Hello to all of you that actually reads my journal. :o)
Some have probably noticed that I was gone. My computer committed suicide a few days ago. So its at the computer hospital for a few days and much needed rest. :o)
I've been using my 9 year old lap top. :o) So glad it still works! :o)
Well, my back/spine hurts like i'm being 'sliced' open. My shoulders are killing me as well. I really should go and put my sling on to take some pressure off. Of course...the pain is going right down to both hips and legs and anckles and feet. I don't know how many times on Sunday my left foot was numb and I didn't know it until I stood up. I haven't been sitting with my legs crossed like I like to. (it takes the pressure off of my back and hips) I only have been sitting that way in my bed.
Ok...I want to say something that I've been dealing with since last Wednesday. It litterally scares me to death.
I really haven't felt right for awhile now. A disconnected feeling. Just not all the way there. When I wake up, wether it be from a nap or all night, my head feels weird and I have room spins and very dizzy. I also don't know if its day or night as well. I already know that I'm not all there anyways, but this is scary to me. And I'm alone during the day. My mom is suppose to be my day time care giver. I just wait.
I'll call dh and he tells me what the day is and talks me through some of the rough parts I'm going through as well. This is all before I get out of bed. And when I do get out of bed, I'm just all over the place. Dizzy and weak. And if Madia is here, she does help me. :o) Bless her. :o) My son has her right now, we both have visitations with her. lol :o) My son has her then we have her and she loves it. :o) None of us can just take her out of our lives. :o) Shes my baby girl. :o)
I do the things that are the most important when I do get out of bed. Then I sit down until I am feeling just a bit better.
And...so far so good with my swelling! :o) YaY!
It's also been great this week for me! No one and nothing has been here or happening! :o) I am really taking advantage of it too. :) I've asked for a back rub, my feet, and neck. I felt as if I was the luckiest woman in this world! :o) I'm not too sure about my legs. On my left shin, I have this knot that won't go away with me rubbing it. My skin color is fine and no traces of any brusing. So I'm treating it like it's a baby. If it's not broken, don't fix it kind of way. That works for me.
This week has been pretty good so far with helping me. I printed out this 3 page information last week for him to know what to do and how to do it. He read it and ever since, hes been helping me more. Last night when we were watching Big Brother, he was talking to me and his voice craked a bit, and he appoligized for the louder tone! I told him that he doesn't have to do that, its when you scream and yell at me when you're mad and drunk. I just wanted him to know the difference in what the print out ment.
Well, so far I'm only dizzy, no room spins. I guess I scared him I think it was on Monday. Wow! When he got home, he waited on me hand and foot. (i hate that because I feel incapable of doing things myself) Yesterday, he actually come home to check on me! WOW! He said that he wanted to see if I was alright, even though I tell him on the phone I am, and he had to see. He has already called me twice now.
I've lost more of my hands. and he's noticed that one himself. Without me going to him and showing him. All of what is going on with me lately, hes noticed. I just stopped showing him because I felt he didn't care because of the way he can treat me.
I am in alot of pain once again today. Geesh! I think it's been about two months now since I've gone anywhere. But with all of the swelling that is on my middle, nothing is fitting me. Yes, my whole upper body is still swollen, even my face. I look like I was punced several times about the face.
Just as long as my legs, feet and ankles don't swell, I feel ok.
Going to go now. I'd like to start my memoir soon.