Tuesday, April 26, 2005


It has been snowing and raining here. :o( And cold. So far, my daughter is still having the contractions. She has an appointment yesterday, and she hasn't dialated yet. But she will more then likely have these contractions up until she delivers. She's so exhausted.

My pain level is the same. It's at a 7 right now. I've been doing my best to also take care of me too. I've been having some problems with my left leg. It will give out on me....and I don't feel at all safe. My hands and upper arms are in pain. I try to rub my daughter as much as I can to help her feel better. My physical therapist has made them feel a lot better, and is concentrating on those areas. So that helps. Still not getting any sleep. I'm used to it. :o) Thats about it. :o)

Sunday, April 24, 2005

......................An attitude of gratitude creates blessings.

-Sir John Templeton

Saturday, April 23, 2005


For the last few days, I've been taking care of my daughter. She's been having contractions. I have the couch bed out for her so I can watch over her. The baby has dropped, and she isn't due until May 25. I've been doing my best to rub where her pain is to help ease it. So far, she's doing good. :o) Whew! :o)

It hasn't been very nice here weather wise. We've been having thunder storms, and a lot of rain. Yuk! My energy level is down considerable. I'm still not sleeping very well. But, my pain level has been stable. Only just a few surprise pains here and there, not my whole body acting up. Yay! The new medicines are helping that, but the sleep medicine isn't working at all. Oh well. I still have my fingers crossed that one day I'll be able to sleep again. :o) Just keep praying. :o)

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Another beautiful day. :o)

Yesterday was another beautiful day. :o) I've been able to get out on our deck to sit in the sun. It really feels so good to be able to do that. I really love this new house....I'm able to go anywhere in it. :o) We had thunderstorms in the evening, and having the windows open, it smelled so good, and to just sit back and listen to it. :o) It's still raining, but thats ok....I had two great days out side. :o) I really needed that. We grilled out the night before....and all of us were out side together. :o) My daughter is having the same type of pains, but she is doing fine. Whew! :o) My pain will always be the same...so this morning I'm not going to even go there. I don't want to ruin my thoughts of the past two days. :o)

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Well, yesterday was a much better day. I was very dizzy still from those new medicines. Thats not good, because I get so dizzy that I almost fall. I've been tripping, and has been real close, just very lucky that I haven't. My physical therapist came yesterday, and there were some places that I didn't know that hurt......she started to rub my shoulder blades and down my back, and it about sent me through the roof! The pain made me sick to my stomach. Then when she got to my calves, on my right one, there was another spot that actually sat me up! It hurt so bad, I had tears coming down my face. I've been having more muscle spasms in both of my calves, but had no idea that the right one was in that much pain. Again...she feels that my shoulder area is due to too much stress, and I need to eliminate it as best as I can. Easier said then done around here right now. The same person is still putting more stress on me and my husband more then ever. gggrrr! And with me being the "fall guy," doesn't help me. Someone else needs to speak up for me. Well, thats all for now.

Monday, April 18, 2005


Yesterday seemed to be a long day. Getting up so early really messes with my system. I was able to take a nap at 8:30 am., and felt a bit better afterwards. It was warm and beautiful out. The usual is still in pain. My foot and ankle has been swollen though. I hope that doesn't mean that there is a bigger problem then I realized. I kept it up all day, and it still didn't go down. Oh well. This morning, my right shoulder and upper arm is killing me all over again. I was having muscle spasms in my whole arm and hand last night. I'm glad that my physical therapist will be coming this morning. Nothing else that different that has been happening.

Sunday, April 17, 2005

......................Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

-Victor Borge

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Slept a bit longer.

I went to bed at 10:00 last night, and got up at 4:45 this morning. I really needed that extra sleep. My hips are bothering me this morning. And, the rest that I've mentioned previously. Nothing new. I'm still trying to get used to the new medicines. They seem to be working for me, but have horrible side effects. Thats all for this morning.

Friday, April 15, 2005


My right upper arm and shoulder area is really feeling better today. :o) I'm still not sleeping very well....but thats the way it is. I am having pain in both of my hips today, which is making it hard to walk. Nothing new. My daughter has two baby showers this weekend, and it doesn't look like I will be able to make them. :o( She understands. There's been a death in my family. I'm going to be there for my mom. She really needs my support right now more then ever. Not the reason that I'm not able to attend baby showers, just not doing well. Pain wise.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Just another day.

