Sunday, April 30, 2006

Back pain.

My back has realy been killing me this weekend. It kind of feels as if it's getting worse. I can actually feel the spurs now. :o( Ouchie! When I bend over, thats when I can really feel them. Yikes! I just try to do my best when I'm walking to keep my back at a position to where it doesn't hurt so bad. But, thats hard sometimes too. It hurts when I sit as well. So...I just do as less as I can to try to stay out of this pain. I had a hard time sleeping last night because no matter what what position I got in, it hurt pretty bad. gggrrr! Oh well. This is my life. :o) God gave all of this to me for a I trust His plans for me. Even though the pain is pretty bad all the time now. Good Grief! :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Friday, April 28, 2006

Pretty weak today....

Last night I was really starting to feel my body just start in again......and then I felt my whole body just become weak! Of course it's been my back/spine thats the weakest. Now my upper thighs and upper arms are joining in on it! Geesh! What a combo! I knind of feel like a rag doll! But.....I'm still pushing on...even though I don't feel like I can get out of bed...I have to! Thats one thing I hate the most is having to stay in bed. I don't mind if I have to stay in bed for a few hours...but if it's more then that, I feel like I'm missing out on my life. If that makes since? :o) I don't want that to happen. Since my doctor knows the pain that I'm in....he has now let me use 3 of my pain patches, instead of only 1...and I use them! It does take the edge off of my back/spine pain which really helps. But, I've also excepted that I will more then likely have to live this way for the rest of my life....which is ok...just need those really get me by a day at a time! :o)
My daughter and my grandson spent the night with me again last night! :o) I love that of course! I'm still hoping that she will make a desicion that will be the best for her and my grandson. :o) I love them way too much to see them go through what they have been.
ASAP!!!! God bless all of you and gentle hugs! :o)

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Another relapse?

For the past 3 days now, I've been feeling pretty weak and having more of a hard time walking and doing certain things. I've been having "shaking" as well as extreme pain. I've been wearing two patches on my spine alone! They take a bit of the edge off, which does help. I feel as if I'm also going through another relapse as well. So...we'll see how long this one will be, and what it takes from me after it's all done. I've been in bed a lot to make sure I rest. I've been using my wheel chair more. <sigh> On Monday night, my daughter and grandson were here and she asked if I would like to go for a walk around the block. I said that I couldn't at all do something like that, and she was talking about pushing me and my grandson in my wheel chair around the block to get me out of the house! :o) It was so nice! I loved it! :o) I got to see all of the spring growth and the nice green trees. :o) And fresh air! :o) And...she wasn't at all embarressed to do that for me! :o) Both of my kids have been so helpful to me more and more lately. :o) Well...I suppose because I've needed it more and more. Also on grandson said "Ganma!!!" He called me ganma! :o) Thats the best medicine ever! :o) Of made me cry! lol :o) I'm still mushy with things like that. :o) And on Tuesday when my daughter was here all day doing her laundry...he would call me ganma! I love it! :o)
I've been feeling better after I stopped that new medicine. Whew! It was really messing with me and my sleep. It's suppose to help with my restless leg syndrome...but what it did was made my whole body feel as though it was going through restless leg syndrome! Whew! Not good....I couldn't sleep at all! Bad medicine!
I have an appointment to fill out an application for a handicap appartment at Piqua Village on the 2nd. I don't know of any other places in town that has handicap appartments. :o( That place (Piqua Village) is like "Dodge City!" Yikes! But at least the handicap appertments are in the front and away from all of that bad stuff! If anyone might know of any places here in my town, please let me know. :o) I would apprecaite it. :o) There is a house for rent right around the corner on this block....but I don't know if I could do that.
Thats all for now....keep praying for me. :o) God bless all of you! :o)

Monday, April 24, 2006

A bit better.

