Tuesday, August 31, 2004

.......just give me strength God.

Today is Tuesday. It's 55 degrees out! I'm glad! :o) I have my air on, and my fan. It still isn't cold enough for me yet. I don't know why. Today, my sister is going to come over for the day. She called me last night to ask. I hope I don't sleep the day away like I did yesterday. I layed down at around 11:00 a.m. and I got up at 4:30! Thats a lot of sleep! My son was just walking out the door to go to work! So, I missed seeing and talking to him. When my physical therapist came yesterday, she really massaged me good, because she was hitting every spot that was hurting! She's good! It's amazing that she knows exactly where to rub. My arch on my left foot is still hurting. I guess the muscle that is there, is cramping (balling) up. It really hurts. And of course that same ones still! My lower back, hips and legs and left foot. :o( Since it's been awhile that they've hurt, I suppose that means they will stay, just like everything else does. At least my shoulders aren't hurting me today. Thats a good sign. :o) I'm having a few spasms right now, but nothing I can't handle. I have it cold enough in here. I usually freeze everyone out! lol But it helps me. And, if it helps, I'm going to do it! I'm sure everyone that has fibromyalgia knows what I mean. :o) I slept good last night as well. I didn't get up until 6:30! Wow! And, that long nap! Thats a lot of sleep! my eyes aren't as blurry this morning. The last few days they really were bothing me, because of that. So far, so good! I didn't even wake up doing something in my sleep! YAY! lol I talked to my daughter last night. She told me that her boyfriend was suppose to call. I don't think he did, because she would have called to let me know. This whole thing is really upsetting her. It really hurts me to see her go through all of this. I still think thats something's fishy about the whole thing. She just needs to get all of her things, and come back here. She did say that she was tired of that he says he will call, and he doesn't. Then when he does, he gives her another story. I feel so bad for her. She has to see what I've been seeing, herself before she'll do anything. She also took two more names off of her buddy list last night. She says that she doesn't want to play anymore kid games with anyone. She hasn't written her dad back yet. He is just plain weird. He acts like a 12 year old. Oh well. At least she's keeping her head about it all. Thats good to see. :o) I have to go now. BYE!!!

Monday, August 30, 2004

One day, Thats all I'm asking for.

This is Monday. Oh boy! The begining of just another fun filled week. Again, I woke up sitting in my bed, doing God knows what! I told my husband last night, that I think I'm going to have to sleep with both side rails up. I already have just the one up. If this doing things in my sleep stuff doesn't stop, it could lead to me sleep walking again, and that can't happen. So putting up both side rails will be the safest way that I can come up with. Ok, now the pain that I'm in. I'm having a spasm right now on the right side of my neck. And as always, my lower back, my hips, and my legs are still hurting. My right shoulder is in pain, and the front part of my shoulders are in pain. It feels like it's pulling down on me. If that makes since. As if I have heavy weights in my right hand. My physical therapist is coming today, and I know she will help rub them out. Well, at least massage them enough that they feel better for a few minutes. Which is better then nothing. My daughter has been writing to her father about the past that she remembers. She's been having nightmares over it, and felt by writing to him would help. Well no. Not him. She's experiancing how he really is. She and I talked last night on the phone. She is doing ok. I was worried that he would upset her in some way, but she's taking it, like she's not done, she just got started! YAY! Thats my girl! She's like me when it comes to that! :o) Nothing really happened yesterday. I took a nice long nap. It felt so good to have my husband home on the weekends. That way I can take a nap, and feel like no one will intrude on me. He just makes me feel safe. :o) I still have that fear. I suppose it will be with me the rest of my life. My daughter still has nightmares, and my son, if he hears anything remotly similar, he walks away. The three of us have a different way of dealing with it. My daughter in her dream,still fears that she will end up at her dads house again. Even though she is 19. Today I will be alone again. My son works. My plans are to just sleep. I need it because I got only 3 hours of sleep. That doesn't help my pain any at all. And neither does a few of the emails that I got yesterday, and the phone conversation I had with my daughter. She wrote to me asking me if I talked to someone about something, and now she's not allowed to talk to them! I told her to not worry about it, because I told her how would I know about that situation? If someone else didn't tellme. I know this doesn't sound right to you, but, It does us. But, I still didn't say that they couldn't talk to her, or that she couldn't talk to them. Geesh! I'm so sick and tired of the "he said she said bull shit!" At least it didn't "upset" her, she took it well. Plus, she knew that I wouldn't say that, because she said it didn't sound like the words I would use. And people wonder why I'm in pain!!! Or tired!!!! Like my favorite saying is: STOP BLAMING OTHER'S FOR YOUR OWN MISTAKES!

Sunday, August 29, 2004

I made it through another day! :o)

Yesterday was a very nice day. I couldn't ask for a better day. :o) My husband and I were watching t.v. and I kept yawning through the 8:00 show! I don't yawn anymore! I actually have only yawned maybe a hand ful for about a year now! I don't know why. I took my medicine early, I think it was 8:30. Thats only an hour early. I had to go to bed around 9:15, I couldn't finish watching th rest of the show. My husband helped me to bed. And the next thing I know, I'm sitting up in my bed again, piling up pillows! LOL I was doing it again! Activity in my sleep! Again, part of the parainsomnia that I have. I'm half awake when those happen. It was 5:30 when I actually woke up, so I just got up. That has to be the longest that I've slept in a long time. :o) I guess I really needed it. My legs were all "lumpy" again last night. They were both swollen again. Again, all day yesterday they were all lumpy, and hurting, and as usual, so was my lower back, and hips. My shoulders were taking their turn in which one would hurt me off and on. I wore the sling on my left arm. I could walk a little better yesterday. But there were times, as usual, that I knew I wasn't able to do too much. I didn't want to push it. When I do, I end up in bed all day. I didn't want that to happen. My husband and his dad went to a computer expo at the Hara Arena. He bought ink for my printer for only $17.00! When you go buy it in the stores, it's $70.00! And his dad got a Millinium computer like this one, for $200.00! I wish I could have went. My husband knew that if I did go that I'd want to be there a lot longer than they were! :o) Something very different happened yesterday. I actually got a letter from my other sister. What a shock it was to me. This time, I was able to talk to her, and my email went through, so I know that it will be read. I'm very glad about that. I do hope that she understands it. One thing though, I did my best in trying to explain why I can't, and can do things. I do realize that it is hard for someone to understand what it's like to live like this, with fibromyalgia. And, it is hard to explain to others why you can or can't do certain things. I've run into this so many times, because I look fine on the out side. It's the inside that is making my life miserable. I understand that it is hard for people to understand this. I know that I still don't get what fibromyalgia really means, just what it has done to me. It really is hard to explain. Lastnight, before dinner, my daughter called me to wish me a happy birthday. :o) She sounded good on the phone. So, I hope then that she is doing good. I know I just seen her, but, I still worry. Well...got to go!

Saturday, August 28, 2004

One of those days!

