Friday, February 29, 2008

~A joke~

All women should live so long as to be this kind of old lady!

Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, 'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?'; 'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.' She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.' she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,

faced the congregation, and said:


'I outlived the bitches.'

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If only you knew.....

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......


Good morning! In hope it finds you all well and doing fine.

Yesterday went pretty smooth. My nurse came first. She was a bit late because she needed to be here when my Home Health Aide came. There is a Care Plan for any Home Health Aide that comes in this house. They're suppose to have a copy as well. My nurse needed to see if she was doing what she is suppose to be doing to help me. I told her how much I really like this one. I ask of her to wash and iron my bed sheets. I haven't been able to iron and I really miss it. I like to have my things ironed! :o) I know, I'm a bit odd! lol This Aide does it perfect! I told my nurse that this Aide is a hard worker and does everything. She's young, so she has the energy. :o) Plus, she knows how to laugh and just have fun! I love that! :o) So, after my nurse had seen how we interact together and if she is doing the things on the list, she went ahead and left.

My Aide left at 3:00. Then I was waiting on the food delivery guy to come. I was getting tired and just not feeling up to speed and I really needed a nap. So, I just went in and sat in my bed and rested a bit. It seemed that I had to use my inhaler a lot more yesterday as well. I was getting out of breath a lot. Part of CHF. gggrrr! The inhaler does help, I can feel my lungs expand a bit more when I take in a deep breath. Oh...I almost forgot about this. When my nurse comes, she has to also do certain things no matter what. I had to get weighed and I have lost 3 pounds!!! YAY! :o) Within the amount of when I started taking a double dose of the Lasix. :o) I'm still swelling up, and she doesn't understand it, I don't either.....but I'm seeing progress! :o) Thats the good thing. :o)

The food delivery guy didn't come until around 6-6:30! He had to take care of something important to thats why he was late. He is really a nice guy, he even brings a dog bone for Madia each week too! :o) He really likes her...who couldn't love her! And its too cute...she knows he's here by the sound of the truck! :o) Then she goes to the front door and waits on him! lol :o) She's so cute! I'm so glad we have her!

Today, my Physical Therapist was suppose to come, but I called to cancel because I'm not feeling very well. He usually comes at 10:00. I guess how I'm feeling is just not up to par. My energy level is very low and I woke up with the shakes again. Oh yay. Thats no fun. Well, it is when I do something stupid because it makes me laugh! lol I'm always doing something stupid and I just have to laugh! I even make my daughte, son and my grandson! I don't think that my sil really knows how to 'take' me! lol It's funny, he and I can go back and forth with each other! He's funny! My daughter just gives me this look like, "He's not funny so stop laughing!" LOL I told her that she married to him so thats why its not funny to her! :o)
I've had a few things that were and still are, on my mind now for months. I can't shake it. I've done something that you can never get back. I've really hurt someone that I love. There are no words that can explain how I feel. But more importantly, it's how this person feels. I handled something in the wrong way and I can never get it back.

I'm actually sick to my stomach over this. Because I 'know' what I did was wrong and how it effected the other person. I guess I didn't think that what I did was as bad as it truly was. Keyword here is; "think."
I took 2 Dorvicets to help with my pains. I can feel the edge coming down a bit. It's my back/spine, hips and upper thighs. As always.
I'm going for now, need to take a walk. I'll use my walker because it's safer.
Have a great day! God bless all of you!


A video I took of Kayden and my daughter just playing with Madia last night! :o) You sure can tell that Kayden felt a bit better as has his cars and stuff all over the floor! :o) Just too cute! :o) I hope you enjoy!

I also want to thank you for signing my guestbook! And, welcome to my journal! :o)



Thursday, February 28, 2008


Good morning! I pray that everyone is doing/feeling good today.