I was able to talk to two of the people that I've really needed to talk to yesterday.....which at first I didn't think I'd be able to do so. I have so much on my mind, you wouldn't believe. I talked to my husband about my health and my future as it is and will keep progressing. He understood...which help me out and really eased my mond up so much about my health and what to do. He will back me. :o) I thanked him for this. :o) I don't know how much longer it will be before I'll be wheel chair bound, so I need to get so many things done now. I was also able to talk with another person that I needed to talk to as well. That got more off my mind....but still am worried about my daughter and grandson. Thats just being a mom and grandmother. I just don't want to see her make the same mistakes that I had done in my past, that was wasted years that you can never get back. Be happy, not miserable.
Today I have a lot of thinking to do as to what I will be doing for my future. My physical therapist will be here and my home health aid, so I can ask them a few questions. They should know some resources for me. That will help a great deal.
Enough for now. God bless all of you! :o)

Sunday, April 23, 2006


Always So A Prayer........
And thats what I've been doing! I was suppose to talk to someone today, and haven't been able to get ahold of them. This talk is very important to me. ASAP!

Saturday, April 22, 2006




Sometimes we get what we need and not what we want..........

Once there were 3 trees on a hill in the woods.

They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the 1st tree said,

"Someday, I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver

and precious gems and be decorated with intricate carvings. Everyone

would see my beauty."

The 2nd tree said, "Someday, I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings

and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of other world.

Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull."

Finally, the 3rd tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and

straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and

look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close

to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time, and people

will always remember me."

After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. One came to the

1st tree and said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able

to sell th e wood to a carpenter," and he began cutting it down. The tree

was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a

treasure chest.

At the 2nd tree, one of the other woodsman said, "This looks like a strong

tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The 2nd tree was happy,

because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the 3rd tree, the tree was frightened,

because it knew that, if it is cut down, its dream would not come true. One of

the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, so I'll take

this one," and he cut it down.

When the 1st tree arrived at the carpenter's, he was made into a feed box

for animals, placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what

he had prayed for.

The 2nd tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams

of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end.

The 3rd tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark.

The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one

filtered day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth, and they

placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first

tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this

manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event

and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second

tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the

water, a great storm arose, and the tree didn't think it was strong enough

to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and

said "Peace," and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had

carried the King of Kings in its boat.

Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the

streets, and the crowd mocked the man who was carrying it.

Finally, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at

the top of a hill.

When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to

stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as possible, because

Jesus had been crucified on it.

The moral of this story is that, when things don't seem to be going your

way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in

Him, He will give you great gifts.

Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had


We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that

His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best

"Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can't."

GOD BLESS . . . .

Friday, April 21, 2006


Well.....the Lord works in misterious ways! I feel that the reason my daughter and her "boy friend" didn't get the house that "he" wanted to buy is because of the situation that they are in. I'm soooooo glad that it didn't go through and that a friend of mine and her family got it instead. I see it as if they would have gotten a house, my daughter would feel so trapped right now, more then she feels now. And thats not very good. We were talking on the phone last night and she was once again...trying to do more things then she should have while her "boy friend" was trying to take care of my grandbaby while he was crying, and of course no help from him! She told him that if he wasn't going to help her in anyway at all, then why doesn't he just go to work?! I agreed! And he was sitting right next to her! My heart aches for her. Right after that, she asked me if she could call me back in 5 minutes. She calls me back in like 10 minutes letting me know that she and "him" once again had words. So he went to work. She does NOT deserve to live this way. She's been trying her hardest on this "relationship" and still nothing on "his" side. I worry all the time for her and my grandbaby. :o( I do know that she is finally coming to her senses from a talk that we had. About time! Because I know how much I've witnessed! And I don't like what I seen one bit! She knows that she can come here and stay. And I so hope she does! God bless her! I told her when they didn't get that house that there was a reason that God didn't let them have it. I knew why. She sees now as well. Whew! I'm very thankful that my friends family will be very happy there. :o) They wanted it bad, and I'm very glad that they did get the house. :o)
Yesterday those new meds. had me so dizzy and my head felt so heavy! Geesh! Just what I need....more side effects. I wasn't even able to do my volunteer work last night either. :o( They understood why. :o) Very nice people. :o)
I guess thats all for now....just really needed to talk and get things off my chest. God bless all of you! :o)

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Who knows......

