Thursday, September 29, 2005


I got up at 1:00 this morning. Only 2 hours of sleep. Not a good thing. I think my body must be doing some sort of pattern of it's own again. I'm not liking it. This is really taking a toll on me. I hope that I'll be able to go back to bed here soon. If not, oh well.....I'm just going to have to ride it out. I've noticed that the steroids that I've been on for my hives has also been helping alot with my pain as well. Imagine that one! :o) I'm not complaing, and I'm going to makes sure I tell the doctor this one. :o) Going to go and see if I can get some more rest. God bless all of you! :o) Thank you for your comments, they do keep me going. :o)

And again.......

If it's not one thing it's another. Geesh! Yesterday I had to call my doctor for an emergancy. I had red bumps all over me, and I was ichy all over. I didn't want to take any chances of it being something contagious, so I imediatly called, and they got me in right away. Whew! Again, I have hives! I get them this time of year almost every year most of my life. lol He gave me a shot of a steroid and it stopped the iching, and gave me 2 scripts, one for the same steroid, and the other for Benadryl. But not an over the counter one. This will do the trick. :o) It's so hard to be itchy all over when you're not able to reach! YIKES! I am feeling better now from the meds. But sore now from stretching my arms to reach my icthy's! I'll probable end up in bed most of the day for two reasons; one to get my muscles to feel better, and two; because those meds. make me sleepy. :o) I could use some sleep too. :o) The baby is still sick with a cold. But he is getting a bit better. :o) Well.....this is all for now. God bless you all, and gentle hugs. :o)

Wednesday, September 28, 2005


I pretty much feel the same this morning. Blah! Plus pain = not a good day. Yesterday, my husband wanted me to go out to Home Depot to see what they had in spas. I found something that I loved and very cheap! Finally! :o) It's a big tub and is only $649.99! Instead of prices like $2900.00. Plus, it can be put in the house, which would be so much better for me. I get it tonight...YAY....but will have to wait for it to be problem! :o) I have plenty of time, I've waited this long. :o) I hope that today will be better with this stupid pain. Still crossing my fingers and praying. Gentle hugs to you all. :o) Try to have a day without too much pain. :o)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Still can't sleep.

Last night, it took me a long time to get to sleep. Way too much on my mind. I still have this headahe that I've had for a few weeks now. It just won't go away. Maybe I should call my doctor and have him give me an MRI on the rest of my body to see whats going on with it. :o) Ya' never know. I also want to thank my friend for sending me some information about a journal that was written in. Thank you. :o) I think I'm getting a cold, my grandson has one and the rest of the family hasn't been feeling very well. Blah! I'm sure it's because we've been having such cold weather, and on top of that, a whole lot of rain, and it isn't going to stop very soon. It's just been icky weather here. :o( Well, once again, I'm going to try and lay down to see if I can get any sleep. I haven't been able to for awhile, but who knows, maybe today will be different. Crossing my fingers. :o) I also want to thank another friend of mine for donating for my hot tub fund when she came over to visit and to see her grandson. :o) And my mom as well, for donating. :o) And to another very good friend of mine....I'm always here for you. :o) Well, I always am for anyone that wants to talk. :o) God Bless you all, and gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Monday, September 26, 2005

Still no sleep.

I only had 3 hours of sleep tonight. At least it's better then last night with only 2. I'm just in so much pain that it wakes me up, and I can't get comfortable enough to go back to sleep. My right shoulder is hurting pretty bad, and the pain is shooting down my arm. I have so many pillows in my bed to prop up my arms and legs if I need to. It just didn't work this time. My back and my legs are really hurting as well. My legs are very weak. I know why my back hurts now, it's in the exact place where my tumor is. Now I know why that place hurts so much. Today my grandson will turn 4 months old. YAY! :o) Enough for now....Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Saturday, September 24, 2005

No sleep.

