Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Parrot Flower....beautiful!

This is a flower from Thailand . It is also a protected species.

It is not allowed to be exported.

This will be the only way we will be able to view this flower. A FLOWER ALL THE WAY FROM THAILAND.






Just slow down and look at the beauty of this rare flower.

Sent to me by my great aunt.




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Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I went to the ER.


Hello and good morning or afternoon!

Yesterday, I finally did go to the ER. After reading this, maybe you'll see why I don't want to even bother going.

I'm still swollen, my face looks better. My legs and my feet were worse when I went in. After getting registered, I was told not to eat or drink anything. (they have vending in the waiting room)
They were fast at getting me in the back. I was very glad about that, so that I didn't have to sit with my legs down for very long. I have never been or even knew of this side of the was Critical Care. The doctor came in so much faster then the other side.

After the nurses hooked me up to some machines, I was given a EKG. When anyone came into the room, they seen my legs and feet and then started asking me questions about my heart. I told them about my heart doctor and how he isn't here anymore. That seems to keep happening around here....the good doctors leave. I told them about the 2 small heart attacks that I had about a year and a half ago. I was hooked up to this one machine that would monitor my heart and anything wrong would happen, it would beep. A lady came in to draw some blood. I've never had this kind of a test before. She took 2 viles from one different places of my arm and left. She came back in about a half hour later and did the samething to the other arm. I'm thinking she said it was a bacterial or viral test to see if anything was in my blood.
That machine kept beeping. A nurse came in and I asked more questions about what was going on and about that machine and why it was beeping. After she told me the 'why,' I would try my best to see what I was either moving in a different way, or just anything. Really, I couldn't do much of anything, I was flat on my back. Nothing that I would try to see if it was something "I" was doing didn't work. So that meant that yes, my heart was doing these things to make it beep!
I really 'don't' understand why nothing was done about me legs and feet. I was there only 4 hours, which isn't very long at our hospital, even with the waiting room was packed. I am very thankful that I was one that got to go back early.
Now, after all the tests that they ran and how fast they were, and what I was told. I'm so very surprised that they sent me home and I was still even allowed to drive myself.
The doctor came in and told me that I have congestive heart failure. :o( And to continue to take that Lasix and rest as much as possible. He gave me Dorviset for the pain that I'm having in my legs and my feet. In my opinion, I kind of thought that I should have at least been there over night to be monitored and to help get my legs and feet down. But, thats just my opinion.
That was my day yesterday. And yes, I am as swollen as I've always been.
Around here, I have no idea what it takes to get any kind of help for your health and emergancies.
But....I did go and got tests. And mostly thankful to have another day! :o) I thank God for that! :o)
Thank all of you for your support! It means a lot to me. :o)



What is it Called?

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the
house and asked her, "Grandma, what is it called when 2 people are sleeping
in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's
called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to the other

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is
not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants
to talk to you right now."

Deep Thoughts

Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months."

Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."


Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his
fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll
see what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the
fingers? It's 1999. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of
incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and
made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, sh*t, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

A Doctors Lecture

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. "The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed
most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be
disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm
caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one
thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or
will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that
causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the
front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."


No Sleep

An exhausted looking blonde dragged himself in to the
doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my
neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't
get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging
through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some
new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these
and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the blonde answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give
it a shot."

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than
ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor,
shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the

"That may be true," answered the blonde wearily, "but I'm
still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally
catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"


The Pregnant Woman

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man
opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man
seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out
laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got
on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down
under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I
grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's
Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed
herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the
Trick," and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She
moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber
could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it."





Sunday, January 27, 2008

A few more pictures

I took more pictures just a few hours ago. They're worse then a few days ago. I am now on Lasix. (sp) Last night, my feet and legs were hurting so badly. Tomorrow, I need to call my nurse. It's not the pills that are doing this to me. UUUGGGHHH!!!! I wish they'd stick with one thing. My nurse told me that since they aren't any better then it is not from the pills! <sigh> Sooo, back to square one with this stuff. I've been resting in bed and even that hurts my legs, ankles and feet.

Have a good one.......