Today is my busiest day of the week. What happens on Thursdays are my nurse comes in at about 11:00 am, my home health aide comes between 12:00 and 1:00, My meals are delivered somewhere between 2 and 5! I realize that this might sound trivial, but what it is, all of the 'waiting.' Because sometimes not everyone is on time. It really does exhaust me. If I need a nap, or to just lay down to rest, I can't.
Wow!!! I think I'm wearing down the carpet to the toilet! LOL Good Lord! And this is only 80 mg's! And Guido said that the doseage can go up to 500! I'd just stay seated on the toilet! :o)~ Again, I got up way to early, so at 3:00, I took the other Lasix for the day. The next dose will be at 11:00. My nurse said to try and space them a bit and not to take them after 4:00 pm.! No way...I'd be up all night! :o) I'm also thankful that I don't have to take a higher dose right now. Whew! It would be nice if I could loose more than the water weight! lol That would be nice...with all of this walking to the bathroom! :o) It doesn't hurt to dream! lol Well, when I do...I wake up too soon! LOL

Yesterday, my daughter and grandson woke up sick again! And it's the samething they both keep getting! The did say on the news that there is a 'string' that wasn't put into the flu shot, and antibiotics aren't helping. I feel so bad for the both of them. I wish there was something I could do to help them. I don't like seeing them this way. Bless them.
I'm going to post the medicines that I take.
*Lunesta 3 mg 1xdy
*Norflex 100mg 1xdy
*Neurotin 600mg 1xdy
*IC Cyclobenzaprine 10mg 3xdy
*Vytrin 10mg 1xdy
*Cymbalta 60 Mg 1xdy
*Lyrica 75mg 2xdy
*Clonazepam 2mg 1xdy
*Relpax 40mg as needed
*Albuterol 90 mcg 2 puffs 4-6 hours.
*Lasix 40mg 2xdy
This is suppose to help me. Some of them do. And it seems to go by week to week.
Yesterday, and it was all day, that electrical shocking feeling I get, was bad! I had pretty much a hard doing things because of it. Its an odd feeling.
Madia is behind me sleeping in my hospital bed! lol She's too cute! :o) Maybe I can try and get a picture of her! :o)~
I did it! lol She let me do it! lol and then gave out this big sigh! lol
I'll post them in another entry. :o)
I noticed this morning that both of my feet are starting to get a bit bigger. Bummer. What I find to be so weird is that when the part of my body "isn't" swollen, The skin is lose! ick! I hope I'm explaining this right. Like my neck, it's still swollen. But, when it goes down all the way, I have this skin thats just there! It's gross! When my body is "not" swollen, maybe I can try and get pictures to show what I'm talking about.
I need to go for now. Thank you for your very helpfull comments! :o) I really appreciate them all! Stay warm! :o)

Eyes of the Beholder

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay
of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His
last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling
worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?'
'Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the
bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself
up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had
been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said. To which he whirled around

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Hunger for meaning

Are you so busy chasing pleasure that you leave no room for joy in your life? Are you so obsessed with proving how happy you are that you make yourself miserable?

Step back for a moment and remember who you are. Even if you reach them, the generic goals and aspirations you borrow from others will not bring you even a moment of real fulfillment.

Life does not gain meaning through the things you see advertised on television. If all you want is what the world tells you to want, you'll find yourself in a perpetual state of lack, limitation and frustration.

Within you is a hunger for meaning. Within you is a burning desire to make a difference and to express a purpose that is special to you alone.

No one can give that purpose to you, for it is something you already have. Let go of the need to nourish your shallow ego, and you'll begin to connect with the real, meaningful purpose that is woven through your whole life.

Free yourself from the off-the-shelf definition of success that is nothing more than an empty fantasy. Instead, find real success and joy by giving life to the purpose that has always been within you.

-- Ralph Marston


Wednesday, February 27, 2008

A few pictures and an entry video...




.....about yesterday

Good morning, I pray that everyone is feeling and doing good!