My therapist came yesterday. I told her about my tumor on my spine. But she still had to rub that same area. Yikes! I can now walk on the bottoms of my feet. :o) I got up at 12:15 this morning. Only 2 hours of sleep. Geesh....could be a long day. I am very sore and in so pretty bad pain still. I'm still just riding it out. :o) I found a few scriptures that I wanted to share. I thought they might be a bit uplifting to you. :o)

    The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips, but the righteous will come through trouble...He who speaks truth declares righteousness, but a false witness, deceit.            Proverbs 12:13, 17

    Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.                                                      Colossians 3:13

    Then Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."                                                                                    Luke 23:34

    Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.    Luke 6:17



Yesterday was really nothing any different. I laid in bed all day to rest my body. Things aren't any better, I still have the same pain eveywhere. Just part of having fibromyalgia. Oh well. :o) Just have to ride the waves out that are thrown at me. :o) My massage therapist is going to be coming this morning. That will help. :o) I slept 7 and a half hours last night! Yay! :o) I really needed that. I guess thats about all thats been going on. :o) Gentle hugs to you all! :o)

Friday, September 23, 2005


I just got back from the doctors. I found out that I have a tumor on my spine. :o( Now I know why that area of my back really hurts so much. :o( It's on the 1 and 5 vertabra. It's not operable yet, but when it gets bigger, then it will have to be removed. :o( The good thing is that where it is located, none of the vertabras are fractured. Whis me luck. God bless all of you.

Me again.

I got up at 1:30 this morning. I had 4 hours of sleep. Better then 3. :o) I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to find out the results of all of those tests I went through. I can't wait. Hopefully he found something, or whatever he was looking for. Boy, my pain level is so off my chart! Just to lay in bed hurts my whole body. Crossing my fingers and praying that I will feel better soon. :o) I want to thank everyone for all of your comments. :o) God bless all of you. :o)

Thursday, September 22, 2005


Ok....What I write in my journal is about my life. No one else lives my life. If you do not like what you read, then don't read it. I write what goes on in my life, to explain WHY I am in some of the pain that I am in. No, I do not blame others for my pain, it's called fibromyalgia! Again, to make everyone else happy, I went through and deleted some of the entrys. Again, I am making other people happy, and thinking of them, and not me. Thanks for trying to make me feel like I'm such a terrible person for writing in my journal and what goes on in my life. Again, this is MY life not yours, so you do not know what I do go through with certain people. Of course they will write in a comment, but since you do NOT know the truth, and I do, does NOT give you the right to boldly tell me what and how I should write my journal either! I don't blame anyone for the pain I am in, ever. Ok? This is a journal, and I use it to get stuff off of my chest to help make me feel better. Maybe intead of writing comments in my journal, you should do the same.

I slept really good last night. I am in more pain then I was yesterday. But, that just goes with this disease.

Sorry for being so angry this morning, but I am so tired of people telling me how and what I should write in my own journal! Please stop it, and if you don't like what you read, move on, and stop leaving comments like you have!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005


Ok, this is my life: I have fibromyalgia. I am in alot of pain everyday. I will be in alot of pain for the rest of my life. I can not have stress in my life because it makes my pain worse. Stress leads me to not sleep right, and that also leads to more pain. Right now, I have to walk on the side of my feet because of the muscle cramps on the bottoms of my feet. My pain level right now is way off the charts. I don't know how much more I can stress what it is like for me day in and day out to live. Gentle hugs to you all.


Well.....I thought today would be an alright day. It hasn't. Whats new in my life though. I think that everyone thinks that my "hot tub fund" jar is a big joke. Well it's not. I need one for medical reasons. The money in it was mostly mine anyways, my daughter put 3 dollars in it, and my son put some change in it. I'm going to give it all back to them. I don't know what I was thinking when I came up with such an idea. I took $80.00 out of it, and paid off a bill that I had. I'll just wait longer. I've had people tell me how much that they would help me with so many things. I'm not going to hold my breath on that anymore either.


