Friday, September 9, 2005
Yesterday was just a normal day around here. Coming back from relaxing and then back home was like a shock to my system. If that makes any since? This is just where my stresser is. :o( But, I am still feeling better then I was. Which is what counts. :o) I got 5 hours of sleep last night. Better then 4. One of these days, karma is going to hit someone that lives here right in the face, and I can't wait until that day comes. I don't want to sound mean, but for someone to try to make me feel guilty over every little thing that goes on in this house, I feel that it's wrong. And for that same person seeing me for the first time since I come back from being gone for awhile, and if someone else is here will completelty ignore me and ask how they are doing and help them before me. That is getting old, and it hurts me. I'm placed second. Karma. What comes around will go around. Now I know for sure were most of my stress is coming from. I'm glad for many reasons that I was able to get away for a night because I can clearly see so much more now. It hurts. Things happen for a reason. My mind is very clear right now, and I do see. I'm going to be this way for the rest of my life. I guess I can't get that through this persons head, and others will get better, and I could use the same help as they "trip" over themselves to help the ones who will get better, and not me, the one that isn't. All I here is, "I could have done that for you," in my eyes, then why didn't you?! and when I do ask, it's like I've asked for a million dollars, and then it gets thrown back in my face to make me feel guilty! Then I see with my own eye how much this person will go as far to help another person, over me. OUCH!!!!!! :o( I can't live like this. I'm so tired of others trying to make me feel like things are my fault, lies from others, and no help from the one that say they "love" me. I'm going to have to start going to them and sounding them out on it all. I can not, and will not live this way because it makes my body hurt. I don't understand why no one sees this, espcially when they all know about what I have and what makes my body worse. I'm not trying to sound selfish, just having to look out for my own health!