Wednesday, April 30, 2008


I just don't really give a dam anymore. I honestly don't know how much more of this I can really take. Ok, we all know one thing....I'm in pain, that goes with what I have. I did get reliefe yesterday when the nurse was here. But that pain is back again. I'm so tired of crying and just down right hating my life! Yes, I am thankful for what I do have. I'm just sick of this. My nurse called me and told me that my doctor WON'T let me have a catheder! And the reason of her desiscion? Because I COULD GET AN EFFECTION!!!!!!!! oooh! Oh boy! Like THAT would be any worse than what I'm going through NOW?!? My nurse also asked about the Lasix IV. I don't even have to say it. I just sat and cried my eyes out like a big baby! I called my doctor to see if I could explain the why and hear the why's from her!She told me that it COULD be possible "IF" I had a cath in for 3 days that I COULD get an effection!!!! Oh boy! And she won't lewt me have just the cath either because of the same thing!!! I told hwr that I'm in pain nowe and what would be tyhe differeence? Sjhe doidn't HAABVE an answer for taht!!! Then she tells me tgat there is a new dioctor in thta office and she wants me to CHANGE doctrsas! All I kmnow is I'M SOOOOOOOOO DONR right now! I even aslked about doinh it i the hospotl! Nopr! I'm just si tired of this and crying. I'n crying right now and its so hard to trpy through mu teras. All I know now is thet i'm DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

More stuff new nurse came today to take my vitals and to give me a straight cath. I've been feeling that I'm not empting fully when I go to the bathroom. She told me to go to the bathroom to empty my bladder. Then she put the cath in. OMG!!! She got 300 mL's! Boy do I feel relifed! She called my doctor to see if I should go ahead and have a cath put in for awhile, she hasn't called back yet. She's also going to ask about puting an I.V. in and giving me the Lasix that way, and also have the cath, until my body is back to the way it was.



Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you
that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you
for seven years and 
I have nothing to show for it.

These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today and that was the
last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't
even notice that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal and even wore
a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that
connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you
don't love me anymore; whatever the
case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER
and I are moving away to  West Virginia together!

Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than
receiving your letter.  It's true that you and I 
have been married for seven years,

although a good man is
a far cry from what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they
drown out your constant whining and
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut
last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a
Since my mother raised me not to say
anything if you can't say something
nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned
away from you because the
$49.99 price tag was still on them, and
I prayed that it was a
coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me
that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you
and felt that we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for ten million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to  Jamaica . But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a
reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the
letter you wrote ensures you won't get
a dime from me. So take care.


Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you
this, but my sister Carla
was born Carl. I hope that's not a

Good morning. Hoping things are alright.

Yesterday, my mom and I spent the day together. That means so much to me. :o) I always have fun with her.
She took me to get my hair cut. It's just the same cut I always get, nothing new. :o) It makes me so nervouse to have someone eles touch my hair. I had asked her for a razor cut too, because my hair looks so much better because it lays different.

I really didn't feel up to even going anywhere. I still just feel icky.
But, I thought that since it's my mom....I was safe. :o) ......and she'd cheer me up! She asked me if I felt like going anywhere else and I didn't need to go anywhere because dh had done my errends for me over the weekend. So...we went to Sonic's for lunch.
I thought of a place I'd like to go. Nena's new house! :o) I called her to see if they were home and she told me to go to the back side door when we got there. I forgot her address but I knew the color of her house. ROFLOL!!! My mom and I were walking in the side yard, trying to be quit and looking for the door. I told my mom that Kayden needs to put his outside toys away. I'm trying to look in the windows to see if I could see her. Well, we got all the way back there and then suddenly realized that we were 2 houses down too far!! LOL Too funny! :o) We were laughing so hard! I told my mom to hurry up because they might have called the police on us! LOL Too funny! :o)
Everyone was asleep except for Nena. But....I picked Andrew up to cuddle with him and he woke up. lol ooppsy! :) Well he needed to eat. :) lol That child litterally picks on me! No kidding! lol Even at his age....and even saying his age, to me he isn't even ready for yet! lol My mom seen how he does that to me...LOL Now this baby is a miniture Nena! Oh no! lol :o) This time I can give pick on him and play with him and if he starts acting like Nena, I can give him back to her! lol :o) I like that. :o)
I need to go, just got a call from my new nurse. She's coming over to do a bladder test. Finally.