Yesterday was even worse then I ever thought I could get. I've been walking on the outer sides of my feet, because I can't walk on the bottoms anymore, it hurts too bad. My upper body is in so much pain, I can barely use my arms. Actually, I can't even put my hand anywhere to rest on my body because no matter where I put it, it hurts me too bad. Plus, my hands hurt pretty bad too. My massage therapist had to rub the palms, tops and sides of my hands. They too are getting worse. I've been doing my best to eliminate the stresses in my life to help me get better. This has been by far the worse that I've ever felt with having this disease. Gentle hugs to all. :o)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Continued from last entry..........

I feel that I really need to say this and make it as clear as possible. When I write in this journal, I write about MY life, and what I go through in everyday life with fibromyalgia. Ok? If you read my jouranl, and you happen to feel that I might write something, and it's about you, and you happen to get your feelings hurt, what do you think has happened to me before I write about it? That means that someone has already hurt or upset me before I write about it. Make since? I would love for those people to be in my shoes for one day, just to feel what it's like to be treated, talked to, or whatever the case may be, so they can feel what I go through with pain. Again, if you don't like what I write in MY journal, then STOP reading it. This journal is MY way of getting things off my chest to help make me feel better. Thats it. Nothing more.


Yesterday turned out to be a bit of a better day. Not pain wise, but being able to talk to someone. :o) I really want to thank someone special for giving me a call yesterday. :o) You really got my mind working with all of the information that you gave me, and listening to me. :o) You made the rest of my day so uplifting. :O) I felt that I had lifted so much off of my chest. Thank you so much! :o) I also want to thank another special friend of mine for coming over to visit me and bringing her mom over too! :o) I had so much fun. :o) You have a wonderful mother. :o) They also gave me very good advise as well. Especially on how to eliminate a lot of the stress in my life. Their advice was basically what I was going to do anyway. But it felt good to hear it from others. The pain is still the same, just a different day. I don't have much planned to do today, just think on how I'm going to get rid of all are most of my stressers. I have to, because I have to take care of me, and no one else really knows how I truly feel with this pain and when there is stress put on me, how much more I hurt. If I hurt peoples feelings, very sorry. It all needs to be done for my own health. If you don't understand, then I feel that you didn't really care in the first place. Just being honest. I don't know how many times I've either have said, or given strong hints to them, and this time since it hasn't stopped, or hasn't calmed down, sorry. I need to stop putting everyone else before me. With that said; Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Monday, September 19, 2005

Just my feelings.

I just want to clarify something. I'm not being cynical in my latest writings. All I'm doing is writing down my feelings. Thats all. I'm loosing more of what I am able to do. My body has gotten worse, and I'm so afraid that I will loose being able to walk. I'm grieving a bit about that. But again, it is very true about not getting anymore phone calls, or any vistors because of their friend. In the eyes of them, I was a priority to them. It just hurts when I'm in need of them now, they aren't here for me. Again, I don't want anymore promises from anyone, because they have been broken. That hurts. For those that read my journal to see how I'm doing that live close to me, well, here it is; I'm in pain still and I will probably be in bed most of the day to rest my muscles. Yes, the pain is above a 10. There, now you know. What you don't know is what I haven't written. Things I can't write. Not my lose. Again, not being cynical, just my feelings.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

No subject.

I scanned some photos this morning to share. :o) These photo's show my pride and joy! :o) My kids and my grandson! :o) They are the ones that do take some time out to talk to me when I'm in my bed. :o) Even my son. Too bad I don't get emails anymore, just forwards. I don't get phone calls anymore. Just because I write in this journal doesn't mean that I write down everything about me. Sometimes it would be nice to hear from others and an occasional personal email. Yes, I've written and have called. But either no come back or too busy. Same as with a phone call, not enough time. Just because I do have these people living with me, doesn't mean that I always have someone around me and someone to talk to. These pictures mean a lot to me. And so does my family.

