.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......
All I need to do is just get a few things off of my chest.
Last night when I was resting in my room, I was just wacthing tv. Dh had come in to check on me and to see if there was anything I needed. I guess something in what he had said just made me cry. I know that I'm writing out of order...my last entry. I just still really need to talk. And, thats how I feel. There are times when it would be great to have someone to talk to. I mean for like maybe an hour. That would be nice. I'm not able to sit in the living room with everyone else. The couch and the futon sit too low for me to sit on and then get back up. Sometimes I can sit in the rocking chair, but not always. The only places that I'm able to sit is my beds and this chair. I don't blame anyone if they don't want to come back here.
Like I said in my last entry; my days are not like they were. No more day to day, it's now a minute by minute.
But when dh asked me that, I guess I'm just a bit sensitive. Well, I know I am. Since my body has decided to go out of control on me, and the loses thats happening during this, is taking a hudge toll on me. Mentally and physically. With not really being able to go anywhere because of my lower back pain is so painful and not knowing whats going to happen, and of course my abilities that I'm losing and have lost, it's just too hard to even 'think' that far ahead.
This stuff is really a ride I can't seem to get off of. I feel like I'm hip deep in nothing but "shit." I realize that this might be hard to understand and I'm doing my best to describe this feeling.
I get so confused! This is taking me down. Because it's like "attaking" my brain as well. If that makes any sense. It's as if I constantly have to be working my mindby counting and just things like that. I'm really getting tired of this. I've gotten weak. In a lot of different ways. I'm experiancing so many things all at the same time. It's taken it's toll on me.
I need to go.