Monday, October 31, 2005
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Friday, October 28, 2005
I got up at 12:00 am!!! 3 hours of sleep. I wish this sleep problem will get better. It is really messing me up. My pain level for the past week has been so high! Last night I could hardly move my right arm. I have such large lumps in my upper right arm as well. Plus every place else. All of the usual places. Even the bottom of my right foot. It's almost to the point to where I'm starting to get used to this. I don't know if thats good or bad. Maybe good, because my pain and fibro progresses. Then stays that way. So maybe it is a good thing, I don't know. Well, going to go. God bless you all. :o)
Well, I was able to go back to bed and get more sleep. Yay! :o) I slept for 5 hours! I'm not tierd, but still in alot of pain. My upper body seems to be the worse. Oh well. This is life for me. :o)
Thursday, October 27, 2005
I was able to get 6 and a half hours of sleep last night! Yay! :o) Boy am I still in a lot of pain. I've been trying to take care of myself by not doing anything that would aggrevate my body in any way. No such luck on that one, this diease doesn't seem to care what you try to do. It will make you hurt no matter what. My mom is coming over this morning, and we are going to go visit my sister that I haven't seen in almost a year! :o) I can't wait. :o) We will leave after my massage therapist comes, I have to have that massage. So, I have something to look forward to for today. :o) Tonight is beggers night here. This will be the second time in my life that I will not be going out but staying home to pass out the candy. It feels weird not to go out with my kids. lol I'm just a big kid at heart! :o) Well, thats all for now. Gentle hugs. :o)
UPdate.......OMG!!!!!!! As I was saving this last entry...my dog was going up the stairs, and made it to the 4 or 5 step, and was THROWN down them to where she hit the WALL!!!!! :o( Ever since we've moved in this house, I've always felt something there...now I see that it is REALLY letting "itself" be known! I got over to her, and she was laying there scared and with her ears back, looking up at the steps. I yelled at "whoever" to leave us alone and that if they are going to be here "they" have to learn to live with us!!! I am so mad!!! I got my divining rods out, and went towards the stairs, and sure enough, they were crossing!!! I got a chill on my left side that made my hair feel like it was standing on end!!! So I know "something" was on my left side. Oh I'm so mad at that!!! "They" don't need to get physical with us! I had to live with that in our other house, and I will do everything I can to stop it here! She was able to get up after about 5 minute of just laying where she landed. Thankfully she wasn't hurt. I seen it happen, and I'm very surprised that she isn't hurt at all! I will have to smudge and pray all through this house now. I WILL get rid of them! Through the help of God I will. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My morning started out great! :o) My best friend came over. It's nice to see her. :o) She had problems sleeping as well. I was able to get a nap in. I am very frustrated in so many ways right now. I had one of my "prophetic" dreams! :o( I am very worried about someone that I am very close to. I've talked to her about someone in her life that is not of good. She needs to listen, and really listen now! Bad feelings about this situation. I've tried everything before, and she won't respond to my emails, and I don't know how to get this message to her. :o( She did tell me that she might come over tomorrow. I hope so, so I can tell her about this dream and the bad feelings I'm getting. I'm also wondering about someone else. Ever since my daughter has moved out, I haven't heard from her. And she has told me over and over that we are good friends and that she would be here for me if I needed someone, because I was there for her. Well, I haven't heard or seen her since! hhhmmm. You know, it makes it hard to trust people when they say one thing and do another! That really gets under my skin. And it hurts too. Oh well. :o( Chalk it up to another life lesson that I've learned.
More time to think....being alone doesn't help. I am really hurt by allowing others to talk to me when they need to, while in the mean time, I put all of my baggage and pain, on the back burner for them. And for them to get information from me when I don't realize it, and where are they at when I could use them to talk to? Not even a thank you for the photos I send to them. Or even to let me know that they did recieve them. How rude to use me that way. Like I said, I've really learned a lesson through this. Nothing more from me, I need to take care of me, and no more sending photos. Why should I? My name is Lisa, not door MAT!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
My daughter and grandson came over yesterday so she could do her laundry. :o) Boy did I love that! :o) I get so bored here during the days because I'm alone. For one thing it makes the days go longer and second, I get kind of scared if something would happen to me, like if I all. Don't need that one to happen. I held my grandson even though it was hurting me. I just couldn't help it. :o) It made me feel a bit worse, but I have to hold him. :o) He's just too adorable. :o) I went to bed at 9:00 last night, and woke up at 12:00 this morning. :o( Well, better then no sleep. This is just going to be a much longer day for me, unless I'm able to get a nap in. ::::crossing fingers:::: :o) I don't have anything planned for today, except for trying to get some more sleep in. God bless you all. :o)
Just an update on a few more thoughts. Nothing else to do but to sit and think, can't do anything else. I was wondering what happened to all the people that would leave such uplifting comments? Or, even send me any emails? Have I said something/did domething wrong again? If so, let me know. Ok? I hardly hear from my mom, or really anyone anymore. Why? I know you might not have time to write a letter, but one that just says hi every once in awhile would be nice.
