Sunday, September 30, 2007

This is the entry I was going to post the day I fell...but didn't because I needed to log.

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not.I have to be careful, apparently someone are way too obsessed with 'my' life. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


Good morning! In hopes that this finds all of you with no or very little pains today!

Sorry about the long subject/title. I was going to write about this the day I fell. It is to answer a few questions about some things in my life.....from a comment a dear friend of mine wrote. :o) It might explain a bit more of why I am the way I am to this very day. was too young for me to have to have a total hysterectomy because of uterine cancer at the age of 22.
When I was growing up, ( I think I've written about this before ) my mom remarried a man that I did not like! I was 4 years old. Even at that young of an age, I could 'feel' he was a 'bad' person. I remember crying to my mom to please not marry him! But, who's going to listen to a 4 year old about something like that?
After they married, we moved from Troy to here in Piqua. ( Ohio ) We lived in the bottom floor of an appartment. And elderly lady lived above us. new step dad was an alcaholic! I wasn't used to being around such evilness! That is just a word that I can only think of to describe him and my feelings towards him.
He would go out and sit in the bars at night and pick up other women! Then my mom had to get me up out of bed so she could go and get him from these women's houses....and help get him in the house and to bed! To me, that had become a 'normal' life. I thought that was the way it was when you got married, because I didn't remember when she was married to my father, I was only months old when they divorced.

Now....this is when it all started to happen. Since I was the only child at that time and was not his child, he started to abuse me! It started with verbal, and then when my mom would be gone someplace and I was there alone with him, he would tell me, "Now your mom isn't here to protect you!" Thats when the beatings started. I didn't tell my mom. Then she had my sister. I was so happy to have a sister. We moved to a house and the beatings got worse. He would yell at me for laughing and then grab me by whatever he could grab on me, legs, arms and beat me and then throw me across the room. I landed where I just landed! I remember how much it hurt. It was always when my mom wasn't there. Then we moved again and my mom had my other sister. I remember him coming in my bedroom at nights and doing things to me. He told me not to tell anyone especially my mom! I hated to go to bed, because I knew what was going to happen. I would have much rather had the verbal abuse then the sexual abuse. I got both though. All of this went on for years.

Now I'm moving ahead a bit.....I was 15 when I told my mom what I had gone through ever since she married him. She kicked him out for about 3 months. They got back together! Because I told, my life was so much worse now! All of the abuse that he did to me became an everyday event! I was just 'used' to it. I felt so dirty. I wondered what I did to make him treat me in such a way. I was 16 and he actually started beating me in front of my mom! After he had thrown me across the dinning room, he drew back with his fist to hit me in the face, and out of the blue, my mom stopped his fist from hitting my face. That was the last time he hit me. Then all he did to me was the verbal abuse.
Now....moving on.....
When I went to my doctor for my check ups, he told me that my body was so much older than it should be! I didn't know what he meant by that. He also told me that I had the spine of an 80 year olds! It all came down from all of the beatings and being thrown. My body was damaged way beyond to be 'fixed.'
Then at 18, I had my son. I was told that I couldn't have anymore babies because of my uterus wouldn't be able to hold another baby. At 21, I had my daughter! I call her my miricle baby. I almost lost her somany times! After having her, I had my tubes tied. Then when I was 22, they found that I had cancer starting on my uterus! So, I had to have a hysterectomy when I was 22! Yes....all doctors couldn't believe what a mess my body was in. After the birth of my daughter, is when I started having the symptoms of MS and Fibromyalgia. My neurologist that I had at that time just told me that it was all in my head! After years of trying to get someone to listen to me on what was going on with me and my body, I was finally diagnosed with the Fibromyalgia! I found another doctor and he found that I had Osteoporosis and Osteoarthritis in my spine! He told me that my spine was much older than what it should be! This was so many years later! I was in my late 30's then! He asked me if I had ever been abused....I told him yes. Well....because of all the abuse and beatings I took...basically ruined my body! Plus, being anorexic didn't help my bones and body either.
So....this is how/why my body and health has deminished as it has. I'm now 44 years old and I have the bones and body of an 80 year old!

Sorry this is a long entry....but I felt the need to explain the 'why' I was so young to have the hysterectomy and having so much illnesses. I was abused in every way you can think of and my young body could only take so much. He damaged me!
I hope what I wrote made sense and maybe kind of helped for you to understand why my body is doing so many different things that it shouldn't be at the age that I am. I have forgiven him years back for what he had done to me. I had to move on in my life. And I did! :o) He can not and will not ever hurt me ever again!
I know that my beliefs and having God to turn to, is what saved my life many times! :o) I also feel that what has happened to whole life...was for a reason. God doesn't give you what you can't handle! And I also feel that these illnesses were also given to me for a reason as well. I think thats why I've never said, "Why me?" I am the opposite....I look at it as there is a reason and I'm going to do all I can to help others as best as I can! I will continue fighting and continue to help others! :o) I guess what I endured throughout my life, is what has given me the strength to do this and having God with me as well! :o)

Thank you! Just Thank You for all of you for just being you and being my friends! :o) I'm sending you all so many hugs! :o) God bless all of you! :o)


Saturday, September 29, 2007

Picture of new canes/My day.....