Nothing different out of my "normal" day. I did hear from my sister that I haven't heard from in about 3 years. :o) That was great! :o) Still got up at 3:00 this morning. I don't know why I'm still not able to sleep. I went to bed a little after 11:00 last night. Oh well.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Getting used to the new meds.

Well...yesterday was the first time I had taken all of the new medicines. I am going to take them at night. The doctor said that I could, so I will. Then I'll see how that will work. I did get 7 hours of sleep! YAY! Both of my upper arms and the whole shoulders, inculding the shoulder blades, are still in much pain. I still am not able to raise my arms up very high, or hold anything in my hands for very long...doesn't matter how heavy it is...still too much weight to handle I guess. This soon will pass.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

An Angel appeared out of nowhere!

Yesterday morning, I was in so much pain, and couldn't use my left arm very well. My physical therapist came and boy did that session hurt! Whew! Then imeditately after that, I went to my doctors appointment. I was a bit late, but he understood why. I told him about my fall, and he wants me to get an x-ray of my ankle....he felt something on the side that hurt when I fell. :o( Oh well. He is trying 3 new medicines on me....one is for muscle spasms, and one for sleep, and the other is for the nerve problems I've been having. I had no idea that fibromyalgia had a problem with the nerves like this...the feeling of an open nerve on top of your skin. It really hurts. I did get 5 hours of sleep last night! :o) Now....while my mom and I were in the waiting room, a man was at the window talking about medical equiptment and such. I was thinking to myself, I wonder if he has a catalog, because I've been wanting to try and get a new bed. As he was leaving, I asked him if he did and explained why....they didn't but he did give me a pamphlet of theirs. I did, however, notice that there were 2 other people sitting in there with us, a man and a woman, not together. I was called back to the other room to see the doctor. He usually takes around 45 minutes to an hour with me. Then, he told me that I needed another muslce relaxer shot. I was for that one! :o) It did help. After all of that time passing....we finally got out to the car, and the woman that was in the waiting room was out in the parking lot, and came up to us. She said she couldn't help hearing what I was telling that man, and said that she could help me. She works for SouthernCare...a Hospis orginazation. She told me that she could help me get he things I need and medicare to pay for my medicines. My mom talked to her, because I needed to sit in the car, my shot was kicking in. She came to the house and told me all of this information that I never knew that I could apply for, and get! Even though I'm not a terminally ill person, their orginazation recognizes that fibromyalgia is a very painful disease that is for the rest of a persons life. I am also able to draw disabilty from my father as one of his disabled dependent. And so much more. :o) Having the seizure disorder, liver problems, sleep disorders, and my cholestrol problems put me in their catagory that they are able to give me help! I couldn't believe that there was something out there that could actually"recognize" the severity of fibromaylgia! Just because we all look "normal" on the outside, doesn't mean we are on the inside. I'm very excited about this! :o) When God closes a window, He opens a door! :o)

Monday, April 11, 2005

I had a great day!

Yesterday was such a beautiful day out and very warm...in the 80's! :o) For the first time in awhile, I was able to get outside. It was so fun to watch my son and daughter have a water balloon fight, and my husband grilling out. I took my camera out with me to get a few good shots, and I did. :o) I'm not suppose to be in the sun....but I used to lay out everyday, and it kills me when I can't do that anymore....but I sat in a chair in the sun anyway. :o) I was out there for about 3 and a half hours, and didn't get those red rashes...Whew! :o) I really needed yesterday. :o) It really helped with my stress. :o) If we had more good days like this, I'd be outside more often. :o)

I do have a doctor's appointment today, and my physical therapist will be coming early. I can't wait. I know how much it will hurt, but I also know the outcome. :o) The doctor can check to see if I broke anything when I fell. I'm not able to "feel" so I don't know. When I broke my ankle last year, I had no idea until I seen my doctor. Ok...if anyone knows what a test called an EMG is...and it didn't make my muscles jump, and I didn't even feel the 3 inch needle....then you'll understand how much that I can not feel. Thats the only way that I can describe it.

...........................That which we do not confront in ourselves we will meet as fate.

C. G. Jung

Sunday, April 10, 2005


I went to bed at 11:00 last night and got up at 2:00. At least I got some sleep. I still can't believe how much my whole body hurts. It's just so unreal. Tomorrow I have a doctors appointmnet, so maybe he can do something for me. When my physical therapist comes tomorrow, I know that this time will hurt way worse then the last time. She had to stop because she was afraid of me passing out. In fact, this pain I'm in now, makes me very sick to my stomach, and dizzy. Oh well. This is just my life.

Saturday, April 9, 2005


................I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

                      -Bill Cosby

Very sore this morning.

