Tuesday, July 22, 2008

~Pretty harsh.

You, anyone can take my life please! I hate it and it truly sucks!
I'm very shaky and crying. Who I thought was my best friend, and apart of her family, well, how about that, I was WRONG!!!! I'm hurting so very bad! I haven't been out of this house since May 19 for a doctors appointment! Because I can't make it to my car. It's not like I don't want to go anywhere.
I just got a 'slap' across the face while reading her journal. She has another friend now. And get this one.....She;s going all the way to Texas, and supposedly just got out of the hospital because of a 'heart attach!' ....to be with a new friend of hers to help her. Thats what I took as a slap! Because I've been here for her and I thought that "baby game "was over, (guess not) because we were emailing each other and I didn't get anything bad with them....so what I read this morning shocked me and I once again, feel betrayed! I need help, and I haven't seen her in awhile. :o( My heart is hurting pretty bad. So thanks for being my friend. And if writing in our journals, is what you want, I'll do it. She said that they've helped her. And? I wouldn't be a friend to someone just because they help me. Life really sucks! I so hope mine ends soon. And no, I'm not kidding...very serious! I have alot of pills that I can take! Don't think I won't!

*****Thats weird. I did have 10 comments and now I have 2*****


ajquinn354 said...

OK Lisa, you are so frustrated with your friend, your health and what your day to day situations are doing to you, but to say you hope your life ends soon and that you have a lot of pills that you could take and don't think you won't....that's a big call for help dear.  Show your caregiver, or Mom, your kids....your journal words so that they can help you - or call 911 -......severe depression like this needs help dear.....our family has been thru this with our brother twice, don't do anything that would leave your children feeling like it was their fault because they didn't realize you were in this mental state....it would be something they would have to live with the rest of their lives, you can't want that for them, I know you love them very much. Arlene (AJ)

sanguinelioness said...

I am so sorry that you were betrayed by your friends. I know that that hurts very badly. You have a loving husband, two beautiful children and two amazing grandchildren to keep living for. They are what gives life purpose and meaning. You have to find your way through this, you have been through worse. You have people who care about you. Feel free to email me, I care what happens. I do not want to see you taking a handful of pills and taking yourself out of the lives of so many people who love you. What I think I am hearing is depression, which is understandable and most likely not caused solely by your friends betrayal. PLEASE, PLEASE tell your doctor about how you are feeling...suicidal. That is very important.
Email me if you would like, I would be happy to help you in any way I can.

eyesbaerle said...

Lisa, you are going through a really rough time right now. You really don't need to have any more stress added to all that. I am so very sorry you got hurt the way you did and that you feel betrayed. - I guess I would feel the same way.
I understand your tears and your hurt. But please don't give up. Keep your head up high and prepare yourself for another round. You are stronger than that "problem". Dump anyone who adds stress and hurt to your life. Keep fighting.
Best wishes, Maria

merry1621 said...

Lisa, I've been on vacation and then got behind on things.  I haven't been to your journal for a month, I bet.  I do know losing a friend you consider to be your best friend, and or soul mate, hurts almost worse than any physical pain.  Don't let that one person's bad actions make you bitter, or let her win.  Take care of y ourself and think of your family & the people you know do care. The rest aren't worth worrying or crying about.  Merry