Friday, January 25, 2008

I'm back! :o)

I'm back! And boy has it been one bumpy ride while being gone. Whew! I really need to show and share something with all of you. I don't want this to happen to anyone else. I was carring a little over 20 pounds of water! I want so badly to get this out for everyone to read! I know I had put my life and trust in this nurse. My regular nurse couldn't make it last week, and the other nurse came. I do not like her. I know now why!
Make sure that if you have someone doing your pills, count them and also look at the medicines bottle to double make sure that you are getting the right dose and/or, Something wrong. I was put on those two new medicines and thought nothing of the rashes, thinking they were just dry skin that was itchy. Nope! And the swellen. Until it got this bad...I still didn't think it had to do with my pills. Because I read the paper that comes with your prescription and looked them up on the internet, in no way could I find the you can not take Reflex and Ultra! Now that is scary! And when my nurse came yesterday, she called my pharmasist and my doctor and talked to them about this. After she checked this out, she told me that I had at least onother day! She gave me a big hug and told me that how much she'd glad she found the problem. and so an I. :o) I also told her about the other nurse and that I do not want her to come in my house ever again! That was too close for comfort for me! Please just count and know your medicines!

I'm back and will write more possible tomorrow about my days that I wasn't here. :o) Oh, sorry about not getting to all of your emails. I also have the flu/cold too. Ick! :o) I just didn't feel like being on the computer.....I surprised myselfe with that one...LOL ....because I'm addicted to aol, and I don't know why because aol gives me trouble! :o)

Stay safe!



Friday, January 11, 2008

Closing this down

I'm going to close my journal. I don't want to go private.

So the only thing I could think of is to just stop writing in my own journal.
It'll be a lot better for me in my life!


Thursday, January 10, 2008


I did my best to get a good enough picture of my face. The lighting is bad. Plus, I woke up with a headahe and my face is also swollen for some reason.
It's hurting to move my eyes as well. You can probably see that I'm still not feeling good at all. My nurse is suppose to come today to check me and do my pills. But, she's late. :o)
And guess what? LOL My new physical therapist is a man! LOL He's either my age or I'm older then him! LOL Good Grief! :o) He was very nice though and I really did like him....perfessionally. He did my back, shoulders and arms. Wow! I can't even explain how it felt! I always tell Monica to rub harder, but it isn't hard enough. Since he's a man, I told him before hand that I like it harder because my body is half numb. It was perfect! No kidding! After he was done, I was able to sit up straight! Wow! It's been so long since I've been able to do that! YAY! :o) I was just thinking that I could just wear my bathing suit or something like that until I feel more comfortable. you can see in the pictures....all I want to do is to get my butt back in bed and just sleep! I didn't get up today until 10:30!!! A big Wow! I never sleep this long! I'm liking it though! lol My body needs it. :o) But, I can't go back to bed because my nurse will be here sometime and my meals are being delivered and I had to call Legacy to let them know I needed some more nasal cannula's and filters for my oxigen machine thingy. So I have to be awake for that too. Oh well....if I have to hit the bed because I can't stay awake, then thats just what I have to do. I can leave a note on the door. I have 1 more antibiotic left! I'm still the same! I really don't get it. Why am I not getting the least bit better. It's odd!
I going now. Just logging and updating.
Again, thank you who are supporting me.


Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Now is what you choose

There was a time when you thought you could change the world. You were right, and you still are.

There was a time when you knew that life was filled with limitless possibilities. It still is, and so are you.

Perhaps you're dismayed that so much time has passed without much noticeable progress. Yet the longer you've waited to move forward, the more quickly and powerfully you can do so when you choose to start.

To change the world, and to fulfill your greatest possibilities, does not require anything from your past. It's a matter of making a choice, in the present, to act with positive purpose.

Now is the place where your life resides. And now is what you choose to make it.

With a thankful, joyful heart, look around you at the possibilities that stretch out in all directions. Choose one of those possibilities now, and proceed to lovingly give life to it.

-- Ralph Marston


Back again.

I hope everyone is having a good day today! :o)
I am so far, but not illness wise. Geesh! Now I'm kind of weezing in my chest when I exhale. Oh well....I'll just add it to my list! lol :o)
I also do have some great news! That medicine that I should have had like 6 weeks ago.....I had called the doctor again and told him that I should have had that medicine along time ago! The receptionist got on the phone and had my records. She told me that the doctor had 4 other muscle relaxers wrote down and to call me to see if I had taken any of them and then call one of them into my pharmacy! I just couldn't believe it! So sometime today, I'll try and pick it up. I'm gratefull that I'll finally have a muscle relaxer. :o)
At my doctors appointment....I really feel that this new nurse practitioner is right on things. She reminds me of my old docter that moved away. I hope that this 5th antibiotic will help get rid of this sinus stuff....ick! Then she also noticed the red stuff on my face as well. I've had that happen for awhile now and it does get pretty red! It's like I have a mask on. Thats when she said she wanted to check me for Lupus. At that time, I didn't know what it was. I do now. It sounds a lot like both, the MS and Fibromyalgia. So I personally wouldn't have a clue to any symptoms, from how I understand it, it's just like what I go through everyday. I also seen some pictures. I don't even want to talk about that.
I got a call yesterday from the company I get my services from, like Home Health Aides, etc... my physical therapist is sick and in the hospital! I don't know what happened so quickly, I just saw her Monday morning. I do hope she'll be alright, just keeping her in my prayers. Today at 10:00 they are sending a new physical therapist just to talk to and get to know each other. I get nervous when someone new comes in. So this is good to just sit and talk for a bit. I know, I'm weird. :o)
I'm going to go now...the Ultram is making me dizzy.
Thank you all for your support.