I have this graphic on my side bar with a CHF link. I've also put a link on this one. Please visit both, they are worth the read, as I myself are still learning more and more about this horrid disease.
Feel free to snag! :o)



Sunday, April 27, 2008


Hello, I pray that everyone is doing/feeling fine today.

Well, nothing has changed since I last wrote. Not even my legs. But, I also don't know how long it takes for those socks to help. My BP and Sugar doing the same as well, high.

Again, I didn't do anything last night. My whole body just hurts so bad. The 'normal' back, hip and leg pain. Then this water retension pain. YEOUCHIE!
I'm doing the best that I can do and with what I have. It seems as though that I have friends here in J-Land that has been looking out for me and that does not go unoticed. :o) Thank you! :o) Thats the greatest help a person can have, support from their friends. :o)

Again, if anyone has any suggestions, please go ahead and let me know. I really do appreciate it. :o)
And your ideas are what I'm saving to print out. I hope that you don't mind. I can also show all of them to my doctor.
I found out that I have a new nurse. Boy I hope this one is better. I just don't like a lot of people coming in and out of my house.
I'm leaving now. May God bless all of you!

The past is never dead, it is not even past.
-William Faulkner


Saturday, April 26, 2008

~Just an update~

I want to thank everyone for coming over. You guys make me feel safe. :o)

As for today, I wasn't on the computer for very long. This swelling is pretty painful, a lot nore than I thought if would be,
And yes, I am worried about my breathing and the darn swelling. I do have a cardiologist as well. They told me to just go ahead and stick with my sleep/ pulmanry doctor.
Yes, that experiance in the ER was bad! I hate going there.

I agree, there isn't any place to go here that will help me. I'm soooo frustrated! My legs and my body are still that way. That doctor told me that I need to get TED socks (the white compresion ones).
I was able to finally get them. I got them onand it was a struggle. But now my knees and thighs look like a 'muffin' hanging over the socks. I took two naps today, and they still look the same. I need something that will help me.
No, when I have an appointment thats close, I drive myself. And I'm at those appointments by myself. The only doctors appointments that I have someone with me is when I need to go to my neurologist, to long for me to drive. I'm alone during all of the others. I don't like it. Thats life.
I'm so scared about my blood sugar and blood pressure. I've ran out of ideas to be able to get help or at least take the edge off of all of this. I feel like they see me as someone that dosen't have anything, so why help? It's just like if I was invisable. No kidding.
Today just wasn't a good day at all. I've been resting a lot and doing my best to help my legs and just cry. My face is so swollen, right under my eyes, I have a deep under eye circle. When it gets full of my tears, then they will leak onto my face.
Thank you all for all of your advise. I'm saving them and going to print out. It makes such a differnance when anyone just sayd hi to me in a comment. Because I know these journals are hard to keep up with. Thank you.

Happiness is a state of activity.

- Aristotle


Tags: Logging

Please, more comments. I'm going to print them out. Your ideas!

