Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Just need to talk....

I'm still in alot of pain. I have those muscle lumps on the right side of my face now. I'm in so much pain all over my body now. Just feels kind of weird. I have so much on my mind as well. I really need to talk. I've been trying to get ahold of my neighbor still with no luck. I've called a few times and got the answering maching, left a message, the other times the phone was busy. I can't right now, just walk over to talk. I couldn't even go vote yrsterday even though the place for me to vote was at the end of my block. I'm in too much pain. I still have no idea as to what I've done for this person to plain out ignore me. I'm confused. I did what she had asked me to do. And she said that she still wanted to remain friends. So do I. I guess she changed her mind. I didn't. She said in her last email that she felt that she had to lie to her husband about our situation. And that she didn't want any lies between them. I feel that was her choice to do that. I told my husband, and he felt that our arrangment was going fine and I was handling it. Not a problem. Until the emails. Which blew us both out of the water. Again, if I would have gotten a call or if she would have came over and talked to me, it would have been different. Maybe I would understand this alittle better. Who knows now. And I would like to get back a few things of mine that she still has. But if she won't return any of my calls, then what do I do? She has a white dress and a pillow and she still owes me 4 packs of cigerettes. I did what she asked me to do, now she should return the favor. Plus, her husband doesn't know when she comes over here, she smokes. She lies to him about that. Again, thats her choice. She's always paid me back before for what she's smoked of mine. Why not now? It's like over night, our friendship just made a total flip! I have a friend, I don't have a friend, which is it? I'd like to remain friends. The fact is, we are poor. We live week by week, check by check. They can pay their morgage for a whole year, and did. She says she knows what we are going through, but I wonder if she really does. Then she said in her last email, Why is money the root of all evil? How should I know? I just paid her back the money I owed her. Yes, it took alot away from us, and really strapped us. But, at least she has her $75.00 now. To me, that just answers the question. She also said that she feels that I have made her look like the bad person for helping me. I don't know how. When I got her email, all I did was write back that I didn't have it, and why I didn't have it. Because I had already paid her $25.00. Which was our agreement. No, she's not the bad person for helping me. It just seems bad for the way it all went down. In my opinion. And all summer, when we would talk, she would tell me things like; I'll help you do this, and "we" will help you with this and that. And, it did get my hopes up with all of the things that were mentioned. I guess I am very gulable and neive. But since I wasn't able to do these things, I believed her. It's not like she would say these things only once, it was all the time, so I got my hopes up and couldn't wait. But, thats ok. Things came up out of her control, she says, none of my bussiness, and none of it has happened. I guess it's like the money I owed her, things came up that were out of my control. Yes, it did hurt my feelings. I'm too trusting. I would really appreciate any comments. Am I seeing things wrong? I did what I was asked, and now it seems as if I have the pleague. I just don't get it.


...................................."No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."  --Aesop

7 comments:

soupergirl68 said...

Im sorry things have went sour for you guys ,but in her defense we really dont know what goes on in her house so maybe its something she really cant go into right now. Dont let it get to you because you are a good friend to her if she cant accept that or if right now she cant for whatever reason just be there for  when she can. Love ya

seraphoflove9001 said...

Yes, I'll be there for her if there is something wrong.
Lisa

misswings60 said...

omg! honey you two were such good friends,I don't understand what happened. I hope you two can work this out honey. Dose she realize,that this put's you in more pain. I love you honey.
Mom

seraphoflove9001 said...

I guess not. And, no, we are no longer friends. She feels that I'm using her for self pity.
Lisa

seraphoflove9001 said...

No...that "I" use people for self pity to get what I want!
Lisa

misswings60 said...

omg! now that's not true, you of all people would never do that, you can't help it that you got this awful desease,you didn't ask for it. I'm sorry I just don't understand these petty people,that use such petty reason's for something that may be going on in there own home. I don't know what her problem is but she really needs alot of prayer honey. Just be strong honey and don't worry about these judgemental people who think that they know what's going on in your life. That's not a true friend honey. I'm so sorry it turned out that this way,I thought she was a better person than that.
Love,Love
Mom

seraphoflove9001 said...

No one that doesn't have this disease will ever truly know the pain you go through. And yes, I've never in my life met anyone that has been that judgmental to me and my family! All over me owing money. It's been paid back. Thats it. And I hope that they are happy with their desicions. And I have been praying. I was up until 3:00 last night because I couldn't sleep because of a letter I reveived. Yes, I will meet my judge when I die, and not until then.
Lisa