Heartless Things to Say in the Ladies Dressing Room

That's a bit expensive just for a dare isn't it?

I saw a dress just like that one in Woolworths yesterday.

Hey, get out of here you filthy pervert! Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you
were a man...

I had a dress like that. My boyfriend made me throw it away because he
said it made me look like Edna Everage.

Pardon me, but I think that will clash terribly with your pimples...

Excuse me, but would you stop staring at me? Yes, YOU

Look, if you're that desperate to attract a man I'll fix you up myself

Excuse me for asking, but you seem to know something I don't. Is the
'plain, severe and drab' look in this season?

Size 12? That's a bit optimistic isn't it?

Hi, I'm from Weightwatchers

I wouldn't buy that dress if I were you. All it does is accentuate
your roots

Excuse me, but since you're obviously colourblind would you like any

Isn't it funny how some clothes just accentuate the tummy like that?

God, you're fat. Don't you care about yourself?

I'm sorry, I owe you an apology. I'm the store detective and I
followed you in here because I thought you'd stuffed six dresses, four
skirts and a raincoat up your jumper but I can see now that it's really
all you...



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Monday, January 7, 2008


Just got back from the doctors. I have to go through some more lab tests tomorrow. They think I could also have Lupus. I don't know what it is. The doctor seen a redness on my face today and with some other things going on, thats when she said that.




Hate YOUR Job?

When you have a "I Hate My Job" day, try this: On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson."



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Sunday, January 6, 2008

It's getting worse.

I need to log. I just got up! I just feel like I want to just go back to bed. My hands and parts of my legs and arms are tingling all over again! :o( To where it feels like I'm being shocked. My left arm has still been half numb this whole time still. I'm dizzy and shaky. Bummer. After I get my shower, I think I need to get back in bed. I really don't want to. I'm sooo glad that I'm not alone today. I'd probably be freaking out right now. I can still hardly walk.
Last night, my mom called and couldn't get the heater thingy lite so they could have heat. I put my jacket on and went over to see if I could help in some way. Glad that she doesn't live very far from me. My mom just had me sit down on the couch. She wasn't happy that I did that. My sister came over here to pick up dh to come to help. He got it lite for her. He helped me to the car and then back in to our house. Just that little bit did me in. (I know you could tell mom) I just sat down as soon as I could and almost didn't make it. dh helped me. My hips, lower back and legs are so bad. Just to walk is light trying to climb over a 7ft. brick wall for me. Like getting impossible anymore. I don't like how I've been feeling and this morning how I woke up. It scares me. I am needing help with everything! gggrrr! I don't like this. And I'm scared. Glad I have a doctors apt. with my nurse practitioner.
This is so weird..I can't feel the keyboard when I type. I'm going to go now. I want to get cleaned up.
Thank you the ones that have stuck by me through all of this. I really appreciate this. More then you know.


Saturday, January 5, 2008

Seeing the Doctor

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up
from the couch then starts putting on his coat.
His wife, seeing the unexpected behaviour, asks,
"Where are you going?"

He replies, "I'm going to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that
Viagra stuff."

Immediately the wife starts working and positioning
herself to get out of her rocker and begins to put on
her coat.

He says, "Where the hell are you going"?

She answers, "I'm going to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need?"

She says, "If you're going to start using that rusty
old thing, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

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Smart test

I am only sending this to my smart friends. I could not figure
it out and had to look at the answer. If you can figure out what these
words have in common, you are a lot smarter than I am.



Are you peeking or have you already given up?





Give it another try . . .





You will kick yourself when you discover the answer.




Go back and look at them again; think hard.






OK . . . Here You Go . . . Hope You Didn't Cheat.
This Is Cool.



In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter,
place it at the end of the word, and then spell the
word backwards, it will be the same word.



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Friday, January 4, 2008

here we go again.....