I woke up this morning at 3:00. I was sitting up in bed, doing movements, as if to grab something off of my bed. I have parainsomnia. I've had this for a long time. It's where I would sleep walk, and do things like I just mentioned, in my sleep. I have been doing this kind of stuff for a few nights now. I'm hoping that I'm not going to start sleep walking! That is one of my biggest fears with this! I will end up killing myself! It looks like I might have to call my sleep specialist about this! Again, last night my husband was talking about something that we had done together, and I couldn't remember. :o( My memory is going down the drain! It is so weird to hear things that you've done or said, and not have a clue about it! It's kind of scary. This morning, I got a birthday card from my sister that doesn't speak to me. In the card, she wrote; even if we don't get along, we are still sisters. How dare she say that to me! She made that choice her self! She is so far out there, that she thinks that I'm "faking" all of this fibromyalgia for attention! She's the one who decided to stop recieving my emails, phone calls, and any other comunication with her! I didn't do it, I tried to talk to her. I just wrote a letter back to her, (was surprised it went through) and just said thank you! That was NOT a good way for me to start my day. I WILL NOT except the way she talks to me, and treats me! Today is my 41st birthday. My husband wants me to pick something that I would like for my super. He said he will fix it, or order it! :o) I love him so much! :o) He does so much to help me. I don't know what I'd do without him. :o) Last night, he helped me in my bed. Because I still couldn't walk very good. This morning, my lower back, my hips, and my legs are hurting me. And my eyes are giving me problems as well. They are still making me see blurry. It's like when you steam up glasses that you are wearing. If that makes any since. But, thats how I am seeing. I keep using my eye drops, but nothing has helped. My husband wants me to go to another eye doctor that he likes and trusts, instead of my eye doctor. Mine just tells me that he can't do anything for me! Uh...yea..right! I wonder if my mum is working today? I really need to see her. :o) I realize that I'm old, but sometimes you just need a hug from your mum! :o) I think I'll go now. I suppose I have nothing else to write about. Shows Over!

Friday, August 27, 2004

I'm glad I had someone to talk to today. :o)

I just got up from a nap at 5:30 p.m.! I can't believe I slept so long! I also woke up to my room being 80 degrees! I can't have that!!!! I have both fans running, and the air on, and it's still freakin' hot in here! It says it's 85 out side....not that much difference from in here as well! No wonder my legs have little bumpy muscle spasm's in them! Of course...my shoulders just have to both be hurting me! Why not?! I'm sitting here watching a muscle jump on my upper arm. Cool! I'm so glad that I was able to talk to a friend today that I haven't heard from in awhile! I put her journal on this page. She helped me alot. :o) We've talked back and forth for about 2 years now. She sent me this web site, that has a lot of information on it that was very useful for me. There was a simulater on it, and I took that test. Wow! I experiance those a lot, and for many years. I wish that everyone could take that simulater test, to see what it's like. Maybe I could send it to eveyone I know! Then I think that more people would understand what it's like to be me for a few minutes. Of course, other people as well. When I woke up, my son had my mail over here on my chair. His girlfriend had photos taken, and she gave me 3 photo's. :o) So, I seen the photo's first, on top of my mail. She's so sweet! I also recieved a birthday card from my aunt! Wow! I haven't heard from her in awhile either! She told me that she put me on her prayer list at bible study. Thats good. I appreciate it. :o) My son also gave me a birthday card, and some Reese's Bites! That was so nice of him to do that! :o) I've had some pretty good times this week. :o)

another day.....

Today is Friday. Yesterday was my sister's birthday. Tomorrow is mine. Yesterday when my physical therapist came, OMG it hurt very badly when she massaged me! She got my shoulders really good, and my back, then when she got to my lower back, I just screamed! I just couldn't help it. She got to my back side, and my hips, and I screamed again! Boy did it hurt! She also got the back of my thighs, and I didn't realize how much they hurt, but I screamed again! The rest that she rubs, was normal pain. Boy, it really hurt for my lower back, hips, back side, and the back of my thighs! My legs hurt because of the rest giving out on me. :o( Not good. I woke up at 3:30 this morning. My left shoulder was killing me! So, I got up. I have been wearing my sling to try to take some pressure off of my shoulder. But, it's not helping very much. :o( I'm still having problems getting around. I still have to use baby steps to walk. I had no idea that fibromyalgia was this bad!!!! Does everyone else have the samethings happen to you? I'd like to know. My husband is going to help me tonight to put my pills in my weekly boxes. My memory just isn't the same anymore. I've also noticed that my eyes get blurry a lot more. Like most of the day. Oh well. Thats my life. :o( I just get so frustrated at times. My daughter's boyfriend should be coming home today or tomorrow. Thats what she told me anyways. Her boyfriends dad got into a car accident yesterday. In Sugarcreek, him and a school bus collided! He's fine, and so were the kids on the bus. Thats a good thing. I don't know whos fault it is. But the truck needs a whole new back end. I watched the news last night, and it was on there. I'd better stop typing, my shoulder is really hurting now. :o( Bye. I forgot to add that my arch on my left foot was all messed up as well. On both of the bottoms of my feet, they had little muscle cramps! It really hurt when she massaged my left arch! I don't know what's up with that, because this is another new thing happening. :o(

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Another great day!

Wow....I can't believe that it is 74 degrees out at 5:10 a.m.! It must be a hot day on the way! Oh joy! Well, I had another great day yesterday! My husband gave me money for my birthday early, so that while my daughter was still here, we could go to the mall together. I really liked that idea. :o) We left early, and we took my wheel chair this time. I knew I wouldn't be able to walk with my walker this time. But, that meant that I had to put my trust in my daughter pushing me! lol Oh yea...that was fun! lol It was fun! I got exactly what I wanted! We first went to the bedding department at Sears. I saw sheets sets on sale for $24.99 for 310 thread count, and 100% Egyption cotton! YAY! Then I got a cover for my feather bed pillow. I really needed one. It's not fun to wake up and have down feathers on you in places that you don't know about! :o) Now, I won't! lol Then we went to the commons to eat lunch. It was time to leave, because I was really not feeling right. I was still hurting, even being in a wheel chair! Just like I would be if I were walking! So, since we parked in the Sears parking lot, we went back through Sears. I wanted to look at the summer night gowns. I found one on sale that I wanted. It was 100% cotton! Thats what I call, "comfy!" Then I wanted to look at the watches they had on sale. My other one just broke. I found one that would fit me. It happens to be a Minnie Mouse pink watch! lol It's very cute! lol :o) Then we finally got in the car. I was, by that time, in so much pain. I didn't even want to drive, because I knew I wouldn't be able to. We got home, and It took so long for me to get in the house! I had my cell with me, and I gave it to my daughter to call my son, that was in the house, to come out and help me in! Thats how long it took! She had enough time to call him! He finally came out and helped me. It took both of them to get me in! I was barely able to walk! :o( They got me in this room, and sat me down. They brought in all of my things for me. My son put the feather bed pillow cover on, then started to put my new sheets on. But, he had to get his things done before he went to work. So my daughter finished for me. I then just took that night gown I bought, and put it on where I sat. I just had to get my clothes off! It was around 1:30, and I took my noon pills. My daughter had to leave, to beat the traffic. So I huged her, and kissed her good bye. After that, I layed down for a nap. Boy was my bedcomfortable! :o) I have to go back out there to get more of those sheets. I recomend them to everyone! When I got up, my lower back, hips, and legs were still the same. :o( I used my walker to make it to the living room. I'm not liking this at all!!! I surely hope that all of this pain that I'm still having, isn't going to stay. It sure seems like it though. :o( It's just getting closer that I'm going to end up just using my wheel chair, instead of just my walker. :o( Oh well. Bye.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

What a day I had!