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not.I have to be careful, apparently someone are way too obsessed with 'my' life. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


I found a picture of my new canes on a web I didn't take a picture yet of mine, which look just like these.

They really do help me with my balance and walking. :o)

I'll take a picture of mine when I take some pictures of the new sink that my husband is putting in my bedroom! YAY! :o)

It's really going to help me so much! Especially lately with my balance and dizzyness, because it's so much more harder for me to get up those stairs anymore.

Well today, I did rest! Even though I really do not like being in bed all the time...I still did it! My shoulder and hip really hurts today! Whew! I'm still taking the Vicodine to help take the edge off of the pains. And thats really all it's doing....and not taking the pain away. But....I'm just gratefull for that much! :o) Any little bit does help! :o)

I was able to take a nap as well. My best friend was the one that woke me up! lol I tell everyone not to let me sleep past 6:00! And I actually did sleep that long today! Wow! So my best friend got me up! :o) It was so nice to see her too! I'vereally missed her since she's been working so much. Bummer. But when she does come over...our time together isn't ever waisted! We catch up on everything and then talk some more! :o) She's another one of my medicines! She really helps to make me feel my family does! Well....I do consider her my sister because we've known each other for about 30 years now...maybe even longer! :o)

On that note....going to end this here! My back has been hurting me today as well. ggrr! :o) Thank you all again for all of your support! It's so appreciated! :o) I hope you've found somethig today that made you laugh! :o) Be sure to give out hugs! God bless everyone of you! :o)





Baby girl Nadia, who weighed 7.75 kg (17.1 lbs) after birth, lies on a scale in the Siberian city of Barnaul September 26, 2007. One Siberian mother has done more than her fair share to heal Russia's dire population decline. Tatyana Barabanova shocked her husband by giving birth to a 7.75 kg (17.1 lbs) baby girl this month, her 12th child. REUTERS/Andrey Kasprishin (RUSSIA)



A HUGE thank you/Please know that I'm still here...

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not.I have to be careful, apparently someone are way too obsessed with 'my' life. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......



Good morning everyone! I truly hope that all of you are not in any pains today!

First of all, I really want to thank each and every one of you for all of the support that you have given me! I hope you know how truly I apreciate it! :o) Thank you so much for all of your kind and blessed words to me! It means so much to me to know that there are others out there that really do care! From my heart to yours, Thank you! The miracles of true friends!

I also want to welcome a few new readers to my journal! Thank you for stopping by and I hope to see you again! :o)

I forgot to take a picture of my new canes. I will try to remember to later. They do make me feel so much safer when I walk. :o)

Well, this morning I'm starting to feel the impact of that silly fall. I've been taking the Vicodine every 6 hours as directed by the doctor. I'm very grateful that it is helping to take the edge off of most of my pain from the fall. I had a very good nights sleep as well! That really helped a lot!

This morning...for some reason, I've lost my voice! LOL Dh of course had some joking that he just had to say! LOL Too funny! :o) He always makes me laugh!
He just went to the grocery I sure hope the phone doesn't ring! lol :o) Too funny! :o)
I do love it though, when I'm not in a good way...he can always make me laugh! The both of us feel that laughter is the best medicine! If you don't laugh at everyday life, or even at yourself, you'll have a long road ahead of you! It will help heal you! :o)

I just love this graphic! The saying is so very true as well! lol :o)

This is not to offend anyone, but last night when my dh and I were talking, he said he just had to ask me this one question! I knew what he was going to ask because I know him so well! lol He asked me if I said, "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" When I was talking to the person from my ers! LOL When I was laying on the, that did cross my mind and I was doing my best to not say that! lol So, I just told them that I fell! :o) Then they were asking me I didn't have to say that! LOL Because as I was laying there on the floor....You bet that was going through my head, and it was making me laugh even through my crying with the pains! LOL

Today I'm going to do nothing but rest! Boy I really need to. I have to admit....this time I'm listening to the doctor and will get as much rest as I can. I have to. My body is having the MS pains still and also the Fibromyalgia pains...and then on top of that, the pains from that silly fall! So, I really don't have a choice! :o)

My daughter and my grandson came last night, and just having them here was such good medicine for me! My son and his girlfriend made supper! They made marrinated chicken, mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts! Oh was good too! :o) And they even did the dishes afterwards! How nice is that?! I really appreciated them doing this....especially after having such a long and very painful day. My daughter is still getting sick. God bless her! I did talk to her about just coming over here to get as much rest as possible and that I would help her with my grandson. He's really becoming a handful right now for her. Smells are getting to her and she's even having a hard time changing his diaper even though it's just a pee pee diaper! Bless her heart! She gags and then gets sick! My heart just goes out to her! Dh and I are doing our best to help out when ever she does come over. I just wish that she would be able to come over everyday so that I can do my best to help her out and so she can get the rest that she truly needs. Like I said before...she does read my comments and if you guys tell her to do this....she'll listen to you! lol She doesn't listen to me! Probably because I'm 'just' her mom! lol So....lets all get on her butt and make her listen! :o)

