Sunday, April 2, 2006

More strength.

Ok...this time change is for the birds...I'm already mixed up on when to take my meds. :o) Geesh! Now, my body will have to get used to it as well....and that will take probably a week or two. :o)

I did, however, sleep pretty good last night. YES! :o) I know I really need it for my physical and mental strength. One of the hardest things for me to do is to ask for help. Lately I've noticed that I've been having to ask. I'm usually the one that helps others. And now the tables have been turned. I know I have others out there praying for me through this tough time, as I am as well. God gave all of this to me for a reason. He doesn't give people anything that they can't handle. And I keep telling myselfe that. I can handle this! Today is one of those days where I really feel pretty low. I'm not able to do much at all today. I'm in a lot of pain as well as my strength in my body is very low. I'm feeling pretty restricted I guess. A weird feeling. My husband and I had a good talk last night about what is going on with me lately. He's doing his best to get this house fixed for me to get around in. He told me that he's going to put a ramp out back first, then work on one for the front porch. The only thing left then are the basement steps. Those are the last thing on his list. I agree. :o) I so appreciate what he is doing for me....much more than the work on the house. :o) He told me when I find out the other thing thats wrong with me that no matter what it could be, he will still be by my side through it all! :o) You don't know what that meant to me when he said that! :o) By now...other men might have left me by now. He's also been trying to quite two things that he has an adiction to. First he's working on quiting smoking, and he's been doing great! I'm so proud of him! :o) Then he said as soon as thats under control, he will work on quiting his drinking!!!! YAY! :o) I'm so very proud of him! :o) I've been praying! :o) God hears me! :o)
Right now and in the evening yesterday, I felt so alone. I know I'm not, but the feeling is very overwhelming. So many things have been just rushing through my head. My life has gone from one extreme to the other! I used to be a very active and out going person, and now to this. It's kind of hard to swollow at times. Thats what gets me down....trying to do something that I just did last week, and findingout that I'm not able to anymore. Just the loss of it all. And having to realize that this is really how I'm going to be living for the rest of my life. And I'm only 42. Like I've said before.....when you are young, and you are taught the things about when you get older and grown up, your not taught about things like this, so it's a big "hit in the face" when this sort of thing happens to you. Thankfully through all of this, my children and grandson have and will be taught about it. So maybe no surprises for them. That life will through you a curve ball sometimes. and then you have to deal with it when and if it does happen. I guess I just need to talk....sorry for rambling on and on. :o) I'm sitting here alone, like always and just needed to get some things off my chest. :o)
I still have a few things that really need to get done, and I am not able to do it. I've started on them, but am not able to finish them now. Both my bedroom and this room. <sigh> Not that much more to finish up, just getting it done. Maybe I need more ideas as well. Oh well. :o)
I suppose I'm done for now. I feel better just typing. I guess I feel that how can anyone else understand what I'm feeling and what I'm going through. Who knows?
God bless you all and thank you for all of your comments. :o) I hope you have a wonderful day! :o)

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