Wow! I had a pretty good day yesterday! :o) My daughter come and woke me up, and when she got up from a nap, we went to find a book I've been looking for, The 9/11 Commission Report. I let her drive my car to Wal Mart. I ask her to pull in at my favorite book store, just to see if they got anymore in. They did! YAY! :o) Then, I drove back home! Wow! I felt like I was "normal" again! I know now that I can drive again! It made me feel so good about myself. I haven't felt that good in so long! It was great! It was like riding a bike, I didn't forget how to drive or what to do. My daughter said that I drove like I used to. And that she was proud of me! So was I ! :o) Last night, my husband gave me some money to go get what I wanted for my birthday. And my daughter made me a cake! :o) So, today we are going to Kohls to see if they have what I want. I would like to check the mall first. But, I don't care, I'm just so happy right now, I don't want to ruin it. If I could bottle how I'm feeling right now, I'd be rich! :o) But, of course my fibromyalgia had to play a big part in yesterday as well. It always has to be around when I don't want it to. Of course my hips, my lower back, and my legs were hurting pretty bad last night. I had pretty big muscle cramps in my legs. I could look at my legs, and see how "lumpy" they both were. I did put them up to rest most of the night. I also tried rubbing them out. But I don't really know how. Needless to say, it didn't work. So far this morning, they seem to be about the same, and not any worse, which is good. I was a little worried that they would get worse, and then I wouldn't be able to go shopping today. So, my pain in those "still hurting areas," seem to be ok. But, I know how fibromyalgia is, it has to be 'the center of attention!" Then, BOOM! It hits without warning. Oh well. Not today. I think I'll be going now. Byeee!

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

I hope it goes well.

My daughter told me yesterday that she was going to come to visit me today. She did! :o) She came at 5:00 a.m.! She's in my bed right now sleeping. She had only 2 hours of sleep. She said that she wanted to surprise me, by coming early. :o) I couldn't believe it. I'm so glad to see her. It's been two weeks now. We both huged each other like there was no tomorrow. :o) I miss her so much. I really hope the visit goes well. She said she is staying until tomorrow. :o) It would be nice if I could talk her into staying longer. That would be a long shot. Last night, I was having a lot of problems breathing. My chest was even hurting. This cold/flu thing has really taken a toll on me! When I layed down last night in bed, my chest really started hearting. Besides all of the other stuff that is fibromyalgia pain. It's all still the same. I think that it's odd that I'm having the same pain for such a long time. I wonder if this means that its going to just stay. :o( Thats how everything else did. If it does, it does. Oh well. I've also been having some problems with my memory lately. :o( This is scaring me. My husband is now going to help me do my medications in my weekly boxes. I've been having trouble getting my medicine right. Thats not good. :o( I honestly really need to know whats happening to me. What else is going on? :o( Again, oh well. I'm going to go now. Bye.

Monday, August 23, 2004

A drab Monday morning.

I really don't like Mondays. everyone is away. My flu has gotten worse now. I hated doing it, but I had to call to cancel my appointment with my physical therapist. Now my chest is hurting. You know, It's wierd, but having a cold, or the flu, feels like it's something topical for me. If that makes since. Ok...The regualr pain I have everyday is something to be expected. It's a deeper pain. Having a cold or the flu, feels like the aches and pains that come with that, is on top of my regular pian. Oh well. I suppose only the people that have fibromyalgia understands what i write. Sometimes I don't! :o) Well, I found out something new yesterday. I can no longer open cans with an electric can opener. This sucks! Not only am I feeling just horrible with this flu, I am still having the same pains! This hasn't really happened like this before. I hope that doesn't mean anything. My lower back, hips, and legs are really making it very hard on me to walk, and get in and out of my bed. Just another thing to get used to. I'm really starting to feel like a burdon. This is not a good feeling at all. :o( I'm not one to rely on people, I was the one doing the helping. Well, I haven't heard from my daughter yet, so I have no idea if she is still going to come tomorrow for a visit. I hope she does. My husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday last night. lol Heck, I don't know! I gave it a lot of thought. I thought of a set of 300 or more thred count bed sheets! lol He just looked at me like I was nuts! I have problems with the "feel" of things, and It actually kind of hurts my skin. He said that he's going to have to get someone to go with him. lol Sears is having a sale on them. I suppose if I'm asked again, I'll just say anything made of cotton. New sheets, and P.J.'s! :o) I really don't want or need anything. Well...everyone already knows what "I" want. But it will never happen. Actually 2 things. It would be nice if the last one happened again. My daughter living with us again. So I can be able to help her out, and teach her more. I even still help out my son. He's doing great! :o) And I'm glad. Well...I need to go. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~POOF~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sunday, August 22, 2004

I can't believe it's still today!

I can't believe that it's still today! This has been such a long day! Geesh! I did all of my morning things that I need to do. I ate lunch, unless it was brunch! I wasn't at all feeling good. So I layed down for a nap. I woke up with my stomach hurting. I tried to lay in different positions to make it feel better, but no luck. So, I just got up. I was hoping that the nap would help make me feel a little bit better, but it didn't. My husband made homemade barb-b-q pork. It really smells good! But I'm half afraid to eat. He's been doing great with the cooking for me! I really appreciate it. :o) Thats a lot of the reasons why I like the weekends. I know he will be here, and he helps me. I'm not scared when he's here. Just scared on the week days. My hips and legs are still killing me! The pain has gone up to my lower back! It really hurts badly to try to walk. I have to take little baby steps. So, I am staying in only one place for now. :o( It's taking a lot of patients for this. I just want to scream! Why God? Why is this happening? I know He hears mine, and everyones elses prayers. But I also know He has His plans for me. I also know that my time and His time are different. I just would like to have one day of "normal." I know thats a lot to ask for. I would run first, then go hiking, then dance! :o) I can do all of those things in my dreams. :o( Oh well. I need to stop talking about it. This is my life, as it will be. There are days that I wonder what I did in my life so wrong that I'm being punished some how. Or, I should look at it as, maybe this will help someone else. I hope so. I'm getting worse every day. I can feel it, and see the difference. My legs are not the same looking. My lower part of my left leg, looks as if it is bending outwards. My right lower leg is doing the samething as well. Everything always starts with my left side. I don't know why. Oh well. I think I need to go now.

I just don't know anymore.

