packing most of the day. :o( I went to bed at 11:00. And I woke up because of pain. :o( Darn it! My left hip and knee was hurting so bad, I couldn't stand it! So, I got up at 2:30 a.m. Oh well. My daughter and her boy friend are coming up today! YAY! I want to get some film for my camera. She's been wanting chili, so thats what I'm going to make for supper. :o) My son's girl friend is in a play today as well. We are all going to go see it. :o) So, today sounds like it should be a good day! Just hoping that I don't have this pain.

Friday, October 22, 2004

Isn't sleep a part of life?

I'm up again! The only thing that I can think of that is doing this is too much on my mind lately. :o( Even though my husband and I have been talking about so many things every night, it's not helping. It's not like we sit around and talk about all bad stuff. I don't know. With having fibromyalgia, the doctors always tell you to try to sleep more, and stay away from stress! Uh...Yea..right! HOW? I know thats the sorce of the pains I've been having. Of course my back, my hips, my knees, and my right thigh, and neck and right shoulder. :o( I was doing so good. But, I'm not going to let this stop me from working on getting better. On top off all of that, I have the flu. I can't seem to keep anything in my stomach. Everyone in the house has it. Yuk! `Tis the season! I guess I'll try to find something to do that might bore me to get tired. :o)

I'm not going to bother writing today about anything in my life. And about the progress of my fibromyalgia.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Got sleep!

I finally went to bed at 5:30 yesterday morning. I was able to sleep until 11 something. Last night was a normal night. Boy am I glad! With no sleep, on top of my stress, my pain would be ten times worse now. My back, shoulders, hips, arms, neck, and I had the shakes, all yesterday. Not a good thing. I had problems gripping things again. The shaking doesn't help that at just helps knock everything out of my hands. My eye sight was very poor. But, I expected that. It was a nice and quite day. The evening went very good for once. Nothing bad or stupid happened! YAY! :o) I was also able to take care of a few people that have been on me, which has been very stressful for me. I was able to talk with reason to them, and they have stopped, and left me alone! 2 down, more to go. I really don't like it when people keep on me about my own ideas. Or, my own opinions. They are mine. Thats it. Over. Thats how I feel, and everyone else should be able to have their own feelings as well, as long as you don't push them onto me. I heard from my daughter. She's starting to do alittle bit better with her sickeness. She has made it through 2 days of work this week. I guess thats all. Bye!

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Can't sleep....!

I'm up! Can't sleep again! This will surely help my pain, and my cold/flu! I have so much on my mind, I'm sure thats why I can't. When my son was young, and he had things on his mind, he would tell me that he had, "race cars" in his head, and he needed to talk about things, to get rid of them. Thats exactly what it's like! He nailed that one on the head! I can't close my eyes, and not have 50 things racing around in my mind! I honestly don't know how to get rid of some of them. My husband and I talked about most of them tonight, and he has seen and has agreed on why I feel the way I do. We've been talking a lot lately. Whic has helped me a lot. :o)  I'm in a lot of pain as well. Why not? Why don't other people understand that when you tell them, "You don't need a lot of stress!" because the fibromyalgia pain will act up real fast, they don't listen? My son and I had a good talk tonight as well. So that situation is under control now. I've talked to almost everyone now. The others will have to be at another time. I did pack a few more boxes earlier. It doesn't seem like it's all that much left to pack now. I really thought since this is a big house, that it would take forever! I was wrong. :o) My mom came over today. She could only stay for a few minutes, but it was still nice to see her. I hope she gets the job she's been wanting. :o) Well, from the looks of this, I'll be up for awhile. :o( Now, my day tomorrow will be painful. No sleep, and stress, what a mix for pain! :o( It would be nice to be able to get out of this house maybe a day or two a week! Instead of hearing about it!!! It feels like a slap in the face! Thanks to all that do that to me! Just because I have "whatever" doesn't mean I'm not still me! Unless I'm an embarresment. Oh well! I guess no one realizes how much it hurts me. Or, don't even care. I guess thats the price everyone that has a medical problem, has to deal with. I hope not. I know I have really gotten "hard" since all of this. It's not the medical problem, it's seeing the world pass you bye, and everyone else. So...bye!

blah blah blah

I just got done packing more boxes from the upstairs. I over heated again. Whats new? My back is killing me, my hip hurts, and I have the shakes now. I was able to get a few hours of sleep last night. I woke up around 5:15 this morning. I had a hard time getting to sleep. I really have so much on my mind. If I wrote it, I'd have pissed off people! I'll keep it to myself. The only thing that I'm able to write is, I'm still worried about my daughter. She lost 5 more pounds in 2 weeks! This is the thinest that she's ever been. Her doctor gave her some pills to help on her nausea's tummy. I hope that helps her. I would love to know, "Why do people say one thing, and then, do another?" Don't they realize how that hurts others? Well, I just answered my own question. Nope! If they did, they wouldn't do it! They don't lose sleep over it. All I want to do today is sleep the day away. I'm just so "tired" of certain things, and broken promises. Thats life! blah blah blah.....