I guess no one understands what it's like to sit in a house day in and day out. all there is to do is nothing!
Yesterday was a very painful day for me. After my massage therapist left, I was feeling so much worse, but that happens. She had to massage a lot more of my body this time! Not too good. She had to massasge everything but my face and my stomach! I was that bad. Oh well, just part of this disease. Again, last night I was showing my pain, ( i really couldn't help not showing it ) And everyone thought I was either in a bad mood or mad. Geesh! I simple said that I was in extreme pain, and thats all. I noticed again that I was trying to hide it. So I stopped it on my own! Yay....that was an accomplishment for me. :o) Today, I'm still in the same pain, and I'm not going to hide it. I need to learn to ask for help. If I don't, I'm not going to get any better. Down deep, I know this.
This morning, the phone woke me up. It was my daughter. I imeditly called her back. She called me because she had a bad dream about me. So, I talked with her and got her to laugh, and didn't get off the phone until 6:00! lol :o) Like I've always told my kids, no matter what, I'll always be there for them, even if it's for a bad dream. :o) She feels better now. :o) She will be here to do her laundry today. So that should make her feel better as well. :O) Me too, then I get to see my grandson! Yay! :o) All for now, God bless you all. :o)
Monday, October 24, 2005
I was able to get 7 hours of sleep last night! Yay! When I woke up, my bed was fine like usual. Yesterday was not a very good day for me with my pain and energy. I did take a nap to try to at least get more energy and/or feel better pain wise. No such luck, just was able to catch up on some sleep that I have missed. Not complaining there. :O) I'm still catching myself "hiding" my pain. I really am working on not to do that. It all started when I was first having these pains a few years back. I felt like since it was all new to me and others, and a few people didn't believe me at the time that I was and could be in this much pain, I would just hide it then. Now, it's coming too natural to do it, and I need to stop. Everyone understands now what I have and what I must be going through. If my husband asks me if I need help with anything, I find myself saying no, when I really do need it with whatever I'm doing. Then afterwards I pay for it. I'll probably end up putting a few hundred sticky notes up throughout the house for me saying, "Stop hiding it!" :o) Maybe that might work? :o) I need to do something, because the pain has made it to where I'm having a hard time walking and using my arms. Basically sitting is ok to do. But then I still have my back killing me and goes down to my hips. Geesh! This seems to be a no win situation here. Oh well. My daughter stopped by yesterday and really surprised me. :o) She was getting a few more things to take back to her place. We were laughing so hard, because she is very clumsy, and she kept tripping and doing funny things! lol She always been a very clumsy girl, and I have always called her Grace! :o) As for not being graceful! lol :o) She finally ended up getting her things in her car with no more falls or tripping. :o) Then she went on home, and I'm hoping she was able to unload her car without tripping! lol I didn't get any phone calls, so I guess she did it! :o) I suppose thats all for now, my massage therpist will be here soon. Gentle hugs all. :O)
........................................When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I will not have a single bit of talent or gifts left that was given to me, then I could say, "Iused everything You gave me!"
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Saturday, October 22, 2005
I didn't sleep very well at all last night. I was in bed for 7 hours, but I didn't sleep that long. My bed is all disheveled, it looks like a tornado hit my bed. It is so hard to actually find a good spot that doesn't hurt too bad to lay on to get to sleep. I was in alot of pain yesterday. If I'm in that much again today, I'll have to take a pain pill. I had a hard time walking again, and putting my arms up, like to grab something. I had spasms everywhere. Maybe this weather has something to do with this flare up. I had to go out in it yesterday to pick up a script. After I got home, thats when I got so much worse. Just have to ride it out. :o) Nothing planned at all today. Just to rest. But, that doesn't mean that I can't have visiters. :o) I hope all is doing well, and God bless you all. :O)
I thought I'd write some more. I've had some things on my mind. I'm sitting here alone, and can't stop thinking. My husband and I talked last night and the night before about our financial situation. The whirlpool has really cost so much more already then getting a hot tub would have. :o( And it's not even close to being all the way done yet. I should have tried harder on finding someon to donate a hot tub for me. I really feel pretty bad. I was writing out the grocery list, and it is now just 3 of us here, and he told me how strapped we really are. :o( I had no idea. All I eat is special k cereal with skim milk, toast, and smart ones microwave dinners. I drink water and have coffee in the mornings. My son works all the time and isn't here that much. I feel kind of guilty for not trying harder. My husband is a work-aholic, and works so much over time every week just to make ends meet. I really don't like seeing him so stressed out like this. :o( I still have that script for the hot tub, and I think I'm going to go ahead and try harder to find someone that will donate. Then I can tell him that he doesn't have to spend more money. That would make me feel so much better. I love him too much to see him stress over the things he does, because of me. Sorry....but I just had to get this off of my chest to help myself feel better with my muscle spasms. I don't feel better all the way at all until I can find a way to help him. I will keep looking.