Firstly I want to thank all of you for your comments. I'm going to print them out so that I will be able to rememver. I really do appreciate your comments, they do keep me going.
Ok, my day yesterday. < huge sigh>
I had an appointment to see my pulmanry doctor, he's also the one that takes care of my sleep and the tests. I do like this doctor. When he came in the room, he had asked me what happened?! I told him that my whole body has been swollen for 1 week and 3 days now! The pain is starting to really hurt. My sleep test is the same and I had asked him about this water gain. It's from the congestive heart failure and it needs to be taken care of AQAP. So he told me to go to the ER and tell them that he told me to come and hospitalize me over night for observations. I did that. And hey....I'm still swollen...and I'm at home! Imagine that!
To me, it was very hot out. I had pretty bad shortness of breath. I had my walker and my cane with me. As I made it in, the woman at the desk came around to help me sit down. She took my vitals and a EKG. I have no idea what it showed because she tore the paper from the middle of the paper and ran it back to the ER. Then she came back for me.
Their is a doctor there that I won't let him to even touch me or my family! He has no idea as to what he is doing! No kidding. Thankfully, he wasn't there. But I did get the doctor thats just like him! gggrrr And I couldn't ask for another doctor because he was the only one there. ggggrrrr! They did all of the hook ups like the EKG etc... They gave me a small I.V. to give me Lasix. I had told him that it doesn't work for me. They brought in a side commode as well. They gave me 80 mg's. I only went 2 times. I sort of proved it. For the time I was there. He told me that he was going to admit me if I didn't unrinate properly. I guess I urinated properly.
After that, I was to get dressed and leave. I kept asking him about my swellining. He said to just put my feet up! You've got to be kidding me!!! It's my whole body!
I was still out of breath and extremely hot. I did have my little oxegyn tank with me. I went to McDonald's and got a large High C! I downed it before I got home!
....and yea, my BP was still high, like when I take it here myself. And, he did tell me that I need to make an appointment with my doctor becouse I'm just alittle above diabtie's!
When I got home, which was around 3:30, I peeled my clothes of, and got into a cool nighty. I had the ac on 68 and my fan blowing on me. I was so exausted...and still am. I guess I passed out, because I don't remember ever laying down to sleep. I was watching those court shows.
Dh woke me up and It was kinda like a dream. I felt sort of weird. But I do feel better. Nena brought my grandbabies over!
So I woke up to that! :o) Now thats the best medicine! :o) I still haven't been able to see their new home yet. With this swelling, my feet hurt so badly. She seen why.
Well....that about wraps up my day yesterday. And this is the short version too! All I know is, I
"DID"feel as if I was in the arms of Jesus...I know I couldn't have walked all that way to the entrance of the ER without help!
I pray that everyone is doing fine and make this day to remember! :o)



Thursday, April 24, 2008


Today my nurse came. I really thought it would be a "good" thing. I was wrong.
Before I even got out of bed, I checked my blood pressure and it was 164/144 and my blood sugar was 217, my pulse 107. I was pretty concerned about this. I knew she was on her way here, and then she would see how bad all of that is and see that my body is still swollen like this for alittle over a week now.
Boy was I dreaming...then I woke up real fast. She did nothing and was basically here to put my medicines in the thingy. When she was done, I asked her about either a much higher dose of Lasix, or try another one. I also expressed how I felt about putting all of my "trust" in the "medical" field. And that something has to be done to help me "now!" She comes over to me and got down on her knees and said, "What do you expect me to do!" I'm thinking, You did NOT just say that! I told her that for one thing, you could be a voice for me and an avacit (sp) for me with my doctors that will actually help me. I couln't beleive she said that. Wouldn't you be a bit concerned about the vitals I took before I got out of  bed? I don't think I'm over reacting. I just lost it! I started crying. I couldn't stop. I was sitting here thinking; is this all the medical industry give to me or even help? What do I need to do to get any kind of help? The ER won't help either, like I've said, they're just a band-aid place. No kidding.
I feel so alone still....and this melt down I'm having! My nerves are litterally shot! I feel like I've went through all of my choices and up agains't a brick wall.
I did call the company that she works for and asked for another nurse. I also let them know what she had said and how she was reacting to me today. I will NOT take it when someone is in my home and to talk to me like that, and to treat me in that manner. I just can't take much more of this bullshit. I miss my best friend really bad and my grandsons.
I'm going now.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Another video...don't run off, I know you're tired of these too.

I had forgotten to put something in the last videos. Jason showed up and he held my camera for me. And my face is really swollen big time!




Last one!















A video entry

Ok...I made an attempt to make 1 video entry this morning. I don't know why my camera started acting up. So, I did do it but, in "6" small videos. Sorry about that.
This morning my BP is 159/80, weight is 222, pulse is, 100 and my blood sugar is 282! You'll also see in the videos how swollen my face is. And it's red....I don't understand that one. I was trying to get a good shot of my right foot and ankle and I just couldn't do it. I'm not able to turn my arms and hands a certain way anymore. I tried though. :o) Today it'll have been a week now that they have been swollen. ggrr! Well...Enjoy my videos! :o)




Tuesday, April 22, 2008

No pix's this time. ( I think you're getting tired of them.)