I had once again another doctors appointment yesterday...but this time with my sleep specialist. <sigh> Welllll.....he had the results of my EEG! Go figure! The results are that I didn't have any sezuire activity during the test. Thennnnn....he put me on another medication! This time for my restless leg syndrome. Lets hope this will help. I'm tired of being put on new meds. and then taken off of these meds. and put on these meds....and so on. Geesh! I'm confused with my medications this week. gggrrrr Is if I need more confusion?! lol :o) I've been having way too much in my life going on lately, and I surley don't need anything more to add to it. I have a big decision to make for myself, and I have my daughter on my mind pretty hard. My heart hurts for her and my grandson. :o( I pray for them all the time, and to keep watch over them. I upset. I do nothing but worry about them both. :o( On Tuesday I borrowed some money off of my mom, so my grandson could have his baby food and he needs clothes and p.j.'s! And guess who seems to be the one to take care of and my husband! I will not stand by and see this happen! I just can't. :o( He now has a few more sets of outfits and p.j.'s. :o) And my husband gave my daughter $50.00 last Thursday so she could get and outfit and a church outfit for Easter Sunday. She doesn't have anything as well. :o( My heart hurts bad. She came over the night before last just to get away! I don't blame her one bit. She's still not getting the help that she needs from the "sperm donor" of my grandson that she lives with! gggrrr! I wish I could do more for them. I know God is watching over them both. God bless them both!
I suppose thats all for now. God bless you all. :o)

Monday, April 17, 2006

A pain full weekend.

So much to talk about but I'll keep it as short as I can. I think I don't have many readers in J-land anymore....but, I hope my battle of this gets through to who ever does read this journal. I can't help but to have up and down days in my life, because of this severe pain. Yes, I do have my faith, won't lose that. Thats what keeps me going through all of this. When I just had the fibromyalgia, I said then that I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone. And at that time, I thought that was "pain." Not like it is now. Of course I still feel the same way, I don't wish this on anyone. But, I did however, tell my husband that I would love to switch just one day with him so he can see what this is all like! There are days when I'm in so much pain...I was told that I look mad! very sorry for that, I don't know what I look like when going through this. It doesn't mean I'm mad...I'm happy, I may look different then how I feel emoitionally. Just because I'm in pain doesn't mean that I'm still not happy. Right?
I have another doctors appointment this morning to find out my results of my EEG I had done last week. Oh boy...I've began not to like going for results of any of my tests anymore...latelty they've been nothing but more wrong with me. Yes, even though I have a positive out look on all of this. It's hard to write words down and for others reading it to not actually feel what I'm really feeling, like happy, positive, and the like. I just write what I'm going through. And yes, I still pray eveyday for strength and to be healed. I have all that I have for a reason. And I know this. There are days that I feel so alone....even though I know that God is by myside, I still need human contact. I'm still only human. I need more positive people around me. I know that I have my mom, my daughter and my son and my best friend. But they all have their lives as well. I sit here day in and day out alone either on this computer or in my bed....thats been my life. I can't do much of anything else. I've lost so much more abilities this past month. The list would be shorter just to tell what I can still do. I'm moarning my losses and trying to move on. My incontinance is so much more worse now. I urinate myself so many times a day now. Not fun. The pain that I have in my back is so unbareable! I only feel like screaming. Even when I put a pain patch on my spine, it doesn't really do anything. But I still try them for just incase for a moment of painfree. I'd be so excited if that happened. One moment! Thats all I ask for. It's gotten much worse now when I stand up or walk. My back is so weak, I bend forward. Then I have to sit down. That doesn't give me much time to do much of anything. Well...the "things" that I can still do. My energy gets zapped everyday. When my daughter and my grandson come over, I can't play or hold him like I used to. :o( My heart hurts over that one. :o( He doesn't understand. :o( I just get so weak, I start to shake at times. I don't know whats next in this health hell, but I would like for it to be something that they will give me the right meds. for to help me.
I did get the job that I wanted on line, volunteering! YAY! I can't wait to start. It will at least give me something to do with my time....time...I seem to have a lot of that lately.
Thats all. God bless all of you.

Friday, April 14, 2006

There really is an Easter Bunny!

I was walking out back with my son to get to my car and we both seen this Robin's egg in our grass! :o) It looks as though it was placed there nice and gently by the Easter Bunny! :o)


Nothing new to write about. Have a happy Friday. :o) God bless all of you. :o) My other blog site.  To leave a comment on it, you have to have a Myspace site too. Then add me as your friend. :o)

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I'm still here..............................