Sunday, October 17, 2004

.....not today!

I finally got to bed at 2:30 last night. :o( Not a good thing. I got up at 6:30. :o( Just as I thought, it has taken it's toll on me to pack. I feel like I had been ran over by a bus! I have pain in my neck, shoulders, back, and my upper arms. :o( But at least I know what it's from. The only thing that I feel that is good, is my legs! I can feel the muscle tone coming back in them! YAY! Thats so good! :o) Something I'm doing is good. Plus, this cold weather doesn't help matters. It was 30 degrees when I got up! I'm trying to "get" tired so I can take a nap. I realize how funny that must sound. But, with a sleeping disorder with all of this other stuff, it makes it hard to sleep. So, I'm waiting. I'm hoping to get a lot of sleep today. My body really needs to regenerate itself. Plus, get rid of this headach as well. :o( body is doing what I thought it would. Which shows that I am getting to know this stupid fibromyalgia stuff, and my body. `*`*~*~*~*`*`*`*~*~*~*~*`*`*`*`*`*~*~*~*POOF`*`*`*~*~*~*~`*`*`*~*~*~

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Just another day.

I can't sleep. So, I'm up writting in this thing. Today, we packed all of my daughters things, and her whole room. One room down, 12 more to go. My back is really hurting so bad. I hate at times that I look "ok" on the outside, and no one can see how I feel on the inside. I packed so much, and I over did it. Big time. I know I will pay for this tomorrow. But hey...thats life, right? I did get to talk to my daughter as well today. She got sick again last night. :o( My son packed a few of his things, plus a box of clothes for donation. I took 2 naps today. One in the morning, because I got up at 3:00 this morning, and then after I got back down stairs from helping to pack my daughters room. I had to sit in front of my fan for a long time, to cool down. I felt like I was going to pass out. I just put something else on that was cooler. I went back up stairs to help again in the craft room. Which is basically a storage room for everything. My daughter had stuff in there as well. I just called it a night. I couldn't force anymore energy from my body. My husband ordered pizza for dinner, and I ate 1 slice. I went to take out my dentures, and noticed that my mouth was bleeding from chewing! I've so had it with those things! I watched a movie, and tried to get tired. Not happening yet. :o( And it leads me to now. What a life.

.......And again.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. My sister came over to spend the day with me. The one that has fibromyalgia as well. I'm still sick. :o( blah! back, my knees and my left fore arm has been hurting. My arm hurts because when I picked something up, I strained it by doing so. Thats going to happen. I have a feeling it will happen a little more, since we are getting ready to move. Oy Vey! But still, so far, so good, with my medicines that I'm taking myself off of! YAY! I've started this morning, taking myslef off of the second medicine! And I really am feeling so much better. :o) It's sad that some doctors think that if they "drug" you up, they won't have to deal with you, and "you'll feel better!" Not the case! I'm getting up early again, but at least I am getting some sleep. I do still take a nap during the day, when I can. Especially since I've been sick. I'm not even wetting myself anymore! I'm wondering if one of those pills were doing that to me. I think that alergic reaction in my mouth, has gotten better. It's a little hard to see. But from what I can see, it looks a lot better. :o) I suppose thats all.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Just another day in my life.

Yesterday seemed to be a loonnnggg day! It never ended! Whe nyou're not feeling well, I suppose that's what makes it feel that way. I took a long nap. I felt a bit better, cold/flu wise, after that. I'm having pain in my back, and in my right knee. Now thats a switch, it's usually in my left knee. I was able to be with my daughter when she read the email with the information in them. They now have a phone! YAY! I stayed on line, so I wouldn't miss her. It worked. So, I was able to be on the phone for when she read them, I could help her through them, and answer any of her questions. :o) I feel so much better about that. I was just so worried, I couldn't sleep. Then afterwards, she called in work because she was sick still. :o( Then she said she was going to take a nap. In the evening, around 6:30, I got a call from her. She just got up from her nap. She just wanted to talk. :o) We talked for about an hour and a half. I hope she doesn't get in trouble for calling me. I could hear her boy friend in the back ground being himself with her. :o( Oh well. I couldn't eat yesterday, but I started to get hungry before my husband got home. I made a bowl of tomato soup. It sounded good at the time, but then....eeewww! It felt like it burned a whole in my stomach! Nothing sounds good when you're sick. I really am hoping that today will be a much better day. My husband bought some cold/flu medicine home for me. I'm not sure if they're helping or not. It's so hard to tell what's fibromyalgia, and what's not. I had to make my bed the other day, and this morning, my dog is laying on it snoozing away! lol Thats my seal of approval! :o) If I was sleepy right now, I would get in bed with her! :o)

Thursday, October 14, 2004

I'm hurting inside.........