Just logging a few things. I do pray that all of you are feeling good. :o)

I was checking my vitals last night and, not everything was right. I now weigh 220! Yikes! My swelloning hasn't made a budge yet to go down. Yes, I do keep them up and staying off of them as much as possible.
Blood pressure was 134/81 and my pulse was 84. Now this is what gets me. My blood sugar was 284!!! It had been about 6-7 hours since I last ate! Here we go again! This mornings blood pressure 128/108, pulse was 110 and I still weigh 220. My sugar is 174! Originally, I purchased the blood sugar thingy because I'm hypoglycemic. I have a feeling that I'm not anymore. Oh well, this too shall pass.
I haven't seen my new grandson since Friday. :o( On the weekends they go over and stay there until they have everything worked out. Nena called me that things are going great. I'm so glad to hear that. :o) (just more things acomplished)
So....I'm missing them all so very much!
I need to see Andrew. :o) I'm having "Grandchildren withdrawls!" :o)
I'm going to go now so I can get my  feet up. Oh Joy! Not! :o)
I pray you have a joyous day!

Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed.

- Storm Jameson



Choose your commitments

You won't be able to commit to anything if you try to commit to everything. Be willing to say no to the things that are not really important, and you'll be able to say yes, in a big way, to those things that are most meaningful.

A few, carefully selected, quality commitments will bring much more value to your life than a whole calendar full of shallow, relatively meaningless ones. The depth and meaning of life's experiences matter more than the sheer volume of them.

Just because you're busy doesn't necessarily mean you're making real progress. Take some time to consider just where all that activity is taking you.

Life is filled with all sorts of wonderful opportunities for real fulfillment. There's no need to grab at everything that happens to come by.

Every single day is precious and unique. Spend each day moving life forward in a personally meaningful way.

Choose your commitments with care and grace, with love and purpose. Then you can truly know the joy of giving yourself fully to them.

-- Ralph Marston




Please do your part! :o)



Everyday is earth day!



Sunday, April 20, 2008


The weather this week has been gorgeous! Perfect for bringing a new born baby home. :o) I'm loving every minute of it. She is sleeping down here in my hospital bed, and the baby is right next to her. Since she has that C-section cut, (which is bigger then the last one) she won't have to climb the stairs. Her husband has great! :o) He has helped her with both children. :o) He was snuggling with Andrew this morning! :o) I can't wait until I am able to snuggle my snuggle bunnies! :o)
I just kind of hoped to have them live here longer. :o) But, I'm very proud of them for being able to buy a house that they love.
Well....thats basically my week with the kids.
I made sure that I cleared the week just incase. I'm just glad I did because once again, my whole body is swollen! No kidding! My nurse was here on Thursday and seen it and she measured my feet , ankles and calves. They are basically the same as they were the last time they did this. Plus my whole body as well. The nurse took me off of the medicine that my heart doctor said to get back on. Well, it did it again. I've been resting in bed. Get up and walk around. Dh walks with me sometimes. I'm very weak and I'm getting out of breathe so much more sooner. example: I'm just sitting in my bed and to move my body to lay down to sleep, gets me out of breathe. I'm glad I have to have oxygen!
I can also feel/hear a rattle in my chest. It hurts. That stuff has been more frequent.
Lucky I had the portable ones. I took those to the hospital with me. I used them all up and had to call for more.
Sooo....I haven't been on the computer much at all. I get on to check my email then get off. I don't want to have my legs dangle and make them worse.
When I get more pictures I'll post them. I have 4 rolls of film to be developed as well.
Dh is going to help me with hanging up most of my pictures in my room. I can't wait. That way I'll have my family around me. :o) Oh I almost forgot: I use an inhaler now, Albutrol. That is a life saver for me lately. From nowhere I'll just start coughing, just a dry cough. Sometimes I can't even get a breathe in, and every little breathe I can take, I do. Then when I'm able to take puffs, its like, "I'm going to be alright". Its a very scary thing! I don't know what that is.
But I am the luckiest in the world to have such a beautiful family! :o)



Friday, April 18, 2008

A funny/Earthquake

I went into the gas station today and
asked for five dollars worth of gas.....


The clerk farted and gave me a receipt!!