This is early Sunday morning. My sister left yesterday. I was glad she came over. After she left, I got so sick. I haven't been this sick in a long time. I could barely make it to the bathroom. It's no fun being sick when you can hardly walk. I vomited and had other non mentionables very bad. I was weak before, but got so much more weaker, I basically was dragging myself with my walker. My legs just would not work for me. When you get sick, you get weak, and then on top of an already weak person, it was pure hell to walk. I was going to get my wheelchair out. I was that bad. But then I thought that my husband could help me, and he did. Because afterwards, I just layed down, and fell asleep for a few hours. I'm tired of having this cold/flu thing. It's really getting the best of me, and I hardly had any of that left! I had the shakes already before I got sick. What a combination. My shoulders, lower back, hips, and my legs were also hurting before, as well. This is the first time for me to be in such a state, with the way I am now. I don't know what I would have done by my self. It's scary to think about. Afterwards, I was trying to walk to my living room. I was hurting so bad in my legs, lower back, and my hips that it made me cry. By the time I got seated, everything that was hurting was throbbing. My back, and hips, and my legs. The pain was getting so unbareable. I just sat there, because I wasn't able to walk on my own. My husband helped me to bed last night. I was glad. This morning, when I got up, I was able to go to the bathroom on my own. I still don't feel all that well yet. I have nothing planned for today, except for sleeping! I've got to get rid of this! My husband and I were talking about my car, last night. He wanted to know if my son could have it. I told him no, because I feel if I don't have something to work towards, what do I have then? I have to work on my self to fight this fibromyalgia! If thats taken from me, I don't know what I could work towards. I'm trying my hardest not to give up. I can't have my things taken away from me. They're mine to work towards. Oh well. I got an emali this morning from my daughter letting me know that her and her botfriends mom did go to that festival together. :o( I knew it. She had told me that she was going to come here for a visit. But then she couldn't come up. I guess it could be because her boyfriends mom can walk, and I can't. :o( They can go more places together. It would be nice if my daughter came back to live here again. Then I wouldn't be alone during the day. I don't blame her for wanting to have fun with someone that can walk on their own. But I can blame her for NOT wanting to come up here! And I do! I can't type anymore. Bye.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

I need to write a bit.

Well, I made it through another night. My hips and legs are still hurting. What else is new? It's 58 degrees out. Thats a good thing for me right now. I even have my air conditioner on right now as well. I don't want my muscles hurting anymore than they are. My sister spent the night with me last night. We watched Taking Lives. In my opinion, it was ok. Nothing scary like I thought it would be, in my opinion. I think my legs are getting so weak, that I've almost been falling. The seem to be "buckeling" under neath me. Then they make my ankles weak. Just like a domino affect. I can't even count how many times I almost fell yesterday. Oh well. Maybe I'll fall and just get it over with. My luck, I'll be bed ridden for the rest of my life. I've been noticing more and more, that my eyesight is really getting bad. Yesterday morning my right eye was seeing blurry. If that makes any since? It was like when your glasses steam up. I used the only eye drops I'm allowed to use, Hypo Tears, to kind of wash them out a bit. Nothing worked. Oh well. They seem fine this morning. I got up at 4:45. I guess thats not too bad. I'm going to try to start taking my own blood pressure. I can feel it going up and down. And I'm going to start recording it, like I do my blood sugar. My best friend gave me a new blood pressure cuff that works itself. I've tried it, but couldn't get it right. This time I will just try a little harder. :o) What have I got to loose? Good bye!

Friday, August 20, 2004

A little bit down in the dumps today.

Well, my daughter isn't going to come to visit me like she said. If I wouldn't have got on the computer when I did, I wouldn't have known. She was on line. She said now, maybe Tuesday. Then she had to get off line, because they were going to go to the Bellbrook Festival! They? Key word there! She can afford to go to a festival with someone else, but not be able to come here. :o( Thats a swift kick in the stomach! I should just tell her that Tuesday isn't good for me. I told her that I have $20.00 to give her when she got here. Oh well. :o( Life really can suck. Especially when I've heard every excuse to man kind from her. When she is down there living, I here them all! Yes, I do let her know how much it hurts me. But, it just goes right over her head. Everyone else is more important to her, then her own mother. I don't know why she doesn't realize that? It's not like I don't tell her these things! I told her that one day she will realize this, but it might be too late. Out!

Just because.

Thank God it's Friday! :o) This seemed to be a long week to me. Maybe because I'm not feeling very well. With all of that sleep I did yesterday, I still went to bed early, and got up at 4:30. Thats about 8 hours! YAY! I know I've been sleeping better since my mum came and fixed my bed for me! :o) She did it just the way I like it to be! :o) It's 5:45 a.m. right now, and it's 66 degrees out right now. Yesterday was hot to me. I guess it got up in the lower 80's. I was really hot. It made my legs hurt even more. :o( The pain in my left side of my hip and my left leg woke me up this morning. :o( I suppose I'm going to have to get used to pain in my hips now. It hasn't gone away, so I guess that means it's going to stay like everything else. :o( That figures. My shoulders are in pain as well. It feels like my arms weigh at least 50 pounds each. It feels like they are pulling on my shoulders. I can't put them both in slings. I diffently don't want to be stuck in bed for awhile either. There's no one here that could help me while I'm in bed. I know it would also take most of the swelling down in my legs. But who likes to be stuck in bed? Not me! :o( I think I'll take my shower early this morning. No one is up then, and I like the privacy. Well, it's only my son, but when he's up, he'll have laundry to do, and I want to shower before he uses all the water up. :o) I'm glad that he does his own laundry, that helps a lot. I have my room tempreture at 64 degrees in here. I still feel hot. Oh well. I even have a summer gown on. I could have a fever. I just thought of that! lol duh! :o) Well, I'm going for now. Shows Over! 

Thursday, August 19, 2004

What a day!

What a day this was! I slept through most of it! I remember getting up at 8:30 a.m. and having my coffee. I took my medicine, and played a few games. At around 10:00 a.m. I layed down, because I was feeling as if I had a bunch of weight pushing down on me. Just generally, not feeling very well. I also have the "shakes" again today. I woke up at around 3:45 p.m.! Wow! I think my cold is making me feel down and out! I hate having a cold. This is the third time around, of having it! When someone in the house gets a cold, then I get it, and if someone else gets it, I get it again! Thats whats happening! lol Darn it! :o) Besides having the shakes, and not feeling very good, my legs are still hurting me. My hips are also. If I walk to far, then my lower back kicks in too. Geesh! Enough is enough! We are having a storm right now. But that one thing that doesn't affect me. Neither does humidity. It's my muscles that ache, not my bones. The humidity, and a storm, just makes it harder for me to breath. I talked to my daughter, and she said that she can come up this weekend! I can't wait. It's been a few weeks since I've seen her. :o) My sister came over yesterday to see if I needed anything done, or help with anything. That was so nice of her! I really appreciated that! :o) My father in law fixed the breaks on my car! YAY!!! Now I'll be able to drive if I need to. :o) It's been months since I last drove! It just makes me feel better knowing that it's out there, if I really do need to use it. I don't feel so stuck here now. I need to go. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*BYEEE~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Not now!

I went to bed last night at 2:30. I got up at 8:00. Thats ok. My left shoulder is really acting up this morning. And so is my right ankle and foot. Kind of odd. My legs are still bothering me a lot. I can't really walk all the well anymore. I do get around the house though. Slow, but I get there, sooner or later. :o) Last night, my jaw's were hurting. I just got upper false teeth about 2 1/2 months ago. They really aren't the right size of teeth. I'm not able to bite anything, and my teeth set differently now. I looked in the mirror as I was washing my hands this morning. I noticed that on both sides of my face is like melding together! Meaning...it looks like on bothe sides, I have lost my jaw line!!!! NO!!!! I don't have the money to go back to get new teeth! But, I will call the dentist to let him know. :o( When it rains, it pours! And I think I'm standing in a flood right about now then. I still haven't heard from my daughter. I do hope things are ok. I hope I can get a nap in today. I know for a fact, that will help me feel better. This no sleep thing is killing me. I wish I knew why it's starting back up again. I'll just have to work with it. Sleep when I need to, and can. They may be odd hours, but, at least I'll be sleeping. Thats how I see it anyways. I just can't stay up for nothing, or nobody. When it's my nap time, then I need to take my nap. Plain and simple. I can't stay up, then it messes with me and takes me to where I am now, not sleeping at all!!! Well...I guess that be all for now! :o)

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

The good, The bad, and The ugly!