No subject

Other then saying ditto today....I'll just say that I'm feeling the same way. The pain still has not gone away. I'm not sure if this is getting worse again. It has twice before, and stayed, and it appears that it's doing the same thing again. If so, I can't imagine it getting any worse then I feel now. I get woke up all through the night because of the pain. Not just woke up in the morning, then I just get up. Laying in bed all day isn't helping me at all. Well, not all day because I can't handle doing that. But most of the day. Too bad I don't have any more of my Vicodines left, I would try them again to see if they would help me at all. Oh mistake on that one. It's also getting to the point to where I'm having a hard time "hiding" my pain from others. I don't know what my face looks like lately, but I'm asked by everyone if I'm depressed! Good Lord, No! I'M IN PAIN! If thats how I look when I'm in pain, then get used to it. My daughter went to get another 5th generation picture done, and she and the baby were gone since Friday morning until yesterday evening. I felt so lonely! My son works 12 - 14 hour days and my husband was here! I guess it's because I don't get many visiters anymore. My mom used to come to visit more often, but not anymore. I really miss that. I have to get used to everyone else has a life and other friends first. Not depressed, just when you're alone, you have a lot of time to think about things and see them for what they are. A lot of soul searching. No, I don't expect people to drop things just for my benifit either. God bless you all. :o)

Saturday, September 17, 2005


All I need to do is say "DITTO" from yesterdays comment. Still feeling the same. Thank you for all the great comments. :o)

Friday, September 16, 2005


Yesterday was one of the worse in pain wise for me. I had to stay in bed all day. I got out of bed about 4:30 to try walking around to see if I could. My physical therapist was not very happy to see how bad I was. The bottoms of my feet, palms of my hands, to everywhere else had muscle cramps. I have a one that feels the size of a baseball on my right side, and it really hurts to put my arm down. It hurts to walk still because I had so many cramps on my feet, my right foot was the worse. Of course my back hips and legs were pretty bad as well. I feel so horrible. Even laying in bed doesn't really help me, just keeps me off of my feet. It hurts my hips, back and shoulders to just lay there and do nothing. gggrrrr! My clothes and my sheets are starting to feel like burlap to me. I'm going to have to go up on the thread count on my bed sheets again. Thats going to cost me. Last night, I started a "Hot Tub Fund" for me. I got a large jar and put change in it to start it out. My son and Jim put some in as well. Even my son's girlfriend did so. :o) I feel thats the only way for me to get one to help me with this disease. It's a start. :o) Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Thursday, September 15, 2005

No subject

Yesterday was a pretty horrible day. But things are better now. I went to bed at 9:30 last night and my back and legs woke me up at 4:45 this morning. I was able to get 7 hours of sleep...yay! :o) My pain level is still high. When I got in bed last night, it hurt my body to even touch the sheets and especially to lay down in bed. :o( I don't know if this fibro is getting worse or not. Oh well. It's what I go through day in, and day out. Gentle hugs to you all. :O)

Wednesday, September 14, 2005


Well last night and the night before I only had 3 hours of sleep. That makes for a long day. My pain level is extremly high today. Oh well. Thats just my life.

Monday, September 12, 2005

No Subject

Yesterday was a relaxing day. I went to my neighbors house to use her massage chair while my husband worked on some wiring for them. It really felt good. :o) Then we all put together a dinner and had a cook out. :o) That went great! :o) Had a blast! :o) This morning I got up at 8:20! Yay! :o) I really need a less stress day like I did yesterday. :o) Things are better with me now, ( with all the things on my mind). I've just came to a conclusion as to what to do with it all, and will just have to follow through with it. :o) That takes a lot off me as well. :o) God bless you all. :o)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

No subject.