Yesterday is when it hit me. I seemed to be fine. My best friend's daughter was here and I always enjoy listening to her talk. :o) My nurse didn't come, it was a different one. Basically my day was spent on just 'waiting' on things. <sigh> My physical therapist had already come....she comes so early, most of the time she has to wake me up to give me the deep tissue massage. And on Thursday's, they seem to be busier days for me. My nurse comes at 11:00, (suppose to anyway) and then I wate on my food delivery, which comes between 1:00 and 5:00. He cames from a long distance.
When the nurse was here, all of the sudden I felt as if I could pass out! I also got pretty weak and dizzy with a lot of pains! The pains were everywhere! I was just sitting on the couch next to her. My BP was up again and so was my pulse. I still don't know why it does that. But the nurse said that when your body is in a lot of pain....the BP is more then likely to raise! And then when you get up from a seated position, it can just drop way down on you. She asked me if this has happened to me before. I explained to her about all of the times I was having problems with my BP and getting dizzy. She said that thats what she thought my problem (at this time) was. So, I just sat there holding on to my walker! I wasn't feeling right and I told her this. She just told me to stay seated and when she's done with my medicine box, I could lay down and get some rest. Sounded good to me, but I still had to wait on the delivery guy. When I'm here alone, I don't turn any lights on, I like a dark room. Light really hurts my eyes. So....after she left, I thought I'd play some games on Pogo. The last thing I remember is it was starting to get dark out. Dh gets home at 5:30. Plus he picked up two scrips for me. I remember picking my head up from the key board!!! What?! I have no idea how long I was out! I just stayed seated in this chair until dh came home. He came in here and said that I was pail and that I need to go lay down. Yes...he was right. I looked in the mirror on my way to my bed and I was very pail with dark circles under my eyes. I really don't like to take a nap that late. But I jumped on it! He woke me up at 7:30 to eat. I was very weak and still in a lot of pain. I sat in my bed and ate and I was still not feeling right. He came in and said that I still didn't look very good. I told him that it all seem to start when the nurse was here. He wasn't happy about the fact that she didn't do anything for me. I wasn't thinking about that when she was here, I wasn't thinking at all, I couldn't. It all just hit me all at once! I went to bed and I woke up this morning at 9:30! Wow! Thats long for me! I slept for 12 and a half hours! I'm still not feeling right. I'm very weak and I'm still having a lot of pains. I did make a doctors apt. and they could get me in on Monday. I have no idea whats going on. Is it another relapes? After this, I'm going to try and lay back down. This is for the birds! lol Here we go again! I needed to log  this as well.


Thursday, January 3, 2008

Something to think about...

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgement; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We've conquered outer space, but not inner space; We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we've split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but, lower morals.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. Where are we heading ....?


Have to think out loud.....

I've been doing a lot of thinking after I wrote my last entry yesterday. I apoligized publically and personaly. I feel thats all I can do. I haven't gotten a responce from either. Thats ok. At least an effort was put forth. I was also thinking about how I have much to where they can't even put their finger on it. I've been trying to put some pieces of that one, together. I was also told that when they visited that things were different from what I wrote in my journal. Well....things do and can change throughout the day. Thats apart of life. It happens. And also if they called me up on the phone to see if I'd like to go here or there, and I turned them down and said I'd like to get a raincheck for that. And then they've read in my journal that later on that day I had went someplace with my daughter or someone else. Again, my body changes too. Thats something thats way out of my control. So, in my opinion, the only things that have changed about me are that I've been listening to my body more and that "I" have to make the decision on how it would effect my body. What is wrong with that? And that I make myself 'look' different to you guys! Ask my mom, my daughter....they have commented in my journal. Have I?

Dh also knows now what I write about him.
Around the time I was told that I've changed is also around the same time that everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt like I was struggling with that and no one to talk to. Except to write in this journal. I had no one. Especially because if you look at me, you wouldn't even know I was in the amount of pain I was truly in. Then thats when it all got me down...depressed feeling. In my eyes, that kind of seems a bit normal to me. A rush of just everything flooded my mind! After awhile, I seen that I was getting more depressed. I knew I had to do something before it got out of hand. Again, "I" had to make all of the descions to help me. No one else could have or even can. I've learned through all of this that "I" have to be the one to make my own desicions when it comes down to my health. It's "I" that knows how I feel and what I am capible of every minute of everyday. If you say that I have changed, and can't find it in you to except the fact that it may look like a "bad thing" to you,but it's for my own well being! And nothing more! In my life, I have to take in consideration on everything, not like it "used" to be. Like when I could walk without my's all so very different now. And it's all out of my control! The only thing that "I" can control is if I chose to do something or go somewhere....I have to make that desicion.
Through all of my thoughts on this whole thing about "me changing," has come up with what I think is 'the why' they came up with it. And I have a couple that I've come up with. In my opinion, not being happy in their own marrage and life, and maybe they are the ones that changed and can't put a finger on it. I do know I have, and you have to with these illnesses. That is my opinion on the matter.
My nurse and food delivery will be coming soon. I need to stop for now. Thank all of you for standing by me. :o)


Make the choice

The best choice is to make a choice. You have the power to choose, so make use of it.