It's 11:36 p.m. right now. I'm up because I can't sleep. I don't know why this is starting up again. It makes everything I have, worse, and elavated 10 times! I did, however, have a great afternoon! My mum and my sister came over. :o) My mum put clean sheets on my bed for me, and made it all up, and my sister washed the dirty ones for me! Wow! :o) Then mum did the dishes, and my sister did the living room! Cool! :o) I just couldn't beleive it! It all is so nice. Especially my bed! lol I'm like The Princess and The Pea! I can feel every little wrinkle. It has been fixed now. :o) I really love my sister and my mum a lot! I wrote an email to my daughter. I seen that she got it, but she hasn't responded yet. I probably pissed her off again. What else is new. All I did was write the truth to her. Sometimes it hurts to know the truth. But, she needs to be adult enough to take it, listen, and then talk about it. So far, nothing. That does tell me a lot. My husband bought super tonight at KFC. That hit the spot. :o) Big Brother 5 was on, and then the Amazing race! So I had my night planed out. lol What else is there for me to do! :o) Before that, Grease was on, so I watched a bit of it. :o) I love that movie. I thought of my daughter the whole time. When she was younger, she would sing all the songs from the movie! :o) I loved it! I even have some of it on tape. :o) Now I'm going to have to get it out, and watch them. :o) I'm going now. I love you Nena. I love you mum and Tracy! :o) Thank you for the great day!

God only knows why.

Well...I really have no idea what today is. I woke up thinking my husband was here. But, he's at work. I hate it when I wake up, and not know anything. I couldn't get to sleep last night, until 4:30! I just got up at 8:00! Great, what a way to start out my day! I have nothing planed for today. I'm glad, because I still feel really confused right now. I see that I don't have any sticky notes up, so I guess there isn't anything important today. This part of fibromyalgia I can live with out as well. It's a scary feeling. I just feel that I exist. Then, add the pain along with this! What a mix this is! Being in pain, and confused, what a combination! Yea...there's no accidents in that combo! When I went to the bathroom, I fell up against the wall! I'm thankful it was our smallest bathroom! My hips and legs are still in pain, along with the shoulders. Nothing has changed. I still have that cold. ggggrrrr! I'm also taking cold medicines. I suppose what I need to do today is to try to make my bed. It hasn't been made since my daughter left. I can't do it, because of the rails, and because it takes more then one person. So, I sleep in a very messy bed, and I can't stand it. The sheets really need to be changed. Oh well. Thats just a small problem. You know, my husband and I were talking last night. What we don't understand is how come the kids do not see the fact that I NEED their help?! Why don't they? It does not make since! They only see it (through rose colored glasses) when they need something from me! Other than that, they don't. And, it hurts my feelings a lot. I've said it before, I have kids that would put me in a home, before they would take care of me! Thinking that it would be best for me. They don't realize how much it sits me back mentally to see this! It's absolutly killing me! And it is. :o( I honestly don't know why I even want to try to get any better. What for? I don't have a life anymore. Today, all I'm going to do, is play a few games on line, take my pills, and try to get some sleep so I can get rid of this nasty cold. Cool day I have....huh?!

Monday, August 16, 2004

Oh forget IT!!!!

It's 48 out this morning. Oh well. This is Monday, and I absolutly hate Mondays! I feel so alone. Thats because my husband goes back to work. And my son works. I did, however, get an email from my daughter. I really miss her too. Oh well...too bad she didn't realize what she had here. They never do. I shouldn't have ever said that I was glad that I was diagnosed while my children were grown. Nope....I would like to change that. If they were still in junior high school, then it would be so much better. I have my sling on, because my left shoulder is hurting still this morning. My hips, and legs are really bad. I'm going to ask my therapist about my hips. I can hardly walk anymore. It doesn't really matter anymore if I can or not. My nerves are just litterly shot to hell this morning! Today is "piss and moan" day for me. I'm allowed to have them. :o) My nerves bothering me, sure doesn't help the pain any! I wish I had a stress free life. Wouldn't that be nice!? :o) Uh....yea....right! Today is my bestfriends birthday, and I don't have anything to give to her. :o( She's always getting me things. All I have to give her is just me! :o) lol I could call her on the phone and sing happy birthday to her! lol Going now! ~*~*~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Need to release #2.

Well, it's later in the day now. My hips are hurting again, and my legs. I'm having problems walking again. Oh well. It's nothing new to me, anymore. In fact, I'm so used to having pain everyday now, of my life, it seems to be expected! I received an email from my daughter this morning. I just can't get it out of my head. She tells me that her boyfriend had called her a few times over the weekend. Good. But now, instead of being Court Martialed, he told her that he just "broke the law!" Because he painted the Commander's office. I'm asking everyone that reads this, wouldn't you know what you did, or even what the Army is going to do to you, and why? I'm very confused here. Because I think the person would know! I hope to get some answers. Thank you. :o) I can't believe the hurricane that Florida had! I have family down there! I hope that they are alright! No one has heard yet if they are. My husband called to see. This weather here is so not August weather! It's been like fall weather! Right now it's 69 degrees out! It has been this way all week, and the forcaster's say that the coming week will be the same way! Personally, I kind of like it! Because it isn't so hot that it makes my muscles hurt. :o) So, they just hurt on their own now. I wonder what fall will be like now! :o) It says all about this in the Bible! Hmmm! My husband is out side cooking on the grill again! We are having pork chops tonight. :o) Sounds good to me! He took our dog for a walk in the park this morning, and he said that she sniffed around this tall grass, and then rolled in it! She's been acting different all day now! Her hair on her back is all sticky. She's also been very "vocal" all day as well. She hasn't done that in awhile. I hope she's alright. I don't know what I'd do without her. She always watches over me. :o) I suppose I feel better now. I just really needed to get a few things off of my chest. bye.

Need to release.

I got up early this morning. It figures, because I have a lot on my mind. I'm almost on over load. That just might be one of the reason's for some of my pain. Who knows? My left shoulder is really hurting this morning. My legs are killing me! Last night, I could hardly walk. This morning, it seems that they're going to be the same today as well. Oh joy! Plus, I still don't feel good again. I just had a hard cramping "spell" going all over my left leg! OUCHIE! I kind of need to release some of the things that are on my mind this morning, and I hope you don't mind. It's called, "Therapy for Lisa!" This has to do with my daughter. Oh gee, imagine that! When my daughter left, on the 5 of this month, she told me that she would be back on the following Sunday. She's still not home! I don't understand. She say's it's because of her boyfriend. She wants to stay with his mom, and wait on his phone calls. She did that here?! I don't know what the difference is. Again, I allowed her to hurt me again. I should know better by now. I need to go now. This is a very touchy subject for me right now. Bye.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

........and again!

