Friday, April 11, 2008

~Believe


Good morning. Hoping everyone is well today.


Yesterday I have started printing out my journal. It's going to take a lot of time...which I have. It's different to read the begining; it's not the begining at all. Dh had me delete it and then the next day I was able to have it back. I was glad. So, to me, it's like reading the middle of a book first.
This morning at 11:00, the head physical therapist is coming back over to talk to me. I do not like this man. Very arogant! And if he did what he did to me the last time he was here, I'm going to kick him out of my house. A person can only take enough ridcule.

My legs are still the same. I can push in on my thighs and it will make an indent that doesn't go back to "normal" in a few seconds. I'd actually even say it's pretty close to a minute. Because I tease my daughter with doing it because it "grosses" her out. And to do that, it takes about that amount of time! ;) LOL
My sons birthday is on Sunday and the new baby will be Monday! Two happy days for me! My son will be 26! Yes, it does make me feel old! lol And to think when I was pregnant for him, my doctor told me the whole 9 months that I was having twin girls! At my baby shower I even had two pink booties cake! lol I should scan those pictures! When I delivered him, and all that came out was 1 boy! I asked if there were anymore babies in there! LOL :o) They said no! My son looked cute in pink sleepers! :o)

I do feel better getting those things out yesterday. It is hard to just "let" my illnesses go ahead and take my body. I have to keep telling myself to except this. This will be my life now and it is ok. And the weirdest thing is that my mind isn't thinking that way. My mind is ME! I'm still thinking like 'me.' I guess thats good.
What is hard is 'knowing.' I think thats why I started having a huge meltdown last year! My best friend was right, I had changed. And not to the good. I didn't see it then. But I do now. Thats what counts.

My heart is enlarged and my left lung is damaged. I do wish I could have had that medicine. I'm not going back on what I've said, I just want to be comfortable. Just taking the edge off of things, helps tremedously. And thats what the doctor told me.
I automatically do fight things, thats just how I am. When I was a baby, my nick name was tiger! :o) Because I fought the doctor! lol
Amazingly enough, I remember too! :o)
I'm going to go now. I need to get ready mentally for that guy when he comes. gggrrr!
God bless all of you!



We do not stop playing because we grow old;


we grow old because we stop playing.


 



 


10 comments:

chat2missie said...

Hope you enjoy your weekend.
Missie

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))))Thats a cute story,I would love to see pics.You shouldnt have to deal with someone talking down to you.I hope it doesnt happend again.Just know,I am alwayd praying.

pharmolo said...

If you don't get along with the head physical therapist, get someone else. You've got pitting oedema, and I'm just appalled at the level (or should that be: lack) of care you receive. Having part of your life taken away requires quite a bit of adaptation. I wish you continued strength.

Guido

ajquinn354 said...

Loved the picture of you and Kayden, it is indeed cute and precious.  Gee you have a good weekend heading your way with your sons birthday and your new baby to love come Monday.  Lisa if it helps you to get things off you mind, then do it, we're here for you, just remember that.  You're going through a lot with your health problems and you need someone to vent your concerns.  You just take care, enjoy your weekend and the birth of your new grandchild, hope you feel better after the PT is in.  Bless you.  Arlene (AJ)

specialadyfink said...

Hmmm maybe that's why I still play--I don't want to grow up and no one can make me,LOL
How were you lucky enough to get it back after deleting?
Love that rubics cube-what program does that--or was it a tag from a group??
I agree -kick his butt out if he's nasty this time.
Take care
connie

gehi6 said...

I loved this entry.  The graphic photo of you and Kayden is so cute.  And you seem more at peace.  I am glad that you are printing out your journal to have the 'book', too, as you have put a lot of work into your journal. I do home the man who comes restrains himself.  I think medical people who are short tempered  and impatient are the absolute worst.  They can hurt worse than what is going on.  How they treat you at such a critical time can cause painful memories for months.  You are still a tiger in how hard you fight for life.  That has probably helped you come back again and again from the edge.  Gerry

sugarsweet056 said...

Great entry.
Loved the pics. :)
Have a lovely wkend.
Smooches,
Sugar

emabecmar said...

awww that above tag is beautiful. he sure is a cutie pie and loves his grandma. 3 more days and the baby arrives, wooooooohoooooooooo i can't wait to see pics.(((((((hugs)))))))
Love ya,
Cindy

katie39041 said...

What a lovely photo of you and Kayden. I can see so much love there. You Had good focus yesterday, Thats good. You seem to spiral from hour to hour or minute to minute, despair is the word i am thinking of.Something comes and knocks your butt down. But you do get back up again and have a good period. As long as you still get that good period thats what counts. By nature you are a fighter. Keep fighting love because there are people that need you in there lives. Your Son and Daughter, your Grand children,Your mam and your DH and friends. I bet your so excited for monday. And of course your sons birthday. I hope you get plenty of rest over the weekend in preperation for monday. You have so much to look forwards to. The way i see it is you can take as much crap life is going to throw at us as long as you get a bit of good sometimes. Your pic of you and Kayden get it enlarged put it in a frame at the side of your bed, when you are feeling bad. Look at that. That is why you are fighting. For him and the family you are devoted too.
love and gentle hugs.
katie

arlenes627 said...

so sorry 'bout the lung and other ailments. best of luck to you!!

smf nsvl the baby; it's so cute for kayden/children that age to love play with the new ones. I'm sure you have prepared him how to be careful.
best,