I was finally able to get some sleep last night. I went to bed at 11:00, and woke up at 6:30. :o) YES!!! My whole body is very sore. There are muscles that are having spasms all over. My ankle is better and isn't swollen anymore. Whew! It appears that nothing is broken.

Friday, April 8, 2005

I just fell! :o(

As if my day couldn't get any worse! Being upset, lack of sleep, very weak, and my right shoulder, neck and arm in a level 10 pain.....I fall!!! :o( My daughter and her boy friend just left for the weekend, so I'm alone. What's new? Coming down the steps, and on the last step I twisted the ankle that I have broken several times, then fell on my left knee cap, and landed on my left shoulder!!!! I had to lay there crying for about a half an hour. My ankle is now swollen, and my knee is skinned up and in major pain, and my left shoulder is now on a level 10 pain just like my right one!!!! This is what happens when I can't sleep, and am worried, upset. It all exculates. Does that make any since? I'm not even sure if I should have my ankle and knee looked at. Right now, I don't even care.

Not feeling good!

I have been in such pain for a few weeks now, and the last week has been by far the worst. Last night, I wasn't able to go to bed.....this had been after I had taken my pain pills and muscle relaxer way early at 5:30 instead of 8:30...then a vicodine......Until 2:30 in the morning!!!!! I thought I had a friend.....I thought she was letting me know ALL of the information on my neice, that only SHE seems to be able to get. How? I have no idea! I just found out last night that SHE has been KEEPING ALL OF IT from me!!!!!!! She is NOT a part of my family!!!!! She has known how much I've been trying to find out about her, and thats more STRESS then I NEED!!!! My daughter has been having nightmares, and the rest of my family has been worried as well, and not able to find out information either...we all have tried. Then I find out last night that this so called friend of mine....HAS ALL OF the things we've been looking for!!!!! Since she is NOT a part of this family, and my sister is one of her friends, I feel that SHE IS an ACCESORY to most of what had happened to my neice!!!!! The woman is my mom's friend. How can she do this to this family? Now, if the shoe was on the other foot....she would have been at each of our doors!!!! Like I wish I could have been at hers!!!! Yes...I DO blame her for what kind of hospital my neice is in....if she would have given me the address and other information that I had asked for....it would have NEVER happened!!!!!! Who does she think she is? My stress level is well exceeding a hard 10!!!! Thank you KIM!!!!! And YOU of ALL people say that YOU CARE? NOT!!!

.......What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.

-Albert Pike

Thursday, April 7, 2005


I'm in more pain today. Again, I don't know how many times I've said this....but I am. :o( Now, along with my whole right upper shoulder/arm thing going on with the plexus nerve, the muscle under my left shoulder blade is inflamed as well. My left hip and upper thigh. I can barely type, hold things, or hold on to my walker to walk. I'll just have to ride this out. Nothing else to do. My right shoulder/upper arm area is still too tender to be touched. That includes material and different fabrics. I'm bored out of my wits. When I do lay in bed, I can't read a book or work a puzzle book, I can't hold them. I don't like to watch t.v. during the day, because there isn't anything on that interests me. I'm having a hard time even being on the computer. I can look at this situation this way.....things that don't hurt. My feet, my nose, and my left knee. :o)


.................If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

                     -Dalai Lama

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Ok...a little better.

Yesterday I felt horrible. I think I might be getting the flu. :o( But...I did lay in bed as long as I could stand it, and took a few naps. Even though my whole upper right arm/shoulder is still in much pain. I used a few relaxation technics. It was helping somewhat. It was in the upper 70's here, and I was shivering cold. Not a good sign. I woke up this morning because my right arm decided to do it's numb thing. It was 3:30. I went to bed at 11:30. At least I did get some sleep.

.................I pay no attention whatever to anybody's praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.

-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Monday, April 4, 2005

Don't know what to do.

It was a pretty bad day yesterday. The only way that I can think of the pain I was in with my right shoulder area is like an open nerve in a tooth. But not able to put Anbesol on the area to numb it. I tried laying down, I was able to take a nap. I tried laying down again. I did have my arm in my sling, and that helped a bit. I went to bed at 9:45, and woke up at 1:00....couldn't get comfortable, so I got up. I hope today is better. I never would have thought I could have pain like this.

In pain.

