HMO

INFORMATION YOU NEED TO HELP YOU CHOOSE YOUR NEXT HEALTH PLAN ..

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE."
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three
Stooges,who discovered that a patient could be made to forget
about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.


Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor
I want?

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the
doctors in the plan. These doctors basically fall into two
categories -- those who are no longer accepting new
patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
participating in the plan. But don't worry; the remaining
doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an
office just a half-day's drive away and has a
diploma from a Third World Country.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.


Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.


Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.


Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What
should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.


Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.


Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15
co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

 

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