Yes, I have gotten that stupid cold/flu thing all over again! Great! Just what I need right now. I didn't hear from my daughter yesterday. :o( I wish she would listen to me that being Court Martialed is a bad thing! Her boy friend is in Army boot camp. He got Court Martialed! I called her the other day to try to talk to her to let her know that it isn't a good thing to be Court Martialed! She didn't even want to listen to me. I tried. And I did my best, and thats all I can do. :o( Well nothing out of the ordinary has happened. Thats good, I'm begining to hate surprises! They're not fun anymore. Today, my back is killing me. Of course my legs are too...we can't leave them out! My shoulders are still hurting. I'm just so tired of it all! :o( This is a very frustrating disease! It really tests you! Last night, my best friend came over, and we all watched, Old School! It's a funny movie! lol Then I went to bed. I did, however, got enough sleep. I slept 8 and a half hours last night. It's about time too. One good thing through the night, I actually got up to go to the bathroom! YAY! I didn't once urinate myself! YAY! I'm tired of that as well. I haven't been out of this house since me and my daughter went to Wal Mart. It doesn't matter anymore. I think I'll go for now.

Friday, August 13, 2004

I just don't understand this at all!

Today is Friday. My husband took today off of work! YAY! I feel safer when he's here. :o) I still think I'm getting that cold/flu back again. Great! :o( I'm having the same old pains today. So why type them in? Yesterday, I took a nap. When I woke up, I noticed that my right eye felt weird when I would blink. Being it was my right eye, I found it more odd. I can't lay on my right side. I can only lay on my back, or my left. I got up and went to the bathroom to get a wash cloth to wash my eyes off with cool water. OMG! I was horrified! I've never in my life seen anything like it! My right eyes lower lid was turned in, and in where my eye is! It had to have been at least 3/4 of my lower lid, and more! I had to pull it out! OMG! I was in a panic and freak out way! I started to really get anxious! I still washed my eyes with cool water. My husband was home, and he heard me freak out! I showed him, and my eye ball was all red, and so was the skin that was in there! My eye was also swollen! I've never ever seen, nor heard of anything like that! There was no way that I could have done that while I was sleeping! I can't even put my arm up that high! It was such a nightmare! The rest of the night, I couldn't feel my eye! It was numb, and I couldn't feel me blinking either. That whole situation seemed to come out of a Twilight Zone episode! If anyone else has had this happen to them, or knows someone that this has happened to, could you please let me know? I don't know if it is because of the fibromyalgia. I just don't understand it. This whole thing with fibromyalgia, is scary to me. It's because of me loosing things that I used to be able to do. It takes from you, and doesn't give back. Thats what I've noticed so far. ~*~*~*~*~Toodles~*~*~*~*~*

Thursday, August 12, 2004

I can still laugh!

This is Thursday August 12. This morning my left leg woke me up. :o( It was really bothering me last night. That stupid pain that shoots down my right leg is now doing it to my left leg! Oh joy! That really hurts, and it's a pain that is like a nerve type. If this makes since. It's like there is an electrical cord in both legs, and sometimes it just shocks me very bad! I really don't know how else to describe it. All I know is that it hurts so bad, that it makes me stop what ever I'm doing, and grab my leg! The usual pain that I've been having still! It has to go away some day! If it doesn't, I won't know what to do. Oh well. Last night, my best friend came over. She's always made me laugh! I love it! In the evening I'm a little more with it then in the afternoons. We watched An old movie that actually scared us when we first seen it way back in the 70's! Motel Hell! We laughed all the way through it this time! lol boy was it funny! And I can't believe that it scared me then! lol :o) Since we've seen it before, it got to a part that was very predictable, so we went to the kitchen for snacks! lol :o) Then, coming back in, it didn't even seem like we missed a thing! lol Very comical! It felt so good to laugh like that! :o) I also need to get ahold of my daughter today. I really hope that she will listen to something very important. If not, something bad could go wrong. :o( I deffintaly don't want that to happen to her. :o( Well.....Out a here!

Wednesday, August 11, 2004


Well, I made it to Wednesday! YAY! I got some sleep, but I keep waking up so early! I just don't know why. I go to bed at the same time every night. I'm still having problems with my legs. They seem to not want to work right anymore. I really have to consentrate when I walk. I know that must sound weird. Because it does to me too. I guess no matter what, it seems that I'm going to always have this problem. I still try to stand, and walk on my own, and I still can't! I feel like I'm being erased away! If that makes since. I've noticed yesterday, that I still try to act like nothing is bothering me when someone is here! Why do I do that?! I've got to learn not to do that! because then I really hurt afterwards. I suppose when I'm around other people, I want to be normal like I used to be. Well, my kind of normal. My knee pain is what woke me up this morning. I was also having a bad dream again. I've been having bad dreams for the last few days now. I have parainsomnia as well. Thats where the brain is still active even when you are asleep. Like sleep walking accurs, and sitting up in bed talking, or reinacting things while you are sleeping. Just weird stuff. Well, I've been doing the talking and reinacting my dream while I wake up. And they aren't nice dreams. Actually I don't remember all of them. At least my sleep specialist stopped me from sleep walking! Good Greif! If I did that now, I would really be in trouble! One good thing, I didn't urinate myself! YAY! :o) I hope I'm wrong, but it kind of feels like I'm getting that cold/flu thing back again! I sure hope I'm wrong. My husband got it, and now I think I might have got it back from him! :o) lol Thats just the way it is here! Geeesh! I'm going to leave now....bye!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Couldn't sleep again......!

This is Tuesday morning. I couldn't sleep again. I know, what's new?! My physical therapist came yesterday. This massage therapy hurt so bad. But, afterwards I feel some relief. She told me how swollen my back and shoulders are. I already know that one. She told me that my legs were swollen as well. Again, I know that one too. This time, with out me asking her to, she massaged my hands for me. Boy did that feel good! She must have noticed something, because she wouldn't have done that if there wasn't. It did feel good. I'm going to ask her if she could keep doing that, because it did seem to help my hands somewhat. Even on the bottoms of my feet, there were small muscle cramping. Now that hurt a bit, but again, it felt a little better after she rubbed them. :o) Yes, I'm still having the same old problems that I mentioned below. Nothing has changed. If I could get more sleep, I know that would help as well. But, I know why I'm not getting any right now. I just have so much on my mind that just will not go away! I woke up at 4:00 this morning. It would be nice if I could get a nap in today. I know that would help me a lot. Oh well. I already have a feeling that I probably won't today. There's just too much stress I'm going through right now, and It's effecting my sleep. How do I get rid of it? I do relaxation techniques. This is just my life, as I know it. I know how to solve it, but I would hurt my daughter in the long run. She's living a lie with her boyfriends mom! It's killing me to see this! I told her yesterday that she needs to tell her the truth. She is living on a lie. I feel that she needs to tell his mom. Because if she finds out from someone else, she won't be happy about it! Oh well, it's her life, if she wants to live that way, then so be it.  

Monday, August 9, 2004

Just to write.