Rare, Large Earthquake Hits Midwest


Posted: 2008-04-18 09:13:10

Filed Under: Nation News

WEST SALEM, Ill. (April 18) -- Residents across the Midwest were awakened Thursday by a 5.2 magnitude earthquake that rattled skyscrapers in Chicago's Loop and homes in Cincinnati but appeared to cause no major injuries or damage.

The quake just before 4:37 a.m. was centered six miles from West Salem, Ill., and 66 miles from Evansville, Ind.

"It shook our house where it woke me up," said David Behm of Philo, 10 miles south of Champaign. "Windows were rattling, and you could hear it. The house was shaking inches. For people in central Illinois, this is a big deal. It's not like California."

Bonnie Lucas, a morning co-host at WHO-AM in Des Moines, said she was sitting in her office when she felt her chair move. She grabbed her desk, and then heard the ceiling panels start to creak. The shaking lasted about 5 seconds, she said.

The quake is believed to have involved the Wabash fault, a northern extension of the New Madrid fault about 6 miles north of Mt. Carmel, Ill., said United States Geological Survey geophysicist Randy Baldwin.

The last earthquake in the region to approach the severity of Friday's temblor was a 5.0 magnitude quake that shook a nearby area in 2002, Baldwin said.

"This is a fairly large quake for this region," he said. "They might occur every few years."

Baldwin said the USGS revised the quake's magnitude from 5.4 to 5.2.

Irvetta McMurtry of Cincinnati said she felt the rattling for up to 20 seconds.

"All of a sudden, I was awakened by this rumbling shaking," said McMurtry, 43. "My bed is an older wood frame bed, so the bed started to creak and shake, and it was almost like somebody was taking my mattress and moving it back and forth."

Lucas Griswold, a dispatcher in West Salem, said the Edwards County sheriff's department received reports of minor damage and no injuries.

"Oh, yeah, I felt it. It was interesting," Griswold said. "A lot of shaking."

Indiana State Police spokesman Sgt. Todd Ringle in Evansville said there were no immediate reports of damage.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL.

2008-04-18 06:25:41



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

~breathe in breathe out...

Good afternoon! I do hope that everyone are feeling and doing fine today! :o)

The above pictures were taken yesterday. I don't think that I can make it down there at all today. I want to so bad.
My whole body is very swollen and it really hurts to even walk! I still don't get it that how being full of water beining this painful! But it is. My hair even feels like its swollen! lol :o) I also really need to get my legs and feet up as well. <sigh>

I think its because of the fact that I've really pushed myself since Monday. I called my daughter to let her know that I just can't make it at all today. I want to go visit them soooo bad though.
I woke up with a migrain. I took one of my migrain pills and so far so good. It feels like its almost gone now. Whew!

Thank you Connie so very much for making this for me!!! This really means so much to me! :o) I can't wait until my daughter see's this! :o)
My son already went down there to see his sister and the new baby this morning. :o)
Kayden was picked up by his daddy so they can spend some family time together. :o) Thats really needed. Kayden loves the new baby! :o) When he holds him, he always has this beautiful smile. It's like his whole face is smiling as well. :o)

I really should go now. Everything that I have on, is making "dents" on my skin. Ick! I'm going to have to take off my watch. This is the worse swelling I've had! :o( gggrrr! Just apart of being me! :o)
Have a wonderful day!

A man is not old until regrets start taking place of dreams.

- Anonymous



Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Another short video of the baby...too cute!

I just got back from the hospital visiting my daughter and the baby! :o) Kayden has done so good! He's so gently when he holds him and wants to hold him all the time! Too cute! :o)
In this video, I just had to record how the new baby cries! LOL Now I know he has more in him to wale then he's doing! LOL


Monday, April 14, 2008

His name!

I forgot to tell you his name! lol It's Andrew Conner Lamb! (Lamb is their last sounds like something you can add as a middle name) She named him after the baby boy I had miscarried years ago. I was going to name him Andrew. :o)



~Pictures #2

~Pictures :o) First ones!

~Last one!




aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!! SHE HAD THE BABY!!!! YAY!!! It's a BOY!! :o)

It's a boy! 7 pounds 4 ounces! I'm soooooo excited!!! :o) He is just so adorable! He looks like my daughter to! :o) I have a lot of pictures and 5 little videos to share to you! :o) Jeremy was able to get this video while he was in the room with her. Yesss!


