Tuesday, June 17, 2008

~Just sharing something with you.


This is a hard one  to tell. Just please bare with me.


Firstly, I'd like to thank you all for sign my guest book. :o) That really cheered me up! :o)

I guess I don't want to say the word. I'm still in a whirlwind and can't get my mind wrapped around it.
All last week, I was feeling very different. Nothing bad. I just felt this 'calming' and readiness just wrapped around me and through me. A great feeling. Today...now I know why i'm having those feelings. I'm dying. :o( I didn't want to know how long. I want to be able to be with my family.

So much has been put together for me today. Most of the, "I don't knows" have been answered. Now I know.
I've never been afraid of death. It never has bothered me. I am honestly ready.
I have so much going through my head right now. I'd kind of like to get my own Urn and the Memorial. That way it'll be cheaper for my family that way.

I'm hoping that they could at least give me something stronger now for my pains. Whats it going to hurt?
I've been crying alot today, and thats why I'm still up. Plus those hives are back.
To those that I told that I would post a certain entry this morning, sorry, I didn't have the time. But I will soon. :o) I haven't forgotten.
So, thats it, I'm dying and I don't know when. Except that I won't be here by the end of the year. I wonder if I can have the strength to prove the doctors wrong. I want to see my newest grandson at Christmas.
I hope that all of you have a great day!


 


"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved." Psalms 55:22


10 comments:

siennastarr said...

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specialadyfink said...

Oh Lisa,I was so afraid that is what you were going to say.
I pray that God performs one of his miracles and heals you.
You should be here to see that baby grow into a man.
Have you told your family? You need their love and support now.
I don't know how you can face this ...knowing
I will pray for you my dear friend...
know that I care
Many many hugs dear lady

sugarsweet056 said...

I have already made arrangements for my creation & ashes to be buried with my Mom & Puddin's ashes in TX. As, we never know when!
If Drs have given you less than 6 mos, please check into Hospice.
But, keep in mind...only the good Lord knows when, Drs are often wrong.
Keep fighting my dear friend, & stay strong.
Saying prayers for you.
God bless,
Sugar

lanurseprn said...

I don't know what to say. Check into Hospice to see if they can keep you more comfortable.
Take care, and enjoy each day that you are given.
Pam

chat2missie said...

Have the doctors actually told you that you were going to die soon?  If not, why worry!  You should always be living each day like it's the last anyway!  
Missie

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
Did someone tell you this?
My Dad who is now 91 was told 15 years ago that he needed a new heart valve, or he would die.
He didn't want the surgery.  His brother-in-law died on the table.
I myself am not afraid to die.
In speaking for my own self, lately life has been so hard.
I think of my Niece Jen who died suddenly this year at age 36, that completely knocked me off my feet.  I think about her every day, I am sad for the people who miss her, yet not for her, as I know she has no more problems.
Lisa, you are a fighter, I believe you can accomplish whatever you set your mind too.
Doctors have made terrible mistakes with my Mother, she is paying for it now, because of some strong drugs they gave her, she cannot walk.  I don't put my faith in Drs. any longer.
They don't always have the right answers.
I too don't believe anyone should be in pain, when my Mom was in the hospital I would practically have to fight with them to give her a pain pill.  They didn't want her mind "clouded"
I thought, WTF?  She's 90 years old, get her out of pain.
I will try to sign your guest book dear, one time I tried and was unable.
Hang tough girl.
I love you,
Donna

ajquinn354 said...

Lisa reading your words touched my heart so much.  I'm assuming when you and your Mom met with the doctor they said this to you.  Remember dear, none of us ever know what tomorrow will bring, we just have to live life to the fullest so that when our time comes we're at peace.  Never give up, if you were told you only had so many months.....doctors can be wrong, I've seen it happen in my own family, as I type my Cousin Bruce who's had cancer and still does is doing better now then 6 years ago when he was told nothing could be done for him. Only God knows when each of us will be called home. Know we all care and love you and you're in our thoughts and prayers always.  Bless you.....Arlene (AJ)

gehi6 said...

I felt the tears start when I read this entry, and I know a person does not come to this feeling unless they have fought and fought without ceasing.  I hope you wiill have longer, Christmas if possible, that is a good goal to aim for.  I feel you are going to do your best writing in the next while, you are already blazing a new trail in recording the feelings of someone in extremis.  Once again I salute your courage and the will to express what you are feeling.  Gerry

imgr8phil said...

If you can be at peace with whatever fate you have been dealt then you will be happier.  I think you will make it to Christmas, because you are a fighter and you aren't ready to say goodbye yet.  You take care sweet Lisa.

Phil

cuteallison1980 said...

I don't know what to say Lisa.  Did someone come out and tell you this?  Live everyday like it could be your last and live it the the fullest you can.  Enjoy what you have while you can honey.  Have a happy tomorrow.  Luv ya!

Allison