Well, I had the 24 hour EEG done and had it taken off this morning. I go to the doctors on Monday to see the results for that. Kind of hesitent on that, because it seems that here lately everytime I go to the doctors for results, I hear something that I don't want to hear. But...I guess my doctor is finding the things thats been wrong with me for awhile which is good. I'm hoping that I'll be put on different medicines to help with all of this horrid pain that I'm in all the time.
Thats all for now....nothing new to add. God bless you all. :o)

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Ok...more things I have medically.....typing through tears so bare with me..

Yesterday I called my doctor about my fall and that feeling I've been having in my head. Well.....I went in and I have to have a 24 hour EEG tomorrow. Nothing to it, I've had those before too. Then I found out some of the results from my CT scan x-rays and MRI's. Ok...let me try and get all of this straight...I have a seizure disorder, fibromyalgi, 3 sleep disorders, progressive ms, ostioperosis, 5 tumores on my spins, maybe more, and now I found out that I have ostioarthritisis, hypertrophic spurs on my vertibras and getting more, and narrowing of the mid-thoratic disks. Which when the ostioperosis happens, it will make my disks come down onto my nerve. Which will cause so many other things. My spine is also detirating. Meaning I'm not going to have a spine. He asked me when I will be getting my electirc wheel chair because he said that I really need to have it asap! So...after hearing all of nerves are so shot and I'm REALLY having a hard time swollowing this one! Because I know the outcome of this. :o( So I'm just going to enjoy every minute of my life while I have it. I think I have now figured out why God has given me all of this...He needs another Angel with Him. :o) God bless you all. :o)

Sunday, April 9, 2006


All day I've been feeling kind of different....which I've thought was maybe an aura for a seizure. Now I'm not for sure. As the day and evening went on, I still was feeling the same. I took a nap in hopes that it might help. I got up at 7:00! Ate supper and was watching t.v. I got up to go to the kitchen, and while Iwas out there I was feeling very dizzy once again! I stood there for a moment, holding on to my walker. I thought I was better to get sat back down in the living room. I started to walk again then I was getting really weak in my back and my legs all of the sudden! I stopped again. I waited....and then I thought since I was in the hallway I'd be fine. NOT! I fell! I hit the wall on my left side and went down! I couldn't get up. My husband came in and helped me back up and back to my seat. I was so weak in my back that I has a hard time. And then my upper arms started getting weak! I thought that I'd be safe using my walker. I would have never guessed that I would still fall and have accidents like I've been having. I seem to be ok, my left shoulder is sore and the palms of my hands or sore from hitting the floor. I haven't looked in the mirror yet, but my husband ran and got me a cold rag for my face because he seen a big red spot on my left side of my cheeck, like maybe I hit while going down and not realizing it. No big surprise to me if I did and didn't know it. I'm thankful that he was still up, because at that time he would have been in bed. Tomorrow morning my physical therapist will be coming and so will my new Home Health Aid. My back is hurting a bit right now. I'm not tired yet as well. I don't know whats going on with me. I wish I did. Please keep me in your prayers! :o) God bless you! :o)

What a great day this is.....

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the health ordeals that I have. I've realized that they have made me a stronger person......espcially knowing that I have done in my life all of the things that I've wanted to do, and things that I've done with my children! :o) God has blessed me! I know down deep in my heart the faith that I have that these illneses will not get me down! :o) I know that God will take care of me. :o) And NO ONE can take my faith away from me! Nor my beliefs! I feel that just because I'm a Christian as are others....just because I believe and may do certian things differently then you do does not mean that I am a bad person, evil, or not a Christian like you! If we believe in God and have our faith, then that makes us children of God and he sees us in the same way! :o) I love my life and I have no guilt for anything that I have done or said in the past or even now, because I know I've been forgivin for the sins that I may have commented and for now.....I am loved by MY FATHER! :o) So please do not ever think or feel that I'm an evil or a bad person or even "weird" that you have to get away from as fast as you can!  May God continue to bless you all! :o)

Palm Sunday......

Good morning. :o) Today is Palm Sunday! :o) My daughter is going to church this morning and I wanted to go with her. I haven't heard from her yet...but I'll call her to make sure not to forget me. :o) She missed going to church last week. :o( She usually goes to one all the way in Bellbrook! This morning she will go to her old church, St. Boniface. :o) Thats were we had her first communion. ;o)
Last night, I went to Jim's mom's house for a candle party. It lasted a lot longer then I I was so worn out by the time I got home. :o( I really over did myself. :o( I'm pretty weak this morning and a bit shaky as well. I still feel as though I could have a seizure at anytime. Nothing yet! :o) It'll happen when it happens. :o)
Thats all for now....God bless you all! :o) I know He has me! :o)

Saturday, April 8, 2006

I've had better days then this.....

