Sunday, March 16, 2008

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......


 


All I need to do is just get a few things off of my chest.
Last night when I was resting in my room, I was just wacthing tv. Dh had come in to check on me and to see if there was anything I needed. I guess something in what he had said just made me cry. I know that I'm writing out of order...my last entry. I just still really need to talk. And, thats how I feel. There are times when it would be great to have someone to talk to. I mean for like maybe an hour. That would be nice. I'm not able to sit in the living room with everyone else. The couch and the futon sit too low for me to sit on and then get back up. Sometimes I can sit in the rocking chair, but not always. The only places that I'm able to sit is my beds and this chair. I don't blame anyone if they don't want to come back here.
Like I said in my last entry; my days are not like they were. No more day to day, it's now a minute by minute.
But when dh asked me that, I guess I'm just a bit sensitive. Well, I know I am. Since my body has decided to go out of control on me, and the loses thats happening during this, is taking a hudge toll on me. Mentally and physically. With not really being able to go anywhere because of my lower back pain is so painful and not knowing whats going to happen, and of course my abilities that I'm losing and have lost, it's just too hard to even 'think' that far ahead.
This stuff is really a ride I can't seem to get off of. I feel like I'm hip deep in nothing but "shit." I realize that this might be hard to understand and I'm doing my best to describe this feeling.
I get so confused! This is taking me down. Because it's like "attaking" my brain as well. If that makes any sense. It's as if I constantly have to be working my mindby counting and just things like that. I'm really getting tired of this. I've gotten weak. In a lot of different ways. I'm experiancing so many things all at the same time. It's taken it's toll on me.
I need to go.


 



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12 comments:

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))I am hear for you.If you ever need to talk and want to call,I will give you my number.

specialadyfink said...

I have 3 crushed discs and my back went out the other morning and I still had to drive my grandsons to school -I literally had to press my cane onto the passenger side seat to sit up enough to drive and corners about killed me-it finally eased out 2 days later--but at least my pain sorta subsided even though it's always close to the surface.But you can 'never' get relief such as that and I can't even begin to imagine your torment.
Glad you get on here to let off some stea..I'm all ears dear gal.....
connie

imgr8phil said...

I wish you had someone to talk to more.  All of what you say makes sense.  I know your pain is constant and life isn't what you want.  I just hope you can find some peace and happiness at some point.  I can't imagine how you do it everyday.  Makes me feel blessed for what I have that's for sure.  Take care and hope you have a decent Sunday.

Phil

labdancer51 said...

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lanurseprn said...

I wish you could talk to someone. My friend is on disability and they provide a counselor. Isn't there one for you?
What if you sat in your wheelchair with some pillows out where everyone is in the other room? Would that make you comfortable? Just a thought.
Hope today is better.
Pam

pharmolo said...

I'm sorry to hear things are not getting any easier, Lisa. Keep going.

trishaham said...

Lisa, i am so sorry you are going through so many changes all at once. I just cant imagine how it must be for you. I hope you are able find someone to talk to, or maybe seek counceling, it may be nice to talk with someone not involed with your situation. ( just a thought. :-)

You are still in my prayers. Hang in their sweetie.

Tia

ajquinn354 said...

Lisa just know all of us here are with you always in thought and prayers dear. Know it's such a tough time for you with all your health problems. Bless you. Arlene (AJ)

cuteallison1980 said...

I really wish you had someone there to be able to talk to you all the time.  It is important for you to get feedback for what you are saying by a real person in the flesh.  Writing about it just isn't enough sometimes.  Hope you have a happy week ahead Lisa. : )

Allison

dca721 said...

Awww Lisa,
I am sorry.
I wish I could help you somehow.
I will pray for you.
Love,
Donna

gehi6 said...

Praying for you, Lisa.  Gerry

texastames35 said...

HI LISA SRY THINGS ARE NOT GOING SO WELL , I DO FEEL LIKE ITS NOT FAIR AND THAT YOU NEED TO BE HEALED AND WITH OUR FAITH AND BELIVES IN GOD GOD WILL HEAL U , AND RESTORE YOUR BODY AND MIND , AND SPRIT , THANKS FOR SSHARING WITH US , KEEP PRAYING AND SAY A PRAYERS FOR YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS , EMAIL ME OK , THANKS , IM HOPING AND PRAYING THAT A DOOR OR DOORS WILL BE OPEN FOR US ALL , AND THAT WE CAN GET YOU AND OTHERS THE HELP THAT  YOU NEEED AND DESEVSEVICE , SRY ABOUT MY SPELLING , BEAR WITH ME , HEART TO HEART , PRAYERS AND BLESSINGS , HUGS AND KISSES , LOVE AND FAITH , LAUGHT OFFEN BE HAPPY AND BE SAFE , LETS TALK , THANK YOU , I AND ALL LOVE YOU ALL , HURRY HOME TRROOPS WE LOVE YOU AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING YOU DO FOR US , SENDING LOVE AND SUNSHINE AND FAITH AND BIG  BIG HUGS AND KISSES YW TY SO SO MUCH , HAPPY EVERYTHING , GODS BLESSINGS , MAY GOD BLESS YOU , LOVE YOU LISA , THANKS A BUNCH , GOD LOVES YOU ,