When you are willing to make choices, your life moves in a direction that is agreeable to you. Choices make control and responsibility possible, along with achievement and fulfillment.

Your moment-by-moment choices serve to focus the energy that is your life. By making choices, you communicate and reinforce your preferences and desires, and the world around you responds accordingly.

Your choices and their content determine the quality and direction of your life. Take a little time to choose in a careful and informed manner, yet do not take so long that you fail to choose at all.

Your choices are what make your intentions real. They connect your goals with your reality.

When there is a choice to be made, there is an opportunity to more precisely and positively direct your life. Choose consistently, with abiding purpose, and your life moves forward toward your highest vision.

-- Ralph Marston



Cure for a Cough

The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a
wall with an odd look on his face.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his
cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"


The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him-he's afraid to cough!"



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Wednesday, January 2, 2008


I thought I'd write a bit today. We got hit with some snow last night and it's still snowing. uugghh! :o)My son got up and went out side and shoveled all the walk ways. I really appreciated that, and I told him so. :o)

I really want to do my best in explaining something. Please, just bare with me.
You know mostly about what I do have in an illness kind of way. I think you do anyways. If not, just ask me. In March of 2007, was one of the most hardest days that I have encountered. From what my neurologist told me and the new medicines, I was thinking to myself; All I want is to just "know" what was going on. Well...I guess I was wrong in thinking that way. Yes, I was relieved to know. And I honestly did think I would be fine. As in being able to cope with the loses of my abilities. Knowing that I'm going to loses my arms and legs soon. Like I've said before, I am at least 2 months ahead of what my neurologist told me! YAY! I'm a fighter still and I'm not at all trying to prove anything to anyone. All I'm doing is trying to help my body. And thats where it gets kind of difficult. My brain and my body are not at all on the same page at all! So, with that, I go from there and do my best with what I've got. For me, it's just the best that I can do.

I know that all of you are tired of hearing me do nothing but talk about the fibro and ms pains and the rest that goes along with them. But, I also feel the need to either log it, and/or get 'my' information out there for others to read to see if I can at least help someone in doing so. Which I hope I'm doing so. As you all know....I'm the type, "What you see is what you get," kind of person. And I can be very, and yes, sometimes too bold when I write, I never mean it to ever hurt or "step on your toes," in doing so. It all comes down to an understanding. I understand you and you try and understand me. No, it's not that easy.
I have noticed that I have been a bit depressed. I've wrote about this before. This is why I think happened; I truly thought that back in March of 2007, I would feel and just be fine since I now know. Well, no. This is something you can't predict. Yes, a few months, I was fine about it, then it "ALL" seemed to hit me all atonce! BOOM! Then a crash! One day when I woke up, thats the way it happened to me....just that quick, before I could actually realize what hit me! And it took me awhile to figure out what was going on with me.
When I understood what was going on with me is when I told dh and my family. I needed them to know as well. It's not at all that I'm not's more like running into a brick wall going at full speed! Literally!
I was still hanging in there. Because I could. Again, by holding it in and not letting anyone know how I was feeling. Like I still do with my pains. I still find it hard to tell someone about it. I'd rather sit by myself and deal with it on my own. All I have to do is smile and everyone thinks I'm doing fine. I've been in this like "gray" area. I feel that there's black, white and a gray section to all of this. The gray to me is like just being. Nothing but existing. And add on the pains and fatigue.
I still feel as if I'm still in the little gray area. And it seems that I won't know what area I'll be in until I wake up that way....if that makes sence. I've been told that I've changed. Changed months back. And they can't seem to put their finger on it. Yes, I know I have changed, and I know that I do stand up for myself so much more then before, and this! This, what I've been going through and having to live this! I have no choice. It just happened. But, yes I do realize that it's up to me to make a starting point somewhere to start to heal myself. But to be told that you've changed and they can't put their finger on it, well that kind of sucks! Ok, they've seen a change, so how come they can't put their finger on it? It confuses me. This situation is like being pregnant! You either are, or you're not! Am I wrong? Black or white, and thats it. And if I upset, hurt, or do/say something....I'm usually the first to let you know that, yes, I did do that and I'm sorry. I know they're just words but at least it's a start in a healing process to move forarwd. You've all seen that here in my journal.
I don't ever like to hurt/upset anyone. Because it hurts me as well. And talking things out do help.
I noticed when I had a bigger change seemed to be sometime in November. I had such a hard time controling my emotions. I cried so much. I thought that I didn't have a friend in the world. Thats just the way it felt. There were way too much going on in my head. There still is, but I 'think' I have it a bit more under control.Through all I have written, about my life with the fibro and ms, you guys should really know me by now. :o) And by the way...I never said that I was perfect either. :o)
Right now, I have to sift through everything that goes around in my head. If I think it doesn't need to be there, I just chuck it! And breathe in positive and breathe out the negative. I wasn't prepared at all for any of this. No one is. And everyone reacts differently. When you think you have the situation by the balls and you keep telling yourself that you're fine, Thats when it hit me. Because I wasn't guarded. I am now. And I can see and feel a big difference now. Life is most deffintily a struggle! :o) And a few wiggles here and there as well. :o) Keep your faith and hold on to it as tight as you can, because it's a bumpy ride! No kidding! :o) Please remember to understand the person that has just been given a life changing illness diagnosis. Because guess what? Hell yes they're going to change! You just have to, thats all.
Thank you all for supporting me. I mean that!