Today is Monday. I finally got some sleep last night. 8 and a half hours! Thats great! I really needed that. I can't wait until my physical therapist comes. Well, I know it's going to hurt pretty bad this time, but, I need the massage. I have some new places that really need the rub down. I was able to take a nap yesterday. That helps me as well. I haven't done anything lately, being that my daughter isn't here anymore. So, I know I haven't hurt myself by going out. Just stupid fibromyalgia. I noticed something new last night, that I can't do anymore. I was just talking to my husband, and I was going to hold up 2 fingers. Well, I know now that I'm now not able to do that anymore. :o( My hands aren't much use to me anymore. At least I can still type. I'm not going to say what else will happen. I don't want to even know the answer to that. I find out on my own every day. :o( I still can't beleive how much this has taken from me. Does having fibromyalgia take from anyone else like this? Please tell me. I would like to know. It makes me feel so alone. Soon, it seems that I will have to depend on others for everything I need to do. I'm almost there now. Oh well. Thats my life as it is now.

Sunday, August 8, 2004

I'm in a lot of pain...but not physical. :o(

What a day this turned out to be! I still haven't got any sleep yet. I'm still having all of the stupid pain I was having when I woke up! My daughter was suppose to come back home today! My husband was right when he said last Thursday that she wouldn't come back. :o( I would love to know what these people have over her! What ever this woman says, My daughter does it! I just can't believe it! I actually lied for her! I told the woman that my daughter had that affair with Nick in January! She didn't! It was right when she got here! She told me and others that she wanted to date, because she still wasn't sure about Jeremy! I have a mind to tell that woman the truth! I don't know why I even did something like that! I feel like someone just kicked me in the stomach! I had to call my daughter to find out when she was coming home! She didn't call me, even though she knew yesterday! What happened to my daughter and her respect to me?! I can see the change already. In her voice, you can hear the "I don't care about you right now," because I'm just thinking of myself right now! I'm in too much pain from this stupid fibromyalgia for her to sh*t on me like this! Well....Whatever!

No sleep again, and the pain isn't stopping!!!

This is Sunday morning, early morning! I went to bed at 11:30, I woke up at 12:30, and then at 1:30! The last time I woke up, I just got up! That was 2:30! No wonder my pain threshold is weak! Last night, my hips were hurting very badly! Thats a first that they are now hurting! Then of course my legs. I had pain shooting down from my knee to my foot, on my right leg! Boy did that hurt! What is going on?! At that point, I should have used my wheel chair! But my husband helped me to get around. :o) I just stayed in one place. He made a very nice dinner for just the both of us. :o) It was a surprise! He bought corn on the cob, and steaks! Then he grilled the steaks, and he did everything himself! :o) It felt so nice to have just the two of us for dinner! What a nice surprise it was! It was great too! I know I ate way too much, but it was so good! He said he did too! lol We both needed something like that to just break through our stresser's. We both have enough stress! Even when I had my feet and legs propped up, the pain was still there in my right leg. And of course the pain hasn't went away yet from my hips! I really don't know what to do about that pain. It's another new one! Boy..they keep popping up all the time now! I'm not liking these surprises! Not the pain! So, I just got up! Maybe I'll be able to go back to bed in a little while. My daughter is coming back today. I can't wait for that! :o) I really miss her being here. Her and my son make me laugh! They are too funny! :o) I think I'm going to go play a few games for now. Bye!

Saturday, August 7, 2004

No Sleep!

I got up this morning at 4:00! I went to bed at 12:00! I just couldn't get to sleep, then I wake up that early?! I know my neck was hurting pretty bad last night. I didn't want to ask My husband to rub it because it would be hard to explain where to rub. If that makes since. I layed in bed with that hurting, my legs and my back, and my shoulders. What a combination! I thought I would wake up with a migrane! Because the pain in my neck felt as if it was moving up to my head. :o( Thank God I didn't.I'd rather get less sleep then have a migrane! It's nice and cool out this morning. It's 54. :o) I doubt that it will get too hot today. :o) My calves are still so "flexed!" I keep stretching them out, and it's not working! My legs look all bulked up. My left leg last night was so tight, I couldn't get it straitened out to put it up! I push it, and the pain was so bad, it made me sick to my stomach! But, I made it straight! I'm not sure if I should do that or not, but I did anyway. Well, I'm going for now. bye!

Friday, August 6, 2004

Still in pain with my legs.

It's still Friday. I just got up from a nap. My legs are really still hurting me. :o( I've even been stretching them. When I got up, I noticed that I had urinated myself again. I'm so glad that I do wear those pads. That is so embarresing. :o( Just thankfully, there was a load of laundry that needed to get done, so I threw my pants and panties in the wash. I also woke up with the shakes again. If it's not one thing, it's another. Sometimes there are days were having this really gets to me! It's still hard to except! Today would have been a good day to go hiking with my friend. But I can't. Only in my mind I can. I think thats why I get the way I do at times. All I'm able to do is sit here, and play games on the computer, or watch t.v.! It kind of gets to me after awhile. I honestly don't mean to be angry about it, it just happens when I least expect it. Now my left shoulder and elbow are hurting me as well. Oh joy! I'll put it in the sling when I'm done. It's really hot in this room right now. I only had the fans on when I layed down. It's 71 out now. I had to put the a/c on, and the fans. It's starting to cool down a bit. Maybe thats why I'm in pain? The heat in here. Who knows?! I don't feel so good right now. It's not a cold or flu thing. I hope I'm over that. I just have this burning pit in my stomach. I'm alone. I hate this feeling. I feel very bad for something I said about a week ago to someone special to me. I am so sorry about that. I really don't like the way I feel. I need to go now! ~*~*~*~*~*~*POOF*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Just because.

Thank God it's Friday! Well at least it will be a good weekend. So far, this whole week has been painful in many ways. I'm still in a lot of pain this morning. So far, theres nothing new that hurts. :::crossing my fingers::: My physical therapist massaged my legs, and it hurt so bad. My calves especially! MAJOR OUCHIE! And my shoulders! When she was rubing my back, it had a lot of muscle's that were all cramped up as well! I just don't understand this disease! Again, after she leaves, the pain comes back the way it was before she came! But at least it's a little bit of releve! When she was massaging the bottoms of my feet, I felt little mucsle cramps in both of them too. More so in my right foot. How is this all possible?! I was able to take a nap yesterday. I knew if I didn't, I would be in more pain then I was. Taking naps really does help. Thats why I try my best to get one in every day. If I can't, I know that the evening is going to be a rough one for me. Pain wise. Oh well. My daughter left yesterday. Thats another pain that I'm going through as well. She told me that she will be back on Sunday. I hope she keeps her word. I miss her so much already! :o( It's really hard for me when she's not here. She helped me so much during the day. If she seen something that needed to be done, she did it with out me having to ask her. Meaning helping me. She knows me that well. She would help me to bed if I was dizzy, so I wouldn't fall. She would remind me of things, instead of me using my post-it-notes! She was my witness to anything that went wrong during the day. If anything happened to me, she helped me out by telling my husband. Oh well. Now...this I find kind of weird! lol I seen a mouse run past the t.v. in our living room! Imagine that in August! I had no idea the my daughter was afraid of them! Because I was trying to find it, and get it out of were it was. She started screaming, so I stopped! LOL So, we have a mouse in the house in August! Thats funny! :o) Right now it's 52 degrees out side! Cold! But, I sure like it! The only thing that is hurting me right now are my legs. Thats a good thing for me. It shouldn't get too much hotter today. Which is another good thing for me. That way, my muscles shouldn't hurt me as badly. I wonder if anyone else has that problem? Does the heat bother your muscles? What makes your muscles feel better when they are all cramped up? I know for me, I have to be in a temprature controled inviroment. At least 70 degrees. If it gets hotter than that, I get worse. I know I freeze everyone out, but I have to have it that way. I'm going for now.....Shows Over!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2004

An OUCHIE day.