I visited a few journals last night when I was on. I've gotten it down to 108 journals to read! Whew! lol I'm getting there! :o) I might have to delete and start all over. :o( I don't like doing that at all. I feel like I'm not there for you when I do that. I want everyone to always know that I'm there for you when you need it and just about your everyday life! I'm still here for you, just a bit behind. Bare with me. :o) This medicine really makes me dizzy and it's hard to read when my eyes get goofy on me! :o) But I'm here! Too funny that one of the side effects of the Vicodine is dizzyness! LOL Oh, thats what I need right now! LOL :o) But, it is working with taking the edge off of the 'fall' pains! :o)

Sooooo, I think I will end this chapter! :o)

Again....Thank you ALL for all of your support! :o) You've ALL helped me in so many ways! :o) I know that you're still here for me! God bless each and everyone of J-Land Angles! :o)
Please Please Please.....Give some one a hug today, a smile and be sure to find that something that makes you laugh! Believe me...all of those DO help! :o)




Friday, September 28, 2007


I'm back. My mom got here as soon as I put in my last entry. She took me to the ER. I knew I should go and am glad I went. I wasn't feeling all of the pains until right after the paramedics left. My head was hurting and was more dizzy then I usually am. My left shoulder, hip and really my whole left leg was starting to give me a lot of pains. It was like when I was in a 'fender bender' years back and I had whiplash but didn't start to feel it until hours later. It wasn't busy at the ER....glad about that. The doctor I had was very nice and very thorough. He ordered x-rays and a cat scan. But he said before I leave for those tests, he wanted me to have two shots. One for for my swelling and the other was for the pains. The shots didn't take affect for awhile. The tests were painful to go through, but I always tell myself when I go through tests that hurt or take a long time, "This isn't going to last forever." That helps for me to get through them. It works. Mind over matter. The tests took about 1 & 1/2 hours. Great news....nothing is broken! Whew! He gave me a script for Vicodine. I'm to stay in bed and rest. Bummer! I'm just very grateful that I didn't break anything. One time this same thing happened to right leg was numb when I stood up and didn't feel it, and when I picked my foot up to take a step, I fell on my foot and it folded in half! I broke my foot then! My mom and I went to get my script filled.....thats when the pain shot kicked in! So my mom went in and got it for me. I was is the van sick to my stomach and over heating. She came out and asked me if I wanted to go to G.I.V.E. to see if they had those one type of canes. I just said sure so I could get that done and go home to rest. They did have those canes, so I have them now and I also got a special chair to help with my legs and swelling. I can use the canes so much easier then the one I have been using. Thank know who...for letting me know about them! Canadian cane. I feel more secure with walking. I have already taken my dose of Vicodine and the pain shot that I got.....I'm pretty much out of it right now. I need to eat as well. Thank you all for your support.....if you only knew what it means to me. God bless all of you!



P.S. I have 136 journals to get to....I'll try to get to them tomorrow. :o)


Asking for another prayer please!

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


Ok.....this was not expected! I'm going to log this....I feel it just needs to be.

This isn't the entry that I was going to put in.

I fell when I was getting up to go to the bathroom. My left leg was numb from my hip to my foot! I didn't even know! So, when I stood to walk to the bathroom, I went down! I landed on my left hip! I have a big muscle lump there on my left hip....thats the side I fell on.

I refused to go to the er to be checked out. All of the people that are on my list to call have called me to check on me.
My mom is here right now and she is demanding that I go to the er. So....thats where I'm going! I can't argue with her. I made a video to help me document this.


Please pray!


~Just for the fun of it ~

Children do it, animals in the wild do it, and you can benefit greatly from it too. One of the best ways to learn and to grow, to improve, and to gain useful, practical experience, is to play.

Playing is not merely for those who are young or irresponsible. Playing is for anyone who seeks to have a fresh perspective on life.

Begin to play, and you become free of prior limitations. When there is no goal or specific focus to the effort, there is no telling what wondrous and valuable things you will discover.

When you're playing and there are no serious consequences on the line, you're free to experiment with lots of different approaches. Spend some time in which the outcome doesn't matter, and the outcome will be that you gain valuable new insight.

You perform at your best when you're doing something you enjoy. Increase your play, and you can significantly improve your work.

Remember always to set aside some time, energy and resources for play. Explore and experience life just for the fun of it, and enjoy the serious benefits that come from being playful.

-- Ralph Marston


"Stand for something, or you will fall for anything"



So, this bird walks into a store. ........


Watch! He s-l-o-w-l-y enters the store......and then he runnnnnnns........OUT!

A seagull in Scotland has developed the habit of stealing chips from a neighborhood shop.

The seagull waits until the shopkeeper isn't looking ( so a camera was installed ), and then walks into the store and grabs a snack-size bag of cheese Doritos.