Good, better, best; never let it rest till your good is better and your better is best.


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Multiple Sclerosis Relapses

From Julie Stachowiak, Ph.D.,
Your Guide to
Multiple Sclerosis.
FREE Newsletter.
Sign Up Now! Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Kate Grossman, MD

MS relapses are one of the most frustrating areas of multiple sclerosis for patients, their doctors and loved ones to deal with and understand. The first year after my MS diagnosis, I was constantly wondering if the disappearing-reappearing-disappearing tingling in my feet was an exacerbation, because some days it would seem to be almost gone, then other days it would almost keep me from walking normally. Then I would have the girdle-band pain that was there for a couple of hours, then gone for three days, only to come back temporarily.

A Personal Note:

I have since learned that it is important to react and see the neurologist if the symptoms are interfering with daily activities or causing discomfort. I have come to accept the "tingles" as just a quirky unwelcome visitor, without an impending sense of dread that they signal an impending relapse. This approach has helped to keep me calm and enjoy life, without giving more power to my MS.

What a Relapse Is:

A relapse is a clinically significant event (meaning that it has outward signs and/or symptoms)caused by an MS lesion on your brain or spinal cord. It is either a worsening of symptoms that you already have, or the appearance of new symptoms. Relapses are also referred to as "exacerbations," "attacks" or "flares."

Causes of Relapse:

Relapses are caused by the inflammation that occurs when your immune system attacks the myelin surrounding nerves in your brain or spinal cord. Myelin is the protective coating that covers nerves and helps them conduct signals. When the myelin is attacked by immune cells, a "lesion" or an area of inflammation and eventual damage (demyelination) occurs, making the nerves less efficient in conducting signals. Your symptoms depend on the location of this lesion. For instance, inflammation in the cerebellum can cause loss of balance and coordination, while inflammation of the optic nerves can cause decreased vision.

Signs of a Relapse:

Some relapses are very obvious, for instance, losing your sight in one eye due to an attack of optic neuritis. However, other relapses may not be as sudden or dramatic and you may just feel extra "wobbly" or tired. The way to really know if you are having a relapse is to have an MRI with gadolinium (contrast material that is injected during the MRI scan). Gadolinium is drawn to areas of inflammation and "lights up" when a lesion is "active." In this case, demylenation is currently occurring, and you are having a true relapse, rather than feeling symptoms caused by older lesions.

Days, Weeks or Months:

In order to be a true relapse, the episode has to last at least 24 hours. There are such things as "mini-relapses," meaning a quirky symptom which lasts for a couple of minutes up to several hours and then goes away, but these are not true relapses. True relapses usually last several weeks, although they can be as short as a couple of days or as long as several months.

A relapse must be separated from a previous relapse by at least a month. This is to distinguish it from symptoms that may be from a previously active lesion (which can change as inflammation subsides, remyelination occurs and/or scar tissue forms).

Preventing Relapses:

The first and most important thing that you can do to prevent relapses is to begin using, and adhere to, one of the disease-modifying therapies. These are shown to reduce relapses by one-third on average over a two-year period, and data is showing that over a longer term (10 years and longer), the average reduction in relapses is much greater.