This morning I woke up with this weird head ache. It feels like I might have a seizure. I am feeling better then I was...still dizzy though. :o)
When God closes one door...He opens an even better door! :o) ( which I find funny whats I know is going to happen in the near future with someone ) daughter and her boy friend found another home! YAY! :o) It's so much better then the one someone else bought that they were going to get. I'm so glad they found this is beautiful and in their price range! YES! What a blessing! I know they got the better end of the deal! lol :o) They love it! :o) A beautiful large fenced in back yard and a garage as well! :o) A nice front porch for them to sit on in the summer! :o) Just perfect! :o) Prayers He hears! :o)
I suppose this is all for now. I really need to lay down right now. Thank you for your commments! :o) Keep them coming! :o) God Bless you! :o)

Friday, April 7, 2006

A heaviness waying on me.

I believe that GOD has put a heaviness on our hearts. There is something out there that my daughter really needs and may not be able to afford it. So.... with this, I have prayed and we believe GOD has lifted the heaviness when we prayed. We know that we can get so much by helping them, but money will never give us the pleasure that the smiles of their new home can give. Just to see the joy it will bring, is a good enough price for us. We are so happy for them and so very proud of them. We feel if you want out of debt, help someone else get out of debt. It's all about GIVING. Give your love, thoughts, prayers, time, whatever God is speaking to you to give - Just do it and watch what GOD does in his favors.

I love the Lord and I want to be the BEST CHRISTIAN I can be, I want to sew as many seeds as I can to bring those in darkness through to the light and I know through our Lord Jesus he will help me to do this.Love those who seem hard to love, help those who can't seem to get out of their own. Let GOD deal with their revelations........your job is to LOVE !!!!!! Find it in your heart and prayer to love one another as you would yourself. The waiting game - it's the LORD's test of patience. Something I am in dire need of like my medical equiptment to help my health and my duaghter's first house. But I will pass this test. Be STILL, What would Jesus do? He would help out his fellow man and neighbor. Would he stand by and watch someone in dire need go without, while you have all your needs and wants? In time.....patience is what it is. What could be better then something for me.....I know...seeing my daughter getting her needs met. :o) We as a family have so much love and happiness. To me, happiness is believing in God, loving someone that's not always easy to love, Giving when your heart tells you to, having lots of everything you dream of....happiness is anything you want it to just have to want it. :o) Even though when you have to work hard for your needs. My daughter's boy friend works his butt off for his family. Because he wants to give them their needs. You have to work hard for what you need. Need and want are two very different things. God knows what you "need." And thats what you live off of...your needs..not your "wants" or living off of someone else. After praying with my daughter...we have felt the heaviness lift! :o) God bless you all...and thank you all for your comments...have a great day! :o)

Thursday, April 6, 2006

I recieved this in an email.....

The Art of Friendship.....

The first step in the art of friendship is to be a friend; then making friends takes care of itself. 

To be a friend, one should start by being a friend to himself, by being true to his highest and best and by aligning himself with the enduring values of human life that make for growth and progress.

To be a friend, one should strive to be *like the shadow of a great rock in a weary land*, to be a source of refuge and strength to those who walk in darkness.

To be a friend, one should believe in the inherent goodness of men and in their potential greatness; he should treat one in a big spirit, expectant of a noble response.

To be a friend, one should strive to lift people up, not cast them down; to encourage, not discourage; to set an example that will be an inspiration to others.

To be a friend, one should be sensitively responsive to the dreams and aims of others and should show sincere appreciation for the contributions others make to the enrichment of his life.

To be a friend, one should practice the companionship of silence and the magic of words that his speech may build and not destroy, help and not hinder.

To be a friend, one should close his eyes to the faults of others and open them to his own.

To be a friend, one should not attempt reform, but should strive only to make others happy if he can.

To be a friend, one should be himself, he should be done with hypocrisy, artificiality and pretense, he should meet and mingle with people in quiet simplicity and humility.

To be a friend, one shouldbe tolerant, he should have an understanding heart and a forgiving nature, knowing all men stumble now and then, and that he who never made a mistake never accomplished anything.

