Wednesday, August 31, 2005

I'm going through something pretty bad right now in my personal life. Can't write about it right now...too upset. :o(

I made it to my appointment. He gave me a script for chronic pain patches. Never heard of them. I'll try them when I'm up to it....even though I should have one on right now because of all the pain I'm in. Right now it doesn't seem to matter. done.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Yesterday was just a day for me to relax so I can start to feel better again. :o) Well, my physical therapist came this morning. I'm so glad that I rested up yesterday, because there were two new places on my body that had several muscle cramps! :o( Yikes! It really hurt again this time. :o( I have a doctors appointment today. Oh boy! I still haven't been able to get my blood tests done yet. He'll have to understand that. The way I'm feeling, I'm not sure if I should use my walker or my wheel chair today. :o( I do know that I plan on getting a lot more rest in again today, I have to get better so I can go see my friend. I'm still not able to drive yet. It's raining here. It's from the hurricane. We really could use it too. :o) I need to go....I should start getting ready for my takes me awhile! lol :o) Again, thanks for all the comments...they keep me going, and I really do appreciate them and reading them! :o) God bless you all! :o)

Monday, August 29, 2005

What another day!!!!!! :o) all I have to say about this whole weekend! :o) Yesterday was more surprises! I didn't have anything planned, just maybe rest. My duaghter's boyfriend came home with 3 beautiful tropical type plants for me! And my daughter and my grandson gave me a card and a bookmark and stickers! :o) I was so surprised! It made me cry! I gave them all hugs and kisses! :o) My husband gave me a card and surprised me with a bird bath, a garden game, and to sets of garden lights! Wow! What I did was I took the 3 new plants, and everything else and put them on my front porch! It looks so beautiful! Now I have a little garden to sit in while out side now! YAY! I haven't had that in years, and I so missed it! But they all put it together for me! :o) It's tranquility to me. :o) Now I'm going to start doing the same for the back deck as well. :o) My friend came over and gave me one of my favorite flowers, a daisey, (purple) and a beautiful card that she had hand made! Beautiful! I just can't believe, and will never forget this birthday! :o) Getting a card means a lot to mean! :o) I do have to admit though, this morning when my physical therapist came over, she had to wake me up!!! WOW! That was at 8:30! I really slept in! YAY! That was one of my birthday wishes! God does listen when you pray. Always remember that. :O) I've been blessed everyday. :o) Thank you everyone, and gentle hugs to you all!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

What a day! :o)

I was able to get a nap in yesterday which helped me get some strength back. I woke up again this morning with the same problem, itchy, at 3:30. I don't really know what's that all about, I'll just have to do more research on this. :o) I didn't have anything planned for yesterday at all. I just wanted to take that day to rest. But, my sister called and came to visit me, I haven't seen her in months. :o) It was a great visit. :o) My mom and other sister went out to eat, and to the mall. :O) By far, this had been the best birthday that I can remember! :o) I love to have my family and friends around me. :o) So, today I am 42, and I don't even feel like it! lol Thanks mom! :o) Getnle hugs to you all. :o)

Saturday, August 27, 2005


Yesterday things were better between my friend and I. :O) It was a misunderstanding on all parts. I feel so much better that things were talked out. :o)

I didn't get much sleep last night. I got up at 2:00 this morning. Bummer! I don't know why, but what kept me awake was that my body was icthy. It sounds weird to me. I do know that icthy skin does happen with fibromaylgia, but I would have never thought that it would keep me awake! lol :O) Not complaining....better then pain waking me up. :o) Although, I am still a hard 9. I'm still working on getting back down to a nice 7. Would be nice! :o) I son't have any plans for today, except to get as much rest in as possible. I've also thought about painting again! :o) I haven't painted in a few years, and I have the inspiration to do so, and I feel I need to jump on it while I can. :o) One thing is stopping me right and canvases! :o) I need those! :o) Thats all for now. God bless you all. :o)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Things are slowly getting better. :o) This morning seems to be about a hard 9 so far, not too bad. :o) My mom will be coming over today to visit with me. :o) I can't wait. Tomorrow my friend and I will be spending the day together in one of my favorite towns near here. It has so many little shops to look in. :o) My birthday is on Sunday, and my husband bought me a sweat shirt. :o) I can't wait to get it. Other then that, I've still been taking it easy. I am in a lot of pain still. But I'm hanging in there. :o) I also want to thank you for all of the comments....they really do keep my spirits up and keeps me going! :o) God bless you all. :o)