I went to my doctors appointment. I have a lot of swelling again. When I put my sunglasses on, it was a tight fit, because my face is swollen. I haven't seen this doctor for about a few months, so he didn't know all of the update on my health. So when I told him, he right away looked at my feet and legs. He pushed in on my shins and you can make little dents on them. Well, you can all over my body. He told me to take 2 Lasix's instead of 1 a day, they are 40 mg's! Good Lord! I'll be on the pot all day long! lol :o)~ He also is having me take another sleep test. I don't know when yet. They will call me. I have been doing things at night. When I wake up, through the night, I'm either taking my oxygen off, throwing pillows, and sitting on the side of my bed! Now thats dangerous for me! I really need to keep my potasium up.
When I came home, my daughter told ne that my nurse called and I needed to call her back. She was on a deadline to put my assesment in the computer.
When she came, she checked my temp. and my blood pressure. I have a small temp. it was 99.8. She told me that she needed me to stand up so she can take my blood pressure. It was doing it again, like a few months ago! gggrrr! Then I had to get weighed. She couldn't believe how fast all of this happens. My swelling. My weight is (I can't believe I'm telling this) 198! My normal weight is 174. It feels like I'm carrying bags of potatoes on my whole body. I wish I knew how to explain it better. I'm worse this morning. Bummer. I'm out of breath just sitting here. I've been using my inhaler.
Today, my physical therapist is coming. I already know that it's going to hurt. I use mind over matter. It helps. After that, knowone is suppose to come over. :o) My sinuses are giving me a time. I didn't feel like this yesterday. That figures! :o)
I'm still having a time dealing/coping with the new news. I know that things will get better, meaning that I will be able to 'except' it. I'm still grieving. And confused about the swelling and CHF. Maybe I'm not reading right.
I'm going to rest today of course. Then just take it from there. I know I want to play a few games on Pogo. :o)
I also want to thank you for signing my guest book! :o) It cheered me up! :o)
Thank all of you for standing by me and taking the time to comment! :o)
Everything that I'm having problems with are in God's hands! I know that He only gives you what He thinks we can handle. But I also wish He didn't trust me so much! :o) Kidding! :o) I know I have what I do....there is a meaning. I'll figure it out! :o)
Have a great day!





Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Just today....

I hope that everyone is doing/feeling alright this morning.

Yesterday, I didn't have anyone coming over. Thats pretty rare, so I spent the day resting, and doing what ever I wanted to do. :o)
Today, I have a doctors appointment to see my sleep specialist, which is also a pulminary doctor as well. My lungs/chest has really been hurting! To the point that I felt like there was something stabbing me in my back! I am using my inhaler for this pain and it does ease it up a bit. So, I know it's my lungs now if the inhaler helps.

I'm still having a hard time coping/dealing with my latest health news. I'm working on it...trying to be positive. It'll pass...
This morning my sil came running in the house! He works nights and gets off early morning. He asked me if I had a radio and to turn it on a certain station. Here he won concert tickets to see Carrie Underwood and someone else! Yay! :o) I was in the living room with him when he was talking to a guy and I heard him win the tickest! How cool is that! :o) I gave him a hug and congradulated him! :o) I know my daughter will be happy too! :o)
Afterwards, I thought that I should have taped that. lol.

.....and this is what I'm going to be doing when I get home from the doctors! :o)
I've been, what it seems, on overload!
If anything changes, I'll write an update. Boy, I hope there isn't anything else! Good grief! :o)
I'm going to go for now. I pray that everyone has a great day!

Caught Cheating

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got
into a taxi at the airport after midnight, and while en
route to his home, asked the driver if he would be a
witness, as he suspected his wife was having an affair, and
expected to catch her in the act. The driver agreed, and
they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights
pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with
another man.

The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife
shouted, "Don't do it, this man has been very generous. Who
do you think paid for the Corvette I said I bought for you,
who do you think paid for our new boat, he did!"

The husband looked over at the cab driver and said, "What
would you do in a case like this?"

The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he
catches cold."

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Sunday, February 24, 2008


I just need to log and talk/type. I'm still having some difficulty with my latest health news.
I was told about my left lung, but for the life of me, I can't remember all of it. All I do remember hearing is that it's bad and making my heart drop lower because the lung is bad. And having CHF, is making it harder on me. Thats it. I guess what happened is when I was being told, I must have been on auto pilet and just went through the motions. I can remember seeing them, and their mouth moving, but thats it. To be completly honest, I don't want to hear it. Just not righ now.

I keep reminding myself that God gives us gifts, and nothing more than you can handle. I know that I truly feel that I'm loosing it and having a MAJOR meltdown right now. It's in God's hands. Thats where it's going to stay.

Yesterday evening, dh and I watched Kayden. The poor baby is sick again. Actually, we all are. Another round of what ever we had before! My daughter and her husband went shopping for the new baby. :o) Wow! They got so much adorable things for him! They don't need anything else, except for a lot of new born diapers. :o) They also got Kayden a few things. That cheered him up. :o) I hate to see when he is sick. I'd much rather have him running around then so quit and sleepy. Bless him.

