Friday, September 9, 2005


Yesterday was just a normal day around here. Coming back from relaxing and then back home was like a shock to my system. If that makes any since? This is just where my stresser is. :o( But, I am still feeling better then I was. Which is what counts. :o) I got 5 hours of sleep last night. Better then 4. One of these days, karma is going to hit someone that lives here right in the face, and I can't wait until that day comes. I don't want to sound mean, but for someone to try to make me feel guilty over every little thing that goes on in this house, I feel that it's wrong. And for that same person seeing me for the first time since I come back from being gone for awhile, and if someone else is here will completelty ignore me and ask how they are doing and help them before me. That is getting old, and it hurts me. I'm placed second. Karma. What comes around will go around. Now I know for sure were most of my stress is coming from. I'm glad for many reasons that I was able to get away for a night because I can clearly see so much more now. It hurts. Things happen for a reason. My mind is very clear right now, and I do see. I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life. I guess I can't get that through this persons head, and others will get better, and I could use the same help as they "trip" over themselves to help the ones who will get better, and not me, the one that isn't. All I here is, "I could have done that for you," in my eyes, then why didn't you?! and when I do ask, it's like I've asked for a million dollars, and then it gets thrown back in my face to make me feel guilty! Then I see with my own eye how much this person will go as far to help another person, over me. OUCH!!!!!! :o( I can't live like this. I'm so tired of others trying to make me feel like things are my fault, lies from others, and no help from the one that say they "love" me. I'm going to have to start going to them and sounding them out on it all. I can not, and will not live this way because it makes my body hurt. I don't understand why no one sees this, espcially when they all know about what I have and what makes my body worse. I'm not trying to sound selfish, just having to look out for my own health!


dianneclewien said...

I am going to stick my nose in here and hope I don't hurt your feelings. Confront your stresser and if that doesn't work, leave.
I am not advocator of families breaking up but sometime that is what it takes. There is help out there for women who need it.
I know that is the only way I am not in more pain than I'm in. If someone or something is stressing me, I say something. But that's just me. I have always been one to speak my mind no matter who or what it is about. I will not allow anyone to run me down or to make me feel worse than I have to.
If you need to email me.
Blessings and good luck to you

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you so much Dianne. I'm glad you understand. I do plan on saying something to this person, and more people in my life that are allowing it to go on as well. Yes, by me not saying something when I see it happen makes it look like to these people that it's ok with me, when down deep inside it isn't. But I'm so weak, it takes a lot of energy from me to speak. I'm saving it up right now because I have to get this out so I can feel better and go on with my life. Yes, I have said to this person when they've told me, I could have done that, then why didn't you. But the responce I get isn't very nice. So I tend to keep my mouth shut until I'm able to have the strength to confront them all. My heart is hurting badly, and it has been crushed too many times within the past few weeks. But with my mini vaction, I am able to get some strength up now. :o) Again, thank you so much for understanding and for your uplifting help. :o)

misswings60 said...

Lisa, Honey my door is always open for you. You can come and stay with me for as long as you want to. We'll do the best as we can honey. I can set this room downstairs up for you. And I will make it as comfortable for you as I can honey Okay? You just say the word and I'm there for you. I love you honey :0)