Friday, August 5, 2005

What a day.

Yesterday was a very, very painful day for me. When my physical therapist came, she had to rub out so many muscle cramps! I'd say it was 98% of my whole body that she had to do! Boy did it hurt bad. From the bottoms and tope of my feet, ankles, calves, and kness and of course my thighs and hips. Then both of my sides, shoulder blades and shoulders, my whole arms inculding both hands top and bottom. All of my back, and my upper part of my bum. The only thing that was not touched were my face, and private matters. Only two parts of my whole body was not touched! It hurt so bad. My pain level is a 9. :o( Right now, my right arm is doing this numb thing on me, where it's half numb and I can't hardly feel. gggrrr! I do know that this won't last for ever. I have so many things that I need to get done, but I still can't do them. My mom did help me change my bedding when she dropped me off from the doctors appointment. I still need help though. With everyones work hours here, it just leaves me and Nena to ourselves, and I can't expect her to do too much because of the baby. It makes it hard to ask for help, because I have and either they are too busy in their own life, or with someone else, or just wants to be alone. When it would only take a few hours. I'll keep asking. :o) If everyone only knew how much pain I'm in everyday, and the help I need to get this room done to help me be able to walk through it again, maybe they would actually help me out a bit. It just sucks so bad when there are others that are able to help but chose not to because they think I already have it because I have other people that live here. But that doesn't mean anything, they have their jobs and things to do also. One of these days, I'll mean something to someone enough for them to actually notice that, YES....I AM IN A LOT OF PAIN.....AND IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A FEW HOURS OF THEIR TIME! It just kind of hurts your feelings when it seems that by having this horrid disease, and you look ok on the out side, others think that you must be feeling ok. NOT! My feelings have been hurt by this and a lot of other things lately. Sorry for "rambling" on, just needed to vent a bit. I really hope that no one else has to go through this. God Bless you all. :o)

4 comments:

dianneclewien said...

I feel I must weigh in here and hope that I don't offend you.
But if someone (and I assume this is your daughter) is going to live in your house, then I feel like they can help!!!!!! You should not have to ask!!!! If they live in your house, then they see the therapist coming and working with you. They have to see how much pain you are in. Yes, we may look "fine" on the outside but a person usually can tell if another is in pain simply by looking at them. And it should be easier to see that when they live in the same house.
But I know what you mean, my daughter and her family have lived with us twice and would never volunteer to  help with anything. I finally got to the point where I would tell them, they needed to help and more often than not they did.
Again, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds like you don't have the support system you so desperately need. Please if you need to talk send me an email.
Hugs and blessings to you.
Dianne

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you for understanding. :o) You are so right. I don't have the support system I need. I thought I did, but I guess I was wrong. It does hurt when family members, even the ones that don't see you everyday, don't seem to notice how much pain I am in, and don't help. Yes, I do have a dry erase board hanging up with daily chores for everyone to do. But I suppose when it comes down to helping me with my things that I need to do, it doesn't help to ask. I have asked, and have gotten some help, but not the things like this room. One of these days I'll end up falling, and then what will I do, and how will my family feel then? Thats how I see it. But yes, everyone that does live here does have their own chores that they do everyday that I put on there. One of them is to ask me if I need any help with anything. The rest of the house gets cleaned, which I am very grateful for, but I feel invisible with the rest of my family that doesn't live here. Thats what hurts the most. I so appreciate your advise. :o) I get help when it comes to some things, but I have no idea as to why no one will help me with this room. It gets vacuumed and dusted, but thats it, and I really appreciate that as well. :o) I'll just have to do it myself, I feel afterwards my pain will go away sooner or later. :o)
Lisa :o)

missboogerhead said...

One thing I have learned the hard way... NO ONE wil EVER understand unless they have this disease.  I face this attitude at work all the time.  Especially since I tend to sugar coat how I feel becasue I know they just don't get it!  I am on my second week off work and I am so broke I can't afford my doctors appointment and meds!  
My 4 year old keeps asking me if I'm dying!  My last bad flare up she doesn't remember...
All my coworkers care about is the fact htat I'm not there to help them!  And the attitude that I deal with when I get back isn't going to help.  I will bite my tounge as best I can but the fact is -- My assistant is a selfish, immature, uncompassionate, b---- that shouldn't have  job there!  And unfortunately there are a lot of people like her in htis world!  They only care abou themselves!
Honey, stop asking her for help -- Tell her it is part of her responsibilities!  She is grown!  She is a mother!  Ask her how she would feel if HER child refused to help her if she needed it!
Put items on the board for them that are in your room!  When you want your sheets changed -- put it on her list!  If she doesn't like it -- too bad!  If she doesn't like it... she can always choose to leave.
Sweetie, you have taken care of people your whole life!  Making sure they had what they needed -- now it's your turn!  You NEED help!  If they aren't willing to give it, tell them how it makes you feel.  If they don't listen stop doing stuff for them!  They will soon take a different stance, I'm sure!
~Miss O

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you as well for understanding about "our" fibro lives. It is so hard to get others to get the fact that we do need help and that we are in pain. But it's not my daughter, it's just the fact that it's just the two of us left, and we're the ones stuck with everything. It really sucks. Today, her and I did our best to at least go through some of the boxes to make it more safe for me to walk in. :o) I so appreciated it. :o) Yes, I do wish that others would help, and it is on the board to help me, but....as you know there are so many people that just don't seem to get it when you say that you are not able to do something, and expect so much more from you. My daughter did see how I have been all week and was worried about me. My son on the other hand see's how I am, but takes and wants from me, if I ask or tell him to do something for me. He's about ready to have to find another place to live. Because of him not giving but taking. Plus, like I said, even other family that will come by and see me the way I am, and not even lift a finger to help, just get what they came for and leave. Thats what hurts me the most. I do agree...no more helping others out, I need the help, and I don't think thats asking for too much. I have my whole life done and done for everyone else and put myself aside, not anymore. It is so sad to go through what we with this diease have to go through in life. I want to thank you so much for your comment. I really look forward to reading all of my comments and advise from others because I learn a lot from all of you. :o)
Lisa