Once outside, the bag gets ripped open and becomes a feast, for other birds!

The seagull's shoplifting started early this month, when he first swooped into the store in Aberdeen, Scotland, and helped himself to a bag of chips.

Since then, he's become a "regular". He always takes the same type of chips.

Customers have begun paying for the seagull's stolen bags of chips,... because they think it's so funny!




Tags: ,

***Another update*** daughter went back to the hospital and had an ultra sound done to see the baby and how she/he is developing.

She is still really not feeling well. But this picture above is a picture that they gave her of the baby, and yes...the baby is doing great and right on schedul! :o) A huge sigh of relief for all of us!

I would for her to come today and just do nothing but rest and to stay off her feet. I feel that thats what she needs to do is to rest as much as she can. And I can help her out with Kayden.

God has her and the baby in His hands! Again, thank you for all of your support! :o) She does read my comments when she gets if you guys can let her know that she really needs to rest and take it easy, I'd appreciate it! :o) Gods blessings to you all!



Thursday, September 27, 2007

There's no such thing as a free lunch

There was a Chemistry professor in a large college that

had some Exchange students in the class.

One day while the class was in the lab the Prof

noticed one young man (exchange student) who kept

rubbing his back And stretching as if his back hurt.

The professor asked the young man what was the

matter. The student told him he had a bullet

lodged in his back. He had been shot while fighting

communists in his native country who were trying to

overthrow his country's government and install a new

communist government.

In the midst of his story he looked at the professor

and asked a strange question. He asked,

'Do you know how to catch wild pigs?'

The professor thought it was a joke and asked for

the punch line. The young man said this was no joke.

'You catch wild pigs by finding a suitable place

in the woods and putting corn on the ground. The

pigs find it and begin to come everyday to eat the free


When they are used to coming every day, you put a fence

down one side of the place where they are used to coming. When they get

used to the fence, they begin to eat the corn again and you put up another

side of the fence. They get used to that and start to eat again. You

continue until you have all four sides of the fence up with a gate in

The last side. The pigs, who are used to the free corn, start to come

through the gate to eat, you slam the gate on them and catch the whole


Suddenly the wild pigs have lost their freedom.

They run around and around inside the fence,

but they are caught. Soon they go back to eating the

free corn. They are so used to it that they have

forgotten how To forage in the woods for themselves, so

they accept their captivity

The young man then told the professor that is

exactly what he sees happening to America.

The government keeps pushing us toward

Communism/Socialism and keeps spreading the free

corn out in the form of programs such as supplemental

income, tax credit for unearned income, tobacco subsidies, dairy

subsidies, payments not to plant crops (CRP), welfare,

medicine, drugs, etc. while we continually lose our freedoms - just a

little at a time.

One should always remember 'There is no such thing

as a free Lunch!'

Also, 'You can never hire someone to provide a service

for you cheaper than you can do it yourself.


Both the last entry and this one was sent to me by my great aunt! :o)




have been accused of spousal abuse

have been arrested for fraud

have been accused of writing bad checks

have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses

have done time for assault

71 cannot
get a credit card due to bad credit

have been arrested on

drug-related charges

have been arrested for shoplifting

are defendants in lawsuits, and

have been arrested for drunk driving
the last year

you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet? . . . Scroll down,

it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.




.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


Ok.....Yesterday I tried and tried to get my daughter to go to the er. She said that she wanted to wait until her appointment. I sent her this web site that a friend of mine had sent to me. She did read it, because I was on the phone with her.
She really hasn't been on line very much lately. She read some of your comments! I was sooooo glad that she did! At least probably in her mind, I wasn't just an over worrier and reading your comments DID help! She said she'd think about it. At least that was something....she's so hard headed! That kind of eased my mind a bit. Then my husband called her when he got home. He was doing his best as well. Finally she said that she would go....but not until 9:00 or 9:30! Her friend was there with her and I felt good about that, so she wasn't alone. My husband wanted to go with her, because I couldn't. :o( She would let him, she just wanted us to watch Kayden. She came and dropped Kayden off and her friend went with her. The er wasn't too busy, so she didn't have to wait very long in the waiting room. After she got back there, they took a urine sample and some blood work. The doctor checked her stomach and everything was fine! The tests came back and her white blood count was glad to hear that one, and all of the other tests came back just fine! Whew! He also checked the baby and she/he is right where she/he is suppose to be at this age!!! Whew! The doctor told her that she's just going to have a hard time during this trimester. After she gets out of this trimester, she'll be fine.

When I was pregnant for her....I had a pretty hard time as well. I couldn't get out of bed without getting sick. I lost weight too and was the same weight for 3 months. So, maybe she's going to be like I was. With my son, it wasn't as hard on me. But with her, it was horrible! So, she's more than likely taking after me.
My doctor told me that I couldn't carry another baby after I delivered her. So, I got my tubes tied. Then very shortly after that....I had to have a hysterectomy. I had the early stages of utuerine cancer! I hope this doesn't happen to her.
Praise God that she and the baby are fine! :o)

I really want to thank all of you for all of your prayers! Thank you so much!