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


I honestly wish that my husband would understand me! I'm so upset and just fed up with his ignorance! I'm so tired of the way he has treated me since I've found out that I've had this disease! He is MY stresser in this house! I just have to get it out! He knows when I'm in pain and seems to get meaner and meaner to me the more pain I get in! It hurts mentally and physically! Last night was the final straw! I'm tired of him slamming doors when he doesn't get his way. And so tired of him talking to me like I have no brain, and treated me so dissrespectful! Then he gets mad when I am in a lot of pain, and seems to take it out on me and everyone else in the house! He asked me last night if there was anything that he could do to help me he would. So, I said that if he wouldn't drink so much, that would help me out tremendouly! Just over a year ago he started drinking heavily and It's not my fault. Well, that really made him mad! Drinking never used to change him. He had times where he would start, and then when to stop...not now. I have no one that I can depend on if anything ever happens to me in the evening because he's drunk! It was a blessing that my friends were here when I had that horrible reaction that night. I would have been out side the whole night, or where ever I would have been in the house because he couldn't have been woken up to help me! My nereves are so shot! And now he's playing the "ignore Lisa" game right now. How mature! I feel that he is being very selfish on his part. It's not like he doesn't know anything about fibromaylgia! He does and he knows how to give me a muscle massage if nessecary, but won't. His loss, not mine. I just had to get this off my chest. I will not play childish games anymore! He needs help. He plays a part were he tries to make me feel guilty for anything he can think up, but it doesn't work, then he turns it around to where he "thinks" I'm making him feel guilty! gggrrr! No more playing games! I have to think of my health. I love on my grandbaby, and my children. That is the best healing in the world! :o)

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Nothing new. Nothing different. I got up at 3:00 this morning because my back was hurting intensly!

Saturday, August 20, 2005


I didn't do anything at all yesterday. I still really can't. I have a feeling if I could get rid of a lot of my stress around here, I'd be in a lot better shape! I'm on my last nerve with someone. At least I'm now at a strong 10, and not a strong 12. Thats something good. I really don't have much to say this morning. Got up at 2:00. :o( Oh well. If I didn't have my friends to talk to, I would have lost right now. You'd think that this person does know that stress makes me worse. Their loss. Not mine. God bless all of you. :o)

Friday, August 19, 2005

Feeling abanded.

Yesterday was a pretty hard day. I only had 3 pills, but I must have been having some type of with draws from it. My doctor's nurse called back to let me know that the doctor would not put me on Demerol. Which when I was there, we had talked about that instead of the Oxycotin. She told me that he said for me to go to the pain clinic at the hospital for my pain from now on! I feel like he has abanded me. I'm still in a lot of pain, but still dealing with it. This morning I feel a little dizzy, but I'll handle it as well. This is all I feel like writing right now. I do hope everyone has a pain free/less pain day. :o)