To be a friend, one should join hands with all people who are working for great principles, great purposes and great causes; he should put hisshoulder to the wheel to help achieve common goals.

To be a friend; one should go more than halfway with his fellow men; he should greet others first and not wait to be greeted; he should radiate a spirit of overflowing good will.

To be a friend; one should remember that we are human magnets - what we give - we get.

To be a friend, one should recognize that no man knows all the answers, and that he should add each day to his knowledge of how to live the friendly way.

...............My favorite is the second to the last paragraph! :o)

Nothing much......

Well.....This really hasn't been a very good day at all...not for me nor my daughter. :o( They had looked at a house, and were going to buy it and the man told them they had it and now they don't. :o( They are first time buyers and were looking so forward to this new home. But, as some say...first come, first serve.
My day was spent in pain, and a bit hurt and upset for my daughter. Stress sure dosen't help matters any with my body. long as others get what they want, I guess thats all that matters.
Need to go now, my daughter is here and she needs some help right now. God bless you all.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Had a lot of fun yesterday!

Yesterday I took some photo's of my daughter. :o) I think they turned out great! :o) I did her hair and makeup for her. I will post a few of them as soon as I get them croped. :o)
But....I feel that yesterday was also one of the worse days for me with my body. The pain was tremenous. My back was the worse. My upper body and my legs and hips were so weak, I could barely get around. I felt as if I was going to just snap in half. If that makes since? I really don't even feel up to going to my doctors appointment this morning. If I do, I'm going to have to use my wheel chair. Because I already know I won't be able to walk that much.
I got a call from my nursing agency yesterday letting me know that my home health aid would be changed! The new one will be coming Thursday.
This morning isn't a good morning at all. I'm still very weak and in a lot of pain as well.
This is all for now. God bless you all... and please keep the comments coming. :o)

Tuesday, April 4, 2006


This morning I'm feeling pretty weak again. My physical therapist came, and she told me again that I really need to use soup cans to exercise with to keep my upper arm muscles. I told her what I do, and she that it isn't enough! Yikes! I asked about my upper leg strength and no, walking isn't going to help them. So, I'm losing their muscle mass faster, and thats why they are weaker. That explains why the wheel chair comes into play. duh! :o)
Tomorrow morning I have an appointment with my sleep specialist at 9:30. I honestly don't know what he can do to help me out anymore. He's so nice. Fatigue goes along with what I have, so I doubt if he can help with that, unless he puts me through another sleep test.
It's such a pretty day out today. :o) I'm going to take photo's of my daughter. I did this a few years back, and we had so much fun doing it! It's like a photo shoot for the both of us! I miss having those so much. :o) Oh well. That was the past for me. So I'm going to be on the other end of the camera and take photos of her! :o) Have a great day and God bless you all and thank you for all your comments. :o) can leave a comment.... :o)

Monday, April 3, 2006

Enjoying life!

I'm feeling a bit better this morning mentally. I have realized so many things about me that were right in front of me that I didn't see. Yes...I let worry get involved way too much. I need to let go of it and give it all up. Because in my heart I know I will be fine. :o) I know this. Starting today, I am going to be me! Not worry about what others will think. I'm who I am and thats it. :o) I also realized yesterday that all I needed was just a hug from someone. Thats it! After my husband gave me a hug, I felt so much better...accepted for lack of a better word. I know that I am accepted though. God accepts me, and thats all that matters. I have what I have medically for a reason. And I know that God won't let me down. When I'm suppose to know why I have these things, I will know, but not until then. I have to accept it and move on with my life. I have a peacful heart and I've always wanted to live the way my heart is, but at times there was always that one thing stopping me in my tracks. Not now. :o) I won't let it. :o) I have the best family anyone could ever have, I have the best friends anyone could ever have, and I am the best person that I can be! :o) And I'm happy for all of that and very thankful! :o) Everyday I'm tested...and everyday I win! :o) My problam that I have realized is my worrying. I will get through this. :o) I pray everyday and I know I will get better. :o) I also seen one more "want." :o) It's about Grace! The lady that has made these tapes had a home life very similar to mine. She's a great person and very inspirationl. :o)
Yes, I'm still in a lot of pain still this morning. It's just apart of my This is me. I'm very happy with me. As soon as I find out the other medical things that I have, I will accept them and move on. Stay out of the stagnint. Today I don't have much planed. I do know that I will be resting. :o) Please...keep praying, God does hear us all. :o) Thank you for all of your comments and please keep them coming. :o) Have a great day! :o)

Sunday, April 2, 2006

More strength.