Ok....#1, this time change has really messed with my body. I've still been in major pain this morning. Still having a lot of pain in my right shoulder. After writting this...my arm is going in the sling. My physical therapist just left....and boy did it hurt! She did my left arm first....I had no idea it was in as much pain as it was....probably because of my right arm taking over. When she got to my right arm, I just about flew through the roof! I was getting pretty sick to my stomach. My neck, shoulder, upper back, and upper arm, and pretty much the whole right side of my upper back was killing me. She hit a spot on my shoulder that triggered another pain in the front of my lower right side of my neck! She told me that it was very swollen. The whole area I just described was! The spot that was triggered was called the brachial plexus, (upper dorsel spine), spinal nerves. So, that nerve was swollen as well. She rubbed it, and it hurt so bad, I thought I was going to get sick. She told me to lay in bed for awhile to rest that whole area. I did...I honestly couldn't move. Took some deep breaths, and just relaxed. Just when I think that a part of my body can't hurt any worse....something does. But, thats part of having fibromyalgia.


..................Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present.


Have a pain free day. :o)

Sunday, April 3, 2005

uuuggghhh...another time change!

I went to bed at 11:00 last night....then I get up at 3:00! Not including the time change. I just layed in bed...the last that I looked at the clock was 12:20. I was so hot! I had to change my nightgown twice. All day yesterday was very painful. Again my whole body was in pain. My husband would touch me, and it hurt. I felt so bad, I couldn't even be touched! No where. :o( I layed down twice yesterday because of getting up so early, and I didn't do a thing! I rested the whole day. I don't want to end up in bed for a day. Maybe I should have yesterday. Still very much in pain this morning. I honestly don't know what has been causing this. I have been doing my best with getting rid of my stressers like my physical therapist said to do. It has been making me feel better spiritually. So, I'm waiting on the rest of me. :o) Gentle hugs to you all.

Saturday, April 2, 2005

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

Yesterday was fun and very painful. My daughter and I went to lunch at Cracker Barrel. It's so good to see her eat. :o) And boy does she eat! :o) This month is my son's birthday. We both seen a shirt there that fit him to a tee! lol So...I got it for him. I had planned to also go to Wal-Mart to get a pad for the changing table.....but...couldn't do it. After eating, I wanted to get a new Bible. I've never had one of my own, just the one that my stepdad gave me that was his. I've used it so much...the binding has come off. :o) So...we made the trip to the next town to the book store. :o) While there, something came over me like I had something very heavy on my shoulders. I still wasn't feeling all that well when we left to have our little outing, but I just wanted to do it. I should have listened to my body. I know, I don't know how many times I say that. The "inside" of me was still having fun and enjoying myself with my daughter. I had given her $20.00 for herself. She never has any money just for her...in fact, she never has any money at all....her boyfriend doesn't even do that much for her. :o( We left the book store...and I has just enough energy to drive home. When I got home, my whole body was feeling like stone. I still don't know what that means. My right arm was basically useless. My back/spine felt like every one of the vertebra's were grinding together, with a bit of electrical shock shooting through my body. My leags and hips were very weak. I was at a 10. My husband helped me to the couch, and there I stayed until I went to bed at 9:30. I did put my right arm in my sling, to keep most of the pressure off of the shoulder. It helped some. I got up this morning at 2:00. I was really hoping to sleep a little more than that. But at least I did get that much. :o) This morning, I am able to walk better, and my back feels a bit better....but as for my right arm and shoulders, they still hurt pretty bad. All in all...I still had a great time yesterday! I love to spend time with my kids! :o)

......................If one is without kindness, how can one be called a human being?

-Sarada Devi

Friday, April 1, 2005


.................The only way to find the limits of the possible is by going beyond them to the impossible.

-Arthur C. Clarke

A much better day. :o)

Yesterday turned out to be better then the day before. :o) My daughter is feeling better.

Now myself....my muscles in my upper right arm were still feeling like they were turning to stone...and by the time evening came, I could hardly use it. My right shoulder couldn't be touched at all. My husband put his hand on it....it just about sent me through the roof. He didn't know. The pain is that bad. My right knee cap went out of place several times. That hurts. The pain in my shoulder generated down my back as well. I had to watch what to wear, because the "feel" of differant fabric would make my body hurt all over. Both hips are still in pain. Laying down even made me hurt. I tried to lay on my back, well....I still had pain, but I could stand that pain over my hips. I've been using my breathing technics, and when I do lay down, I have a CD player next to my bed, and I put in a beach sound CD. It relaxes me to hear that. I've been doing everything that I can think of, and what my physical therapist told me to do. I am going to try even harder today to feel better. ::::crossing my fingers:::: My husband will be here today, and he can help me. :o) Just keep me in your prayers. :o)