I went to the day care center and I was there for about 3 hours. Yes, I was the youngest one there! They have a lot of things for you to do, but I'm not too sure about it. I'm not at all trying to come of as being crass, just being the youngest one there was lets say, different! There was nothing I could talk about to really much of anyone. I had lunch and a snack while I was there. I'm going to go again next Wednesday to do my best to give it another chance. I just feel bad that I feel this way.

I'm gratefull though, that I was able to get out of the house! :o) That was nice.
Today I'm going to having another new Home Health Aid. I'm nervous about this. I don't know what to expect and I have a hard time with new people in my home that I'm just for the first time meeting. This is my space. It's awkward. My meals come today as well. This morning my physical therapist came and I've been having some pretty bad 'shocking' pains. Mainly starting on my right side and foot and then radiating through out my body. This pain is so much worse then the fibromyalgia ever has been. I never thought I'd be saying that one. When she started getting those parts of my body, I just wanted to fly up out of my bed! She feels bad that when giving me the deep tissue massage and it really hurts me and makes me cry. It's not her fault at all. My nurse also will be coming today to check my vitals and do my medicine. I feel safer knowing that she will be coming. I only got 2 hours of sleep last night, so I'm really hoping that I'll be able to take a nap. But with all that are coming today, I highly doubt it.

Again.....thank all of you so very much! Comments DO help! :o) All of you helped to convince my daughter to go to the er! You are all a blessing!
I guess I'll end this chapter here! :o) Just smile and make sure you laugh! Believe me, it really does help!



Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I really need everyones help!!!!!!

PLEASE.......I need your help! It's my daughter!!!! She and my grandson came over yesterday.....she told me that she was spotting and having stomach cramps last week, and she's still not feeling all that good!!! Please pray for her! She's almost 4 months now and she just can't have a misscarrage! :o( I cried after she left last night because she doesn't look good and she's lost about 20 pounds!!! Her jeans just litterally are falling down on her! :o( She has an appointment to see the doctor on the 4th, next week! Not soon enough for me! Please...I'm asking everyone, even if you don't pray...could you send some good vibes this way?! :o(



P.S. I go to the day care center today....and I will update when I get back!



Tuesday, September 25, 2007

~Pictures of my art work and more~

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


Good morning! I'm hoping that all are doing well!

I watched what I had taped yesterday.....this morning. I had no idea that I was slurring my speach! This is what happens when I am in a lot of pains and I just get so weak and dizzy as well. I felt the need to document it. And this isn't from my medicines either! I couldn't sleep very well last night either. I only got 2 and a half hours! Bummer! Sleep and as little stress in my life will help me to at least not have as much pains. After this, I'm going to try and go back to bed.

I don't think anyone is coming today. I can't remember when and what day my one nurse comes. lol Geesh! :o) But, they all know how to get in my house if I'm asleep! :o) Well...I'm hoping to get more sleep anyways! :o) I also wanted to go to G.I.V.E. to see if they have a certain kind of cane. I'm pretty sure they do. The different cane would really take a lot of the strain off of my shoulders and elbows.

Yesterday....Madia had to go to the vets to get fixed. She will be home sometime today. Bless her heart! I'll have her get in my bed and rest with me! :o) I had the surgery I know how she will be feeling! :o) lol  ((had to say that, I did have a full hysterectomy when I was 22))
The pictures I have posted, are just some of my art. Like I've said before, my work is very abstract! :o) I just thought I'd share some with you. don't have to like it either! lol

This is going to be short! :o) I'm still very weak right now. Because of lack of sleep and not being able to rest up and get better from yesterdays problems. :o) That just comes with the territory of having what I have! It will pass! :o)
Thank you for all of your support and comments! :o)
Paleezze! Put a smile on that face of yours! Ok? Ok! :o) And make sure that you laugh! It's so good for your body, mind and soul! And don't forget to seize the moment and live your life like you've never done before! :o) It's good for ya'! :o)



Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday to you....

Happy Birthday to you....

Happy Birthday Dear Emmi...

Happy Birthday to yooooooo!!!

YAY!!!!  :o)
I wish that you have a wondrous day!!!

From Sweet-Simple-Pleasures! Click on the above graphic! :o)



Monday, September 24, 2007

~A video and pictures~


I'm trying to document as much as I can. I've been very dizzy all day. My eyes have felt as if they're crossed and I know they're not. My pupils won't dialate properly as well.






Now that you're here

This is the moment you've been moving toward ever since the day you were born. The world you see in front of you now is the world you've long been expecting.

Now that you're here, perhaps there are some things that you find to be disappointing. Look beyond the disappointment, though, and you'll see so very much more.

You'll see within yourself a lifetime of experience that's more extensive now than ever before. You'll see opportunities for making use of that experience to create new unique and meaningful value.

You'll realize that no matter how much you've already done, there is always some new gift that you can give to life. You'll understand that no matter what may have happened before, there is always a way to move positively forward.