Yesterday my physical therapist came. My upper body wasn't nearly as bad as it has been. Whew! But, my spine all the way down to my hips and all of my legs and feet and ankles, where in very bad pain. :o( Again it made me cry for her to do the deep massage. I stayed in bed part of the day to rest my back and the lower extremeties.

My day went a bit better. I'm glad it did. I don't really need to much more stress right now. I was able to sleep 7 hours last night! Yay! :o) That should help me for today. :o) I guess thats it.....God bless all of you! :o)

Friday, September 9, 2005


Yesterday was just a normal day around here. Coming back from relaxing and then back home was like a shock to my system. If that makes any since? This is just where my stresser is. :o( But, I am still feeling better then I was. Which is what counts. :o) I got 5 hours of sleep last night. Better then 4. One of these days, karma is going to hit someone that lives here right in the face, and I can't wait until that day comes. I don't want to sound mean, but for someone to try to make me feel guilty over every little thing that goes on in this house, I feel that it's wrong. And for that same person seeing me for the first time since I come back from being gone for awhile, and if someone else is here will completelty ignore me and ask how they are doing and help them before me. That is getting old, and it hurts me. I'm placed second. Karma. What comes around will go around. Now I know for sure were most of my stress is coming from. I'm glad for many reasons that I was able to get away for a night because I can clearly see so much more now. It hurts. Things happen for a reason. My mind is very clear right now, and I do see. I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life. I guess I can't get that through this persons head, and others will get better, and I could use the same help as they "trip" over themselves to help the ones who will get better, and not me, the one that isn't. All I here is, "I could have done that for you," in my eyes, then why didn't you?! and when I do ask, it's like I've asked for a million dollars, and then it gets thrown back in my face to make me feel guilty! Then I see with my own eye how much this person will go as far to help another person, over me. OUCH!!!!!! :o( I can't live like this. I'm so tired of others trying to make me feel like things are my fault, lies from others, and no help from the one that say they "love" me. I'm going to have to start going to them and sounding them out on it all. I can not, and will not live this way because it makes my body hurt. I don't understand why no one sees this, espcially when they all know about what I have and what makes my body worse. I'm not trying to sound selfish, just having to look out for my own health!

Thursday, September 8, 2005

A mini vacation. :o)

Well, the hot tub really did what I needed! Yay! :o) I feel like I'm back down to at least a hard 9 to a 10 now! Thats so good for me right now. Even if it lasts for a day...thats great! :o) It was so relaxing. My daughter and my grandson were with me. I got 9 and a half hours of sleep last night! Yea! :O) It was great! I'm so glad that I had the chance to do this. :o) Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Well, yesterday's tests were so grueling. I had to MRI first. Laying on my back really hurts me. Got through that one without too much more pain added to me. Then I had to have the x-rays. OMG!!!! Laying on that hard table made my eyes automatically cry because of the pain was so bad. She had me in there for almost an hour and 20 minutes, the MRI only took about a half an hour. I was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. The next test was a DEXA, I think thats what it was called. Again, laying on a hard table. By that time, my body was in so much pain, I felt that I was getting dizzy and numb. That test lasted about a half an hour. Then I was done. Whew! I couldn't walk. I had my wheel chair. When I got home, my mom made my bed for me. :o) Thanks mom. :o) I asked my husband if there would be anyone that could help with getting me a hot tub room at one of the Hotels in town. He found someone! :o) OMG!!! I get to go and check in today, and I can't wait! :o) He seen how much pain I was in, and told me that he has never seen me this way, and it really bothered him. So, I get to sit in a hot tub to help get better today, and tomorrow. :O) I would never want anyone to ever feel what this pain that I'm going through, ever. God bless you all and gentle hugs. :O)

Tuesday, September 6, 2005


Nothing new has happened since yesterday. My physical therapist will be coming this morning. It's going to hurt pretty bad, but I know It will be a good thing. Hopefully it will make me feel alittle bit better. :o) I also have to go for a bunch of tests today. One of them is an MRI on my spine. I hope he finds what he's looking for. :o) With all of the tests, I'll probably not get home until around 5:00, my guess. :o( I got up at 4:00 again this morning. Better then 2 hours of sleep. I got 3 and a half hours of sleep last night. I took only 1 Tylenol 3 yesterday for the pain I'm still in. It just made me sleepy again, and didn't help at all with the pain. Oh well. I've a;so been a bit upset again over how someone very special to me is being treated once again. It hurts to see it happen. :o( I guess this is all for now.

