.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......
Again...just talking to get this out of me. Sorry, but it helps. And your comments help as well. Believe me...they do.
Firstly...I am only human and have human/flesh feelings. I'm not perfect. Only human.
I want to share with you apart of a comment that I recieved yesterday. I guess it's the way that she puts things. Thats the way I know that she does understand me. Here is just a part;
I'm so sorry they have ignored you and not included you. they need to before they can't.
Thats how I feel exactly! I think that could be why I'm very sensitive. My illnesess and to not be able/allowed to participate. It makes me feel that I'm not 'enough' for that. I'm not a full body. That hurts. I use my memory when I do get to particapate in something. Because then I can 'see' them and how happy I was at 'that' time. I realize that a lot of you won't understand any of this, and thats ok. I'm not claiming to be perfect. Only human.
What hurts the most is, when it's a family member. Dh finally realized last evening what and why I was upset. He said, "Someone should have woke you up this morning!" Uh...yea!!!!!!!!! I missed my grandson's moment and will never have it in my memory. Again, a lot of you won't understand.
Yes I am whinning. Because my heart was hurt.
Yes, I do know the meaning of Easter. That is something wonderous! I'm talking about my life. What I go through. And it sucks.
What I did yesterday;
*I took a long nap after my daughter and her family left. I cried myself to sleep.
*It was around 5:00 pm. when I woke up.
*I looked through the channels on tv. to see what was on. The Shining was on. I love that movie and it's written by Stephen King.
*I got up to see who all was here. Just dh and I.
*I made a plate of the ham dinner that was nade.
*I sat in bed eating and watching Shining.
Thats it. Same stuff, different day!
Ok.....I just got a call from my doctors office. They are going to call in a new medicine for me. I'm to stop taking the meds. I'm on now for cholesteral. My try's are up to 387!!! And my cholesteral is up to 217. Which isn't that bad. It's just suppose to be under 200! I was just checked for all of this! :o( If it's not one thing, it's something else! :o( I'm sorry, but thats all it ever seems to be...nothing but not so good news!
I have to calm myself down, my chest hurts now.
Life really sucks! I'm really wondering why I'm even still alive! Whats MY purpose? It's seems to be for others to kick me when I'm down!
Thank you for signing my guest book, I really do appreciater it.