Thursday, August 18, 2005


Yesterday was my first day with the Oxycotin. I felt ok, but not right. I took the medicine like I was suppose to, and I was starting to feel "weird." I did not like the way it made me feel at all, in fact it was scaring me. Last night, my best friend and my other friend and I were out on the front porch talking. I was having fun. I was still not feeling "right" and they were both worried that I was on that medicine. All of the sudden, out of no where, I started to get so hot inside and on the outside. I wasn't able to breath right because of me over heating. It felt like my heart was going to just pound out of my chest! :o( I had a hard time walking, and I had to get to bed right then and now! Both of my friends helped me to and in my bed. Then I got room spins! :o(I thought for sure I was going to vomit right then. My friend is a CNA and she told me to lay on my right side and it would help, and it did. They turned a fan on me, and I didn't have any blankets on, and I was burning up! :o) Then next thing that I remember is waking up in the same position I was in when I layed down. I just talked to my nieghbor friend and she told me that her and my best friend stayed here with me until 3:00 in the morning to watch over me! Boy was I blessed last night! I'm also blessed to have such great friends as well. This morning I called the doctor. I let them know what I've experianced, and he told me to stop taking them immediatly. So I flushed them! No more of them! Whew! I actually felt as if I was dying last night. I was so scared. :o( If my friends wouldn't have been here, I don't know what I would have done, or what would have happened to me. I'm really glad that this will be over with! I hope this situation will never happen to any of you. Gentle hugs, and God bless all of you. :o)

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


Yesterday I went to see my doctor that treats me for this horrid disease. Again, I had to use my wheel chair. :o( This time the doctor actually got to see and feel my muscle "lumps" that pop out from underneath my skin. It grosses me out to be able to see them and to feel them that way. :o( He took me off the Vicodine and the Tylenol 3, and put me on another new pain medicine. I asked about Demerol, and he said no, I needed something stronger! I started getting a bit scared. Well, I'm now on Oxycontin! I have to take it twice a day! :o( I took the first pill last night right before I went to bed, and I got 7 and 1/2 hours of sleep. This morning when I got out of bed, I could still see and feel all of the "lumps" and the other cramping, but I can't feel them! It doesn't make any since to me, but it is helping me to be able to get around better. The weird thing is that I "can" still feel the pain, but not. It's hard to explain this feeling. I just took my second pill, I have to make sure that I take them 12 hours apart. So, I'll find out what it will do to me during the day. It's just the oddest feeling. But good too. So hard to explain this. :o) God bless everyone. I so hope that no one else out there will ever feel the way I've been feeling. I would never want that. Very gentle hugs to all. :o)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005


Yesterday was the most painful day I've had in a long time. :o( I had to use my wheel chair. My doctors appointment is today. I'm in a full body exacerbation. I have muscle cramps everywhere. And they are lumpy. When I say lumpy, I'm talking about you can actually see them coming from under my skin. I have the lumpy ones on my neck, upper chest, shoulders, back, lower back, my arms, and my thighs. :o( It's pretty gross to see, and very painful when I'm like this. Instead of being on my own pain scale from 1-10, I'm feeling an actual hard 12! :o( My neighbor and my daughter watched over me yesterday, and took care of me. I'm so grateful for them. :o) The night before, my best friend came over in the evening and surprised me. She came over just to help me get in a tub of hot water so I could feel better. :o) She's so busy right now, and took time out to do this great thing for me! :o) I just couldn't thank her enough. :o) But, needless to say, it felt good right afterwards, then I went back into this mess but worse now. I don't even have words to describe how this actually feels. I cried a lot yesterday. The pain just gets so bad that tears just start rolling down my face. This morning is only a bit better. I'm now maybe a soft 12 to a hard 11. :o( I do hope that everyone else is feeling good. I would never want anyone else to feel this way. Ever. God bless you all. :o)

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Just another day in my life.

