Thursday, May 11, 2006

My side, and need answers and opinions please.

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal is toward anyone in specific.....I've had this journal since aol came out with them, and I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess,and in hopes it might help someone else as I do. And if you might take an entry that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life...... 
I had a friend that I really liked and had a lot of fun with. She made me laugh and we would stay up hours just talking. :o) We had a lot on commen. We did so many things together and I showed her all of my favorite placed to go. she loved them too. She even cut my hair twice, which she is very good at, and even clolored it gor me as well. She didn't want anything for it, but if she would have, I would have given her what she wanted. I truly miss the talks that we had and the fun times we had together. :o) It really meant so much to me. :o) She would tell me how she would help me with certain thing, even things that didn't cost anything. She even cried one night at my house to see how I have to live. When she had a few times where she needed someone to talk to, I was always here for her. I would listen, then giver her my shoulder. Thats the way I am. I believed what she would tell me. Why wouldn't I? She showed me no reasons not to. At the time, I wasn't still all the way moved in, and still going through boxes and getting rid of things I didn't have the room for or didn't need. She even came over one night and helped. I always appreciated her help and kindness towards me. :o) It really meant so much to me. Every morning when I would sit on my porch, she and her son would go to their window just to say good morning to me! :o) It made me smile! :o) I miss that too. One day, she even surprised my son with a new nail gun and hose for his work on roofs! It was great to see how nice that was plus my sons happy face! :o) She told me that he needed it, and that thats the kind of people they were, very giving, if they had it, they would give! She said that she would much rather give then to have herself. :o) She said that God had blessed them, so she felt it was for a reason, and it was to help others in need. :o) Thats the way I am as well, if I have it, I give as well. :o) She always told me how she would help me with my house, since I wasn't able to do it. Help to re arrange it and stuff like that. I loved her house, so I knew she would have great ideas, which she did. :o) I couldn't wait! :o) I would talk to her and she would tell me to not to worry about things, she would help me. :o) So I trusted her. I always went on what she told me. Why wouldn't I, because she showed me that she could help me? And started to. One day, I needed some money, and she said not to worry that she would lend me some. I agreed. I also agreed to her payment arragments. If I had a hard time with a payment, I told her, and she would tell me to just give her "this" much, and that she understood. I've never in my life not payed anyone back money that was lent to me. I'm just not that kind of a person, if it takes longer then I intitally thought, then I will somehow get it back to them as soon as I can. Not a problem. One day, I woke up to two emails telling me that she was going to send her husband over to get the rest of the money! I was blown away! I know if I had a problem, I talked to her, but she didn't me! Just in email. So, my husband gave them some of the money that night, and had to go to the bank to get the rest. They said that was fine and no hard feelings towards us. Which I wouldn't think so anyway. She was my friend. My husband gave them the rest. After that, I didn't see her again! She stopped coming over, and talking to me! Why? To my knowledge, I didn't do anything wrong. I received a few emails telling me that she didn't like to be around people like me that don't keep their word so she "extinguished" our relationship! What? I did keep my word, I went on what she told me to do. Then again, through emails I was told how bad of a person I was and that I was an evil spirit, and that I set traps for her!?! What? Still confused. In my opinion, if she would have talked to me face to face like adults, it wouldn't have been this way because I truly thought she knew me. I'm not that way at all. Then...she started a journal and was again saying nasty things about me and my daughter! It hurt! I didn't know where she was coming from. Going through this back and forth email fued, or what ever it was, I tried everything to talk to her. Again, she wouldn't! Why? I wanted to. I thought we were friends. And she also told me that she wouldn't help me out with anything that she told me she would, because she said that she doesn't help those that don't help themselves! What? Now where did that come from? That hurt. I wish I could do the things that she said she would help me with. I let this go fora few months in hopes that things migh have changed. I wrote her a letter. I was very tuthful. I really missed her a lot in my life becasue she was a positive person. I meant it. Then one morning, I wrote in this journal about a show my husband and I had watched the night before. I got a very nasty comment in it! That very same day, I went to my other journal and wrote in it, but after I wrote in this one. I had been down because it seems I've hit a brick wall where it comes to getting help or doantions for my medical needs. Thats all. It wasn't a birthday party that upset me like she thinks it was. It was the whole combination of all of the name calling and what I had read. I know it's just words when you call someone something bad, but after awhile, yes, it does get to you. When you know you're not that way, and you thought that they know that as well. It's like being kicked while your already down! She also told me that she thinks that I feel that I expect her and her husband to take care of me! Not the case at all, and where did you come up with that one? She also said that I needed to get off my own ass and help myself! Ok..what have I been doing? If she would talk to me she would know. But the assumptions have to stop. They aren't true and they hurt. It's defamation of my character! So...again, for what reason, I don't know, she hates me once again! Plus, without talking to me all of these months! How would she come up with such nasty things to say to me? And why? Yes, it does hurt me. It really needs to stop, or just talk to me like an adult would.
God bless all of you. :o)


misswings60 said...

Yes honey you are right. It's to bad that she can't see how good and kind you,are,or can she and is she just jelous. Either way it's to bad,because she just lost a good friend and it's her loss not yours. One day she might see what she has done,and then and only then can she be forgiven. Until then you just have to pray for her. I love you honey. Mom

seraphoflove9001 said...

Thank you, because all I did was go by her words, thatshe broke from me, and I kept my words because I was only going by what she was telling me. And if she would at least treat this situation like an adult and have talked to me, things wouldn't be this out of hand. Calling me names and my friends and family isn't very nice at all. I thought she knew the real me, because she even said that I was her new best friend one night. I've been nothing but truthful and this is what happened. :o( And I'm still being truthful, and everyone that knows me knows that I am and that I do not like to be lied to. I feel so betrayed. Yes, I am very hurt still. I guess thats why I decisded to write this entry.

sweetestsin52605 said...

This is all true mom. I do miss how things used to be, but oh does go on. It was nice to have a neighbor come over all the time...since we never really had that before. But things to happen for a reason and God does work in mysterious ways. I love ya bunches!!

<3 Nena

seraphoflove9001 said...

You're right...God does work in mysterious ways, and I see it for the good of us. I love you too. :o)