This morning when I woke up, my calves were still "flexed" again! I couldn't walk last night! The muscles in my legs are so tight, it makes it hard to walk! My shoulders are still pretty bad. Now my back is hurting me also! What a day this turned out to be. My physical therapist came this morning and gave me the massage. She was very surprised at my legs. This is just a part of my life! I've been this way for about 5 days now. I'm "suppose" to try NOT be stressed, and get enough sleep! Yea...right! How? I'm trying to have less stress, and get more sleep, but, gee....life is stressful! Plus, my daughter left this morning to stay with her boyfriends mom until Sunday. I have a feeling that she'll either not come home, or, call me to let me know that Jeremy is there, and she will see me when she can. I'm also trying not to let that get to me as well. Just more piled up on me. I try to use this journal to make me feel better by getting things off my chest, but I've had things that I write, upset people. So, I bought a program to write in also. It seems to be a really nice day out. It's just 75 degrees, and sunny! :o) Perfect weather! I'm getting ready to lay down and take a nap. One of the medicines I take has made me very dizzy. I told my doctor, and he said that it's ok. So, I've been dizzy for awhile now, maybe a month. I'm going for now. ~*~*~*~*~*POOF~*~*~*~*~* 

Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Do I have to answer that?! lol :o)

Today is Wednesday. Yesterday I made a point to just take it easy. Again, I wore myself out by pushing myself too hard when I was able to get out. When I do get out, I think the reason I do push myself, is because I still think that I can do more than I can. But, I soon pay for it though! OUCHIE! My calves on both legs are hurting me so badly, it's very hard to even walk. They are both "flexed" and in a big ball! I tried stretching them the day before, and it didn't help. It usually does. I must have really worked them too hard. Plus it being so hot out doesn't help matters either. It does make my muscles worse. They cramp up so bad. I have my air a/c on and both fans! It's 72 out already! It's hot in here as well. Well, according to me it is. I get so over heated on the inside too. I don't know if thats part of fibromyalgia. I didn't have any hives this morning when I woke up. So I suppose that means it was something that just happened because of being upset. I get hives, and nerve "bumps" when I get upset. This morning, besides my calves, my shoulders still are hurting me, and my thighs. My left I isn't all red anymore. I used a lot of eye drops to help both of my eyes. Because they bothe were also hurting. I know it may sound weird, but, my eye balls hurt at times. And it hurts to even move them. I went to have them checked last year by a neuro-opthamologist. He said that I had nerve damage behind both eyes. So, maybe thats why they hurt at times. And, I can only use an eye moisturizer or fake tears. I'm not suppose to use something like visene or anything like that. Plus, I've been under a lot of stress in the past few days as well. My daughter is leaving tomorrow to go down south to her boyfriends mom's house. I have a feeling she isn't going to be back. She told me that she would be back on Sunday, but I don't think so, because her boyfriend is suppose to be home on the 9th I think. :o( I don't know what I'm going to do without her here. Oh well. My mom called me last night to check up on me. I told her about my calves, but other than that, I told her that I was fine. I don't like to tell her too much because then she worries. She doesn't need to worry right now because of my sister and her husband. I got up a little too early this morning. But thats ok. I'll just have a longer day. I would like to take some photo's before my daughter leaves tomorrow. But, the way I feel, I know that I can't get out today! It would really do me in! Thats life for me! Besides, my legs wouldn't make it, I have a hard enough time walking around the house! Boy.....I'm starting to feel my thighs cramp up already! YIKES! I hope this isn't a sign of what today will be like. I bet it is, though. Oh joy! Now my whole legs are killing me! I'm going to go now! Bye!

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

The way I'm feeling today.

Today is August 3. I didn't sleep very well at all last night. It seemed as thought I was waking up every hour on the hour. Not good. :o( My eyes are still swollen today as well. I woke up yesterday with both of them swollen, my left eye being the worse. My left I hurt so bad. My eye was all red, and I could feel it when I moved it. I bought more eye drops. But, it hasn't helped as of this morning. It could be from crying all night, the night before. After getting home yesterday from shopping for the rest of my monthly supply's, I really thought I was going to pass out from the heat! Right now it's 71 out! Already! I'm so glad that I got my shopping done when I did! :o) I woke up with that hive on my neck again! I have no clue as to why I am getting it. If I had more then just that one, then I could understand. It goes away after a few hours. Weird! My friend that I correspond with was upset to learn that I had to delete my last journal. I bought a writing program yesterday so I could write privately, but, I was allowed to have a journal again. So now I have both. I have to write to get things off of my chest, and I can't write anymore with my hands, so I needed something that I could use to type with. So, I have my journal back. :o) My leg muscles hurt a lot today as well. Of course, so do my shoulders. I just don't understand why. This disease is so hard for me to understand. To much happens all at once, even when you don't use that muscle, it can still hurt very bad. For the last few days, I've been having a lot of muscle spams. Ok....lets just go from head to toe, of what is giving me troubles. :o) My eyes, they hurt plus my eye sight is more blurred now, my shoulders, my thighs, and my calves, and my back. Oh, and my right foot and ankle. Yes, both of my legs are still swollen. Again, I have no idea why. Especialy when I sleep with the bottom part of my bed up, and I keep my legs up at all times when I'm sitting. I have them on a stool right now. Who knows! :o( One day this all should make since to me. I'm hoping anyways! Again yesterday when my physical therapist was here, my mom was too. She told my mom that after she had gave me that massage, she still beleives that there is something more wrong with me, and it seems to her that it has gotten worse. Too bad she's not a doctor! She did ask me if I had the muscle and nerve tissue biopsy yet. She said to ask my doctor if he could do it soon. I just said ok. It turns my stomach though to even think about that. But, if it will tell the doctor something, I will do it in a heart beat! Well, I'm really getting over heated again, so I have to stop writing. Good bye! :o)

Monday, August 2, 2004

I really need to!

Today is August 2. I had a pretty bad morning. When my physical therapist came, she said that my muscles were very tight. I already knew that one! :o) I've been under more stress lately, so I know thats why. Both of my shoulders hurt me so badly this morning it made me cry for her to even touch them. I did wear the sling on my left arm. But that doesn't really massage my muscles in my shoulders like they really needed. Oh well. Thats part of my life. It kind of sucks! I went to Staples today with my daughter. Then we went to Wal Mart again. It was so nice to be able to get out again. But, today was 93 degrees! Yikes! When I got home, I felt like I was going to pass out! I just sat in front of my fan to cool down. I haven't been able to eat much in the last few days, and I checked my blood sugar last night. I didn't eat anything yesterday, and it was 184! Thats getting a bit too high! But...So what! I think I'll go now....~*~*~*~*~*~POOF~*~*~*~*~*