My new physical therapist bought me a neck collar. I couldn't belive that he did that for me. He told me that since most of my pains stem from that area, then my head needs to be resting on something. It really does work. It's just like putting your arm in a sling to help your shoulders feel better. Like not using the body part thats in a sling or something, does help tremdously. I recomend getting the neck collar/brace.
I stayed in bed yesterday. I'm trying to get used to doing that. I hate it! Most of my life has been taken from me and not being able to just go somewhere is a crock! My idenity as well. Because of the stupid dentest that made my upper teeth all wrong and you can't tell I even have upper teeth! My face has deformed from this. No, this is not a vanity thing going on here, they are so wrong, I can't take a bite from a sandwich or something. My teeth just do this 'slide' thing. And if I'm not able to chew properly, that also effects my body's system. gggrrrr!

On Tuesday, I see a pulmanary doctor. I like him. He also is the doctor that monitors my sleep. And gave me the oxygen.
I need to go now. Thank you for your comments. They help me.

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: A time to weep, a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4.



Friday, February 22, 2008


I got a phone call from the cardiologist's office about a half hour ago. No....things aren't what the nurse told me. On top of the congestive heart failure, I now have some problems with my left lung. Because of the left lung is bad, thats what making my heart bad.
The echo test is what showed this. So, 2 tests weren't fine. They want me to continue using my inhaler for my lungs and oxygen when I lay down so it can help my heart. I am numb. I actually cried for the first time. I'm to go back for the follow up appointment in 2 weeks. To me that seems like a long time.
I feel like a zombie. This is not what I expected to hear. But isn't that the way it usually is?
I just need to go. I really need to talk. I need to lay down is what I should do. bye.




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Good morning! I do hope that everyone is doing and feeling good today!

Yesterday was a busy day for me. Thursdays usually are. Beause thats when my nurse, Home Health Aide, sometimes physical therapist and my weekly food deliverey. My case manager also came for an in home visit. Whew!
Plus, I'm still really feeling the after effects from that test. My nurse said that I'd be this way for a few days. Well...ok. :o) I was in my hospital bed all day! I was on line long enough to post in my journal and thats it! :o) My strength is nill right now. I had the bed in a 'sitting' position and was just watching tv. I kept 'nodding' off! Since it was Thursday, I couldn't take a nap. Too many people come over. :o)

When my nurse came, she asked me about those tests and if I had the results yet. I told her about the tests and how it really seemed like the longest 4 minutes in my entire life! No kidding! She sat down on my bed when I told her about the one that made me go into what I have here at home but was worse! And how this other nurse came in about 3-4 times wanting to get me out of it and had a needle with the solution in it. She was shocked that they allowed me to go through that for the 4 full minutes! was I! Again....I only thought that I would just get hot like I did the last time in 2006. Well she told me if I ever have 'any kind' of chest pains to push my button asap! Ok, I will. I had to promise her. While she was here, she had called both doctors, my gp and cardiologist to see if she could get the results. They didn't have it yet, so she told them to call her when they do. I was glad to hear that. I got a phone call last night around 8:00! When I seen who it was on caller ID. , I didn't know what to think. When I answered, she told me that she got the results and wanted to let me know. She also told me that she wasn't suppose to do this....telling me and not the doctors. :o) I'm not going to tell my doctors....I can act surprised! lol :o) All of the tests were normal but the one that had me go into what I have here at home showed what everyone was telling me. I have congestive heart and the right side is damaged. really just confirmed everything. Good grief....too bad there isn't another way of doing that! lol :o)

I'm sooooooooo excited for my daughter and her husband!!!! YAY! ;o) They bought a house! :o) I'm so very proud of them for being so young and able to do this! :o) My sil is a hard worker! :o) I like to see that. He says that he has to take care of his family. :o) Bless him. The house has 3 bedrooms, a huge kitchen, a garage (2 car-3 car like ours but bigger) and 2-3 rooms downstairs. He wants to make the one room into 2. :o) I can't wait to be able to see it! I'm so proud! :o)