All I did yesterday was rest and stayed inside. It felt so good. The kids were not home, and it gave me a chance to relax more then I would have been. I miss them though. :O) They all come back home today. :o) Yes, I am still having all of the pain I've been having. It has at least gone down to a soft 9 pain level. Whew! Much better the before. I wish I could get in my tub, and fill it up with hot water, and just sit in it. But I still can't get in and out of it. I know that would help me out tramendously. But thats ok for now, I'll just keep riding out these waves and curves that are being thrown at me. I have an appointment to see my sleep specialist tomorrow. I can't wait. I am still having problems with the amount of sleep I am getting. My bed is great. :o) It's just my body thats messing with me as usual. :o) Other then that, I don't have any plans for today again. I need this time to get plenty of rest to heal. I haven't heard from anyone except for my neighbor. She is so nice. :o) She really worries about me. :o) My best friend has come over a few times this week. She's at home trying to get her kids ready for school. I was taking a nap the last time she came over and she started doing things to help me in this room! :o) When I woke up, I couldn't believe it! :o) I really appreciated it. :o) I guess my friends realize how much I need help more then my own family does. But, oh well...their loss. Maybe they'll see some day whats in front of their faces. Maybe. God bless you all. :o)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I'm feeling just a bit better this morning, and I'm really hoping that it stays this way. I've been resting during the day. My neighbor was worried about me because she wasn't seeing me outside smoking like usual. That was only because I've been trying to heal this body. The pain is so unbarable. I'm having a hard time hiding it. I don't like to show my pain around others because I don't want anyone to think that I'm complaining too much or wanting a pity party. I hope that makes since. My family that lives here can always tell though when I'm in major pain just by looking at my eyes. Which is good. I have a doctors appointment soon, and I need to ask him if he can put me on some other pain pill. The Vicodine's and Tylenol 3 do not work at all. I only take them when I need to, and they aren't helping at all. I don't have anything planned for the day. I guess what ever happens, happens. I will just ride out these waves of life that God is throwing my way. Gentle hugs to you all, and thank you for all your great comments. :o) I look forward to them. It makes me feel that I'm not alone in this battle with this horrid disease. :o)

Friday, August 12, 2005

Very bad! :o(

Yesterday was not a good day at all for me. I was in a pain level of a hard 10 all day. I actually had to stay in bed all day! I absolutly hate to do that, but I had no choice. :o( Nothing helped at all. This morning I'm still in a lot of pain still. It's my whole body, not just certain areas. Thats all for now, it kind of hurts to type. Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Thursday, August 11, 2005


Yesterday was just another day with the same stuff different day. I'm still in an extreme amount of pain. Too much on my mind doesn't help matters either. When I lay down to rest or to go to bed at night, all of it just runs so fast around in my head, and I can't sleep. I was very lucky yesterday to have both of my friends over. We talked for hours. I was able to get my stuff off of my mind to them, and they both understood how I feel and why. They don't understand why the stresser and the email I had recieved are actually thinking the way they are either. They wanted to know if these people actually realize how much pain I'm in, and how much more pain they are putting me in more by being this way? I said probably not, or they don't care. One or the other. I haven't felt good all week. I know it's my nerves that is making me this way. Too bad the ones that you think would notice it, don't. Or the ones that you thought cared, don't. I'm just very grateful for the friends that I have, because they also see the things the same as I am, so I don't feel like it's all in my head now. My one friend has noticed one of my stressers just happen like I thought I seen it happen, like a night and day switch towards me. Plus they've known about my other stresser for months now. I've been taking my pain pills that I only take when I absolutly have too. And they aren't working. :o( I'm going to call my doctor to see what I should do. I hope he doesn't want me to go to the hospital like he told me once before. :o( I really don't like the way the one stresser has made me feel. I'm very hurt. Which turns into more pain. Too bad that they seem to be more worried about someone else then me. I love my family do death. And in my eyes, they come first no matter what. In my opinion, thats the way it's suppose to be. If one of my kids are hurting for any reason, I'm on top of it, and put all of my pain aside for them. Thats me though. I don't have anything planned for today. There isn't anything I can do right now. Too bad. My pain level is a soft 10 right now, and has been all week. It will pass. :o) I want to thank my daughter for her sweet comment. :o) God bless you all, and very gentle hugs to you. :o)

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

Can't sleep.