Treating Relapses:

Many relapse symptoms can be treated with high-dose corticosteroids, usually Solu-Medrol. The decision is made to treat a relapse based on how much disability the symptoms are causing and how much they interfere with daily activities. The steroid treatment usually significantly shortens the duration of the most severe symptoms, allowing a faster return to normal activities. However, some symptoms may take a longer time to dissipate or never quite clear up entirely.


A pseudoexacerbation is a temporary increase in symptoms that is brought on by an external factor. Most often they are caused by heat from hot weather, exertion or fever. This can be caused by an increase in core temperature of as little as half of a degree. Once the body temperature returns to normal, the symptoms subside.


The NMSS says: "A remission does not mean that all the symptoms of MS disappear, but rather that a person with MS returns to the baseline that existed before the last exacerbation began." However, some relapses leave damage in their wake in the form of plaques or scar tissue, so that even though the inflammation is gone and the lesion is no longer active, you will never return to that "baseline." For example, a person may walk again after a relapse during which they were unable to walk, but they might have a limp. One large study showed that 42% of exacerbations leave some degree of "residual impairment."

Updated: August 2, 2007


Depression Overview

From Julie Stachowiak, Ph.D.,
Your Guide to
Multiple Sclerosis.
FREE Newsletter.
Sign Up Now! Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Kate Grossman, MD

Depression and multiple sclerosis have a complicated relationship, since one can aggravate the other. Also, depression has many of the same symptoms as MS, making it hard to tell which disorder is to blame.

For example, MS can make us sleep more or less. It can also cause us to be confused and have a hard time making decisions. It can bring unnatural fatigue and slow us way, way, way down. We may feel guilty that we couldn't finish an assignment at work or live up to a promise to go camping with our children. The combination of these symptoms can make it more difficult to do some of the things we like to do, especially physical activities and sports. Because of this overlap of symptoms, many people with MS initially get misdiagnosed as simply depressed, and many people with confirmed MS have depression that goes undiagnosed.

Here is some clarity from me: If you have MS and feel very sad or have no interest in things around you, you need to seek help.

Start with your doctor (see Diagnosing and Treating Depression in MS Patients) or call your local MS Society Chapter for recommendationsfor a psychiatrist. It is important to see a doctor used to dealing with people with MS, as the depression criteria need to be interpreted and applied correctly, and the right medications prescribed (or changed, if they are contributing to the problem).

Whether you meet all of the necessary criteria for depression outlined below or not, or if you think some of them are just part of having MS - it doesn't matter. Leave the diagnosis and treatment to a professional. It is important that you get help to feel better. Depression is very treatable. We all have enough to deal with and depression can affect the course of our illness, because it can impact how well (or poorly) we take care of ourselves.

What Does It Feel Like?

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV), the diagnostic manual of the American Psychiatric Association which contains the criteria used by mental health professionals to diagnose patients, you are clinically depressed if you meet the criteria below.

You have had an episode of depression lasting at least two weeks with at least five of the following symptoms, representing a change in function:

Sadness: You are depressed, sad, or tearful most of the time. This can be noticed by you, but it is also important if others notice it.

Loss of Interest: You have lost interest or pleasure in most of the things you previously liked to do.

Appetite Change: Your appetite is much less or much greater than usual. You have lost or gained weight (more than 5% in a month) without trying to diet or gain.

Sleep Problems: You have a lot of trouble sleeping or sleep too much every day.

Psychomotor Agitation or Retardation: You are so agitated and restless or slowed down that other people notice.

Fatigue: You are tired and have no energy.

Feelings of Guilt: You feel worthless or excessively guilty about things you have done or not done.

Cognitive Problems: You have trouble concentrating, organizing your thoughts or making decisions on a daily basis.

Suicidal Thoughts: You feel you would be better off dead or have thoughts about killing yourself.

In addition, these criteria must be met:

These symptoms are severe enough to upset your daily routine, seriously impair your work or interfere with your relationships.

The depression does not have a specific cause like alcohol, drugs, medication side effect or physical illness. (This is confusing, because MS does cause depression, and it can be a side effect of some of the MS disease-modifying therapies or other medications. It is important to see a physician who is used to treating depression in MS, so that the criteria can be appropriately interpreted and applied.)

Your depression is not just a normal reaction to the death of a loved one.

You may also feel or experience: uncontrollable crying, irritability, unexplained aches and pains, stomachaches and digestive problems, decreased sex drive or headaches.

What Causes Depression?