Sunday, April 13, 2008

~My son's birthday today!~

Jason and I! :o)

Jason and I! :o)

26 years ago, I gave birth to a baby boy!
The night before I gave birth, I went into labor. I was in labor until the following evening at 6:01. :o) Thats when I got to meet him!

 While I was pregnant with him, I was told all the way up to delivery that I was going to have twin girls! ROFLOL! :o)

From my baby shower. I was 6 months along! I was huge! :o)

....and this is my cake at the shower! :o)

Well...when I delivered Jason, I was a bit surprised that it was 1 boy! ROFLOL! I asked if that was all! lol They said yes. :o) I was in shock! That wasn't twin girls! LOL

Jason. I thought he looked like Uncle Fester from the Adams family! LOL :o) He was too cute!

Jason's graduating class, were the first at the turn of the Centry! :o)

And now look at him! I'm so very proud of him! :o) He's and exulant drummer! :o)
Happy Birthday Jason! :o) I love you! :o)

Lisa (momma)


Comparing Prices to Gasoline

Think a gallon of gas is expensive?

This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.

Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ........ $10.32 per gallon

Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19 ...........$9.52 per gallon

Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ...... $10.17 per gallon

Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 . $10.00 per gallon

Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 . $33.60 per gallon

Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 .... $178.13 per gallon

Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ..... $123.20 per gallon

Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ......... .. $25.42 per gallon

Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .$84.48 per gallon

And this is the REAL KICKER...

Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19 per gallon?!
$21.19 for WATER

And the buyers don't even know the source. (Evian
spelled backwards is Naive.)

So, the next time you're at the pump, be glad your car
doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God forbid Pepto Bismol or

Just a little humor to help ease the pain of your next
trip to the pump...

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Sparrow

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought it was the end, but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings!

Warm and happy, able to breath, he started to sing.

Just then a large cat came by, and hearing the chirping he investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral of the Story:
Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy
Everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend.
And if you're warm and happy in a pile of crap, you might just want to keep your mouth shut.




Good morning. Hoping everyone is well today.

Yesterday I have started printing out my journal. It's going to take a lot of time...which I have. It's different to read the begining; it's not the begining at all. Dh had me delete it and then the next day I was able to have it back. I was glad. So, to me, it's like reading the middle of a book first.
This morning at 11:00, the head physical therapist is coming back over to talk to me. I do not like this man. Very arogant! And if he did what he did to me the last time he was here, I'm going to kick him out of my house. A person can only take enough ridcule.

My legs are still the same. I can push in on my thighs and it will make an indent that doesn't go back to "normal" in a few seconds. I'd actually even say it's pretty close to a minute. Because I tease my daughter with doing it because it "grosses" her out. And to do that, it takes about that amount of time! ;) LOL
My sons birthday is on Sunday and the new baby will be Monday! Two happy days for me! My son will be 26! Yes, it does make me feel old! lol And to think when I was pregnant for him, my doctor told me the whole 9 months that I was having twin girls! At my baby shower I even had two pink booties cake! lol I should scan those pictures! When I delivered him, and all that came out was 1 boy! I asked if there were anymore babies in there! LOL :o) They said no! My son looked cute in pink sleepers! :o)

I do feel better getting those things out yesterday. It is hard to just "let" my illnesses go ahead and take my body. I have to keep telling myself to except this. This will be my life now and it is ok. And the weirdest thing is that my mind isn't thinking that way. My mind is ME! I'm still thinking like 'me.' I guess thats good.
What is hard is 'knowing.' I think thats why I started having a huge meltdown last year! My best friend was right, I had changed. And not to the good. I didn't see it then. But I do now. Thats what counts.

My heart is enlarged and my left lung is damaged. I do wish I could have had that medicine. I'm not going back on what I've said, I just want to be comfortable. Just taking the edge off of things, helps tremedously. And thats what the doctor told me.
I automatically do fight things, thats just how I am. When I was a baby, my nick name was tiger! :o) Because I fought the doctor! lol
Amazingly enough, I remember too! :o)
I'm going to go now. I need to get ready mentally for that guy when he comes. gggrrr!
God bless all of you!

We do not stop playing because we grow old;

we grow old because we stop playing.