I can't sleep because of too much on my mind still. No matter what I seem to do, I can't clear my mind. Of course, I still have that one stresser that I've had for awhile. No matter how much I talk, it doesn't help. And to that person. I don't understand so many things in my life I suppose. Of course, who does? This is not a "pitty party," this is all the truth! Sure, I have fibromyalgia, but that isn't the problem. I know that God gave me this for a reason. There's just so much more that I guess I don't undestand. The only thing that I can come up with is that God is trying to make me even stronger. If this is the case, then I really don't know why. Not trying to deny anything God will send my way. My mom married a man that absoluted hated when I was 4 years old. He was an alcoholic, and abused me verbally, mentally ,physically, and sexually until the age of 17. I told my mom when I was 15. I never lied to her. I always told her eveything that I did, like when I first had sex, and started smoking. I am a person that can't lie. I lived on very hard times with my babies, having to work 3 jobs to make ends meet. Not complaining. Went through 2 marriages until I met my husband I have now. What a wonderful person he is. :o) He took me and my children plus my "past bagage". Plus my younger sister lived with us, we didn't get any child support for her and we sent her to school and made the best of what we had, and to make sure she had lunch money as well. In 1997, my children and I were kidnaped and taken to Arkansas. I was drugged. I don't remember too many of the details, but my husband finally found us and came and saved us. Both my children and I have never forgotten that ordeal, and are still to this day a bit scared. I might have said this before but, I'm the type of person that will help and do anything for anyone if I am able to. I always have. If I have it or enough, it's yours. My husband and I have donated so many things to places in our town to help, plus donations to charities. We've helped a friend in need with groceries and getting her children's Christmas. It is never to expect anything in return, we are just that way. The smiles are our thank you's and it warms our hearts. :O) Thats what counts. We've helped out a lot of our friends and family. Just yesterday, I gave the little boy that lives next door to us a bag of polished stones. He love stones and rocks, so I thought I would surprise him because I collect them as well. What made my day was to see how grateful he was and how it was like I gave him the moon! :o) He sat on the porch with them all in a row with the sun shinning down on them so they could sparkle. :O) If I have it, I can help others and I do. Thats always been my nature. I've turned all the negativity from my childhood around and have used it all in a positive way. :o) I don't like to see people suffer or go without like I did. Yes, we are still struggling right now. When it rains it pours. :o( The thing is, when will it be my turn or our turn to ever get a break? Thats the part that I don't understand. Yes, it has given me patients and made me a stronger person. I got an email today that bothered me. I just don't understand some people. It hurt me. But, no matter what, I will not change the way I am for no one. I love me and the way I am. :o) My husband brought home an electric lighted fish aquarium, and I've decided to give it to my physical therapist so she can give it to an elderly lady that had mentioned on where to buy them. I know what it's like to be on bed rest, and I know she will enjoy it very much. :o) I think I got most things off my mind. Not all, because I can't write about them in this. Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

                      -Alexander Woollcott

I'll get there! :o)

Well....I was alone all day yesterday. I don't know about anyone else, but I kind of get a bit scared. Only because if I happen to fall. My daughter had to go to a funeral that was close to West Virginia, and we live on the other side of Ohio near Indiana! My son was home for only a few minutes. I thought I'd ask him if he would walk me next door to my neighbors house, so I would be safer. He did. :O) I stayed there until my husband got home. My neighbor is so sweet. :o) I was of course in so much pain still. I've been resting, but we all know how this horrid disease is. I'll get there! :o) I know soon I should start feeling better, and having more energy. I haven't been out in the sun, so I know things should turn around for me. :o) I had such a major case of "fibro fog" yesterday, I could hardly hold a conversation! lol :o) Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself. lol :o) Too funny! There are times though, that it does get frustrating. But with friends it's ok. :o) All in all, my day was fine. Just the usual fibro stuff going on. :o) God bless you all, and very gentle hugs. :o)