Monday, September 5, 2005

I don't know whats next.

Yesterday was just as bad, if not worse then the day before. I took 2 Tylenol 3, and waited for them to help. All they did was make me a bit tired. Thats ok. My daughter and my grandson were all in my bed. We put his dvd in for him to watch, and my daughter and I played checkers. It helped me to be able to pass some time away. :o) I love them both so much. :O) I found 2 more new places with muscle cramp "lumps." One is on the side of my left wrist, and the other on my right lower arm. Then of course I have so many on the bottoms of my feet sticking's gross to look at. :o( My feet and ankles look lumpy. I'm still not able to walk very far now. I prayed to not take away my being able to walk. I wouldn't know what to do if that happened. Which right now, it seems to be happening. :o( So much has been taken from me from having this horrid disease. Except for my faith. Even my son came home yesterday to check on me. :o) I have wonderful kids. :o) They are both worried. When thay are around, I try to not show how much pain I truly am in. But lately I haven't been able to even do that. So they are seeing the true me in my pain. :o( I am still able to walk a bit around my house, but not for very long. I have a bad feeling that this disease is getting worse, like it has before. Nothing has been helping me at all. I would love to just get in a hot tub to try to feel better. But that isn't going to happen for a long time. :o( I wanted to save up enough money to get a hot ub room at one of our Hotels in town so I could just spend some time to relax there. That will be awhile as well. :o( Not enough money right now. I prayed again this morning to not take away my being able to walk. I did get a small nap in yesterday. I got up feeling the same. I'm not able to get comfortable anymore to sleep. I got up at 4:00 this morning. 5 hours of sleep is pretty good for me. :o) I just hope that my body will show mw signs of getting better today. :o) Thank you all for your incouraging commetents. :o) They honestly do keep me going. :O)

Sunday, September 4, 2005

I haven't written in a few days because I'm in so much pain, I'm not on the computer very much right now. I know I've been way beyond a 12. This has been by far the worse for me to take from this disease. My town is having a Heritage Festival, and I love to go every year. My mom and sister came over and took my daughter and I out there. I took my walker but for got my wheel chair for just in case. I had so much fun! :o) But, I am paying for it. I can't describe my pain. I left when I felt I needed to so I wouldn't push myself too far. I guess it wasn't enough. If my pain scale had a 20 on it, I would say that thats what I am right now. I tried everything that I could think of doing last night to try to ease the pain. I've ran out of ideas. I would love to be able to sit in a hot tub, I know that would help my body so much. I honestly didn't think that this disease would get worse. I guess it does. I haven't been able to get back down to a 7 in so long. I know you can't die from fibromyalgia, but the pain is the killer. Keep up with your uplifting comments, they really do keep me going! :o) God bless you all. :O)

Friday, September 2, 2005

A lot of pain.

I got up at 3:00 this morning because of the pain. My daughter and I went to the grocery last night. Half way through, my feet had cramped up, and my legs and hips were killing me as well. I thought I could do it, but I guess it wasn't having a good enough "pain free" day to do it. My right foot is so cramped up, I can hardly walk. My whole upper body hurts pretty bad too. I had my daughter reach and get the things I was buying, but I suppose just the whole thing wasn't a good idea. I'll more then likely be in bed most of the day trying to feel better. I would have to say that my pain level is up to a hard 12 once again. Oh well...thats my life. I want to thank you for all your comments, they really do keep me going. :o) God bless you all. :o)