Wednesday, January 5, 2005

An awakening!

Yesterday was the worst with my hips and legs by far! It honestly felt as if my hips and legs were made of nothing but rusted metal. I could hardly walk, or do certain things. Thankfully, my daughter is here with me during the day. We have to help each other. She isn't suppose to do certain things, and I can't do certain things. I took a nap yesterday, and when I woke up, I had so much on my mind that I must have had a dream about, or was on my mind. Who knows. I'm the type of person who helps people, and I do it because I want to, not to get anything out of it but the feeling of helping others that need it. :o) I donate to charities before I'll throw anything away. This is just who I am. I taught my children to do the same. Now...I've had others tell me that they would help me do things, and not. Counting on this, I had no back up. I took their word. Or...they would come over, but sit and just talk. I appreciate the company...but when I'm told something, thats what I think will happen. I think that others feel I am able to do more than I really can. But...I do what I can, when I can. I can't base my life on others expectations. But, I can expect others to do what they say they will. Someone told me that they would call me back....that was last Wednesday! Yea...I'm still here, but so what! Just because I have what I have, doesn't mean that I still don't have feelings. I'm not using fibromyalgia as a "crutch" as some might think. But, I have helped others out when they've needed it....and I only thought that it would be the same for me...when I needed it...like now, because I do have fibromyalgia. I can't do certain things anymore. I'm so tired of others still thinking that I'm "fine!" My every passing days are gone forever! I like to make sure that they are one that I've done something for others, especially those who can't! I guess I expect way too much from others! I even try my best to help others about fibromyalgia....through this journal. We moved in this house on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. I still have this room and my bedroom to get done, and boxes to unpack. Everyday, I do as much as I can. Even if it's one or two things, at least I'm getting it done. I was told that I would have help doing this.....nope! But thats fine with me. I've come to realize not to take someones word on anything anymore! I'm just so tired of others "taking" from me, and not replacing it. I would have never in my wildest dreams thought that the ones that are like this towards me...would be this way. It hurts. I'm sure that others that have fibromyalgia and are reading this can relate. Either people change...or, go on with their lives, expecting you to sit by the phone, or sit and listen to everything they've done or went...without you! When it used to be the things that you've done together! I had a prescription that needed to be picked up yesterday. I couldn't do it. I could barely walk! My daughter went to pick it up for me. :o) I suppose this entry is just me venting! I just realized yesterday that I have no one that has my back anymore.....but me. The funny thing is....I haven't changed! I now have fibromyalgia now! Thats it!

2 comments:

shelt28 said...

Know that you are not alone. I suffer from the same thing....and more!
http://journals.aol.com/shelt28/MyLife

Take Care
Carolyn

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you so much for understanding. :o)