Monday, August 8, 2005


Yestersay was a good day and a painful one as well. When I woke up, I only had 3 hours of sleep, I was in so much pain. I had taken all of the medicines I take for the day time, and still no relief. So, I took 2 Vicodines! Still no relief! I couldn't believe it. I had so many hudge muscle cramps on my thighs, it even grossed me out! Yuck! My mom stopped by, and asked me and my daughter if we wanted to get out of the house for awhile. We both jumped at that! :o) Of course we did! lol :o) So, we went to lunch, and then to Meijers. Even though I was in that much pain, I thought it might help if I got out of this house for awhile. We were gone for about 4 hours. Yay! :o) I could feel the Vicodine in me, but I wasn't feeling any help from it. We had so much fun. :o) My mom got my daughter some new p.j.'s and me as well, and the baby a pair of sunglasses! lol :o) He loks styling now! lol Too cute! I got him 2 books to read to him and a pair of sandles! lol they look so cute on him! :o) Oh...and my mom took him around to the toy section and asked him what toy he wanted and he picked a toy out! LOL :o) So...he has a new toy now too! :o) It was so cute! :o) By the time we got home, I was worn out! :o) Thats was good. Still in pain, but getting out of the house helps the mind as well. :o) I was able to get 8 and 1/2 hours of sleep last night! YAY!!!! :o) Getting out of the house really helps me in so many ways. :o) I'm still in pain this morning. I'm home alone today, because my daughter and her boy friend had a funeral to go to today, and everyone else is working. I'll do fine. :o) Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Sunday, August 7, 2005


Yesterday was a pretty good day. I wasn't in as much pain as I thought I would be. Whew! :o) I went with my neighbor to Sam's Club. I've never been there, and wow...I loved it! I had a lot of fun just to get out of the house for fun, and not just for doctor's appointments. :o) I hope I can do that more often. :o) She said something about doing something today and on Monday. I hope so, it makes me feel so good just to get out of this house for just a few hours. :o) My daughter and her boy friend went to see a movie yesterday. She really needs to get out more as well. Her and I are the ones that are home all the time. :o) I didn't get much sleep last night, just 3 hours. I'm feeling the pain now from yesterday and Friday. But, I feel that it was all worth it. I do want to clear a few things up. When I talk about needing help with certain things, I'm not singeling out anyone. Everyone that lives here does pay rent, and gets their own food, and has their own chores they do everyday. Then with everyones work schedul, it just makes it a bit hard to catch one of them for help with the heavy things to move or put away for me. My husaband on the weekends works on the house. It still needs so much work done to it. He isn't updating things like it needs as well, just fixing all of the problems we are having with it. He is constantly busy with it. His dad and nephew comes over to help him also. Yes, I do ask the others that live here, if I can catch them before they go to work, if they could help me. In their own lives, and the things that I have them do for chores, I've even put on their board to help me as well, they too have busy times. So thats why I write about not getting any help, and that I'm going to have to do it myself. My neighbor wants to come over to help me, and she has great ideas, but she isn't able to come over during the day. Too bad. I don't know if anyone else that has this disease or not feels like sometimes the world is just passing you by and everyone else is too. I guess thats the only way that I can put it. I just have days to where I feel so isolated, and ignores. Like you are in a glass box, yelling for help, and you're not heard, but only seen. If that makes any since? I just get frustrated about it. Yes, I do need a better support system when it comes to my family. But I don't know how to get it. Enough said. God bless you all. :o)

Saturday, August 6, 2005

A better day.

Yesterday ended up to be a little better day. Not pain wise, but some help. :o) My daughter did her chores, and helped me with my room. :o) My son came home, and I asked him he he would just help with the heavey things and to put things up above in my closet. He did. Now, I have room in here so I won't trip and fall over things. :o) But again, it's always my daughter and I that are the ones that do the things in this house when we both could use others help. With everyone's work times, it makes it a bit hard. So, it leaves the two weakest one's to do the rest. But I think she really kicked butt! :o) And my son with getting things put up in the closet. Now I don't have to worry about trying to do that. I did push myself a little too hard though. But it really needs to get done. No matter when or who I ask to help me with things like this situation, it seems to be different then asking for help to walk me or carry my purse and help me out with my walker. Everyone will jump at that. But as soon as I ned help with things like this room, it's a totally differnt story. It's always been this way ever since I've been diagnosed. When I lived in our other house, I was moved into this large room and it served as my bedroom and for my computer and crafts. I felt so isolated. I had the same problems there as well. If I needed something done or help, I felt ignored. I guess it hasn't changed. But, when we lived there, it was just my husband and my son and I. And my mom would come over more often to help me as well. So, oh boy...I am in a lot of pain this morning because of what I had to do yesterday. But, I feel that it was worth it...I know it may take days to feel better, but at least most of this room is done. :o) That helps a person feel better as well, when you can feel comfortable in a room thats not clutered. ;o) I want to thank everyone for your advise! It honestly does help me. :o) Gentle hugs to you all, and God bless you. :o)