Now that you're here, you can learn from the past and begin to create the future. Now that you're here, you can think and feel and dream and act in accordance with your most treasured purpose.

You've traveled through a lot of living to get to this moment. Now is when you can truly fulfill the best of your possibilities.

-- Ralph Marston


All that you have chosen

Look around you and see all that you have chosen. What will you choose now?

Another moment is ready to be created. Give to it the fullness of your love.

How exactly would life be if you accepted complete responsibility for it? There is no reason to wait another minute before doing so.

All the beauty you have ever seen is only a small glimpse of all the beauty there can be. This is a moment that you can fill with beauty if you choose.

Take everything for which you yearn and dare to distill it into a pure and single essence. There you will find an endless supply of value to create.

From the purpose you choose to follow comes the moment in which you live. See the awesome possibilities of now, and give your best to life.

-- Ralph Marston




Alerts aren't working!

I am not getting my alerts! Just to let you know if your alerts work. GGGRRRR!!!



A joke! lol

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.Then, she takes a close look and says, There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely.....A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?


sent to me by a friend!



Tags: ,

~About my weekend~

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


Good morning all! I'm in hopes that you are feeling great this morning!

This weekend has been a rollercoaster ride! The pains were so intense at times, I could hardly bare it! I'm also having those 'shocking' type pains omce again! uuugghh! All I could do was to sit in my bed. Bummer. There's nothing worse, for me, then those 'shocking' type pains! They stop me right in my tracks! Mainly because it's my legs that are usually affected. This time, it was my whole body that was affected! Good grief! And the 'shocking' feelings were worse and felt like I would picture in my mind, lightening bolts just shooting through my body! Ouchie! This time, it started on my right side. That was usually starts up on my left. My husband asked if rubbing my legs would help ease the pains. Not with this kind. It hurts to even touch me! I wish I could explain it better. It's just a very different pain then the fibromyalgia. Now that he could rub my legs and it would help and feel great.

I'm going to call this other pain clinic today that can put a Bachlifen pump in. I need something to help me. I used to actually take the pill form but my gp, the one I don't like, took me off of it! gggrrr! And he won't put me back on it! He's a nut! A cracked one! I wish I had my old gp....too bad he moved away.
I am very gratefull for the support system that I do have; like the nurses because they can help me. And they do!
Yesterday, I started to not feel so good. Like a flu or cold coming on. I really don't want to get sick right now. Geesh! ....This too shall pass!
My daughter and her husband came over on Saturday to do a little more on his derby car. Of course....that always makes me feel better when I see my grandson and my daughter! :o) Bless her heart....she's still not doing very well with this pregnancy. She was having some pains on her right lower quaderant. She says shes alright, but I still worry about her. I wish at times that they still lived here so I can help take care of her. I love all three of them so very much! :o)

This morning I woke up too early. I hate when I do that! lol I really had a hard time sleeping last night as well. Because of the pains. gggrrr! When I got up, my right hand and arm is swollen and is itching! I took some benadryl to help with the itching. It hasn't worked yet! This was about 3 hours ago! I wasn't bitten by anything. I think it might be hives. I get them all the time this time of year. I usually end up in the ER to get a shot. One time I was actully hospitalized because they got so bad I had them from head to toe and in my mouth and everywhere! The icthing was just horrid to cope with! Yikes!

Yesterday my husband had to work on the gas pipes in the basement. Little did we know, we had a gas leak! We would smell a gas smell and didn't know where it was coming from. He found it and had to change all the pipes. So, I didn't get my sink put in yet. I'm just glad that he found it and was able to fix that leak! Whew! Everytime he has something planned....something else always comes up! lol
Oh....I want to explain the reason that I've been posting more wedding pictures. I had mine and everyone else that took pictures as well gave me theirs. :o) So....if you're sick of seeing them, just let me know....I know I'm not. :o)

I really want to thank all of you for your support! Believe me...I really appreciate it! It does help me to know that I'm not alone while I'm going through this. :o) I'm not sure how long this 'shocking' pain will last, it seems to have a mind of it's own! lol :o) Again, like I'm fighting my own body! well...I am! Showing your support really makes me feel that you really are my friends! :o) Thank you so very much!
Always find a way to smile! :o) Thats why I've been putting some humor in my journal! Inhoping that it will at least put a smile on your face! :o) It does me! :o) Please remember to live your life to the fullest! No regrets! Just live! :o) And love your friends and family! Like you've never done before! Get as many hugs a day as much as you can! :o) That helps too! :o) And never ever give up! The Lord has you in His hands! :o) Even when you don't feel it, He does! :o)
Again, thank you! Gods blessings to all of you! :o)



Three Things to Ponder:

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments


Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.


They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.

T H E 1 0 C O M M A N D M E N T S

The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this:

You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery," and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians...It creates a hostile work environment.


sent to me by my great uncle.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

More pictures!!!


One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it.

The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, then walked across the bridge.



                        Divine Order

I am experiencing a harvest of good.