Last night, I put one of those heating 'patches' (don't know what they're called) on the right side of my neck and shoulder. I put one on the night before as well. And I sleep with them on. When I get up, they're still nice and warm! I'm able to move my arm and head a bit better now. I don't know if I layed wrong while sleeping or not, but I have no idea how it happened. Could be the fibromyagia as well. Those 'shocking' thingies that I've been getting...and they make me make a noise (which is weird), They seem to be getting more frequent. My next neurologist appointment is on St. Patrick's Day. March 17. I'm thinking that it's the multiple sclerosis doing things. Geesh! It's so hard to keep everything on track and all together so I can tell what everything is and from what! lol It is confusing. :o)
I'm still swelling up. My nurse weighed me yesterday and I'm carrying around about 10 pounds! uuuggghhh! Even being in that bed all day long still didn't help my legs are feet! They still were swollen! I just don't get it! Is this apart of the congestive heart failure? Please, I'd like to know. It doesn't make much sense to keep my legs up in the hospital bed and I put the bottom part up so my legs and feet are better and keep the back/top of the bed lower then the bottom. My nurse keeps telling me to keep them up, and I do! She checked my legs and feet and seeing that they were swollen, and had been in bed at least 5 hours! I told her that I've had them up, but from the way they look...I don't think she believed me. Thats ok, I know. I've also been watching my salt intake as well.
I woke up with the shakes again. gggrr. They havent gone away yet. It'll pass! :o) What else is new! :o)
I was walking to my bathroom yesterday and triped on my cane! LOL :o) I wonder sometimes how I can do certain things! lol That was too funny! I didn't fall,just my gracefullness walking! :o) A few days ago, I was in the living room with my daughter and grandson. I don't remember what I was doing, (I know my daughter probably does) but I triped and was going to fall on the electric wheel chair was there and I fell right into the seat of that! I was lucky I didn't fall any other way! :o) I also think that was one of God's way of telling me something! :o)
I'm going to stop now. I've probably bored you all enough now! :o) J/K! :o) Thank you all for your comments and signing my guest book! :o) Don't forget to sign it! :o)~ God's blessings to all of you!
Hey! Stay Warm! :o)

And.......Thank God it's Friday! :o)

" The most beautiful people are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."
~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross ~


The values in your heart

When your world seems frustrating, keep in mind that the most important part of you exists beyond those frustrations. When life feels painful, never forget that the pain, however difficult it may be, is confined to just a small portion of who you truly are.

All around you are things you can see and touch and physically manipulate. They are part of life, but they are by no means all there is.

You cannot hold love in your hand, and yet you know for certain that it exists. You cannot capture joy in a box or an envelope and yet you have no doubt that it is real.

When the outward concerns of life seem to be overwhelming, remind yourself, there's more. There is so very much more to living and being than those things you can see and hear, taste and smell, touch and possess.

Even those losses and disappointments that feel big and burdensome, are small in comparison to all the beautiful, positive possibilities living within you. Look beyond the noisy, superficial distractions and remember the miracle of your existence.

Live your life around the values in your heart. And those everyday pains and nuisances will lose their power to bring you down.

-- Ralph Marston


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

~*~*~*~*Happy Birthday Nena*~*~*~

Happy 23rd Birthday!!!

At 10:59 pm., I gave birth to a baby girl! She was born on Ash Wednesday! :o)

2 hours after the delivery, the doctor came into my room. He told me that he didn't think my baby would make it through the night! I was to call the family to come. All I could think of is NO! My baby girl WILL servive! I ran down to were they were keeping her. I just grabed her right up. I sat in a rocking chair, praying and crying. I would talk to her and sing as well. I was not going to let this happen! She was responding to me! The doctor was amazed at how she was doing. She was born with a 105 fever! She had swollowed some feces while coming out. Bless her. Within an hour, her temp. went down a few degrees and was very alert! I wouldn't stop loving and kissing her and giving her hugs. She made it through the night!!! :o)

So....Can all of you join in and help me celebrate her birthday! :o) My miricle little girl!

......and she does! :o) She can walk into a room and feel her presance! A beautiful light just aluminates from her! :o)
Happy Birthday Nena!



A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous Destinations around the world.

The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop: 'I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer.'

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted,

and were off!

About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.

'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to thank you but, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?'


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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'm back...

I'm back! It took 4 hours. I've had this done before, so I already knew what to expect.
I now have this test done and out of the way. :o) Whew! I hope they find what they're looking for.
I'm so exhausted now. :o) It took a lot out of me.