Friday, August 5, 2005

What a day.

Yesterday was a very, very painful day for me. When my physical therapist came, she had to rub out so many muscle cramps! I'd say it was 98% of my whole body that she had to do! Boy did it hurt bad. From the bottoms and tope of my feet, ankles, calves, and kness and of course my thighs and hips. Then both of my sides, shoulder blades and shoulders, my whole arms inculding both hands top and bottom. All of my back, and my upper part of my bum. The only thing that was not touched were my face, and private matters. Only two parts of my whole body was not touched! It hurt so bad. My pain level is a 9. :o( Right now, my right arm is doing this numb thing on me, where it's half numb and I can't hardly feel. gggrrr! I do know that this won't last for ever. I have so many things that I need to get done, but I still can't do them. My mom did help me change my bedding when she dropped me off from the doctors appointment. I still need help though. With everyones work hours here, it just leaves me and Nena to ourselves, and I can't expect her to do too much because of the baby. It makes it hard to ask for help, because I have and either they are too busy in their own life, or with someone else, or just wants to be alone. When it would only take a few hours. I'll keep asking. :o) If everyone only knew how much pain I'm in everyday, and the help I need to get this room done to help me be able to walk through it again, maybe they would actually help me out a bit. It just sucks so bad when there are others that are able to help but chose not to because they think I already have it because I have other people that live here. But that doesn't mean anything, they have their jobs and things to do also. One of these days, I'll mean something to someone enough for them to actually notice that, YES....I AM IN A LOT OF PAIN.....AND IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A FEW HOURS OF THEIR TIME! It just kind of hurts your feelings when it seems that by having this horrid disease, and you look ok on the out side, others think that you must be feeling ok. NOT! My feelings have been hurt by this and a lot of other things lately. Sorry for "rambling" on, just needed to vent a bit. I really hope that no one else has to go through this. God Bless you all. :o)

Thursday, August 4, 2005

I should have known.

Well, my doctors appointment went good. I have a bacterial infection in both eyes. He said that maybe an eye lash or even my hair got into my eyes and just infected them because of my allergies. So, I have to wash them with baby wash, and put eye drops in. Now the part were my buble was bursted....I explained to him about the pool. He asked me if there was moving water in it, I said no, just when I move my legs and arms to excersice them. He said is the pool warm, I said I thought it was. Then he reminded me that my body is half numb. DUH! I know that! I have a hard time getting the right tempreture for my showers and dish water, I've even burned myself on accident! I can't feel. :o( He said no more pool. But, I do understand because of the water being too cold for my body and thats why I was cramping up so fast and my whole body. He told me that the only water that I can be in is a shower or a hot tub. He said the hot tub is a medical nessecity for me. And when I'm able to get one, he would write out a paper that would make it a tax write off. So, back to square one. But, thats ok. I'll find a way to make it happen. And yes, my whole body is in one big cramp right now, and has been for a few days. I will not give up on this disease...I won't let it get me down. God gave this to me for a reason, and I am going to figure out why, and fix myself somehow. :o) It might even be to help someone else out in the futer from my mistakes and accomplishments. I'll figure it out. :o) Hugs to all. :o)