Just as seeds under the soil have taken time to sprout and mature, so, too, have my ideas and goals—all in divine order. There may have been times that were filled with activity or times when activity seemed to come to a standstill; however, it’s now harvesttime.

My God-inspired dreams and goals can only be held back if I am willing to withhold them. I choose instead to flow with the divine order that supports me in the fulfillment of my soul.

I have believed in and acted on divine ideas for greater physical, emotional, and financial health, and now I am experiencing a harvest of good.

As I open myself to expressing the wisdom and strength of God, my dreams really do come true.


“For the earth bringeth forth fruit of herself; first the blade, then the ear, after that the full corn in the ear.”—Mark 4:28 (KJV)

© Copyright 2006, Daily Word. All rights reserved.





Me and the girls


I spend a lot of time at the gym pulling and yanking and hurting myself. What brings me back is the odor. Some people enjoy the scent of diesel fuel; others prefer new tennis balls. I like the smell of stale sweat.

Friday, I was stinking up the treadmill when it occurred to me that we could save major bucks on Stairmasters if we just built the gyms on top of mountains.

Someone tapped me on the elbow, stirring me from this fit of brilliance.

"A class starts at seven. Come do it with me, please, please, please..."

It wasn't an intellect groupie. It was my wife Yahaira. She was stuck on the idea of my doing aerobics.

My answer stayed the same: "You know about my
Richard Simmons nightmares."

Yahaira raised an eyebrow.

I had to resort to the truth, albeit in hushed tones. "Honeeey... the guys will see me."

She considered my logic and, being a clever lass, turned it upside down and inside out.

"I didn't realize that the opinion of big men mattered so much to you..."

Oh, that was good. I worked on the problem as a 5-year-old might do algebra. Before I could isolate the variable, I was standing alongside 15 other women in the Fitness Room. So it goes.

There was a window to our left. I was pretty sure that others could see through it. I prayed for another, heterosexual male to join the class. Fate was not that kind.

The instructor somersaulted into the room, bubbling from her implants. Her legs were the kind of tone you get from jogging several million miles. She promised an uplifting workout, one that would shape our bodies and minds. I would have rolled my eyes, but you know, the mirrors.

We started with some "basic" moves that everyone else knew.

"V-step left, grapevine right, and power jacks, two, three,four..."

My body was too embarrassed to cooperate. I may as well have been dressing Barbie dolls.

I spun my arms in "baby helicopters" and peeked over my shoulder to see that others weren't watching. There was just one boy in the lobby, and he was fantasizing about having 15 mommies. Yahaira, on the other hand, couldn't stop giggling. She was either pleased that I had swallowed my airs, or she wanted me to come out of the closet, I don't know which.

The movements grew tricky as class wore on. The others followed the instructor like a well-oiled machine while I trampled my own feet.

"Shuffle up, sidestep down, pony twist, now mambo-cha-cha..."

Something in my brain was very upset with another thing in my legs, and peace was not in sight. A bead of sweat dropped from my head. In fact, my whole body was beady. Eventually, I began to understand the steps. Thank God for repetition. I was even kicking in the same general direction as the others at the same general time. Yahaira nodded her head to say she was impressed. I stuck out my tongue and added some flair to my cha-cha.

Ten minutes later, I had forgotten myself. The music was in my bones, baby, and I was sweating like O.J. at Saint Peter's. Feel the burn!

Maybe it's the endorphins talking, but I really enjoyed myself in that Fitness Room. I wondered why more men don't try aerobics. It's every bit the workout of weightlifting, only your arms don't grow so big that you can't scratch your chin.

The teacher directed our attention to the clock and applauded our surviving the class. The girls and I walked the room, checking our pulses. I was surprised to find that I had one.

As class dispersed into the lobby, I stumbled on a shocker -- two guys from my hockey team. They were here to get muscles for beating people up. One of them shook his head at me; the other looked away as if from a
train wreck. I could already hear the laughter in the locker room. I put my arm around Yahaira, but they didn't buy it. In their minds, I was undeniably, irrevocably gay.

But I think they were just jealous of the definition in my calves.

By; Jason Love



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Saturday, September 22, 2007

Brain Gap Day....Something to make you laugh!

Once upon a Monday I met Mr. Becker, the landscape guy. He arrived while I was cooking lunch, grumpy-hungry. I was prepared to spend money on my flower bed, but it ended up costing something more precious: my time.

"We'll have to dig up the seasonal flowers before we can add the perennials."

"Fair enough," I said.

"Yup," he said, looking around. "We'll have to dig 'em up."

There was an awkward silence followed by an awkward silence. I waited for Mr. Becker to say something, but he just kept nodding his head. I felt compelled to pinch him.

Mr. Becker is a human speed bump.
Speed bumps are not always gardeners. I once had a doctor who kept me 45 minutes to explain his views on dehydration. So it goes.

"The snapdragons," said Mr. Becker, "are seasonal flowers, so they won't live through the winter."

"Which is why you'll have to dig them up."

"We'll have to dig 'em up."

