Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Tuesday- Expect the UNEXPECTED Day!
Yesterday was just a day full of the unexpected! Like I can handle that?! All it was was nothing but bulls**t from my neighbors, and my moms "friend!" My daughter was here doing her laundry, and thats when she gets on line to check her email. Well, now they were emailing her! It upset her pretty bad. She told me that she now knows how I was feeling. Uh...yea...the letters weren't nice, like mine. So, that added more stress on me because now it was involving my daughter! What part of, "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" don't people understand?! Once again, they said it was over, I sure hope so! Then I get on line to an email from my mom's "friend!" Basically blaming my sister and I for things that I don't understand! I must have this big red target painted on me! Or, a sign that says, "Hey, why don't you take things out on me!" The people that I know have always done this to me! And I used to sit back and just take it. I'm NOT anymore! My body sure as hell can't take anymore! I finally got that stuff that I wrote down typed out. It took me 3 hours to even do that! My nerves are shot, and I've been having a sharp pain in my lower right side for days now! It woke me up this morning. It's not getting any better. Especailly with stupid stuff going on that puts me on my last nerve! As soon as the holiday is over, I'm planning on making an appoinment with my doctor about it. There has been a lot of things going on and happening with my body that I have not began to even say in this journal. I'm not doing very good at all. And stress and no sleep is not helping. I have no one to talk to about these things that have been bothering me. I did talk to my daughter a little bit yesterday. But it wasn't everything. I do keep another journal on a laptop that I'm buying off of my daughters boy friend. I write it all out on that one! But it's not the same as talking to a person. My husband says that he doesn't want to hear about how it makes me feel about our neighbors because he said he doesn't want to be in the middle of things! How? He told me last night when I started talking about it that it's over and it's going to stay that way! I hope so too, but I still need to talk about a few things to get them off my chest! My massage therapist is coming this morning, and I know that this one is going to hurt way more then the last time. :o( Oh well. I'm really starting to get used to pain. I don't know if thats good or bad. I also have my own personal things on my mind that I'm worried about! It looks like this year we won't be able to have a Christmas. We don't have a tree anymore because my husband threw it away thinking it was too big for this house. We don't have the money to either buy or put anymore in layaway. I'm going to, of course, try my best to get what I can with my check. Which I have been for months now. Which isn't very much. I have my sisters on my mind. I'm worried about them too with their situations. I'm worried about my best friend and her mom. I could go on and on! I have to release this somehow, or I feel I might lose it. Not like have a nervouse break down or nothing like that, just can't take anymore BULL! I have enough on my plate to worry about. I don't need other peoples bullsh*t! Gee, I wonder what today is going to be like? It better not be "Wednesday- Let's Kick Me in The Ass" day! I'll explode on someone then! It always seems that when I'm really not feeling good at all is when I'm kicked! Not today, or anymore for that matter! Only a few people has really seen me when I'm really mad, and if this keeps up, there will be more that will see it!