I was fine through the echo test, just got a lot of back pains from the hard table/bed. :o) Then the scanning as well. I was taken to another room for the next test. I had to sit up on a bed with pillows behind me. Leaning back on the wall. I was told that it would only last for 4 minutes, and thats what I remember from before as well.
Well....I was only expecting to get hot like hot flashs, like the last time. And, thats what they said that would probably happen. Not this time. As soon as the medicine got in my system, I started having those same chest pains. The ones where I get the chest pains, and it goes up my neck and into my jaw, then I vomit. Thats what happened this morning and it went up both sides of my neck and both sides of my jaws. I just started sliding down towards the left. Another nurse came in with a needle of something to get me out of it. They kept asking me questions about how I was feeling and things like that. I really couldn't talk at that time, but I did my best. Getting towards the end, that other nurse wanted to go ahead and give me that shot to get me out of it. I know I was all for it! :o) That was the longest 4 minutes of my life! After the test was over, I was still in that "state!" It was weird because all I could think of is if I ended up at the er, I needed my cell with me and did I grab it this morning.
I was starting to get better. I was given some water to help relax me. After all of that, they took the IV out and I came home! What a morning. :o)
I thought I needed to log this as well as the pictures.
Now I need to go rest. :o)


I'm glad you that you guys are my friends! :o)

Good morning.....hoping that all of you are feeling/doing well today.

I'm so glad that you guys understood what I wrote about in the last 2 entry's. I never mean to come across as a bitch, but I know at times I even think that I do. Not at all meaning to. :o)
I had a blast yesterday with my mom! :o) I always do! The woman kills me! lol :o) I don't get to see her very much because she works a lot, like my best friend.
We went to Englewood to see my doctor that takes care of my arthritis and fribromyalgia. We were early because we left early because of a snow storm was coming. I don't know if any of you remembers what I wrote about this doctor wouldn't see me because of my insurance card was the last months and my appointment was before my mail runs. I got in in the mail that day. But, there was an arguement between her and I right in front of the whole waiting room! I had said that this is out of my control because I can't control my mail! She continued and I walked out! It happened again. I had last months insurance card, and stupid me forgot this months. When I got home, it was still sitting on my desk. Everyone was seen by the doctor, and my mom and I were the only ones there. Then she had me call the other doctors that I had seen this month to see if 'they' got the right months card! I called my daughter and asks if she could do this for me. The first fax came from my heart doctor. It was last months. No one else said anything about my insurance card! She told me that I either come up with this months card, (oh sure!) or give her cash, then the doctor could see me. I couldn't do any of those. Then I heard the doctor talking to her letting her know what to say!!! I couldn't believe this! All he wanted was more money to line his pockets with and I'm not going to do that! I asked if they can turn me away just because I didn't have my card with me but it was here on my desk? I could have faxed it to them when I got home! No! I also feel that the doctor showed just how little of a man he was by telling her what to say! So I walked out! I'll never go back again. ggrrrr!

Today is the day for those tests. Oh Yay! :o) It's at 8:00. There wasn't anyone that could go with me, so I have to go alone. Whichdoesn't bother me....I just don't know yet if they'll let me drive. Oh well...I'll find out soon! :o)
We got some snow again last night. So, I'm going to try and leave early.
By the way; I want to say a few things to all of you. I'm so very blessed to have the friends that I do! :o) Thank you so much for being there for me! I couldn't ask for better friends! :o)
Even though I'm still grieving because of a few things going on in my life, all of you have been here for me! Oh...I also want to say this; please don't worry about saying/talking about your pains. I just see it as pain is pain! :o) And I know that I'm sure not the only one in pain. :o) My mom won't even comment somtimes because she feels that her pains are nothing compared to mine! Nope! I don't think that way....pain is pain!


Monday, February 18, 2008

Here's to you II..........

 This is an entry from my other journal that I write in because at times I don't feel that I can be as open in this one anymore.
                                    Thursday, February 14, 2008


4:39 AM - "Fill in the____________!" And just understand...
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