I'm not getting any better from this stupid cold/flu thing. I still have a fever. I got up at 3:00 this morning! Way too early. I'll just take naps during the day. My fibromyalgia stuff is the same. My back is hurting me, and my knees. I think my knees are hurting maybe because of the cold/flu thing. Who knows. I had to change my sheets yesterday, and it really did me in. Whew! I over heated bad! It kind of scared me a bit. I had my fans on, and my air conditioner on as well, to cool down. It worked after about 2 hours. Just because I'm getting better in certain areas, doesn't mean I still don't need help in others. Again, it must come down to, "well, you're looking so much better!" Thats on the outside. It's just like in the begining all over again. Oh well. It's me, I can bounce back. NOT! Not always. I have the same feelings as everyone else does. I had to do something that I really didn't want to do. I found some papers that my daughter needs. But neither of us could come to each others home to get/give them. She asked me to write it out in an email. There are 8 pages of them. I did my best. I found them over the weekend, and I did my best in writing them to her. I just wished I could have given them to her myself. It makes me mad that I couldn't. :o( I didn't know of anyone that could take me to her where she lives. Plus, everyone was busy any ways. I'm hurting so badly, deep inside because of this. Again, oh well. Sweetie...I tried and you know I did! I love you so much! :o) If I knew that my car would make it, I would have tried. When it comes to my kids, they come first!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004


I didn't get much sleep at all. I couldn't take a nap. I tried to, but I just couldn't get sleepy! I hate the way my sleep disorder does to me! If I don't get to sleep when I need to, then, when I'm up all night, I can't get to sleep at all! It's just so stupid. :o( All day yesterday, my back was killing me! My right shoulder, and my legs were weak. Great! Just what I needed! But again, this is good ole' fibromyalgia for ya'! My son and his girl friend both have the flu/cold. I have it now. :o( I have a fever as well, so I know I'm contagous. So, as always, we will be sure to pass this along for a few weeks to everyone in the house! Again, with fibromyalgia, I'll have it the longest, like always. Thats life. My sister called me last night, the one that has fibromyalgia as well, to see if I wanted to go get coffee with her and our mom. I was eating at the time. But when I started to tell her that, we seemed to get disconnected. Dead air. I called her back and left a message on her phone to let her know that I couldn't, and thanks for the invite! :o) I just took my night time pills at 6:30, because I was finally getting tired! Then my other sister called, and told me about her son's dream. She was also asking me questions about others that I felt she should have asked them, not me. So, I just told her about their health, and I know nothing! No more game playing here! I was getting so tired, and was not at all feeling good. At about 8:30, I went to bed. I had the fan on me, because I was hot. When I woke up this morning at 5:30, I was sweating so badly. eeewww! I still have a temp. and I'm all "achey" all over. OUCH! My shoulder is better, but my back still hurts. Not as bad. I'm glad. I have a feeling that I'll probably end up in bed most of the day. Oh well, maybe I'll "shake" this cold/flu thing. Yuk!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

This could mean pain! :o(

I'm glad my day was good early on, yesterday. I went to see my doctor. He was so pleased to see how much better that I am. He even said that I can take myself off of two more medicines. One of them, all together be off of it. The other one, only take it when I have pain! YES! I come home, and layed down for a nap. I do this so I can be sure, or at least try to stay out of as much pain as I can. It worked. My back did feel better. Ok....I'm on a medicine schedual. Plus, a daily schedual. I have to have those for my health. For instance: I can't stay up late for 2 nights in a row. I can't take my medicines late either. Both of those will through me into a tail spin. I had just got into bed last night. I take my night time meds. at 9:30. I know by that, I will usually be in bed by 10:30, or earlier. I'm always the last in this house to go to bed. Then, I hear the phone ringing. I got up and answered it. Gee, it was my one sister that felt she couldn't wait until today to call me, to tell me about a dream her son had! I asked her if she would call me today, when I'm up! She knows my problems, and my schedual, and all about my pills. She came and stayed here before. I even told her! But, thats the thing with her, she only listens if it concerns her! So, after that, I was up all night! I didn't get to bed until 4:20! Great! I am not feeling well on top of my fibro pain. I had a fever as well yesterday. This morning, when I did get up, I woke up with a very bad headache, my back is litteraly killing me, and my shoulders are now hurting me! If she called me for attention, then this is her time for "HER!" Live it up, Kim! I hope you're happy now! I'm now useless for the rest of the day. This is the sister that lied to me, and stole from our mother, and her husband, and she had her daughter with her to help! She's back in town, and hoping that all she has done can be forgotten. Oh sure... NOT! It takes awhile to earn trust back. And that only depends on how hard she claims to "care" like she says! If she could walk in anyone's shoe's that has fibromyalgia, she would then, and only then realize what it's like to be me!