Ok...this time change is for the birds...I'm already mixed up on when to take my meds. :o) Geesh! Now, my body will have to get used to it as well....and that will take probably a week or two. :o)

I did, however, sleep pretty good last night. YES! :o) I know I really need it for my physical and mental strength. One of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for help. Lately I've noticed that I've been having to ask. I'm usually the one that helps others. And now the tables have been turned. I know I have others out there praying for me through this tough time, as I am as well. God gave all of this to me for a reason. He doesn't give people anything that they can't handle. And I keep telling myselfe that. I can handle this! Today is one of those days where I really feel pretty low. I'm not able to do much at all today. I'm in a lot of pain as well as my strength in my body is very low. I'm feeling pretty restricted I guess. A weird feeling. My husband and I had a good talk last night about what is going on with me lately. He's doing his best to get this house fixed for me to get around in. He told me that he's going to put a ramp out back first, then work on one for the front porch. The only thing left then are the basement steps. Those are the last thing on his list. I agree. :o) I so appreciate what he is doing for me....much more than the work on the house. :o) He told me when I find out the other thing thats wrong with me that no matter what it could be, he will still be by my side through it all! :o) You don't know what that meant to me when he said that! :o) By now...other men might have left me by now. He's also been trying to quite two things that he has an adiction to. First he's working on quiting smoking, and he's been doing great! I'm so proud of him! :o) Then he said as soon as thats under control, he will work on quiting his drinking!!!! YAY! :o) I'm so very proud of him! :o) I've been praying! :o) God hears me! :o)
Right now and in the evening yesterday, I felt so alone. I know I'm not, but the feeling is very overwhelming. So many things have been just rushing through my head. My life has gone from one extreme to the other! I used to be a very active and out going person, and now to this. It's kind of hard to swollow at times. Thats what gets me down....trying to do something that I just did last week, and findingout that I'm not able to anymore. Just the loss of it all. And having to realize that this is really how I'm going to be living for the rest of my life. And I'm only 42. Like I've said before.....when you are young, and you are taught the things about when you get older and grown up, your not taught about things like this, so it's a big "hit in the face" when this sort of thing happens to you. Thankfully through all of this, my children and grandson have and will be taught about it. So maybe no surprises for them. That life will through you a curve ball sometimes. and then you have to deal with it when and if it does happen. I guess I just need to talk....sorry for rambling on and on. :o) I'm sitting here alone, like always and just needed to get some things off my chest. :o)
I still have a few things that really need to get done, and I am not able to do it. I've started on them, but am not able to finish them now. Both my bedroom and this room. <sigh> Not that much more to finish up, just getting it done. Maybe I need more ideas as well. Oh well. :o)
I suppose I'm done for now. I feel better just typing. I guess I feel that how can anyone else understand what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. Who knows?
God bless you all and thank you for all of your comments. :o) I hope you have a wonderful day! :o)

Saturday, April 1, 2006

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ really seems to be a slow time for me. Or my body, I don't know which. My daughter and grandson spent the night last night. :o) I loved that. But....once again I got up way too early. I got up at 2:00! Then...I had another one of those dizzy episodes. :o( I went and laid down and had the fan on me to get better. :o( I woke up about an hour and a half later and I felt a bit better. But still kind of "out of it." The library is having a book sale this week starting today and my daughter and I went. I've always went to them. This morning was different. I wasn't there for very long, like I usually am, and I got so worn out and very weak real quick! So we left. My legs and arms are so weak right now. And I feel that I really didn't do much for this to happen. But then again, I really don't know much about ms, so this might go along with it as well. Who knows. I'm still pretty much dizzy. I guess since I've felt this way since my fall last Saturday....I will probably will be feeling this way from now on. I did find some pretty good inspirational books this morning. :o) I can't wait to be able to read soon as this dizziness lets down a bit. lol :o) I even got another bible as well. :o)
Well...I guess I'm done whinning! lol :o) God bless you all and thank you for your comments...and if anyone has any information on ms, I'd really appreciate it if you could let me know. :o)