..............................Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
I was able to get 3 and a half hours of sleep tonight. :o) Not too bad. My back is still hurtin me. It will soon pass. :o) My daughter came over yesterday to do her laundry, so that meant that I had all that time to spend with my grandson! :o) It was great! We were sitting on the front porch, and we seen a catapiller! I call them "willie worms," so I picked it up and showed it to him! lol I put it on his hand and he was watching it walk up his little arm! lol :o) It was just so cute to see! Then, he held his bottle for the first time yesterday too! He's really getting to be such a big boy now! :o) Boy I miss seeing him everyday. But I make up for it everytime I see him. :O) After that, my energy level was so weak, and of course my back has been hurting me, and the right side of my neck has been having muscle spams. So I went to bed at 9:30.
..............................................God gave burdens, also shoulders.
Monday, October 17, 2005
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Yesterday was a pretty good day. :O) I had a real good talk with my mom, and it lifed so much off of my chest that I've had on my mind for awhile now. I've just been seeing a friend of hers not treating her very nice, thats all. She has seen it too. :o) Whew! I just took a few more photos of my feet and legs while I was out side smoking. :o) So the lighting is a lot better. As soo as I get them loaded, I'll post them on. :O) My husband had a good idea as well, he said if I put on my bathing suit, I could be out side for him to help take more photos that will be more clear. :o) Geesh...I can never think of the things that are so easy! lol :O) God bless you! :o)
Friday, October 14, 2005
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Sunday, October 9, 2005
Only 2 hours of sleep again. :o( I hope this doesn't mean the sleep thing isn't going to start up again. I'm too weak as it is now, and in enough pain to last. The pain in my back and legs woke me up again. I'm going to take a pain pill and try to get some rest.
Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for
others; and responsibility for all your actions.
Saturday, October 8, 2005
Friday, October 7, 2005
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Wednesday, October 5, 2005
Tuesday, October 4, 2005
Monday, October 3, 2005
I had such a long dat yesterday.....and still not even a nap. So, I wasn't doing much at all. My head felt so heavy, and my hips and legs are so weak from no sleep. My physical/massage therapist comes this morning, and I can't wait. I know it will hurt like you know what, but I know it should help my body feel a bit better. :o) I'm hoping to at least be able to get a nap in today, and get sleep tonight. :o) Boy do I not like it when my system goes through these "no sleep" periods. Geesh! I just get so weak and worn out over it. I'm hopeful enough that this too shall soon pass. :o) And I know it will some time. :o)
.....................................You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.
Sunday, October 2, 2005
Saturday, October 1, 2005
Yesterday was so long for me. Only having 2 hours of sleep with no naps made my body just ache all over. Plus with this cold weather sin't helping either. When I get too cold, or too hot my muscles cramp up so much more, then add on no sleep. Yikes! I've been having problems with my toes on my right foot for the past 2 weeks. This morning when I got up, I've noticed that whatever is wrong has spread to the rest of my toes, and my foot and ankle are swollen. They are purple and I can't feel anything where they are purple. I'm going to have to be in bed again today to prop my leg up to see if it will help. If not, back to the doctors. Because my right leg is my good one, and having problems with it, messes up my balance, my left leg kind of drags along with me. Geesh! With this disease, you never know from one hour to the next what you're going to feel like or whats going to happen. I had a nice surprise yesterday...my mom and sister came over to visit. :o) I've been worried about my mom a bit, and to see her made me feel better. She had lost her husband a few months ago, and things just aren't going good for her right now.
Now, this is for the girl that keeps doing the drive by's.....I can ignore you, but you have now made other neighbors pretty mad. I hope your mother reads this, because she needs to tell you to stop this nonsence. There is an elderly couple that lives a house down from me that she takes care of her bed riden husband. She is disturbed by these drive by's. And her husband! She is going to call the police. I have another neigher that lives beside us, across the street, that it is also disturbing and he will not put up with all of the yelling either. So, if you and your friends want to laugh and think what you yell out your car window at "our" house, is just trying to get to us, you're wrong. Now you've gotten other neighbors invovled that will call the police on you for what you are doing. I'm hoping that you will stop acting like a 2 year old, and think of others besides yourselfish little games with your friends. Because you've now pulled in others in my neighborhood that will not put up with it. Again, this all needs to STOP! Because you are not getting to us, we can ignore, but not my elderly neighbors! Learn some respect for others, and stop thinking of just yourself. Please? If this doesn't stop, and I hear more complaints from my neighbors, I will get a restraining order. Ok?
With that said.....now I need to go lay down and prop my leg up. My grandson still doesn't feel good, so I might put him in bed with me too. :o) He's such a snugglebunny! :o) Gentle hugs to you all, and thank you for all the uplifting comments! :o)