Wednesday, August 3, 2005

I did it again. :o(

Yesterday was another hot and beautiful day. My grandson's other grandma came to visit yesterday, and I thought that we could visit a bit out side. As long as I stayed IN the pool like I did when I first got it. WRONG! :o( I did exactly what I did the first time I was in the pool. Nothing happened then. Yesterday, while doing the same thing, the heat really got to me, and I cramped up very bad. :o( I went ahead a came inside to cool off, and again it took a few hours for me to even do that. My physical therapist told me yesterday morning that she didn't think it would be a good idea for me to be out side like I've done 3 times. She did tell me that my body isn't good enough to be doing this. Well, she must be right. :o( I got very sick to my stomach and felt no energy at all. :o( I had to excuse myself from our company and lay down. I was in so much pain, with no energy, I couldn't move. I had to basically do a "shuffle" type walk. I do have a doctors appointment today and I'll talk to him about this, but, I already know what he will say as well. :o( At least I did have one time in my pool that made me feel "normal" again. :o) That helps as well. I woke up early this morning, only 4 hours of sleep. Thats ok, the night before I had more. :o) When I looked in the mirror, I noticed that now my right eye is now swollen like my left eye is. Well, eye lid. Great, I wonder what it could be? I'm hoping it's just allergies. Because I have this "goopy" stuff in them. YUK! This morning I feel pain all over my body, and still not much energy. I'll just have to do my best to get some rest today, and lay low inside. :o) Extreme heat and cold makes my body cramp up in no time flat. We keep the central air on 71 degrees at all times, and my body is used to that. I have to try my best to stay in a controled invirement to keep my body well. I did have fun though yesterday. :o) I did get very red while I was out, and it looked like I was burnt. But nope, I'm not, it went right into a tan. I don't burn, I think it's my heritage. I'm Hungarian and Native American. :o) I've always been naturally darked skinned as well as my son. :o) Well, time to get ready for the doctors. Thank you all again for your nice and helpful comments. :o) God bless you. :o)

Tuesday, August 2, 2005

A nice day. :o)

Yesterday was a pretty nice day out. I went outside again, but didn't get in the pool. Big mistake! I over heated in no time! I came back inside to cool off, and it took me a few hours to do that. I know better then to do that. I had a wet towal on me thinking that would be ok, but I was wrong. Oh I know not to do that one again. :o) I did get 7 hours of sleep last night! Yessss! :o) I couldn't do much after being outside, but I did just rest. My energy level is still very low for some reason. From being in the heat it made my whole body cramp up in no time flat! Thats probably why it took so long for me to cool down. I feel like I'm back down to a hard 8 right now. Better then how I felt yesterday. Today I plan on GETTING in the pool this time! :o) Not just sit by it. :o) Lesson learned! :o) Everything hurts today, but I'll get better soon. My daughter and her boyfriend were in the pool, and I just wanted to watch them and to hear my daughter laugh and have fun! :o) It's rare that she is able to do that lately. I'm shaking this morning so I need to end this for now. Gentle hugs to you all. :o)

Monday, August 1, 2005


I took photo's of the deck and the progress of it. It still isn't done, and it still isn't all the way safe yet. But, it is better then what it was. My husband had worked on it for two days straight, and there is still a lot more to fix. As he was working on the deck yesterday, (when it rains, it pours) the toilet broke! Great! :o( He had to stop, go get something to fix it until he is able to fix it properly. Good Grief! One thing after another. But, thats the way it goes. I was able to be outside yesterday in the pool. :o) I haven't felt that close to being "normal" in years! It's been that long since I've been able to be outside and be ok. :o) What a feeling that was! :o) I woke up again this morning with my left eye swollen. I don't know whats wrong. There isn't any bite marks, so I don't know what could be wrong. It's only the eye lid, and it's red and puffy. It doesn't seem to affect my eye sight, which is good. I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday, so I'll just wait until then. My legs are still cramping up pretty bad still, and really "twitchy." If that makes any since. Everything else is still the same. But I suppose my legs have to act up too. :o) I guess thats all for now. Again, I want to thank everyone for such sweet and great advise and comments. :o) It really cheers me up. :o) Gentle hugs to you all. :o)