Depression in multiple sclerosis can be the result of several things alone or in combination:

Reactive or Situational Depression: Depression can be a reaction to being diagnosed with MS, as well as the onset of new symptoms which limit the ability to do things or cause discomfort. It can also come from the reactions of friends or spouses. Depression can also be caused by the fear of the unknown, as you ask yourself questions concerning your future ability to be able to live the life that you planned.

Organic Depression: Depression may also be the result of demyelination of key areas of the brain, although studies have failed to pinpoint which areas these are. It can also be unrelated to MS, especially if there is a history of depression in your family. An estimated 15% of the general population will experience a depressive episode in their lifetimes.

Medication Side Effect: Depression may also develop as a side effect to certain drugs used to treat MS, such as Betaseron and Avonex. Also, steroids can cause periods of hyperactivity and euphoria, followed by a "letdown" period.

How Common Is It?

Fifty percent of people with MS have symptoms of major or minor depression at some point in their lives. It is estimated that 14% of people with MS are depressed at any time.

How Severe Can It Get?

Untreated depression can lead to suicide. Studies show that people with MS are between two and 7.5 times as likely to commit suicide as the general population.


Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Please forgive me

8:13 AM - So, it’s a new year....
Current mood: calm
Category: Life

Dh gave me a choice for New Year's Eve. We could have a party, like we usually do, or we could have Red Lobster for diner! Uuuuummmm, it didn't take me very long at all to make a decision! lol
OMG!!! It was sooooo good! I ate way too much! lol I just couldn't help it!   
My daughter and her cute little family, came over! yay! I am still in so much pain, it just plain ridiculas! I don't know when it's going to slow down again. Just another relaps. I go see my neurologist tomorrow. I'm so glad. I still don't have my medicine yet! Yesterday was a month now! This is getting pretty old here. I've been calling my doctor about it and so far nothing still. gggrrrrr.
Anyway......I had a lot of fun last night, even though I was in my bed watching tv. while everyone else played Scene It! I love that game. But I had to rest my body. I wish that I had my camera on me or even with me! Kayden was soooo funny last night! He stayed up with us as well! lol Maybe he was a bit slap happy! lol He was just making me laugh so hard! lol When it was midnight after the ball dropped, we all went out on the porch to yell out Happy New Year and we all had these round tubes full of we all waved the tube and we had soooo much confettie! lol It was soo fun! Loved it! Even Kayden had one to do! He did it! LOL Too cute! I think he really liked the fact of staying up late and getting to go out side and be loud and scream and then make a huge mess! LOL    Thats my baby boy!
Right after we came back in, they had to leave and go home. He didn't want to go home...I think he wanted to keep going and "party" all night until he collapsed! lol I'll have to throw a small party and have it honor him so we can do all of that again! lol
We were suppose to get hit with freezing rain, snow about 2-3 inches and high winds! Well, we did have the high winds last night, but that was it. It started to snow this morning. My son and his girlfriend went to a friends house and they spent the night there. He knows if they both drink, then they have to stay there, or give me a call and I will pick them up.
I wanted to have a cool glass of wine. But, the way my body is feeling, I knew I couldn't. Bummer. It feels like all of my bones are rubbing together! Even my spine! Plus, I still have this stupid cold/sinus infection! Which I really feel that thats just so odd! Being on 4 different antibiotics and I'm still pretty sick! I just don't get it. I've been doing what I've been told to do, rest. ggrrr...I so hate having to spend my time in bed! I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything and wasting time! Yes, of course it does help, but I've never been one to do that, I've always been active. It's just weird. Well, to me it is. Nothing against anyone at all. I've just had so much taken from me, and it's still happening now, everyday. I just wake up that way, then have to deal/cope with it. Like right now, I'm starting to lose my hands. It hurts to type and it takes even longer than it used to to type an entry in my journal. I'm having to 'hen peck' the keys now, and not type with both hands like you're suppose to do. gggrrr!
This is why I type only once in a journal lately. I can't do two of them anymore.
I want to also apoligize for my behavior over that comment. I'm so sorry that I over reacted. I really have no idea as to why I did over react. I'm inbarressed and very sorry. I also know that I DO have support from my J-Land friends. That is if I have any left because of my odd behavior. Thank you for being there for me!



A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory,
and once all the mess has been cleared up, and
inquiry begins.

One of the few survivors is pulled up to make
a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator,
"you were near the scene, what happened?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins
was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a
cigarette out of his pocket and light up."

"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator
said in stunned horror, "How long had he been
with the company?"

"About 20 years, sir"

"20 years in the company, then he goes and
strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought
it would have been the last thing he'd have done."

"It was, sir."


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Happy New Year!!!




















Live Well - Laugh Often - Love Much!


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