Mr. Becker kicked a rock and exhaled deeply. It was his "thinking breath." It seemed that I was his only appointment today.

At this point, a little Buddha appeared on my shoulder. Jasonsan, everyone you meet has something to teach you. Be quiet and find out what it is.

I looked at Mr. Becker ... quietly. He was still eyeing the rock.

"Snapdragons," he mumbled.

My stomach growled. Buddha urged me to be strong. Release your self-importance; surrender to the moment.

"How much will the flowers cost?" I asked.

Mr. Becker ran his fingers through his hair. A weighty question indeed. He would need time for a question like that. All day perhaps.

"Ballpark figure," I said.

"We can't use the snapdragons, and we'll be adding some color..."

Mr. Becker looked at me as if he had a question. He put his cap back on.

"How much will it cost," he repeated.

Inside the house my microwave beeped. It sounded like laughter.

"It'll cost more to turn the dirt," he said. "Those snapdragons won't survive the winter."

"Really?" I asked. "I was just wondering if the snapdragons would survive the winter."

"No, see, because they are seasonal..."

Poor guy didn't even realize I was teasing.

Perhaps it is time for an extra holiday to reimburse the non-mumbling population. We'll call it Brain Gap Day. All the Mr. Beckers can go about their business slow as they please, and the rest of us can unwind in the sunshine. Come on, they won't even realize we've taken the day off!

And for the bitty Buddha on my shoulder ... I ate him.


By; Jason Love!



Tags: ,

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesses, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imitate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and get out of your plastic bubble and learn more about it! God bless you!......


I hope that today finds all of you feeling good!

One thing; Like I've said so many other times before, if you do not like what I post in MY the disclaimer above and/or STOP READING MY journal!!! And yes....this IS to YOU miss (K)!

This 'journal bullying' just has to stop! If you don't like that I post something that I get from my Great Aunt and Uncle....which at the end, I give them the credit! And why not? You are a pathetic excuse for an 'adult,' Why is it that you continualy chose me to bully and pick on? Why? I have NOT done anything TO YOU! Remember....this was suppose to be OVER?! I knew that it wouldn't last long, because this is your M.O.! Do you bully me because I am disabled and over weight? Is that why you call me an 'umpa lumpa?" Is that very nice? Isn't it time that you grow up and STOP all of this?! I sure do....I DO NOT need this stress! It makes my body worse! Or is that your plan?!

Do you chose me to bully because we live in the same town and I could write the truths about you?! What about always judging me? Since you are a Christian, you KNOW better! You should KNOW better to also NOT bully and pick on others! Right?!

Moving on......I've waisted enough of my time on this sorry individual that has a very evil spirit!

Yesterday, my daughter and my grandson came over! :o) And boy was he in an onry mood! LOL He had me laughing so hard! :o) My daughter and I were in my bed. I was sitting there resting my legs and trying to get the swelling down and she was laying down to try to get that 'sick' feeling to go away. God bless her. My grandson went and got a few of his cars and brought them in my room. Then he climbed up on my chair and one by one, put them on my bed! So....thats what we did....we played cars! He would drive them on my legs as if the car was in a sand dune! lol I took my car and drove it all over him! LOL He's sooooo tickelish! It was too cute!

He helped his daddy work on a derby car thats in our garage! :o) So, when he see's a car similar to the derby car...he makes the noise the car makes and says that it's daddy's car! lol
My daughter started to feel a bit better and has a lot of home work to get done!'s a lot!

My son had a gig to go play in Troy last night, so he had to leave early to get things set up. :o) My mom and my younger sister went to go see him play! :o) They've never heard him before! So I know that they had fun!

I really love that medicine box! When it goes's loud! lol It's great to have a reminder like that. I have it in my bedroom! I took the key out of it so my grandson couldn't open it when he is here. I had my daughter put it on the ers necklace I have to wear so I won't forget where it is. lol....yes, I would forget!

Today....I'm going to see about a Baclophen pump. My nurses think I need to have one installed so that I would have a continual drip going into my system. The doctor that moved away that I just loved, Had told me that thats what he wanted me to have as well. That was one of the reasons he had me go to the pain clinic. But, I went to the one in Troy, and the doctor there doesn't do that. So, I'm going to call the one in the town north to us and they do that there. :o) That would be so nice to have...even though it would be put inside of me. I know that having it installed wouldn't be as painfull as the pains I go through now.

So, that just sums up the day I had yesterday! :o) I love what the graphic says!
My daughter was studying about answering the phone in a doctors office last night, and I told her to be sure that you smile when you answer the phones! Because you can hear it in your voice when you do! :o) So very true!
I have more pictures from the wedding. But I thought you just might be getting tired of them, so I didn't post them! I'll even be getting more from the photographer too! :o) Can't wait! There were so much to take pictures of!

I'm going to be leaving on this note!
Always have a smile! Live you life with no regrets! Have fun and keep your faith! Thats what keeps me strong! If I didn't have it...I wouldn't have the strength to keep pushing on! God has me! :o)