I have so much that I want to say. But where to begin? And to get others to understand where I'm coming from. Once again, I say this all the time, "You don't know how YOU would react!" Thats one of my pet peeves. Hearing someone say, "Why didn't you/they?!" It's not like that! You, yourself would react in the only way at that time and it's a split second desicion. *In other words, you have NO idea what it's like until it happens to you or you've gone through it!* Make sense? I truly hate it when someone will say to me, "Why do you act differently, Why have you changed, Why are you acting like one of *My illnesess* has me and not I have it?" Etc... You know, Just shut up and let me go through my own grieving! How do you think you would react? Walk in my shoes for 5 minutes! Ok? Instead of hearing all of this stupid negative stuff, it would be nice to hear, "Hey, I'm proud of you and the way you're handling it, or, I can really understand why you've changed!" Once again just because I do not have an open wound gushing with blood, does not mean I'm not in pains and, " Yes, I could use a friend right now, or, Thank you for understanding me!"
If any of this makes sense, I'm glad that you do understand me, if not..I'm sorry that you're not very open minded then! It just really goes through me! And I don't know how many times I have to say this, "Hell yea I've changed!" Don't you think you would too?Duh! And do you know exactly how you would react when you get some bad health news? Nope!
All I want to do is to grieve and then be able to move on. Just let me please without saying that I've changed...!
For one thing, saying that I've changed and having it be used 'against' me, is as lame as they come! I'm not your scapegoat! I'm not your excuse! Just like I don't use my health problems as an excuse. Because it's a part of my life. Oh well! But there are stages I and others go through, just let me, ok!
I'm writing about this in this blog because I feel more comfortable. If I would in my aol journal, I'd more then likely get smacked with nasty emails and/or those nasty comments too! And thats always so adult like! NOT! And yes I do understand that the new diagnosis isn't a "death sentance!" I can't believe that someone actually wrote that! Like I said in that journal, to hear that I have congestive heart failure just bounced around in my head and when I actually seen it on paper in black and white, hell yea I reacted differently! Just like when I was told that I had progressive multiple sclerosis. My reaction was that I'm so glad that I finally know now and I thought I could handle knowing it now. Nope! About 7-8 months ago I litterly had a major melt down! It seemed to all hit me at once. My head was flooded with all kinds of things. I'm still grieving that news, then I got the new one. I'm so overwhelmed! And you know what, I'm allowed to be! Let me handle the way I know how to handle my health news.
Who knows, I just might put this in my aol journal. I'm at a point in my life right now to where I really could care less what someone thinks of me! Here I am, take it or leave it!

Signing off.....................


Here's to you......

Good morning! I hope that everyone is doing good today!

I was reading Pam's journal this morning and I think she's made a very good point! I agree with her as well.
When we write in our journals, we aren't doing it to entertain others! We are writing about our lives. And too bad if it isn't a "Happy Go Lucky" Journal! So what! I write what ever I want to in this journal, and in my opinion, if you don't like it then don't read it. I'm not going to entertain anyone. I need this journal and the other one that I have to release! I really don't have anyone that I can talk to all the time, so I do it here. I'm actully 'letting you' into my personal life of all the things that I go through.
Someone is leaving J-Land because they think the journals are 'too sad!' What I have to say about that one is; I'm not at all sorry for what I do write in my journal. I have good days and I have bad days....everyone does, and you know what? It's called LIFE! How about that! Maybe you just don't like facing the truth. The reason that I 'stopped writing' awhile back is because I actually let people just like this, get to me. Because I wasn't uplifting enough. I let someone upset me very badly! Then I stopped. I got so many comments telling me that 'they would be here' for me when I decide to come back. When I did came back, I realized that I lost a lot of readers. I can tell by my counter and thats how I know! Yet again, I got hurt. But again, somehow I allowed it to hurt me.

Moving on........

I'm waiting on my mom to come over. She's taking me to my doctor today. So I know I'm going to have a great day already....with my mom! :o)
Yesterday, I had a bad headach/migrain. I couldn't get rid of it for the life of me! I took a nap and took the migrain pills and nothing. :o) Good grief! After I watched Big Brother, I just went to bed. :o)
Myswelling is still happening. It's in my legs now. My ankles and my feet are starting now. It's not at all happening as fast as it did before! Very thankful for that one! I'm going to start documenting when I swell. Pictures and measurments.
I will be able to tell my doctor better that way. Plus, it will help me to remember. My memory has gotten so much worse! gggrr! I can be in the middle of a sentance and all of the sudden I can't remember what I was even saying! I've been asking the person I'm talking to, what I had just said to help 'jog' my memory! When writing in this, I can just sit here or get up and walk to remember what I wanted to say.
It kind of makes me feel so stupid! But I do know that it's just something that goes along with a few of my illnesses. They need to take turns instead of doing it to me all at once! lol :o) Kidding! :o)
I'm still having those 'electrical' shock feelings that jolts my body pretty good! I'm thinking it's the MS doing it. The next neurologist appointment is a few weeks. Thats not that far away.
I should go and get ready. <sigh>
Oh....I wanted to thank you for signing my guest book! :o) Also, thank all of you for commenting as well. It always helps me. I love the feedback. And all of your ideas. :o) I hope you have a happy and great day! :o)

....if you haven't noticed, I'm one that goes with the beat of my own drum! :o)