Monday, March 24, 2008

ssdd/logging

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......


 




Again...just talking to get this out of me. Sorry, but it helps. And your comments help as well. Believe me...they do.
Firstly...I am only human and have human/flesh feelings. I'm not perfect. Only human.
I want to share with you apart of a comment that I recieved yesterday. I guess it's the way that she puts things. Thats the way I know that she does understand me. Here is just a part;


    


I'm so sorry they have ignored you and not included you. they need to before they can't.



Thats how I feel exactly! I think that could be why I'm very sensitive. My illnesess and to not be able/allowed to participate. It makes me feel that I'm not 'enough' for that. I'm not a full body. That hurts. I use my memory when I do get to particapate in something. Because then I can 'see' them and how happy I was at 'that' time. I realize that a lot of you won't understand any of this, and thats ok. I'm not claiming to be perfect. Only human.
What hurts the most is, when it's a family member. Dh finally realized last evening what and why I was upset. He said, "Someone should have woke you up this morning!" Uh...yea!!!!!!!!! I missed my grandson's moment and will never have it in my memory. Again, a lot of you won't understand.

Yes I am whinning. Because my heart was hurt.
Yes, I do know the meaning of Easter. That is something wonderous! I'm talking about my life. What I go through. And it sucks.
What I did yesterday;
*I took a long nap after my daughter and her family left. I cried myself to sleep.
*It was around 5:00 pm. when I woke up.
*I looked through the channels on tv. to see what was on. The Shining was on. I love that movie and it's written by Stephen King.
*I got up to see who all was here. Just dh and I.
*I made a plate of the ham dinner that was nade.
*I sat in bed eating and watching Shining.
Thats it. Same stuff, different day!
Ok.....I just got a call from my doctors office. They are going to call in a new medicine for me. I'm to stop taking the meds. I'm on now for cholesteral. My try's are up to 387!!! And my cholesteral is up to 217. Which isn't that bad. It's just suppose to be under 200! I was just checked for all of this! :o( If it's not one thing, it's something else! :o( I'm sorry, but thats all it ever seems to be...nothing but not so good news!
I have to calm myself down, my chest hurts now.
Oh well......
Life really sucks! I'm really wondering why I'm even still alive! Whats MY purpose? It's seems to be for others to kick me when I'm down!


Thank you for signing my guest book, I really do appreciater it.



 



11 comments:

dca721 said...

Awwww Lisa,
I feel that I understand you.
I understand you feeling hurt.
Also you wanting to remember your memories in case something were to happen to you.
I am so sorry this happened to you.
I too am wondering what my purpose is.
Since my niece died, I can't figure out what my purpose is.
AND wondering if this feeling in my chest will ever go away?
Hoping your day gets better.
Love,
Donna

ajquinn354 said...

Lisa I understand your feelings, have been through so much with family and loved ones and my own personal health problems....I just strive to enjoy each day to the fullest, don't let things get me down and thank the Lord for each day I or those I love is given.  As for saying what's your purpose - for other to kick you when you're down - don't allow yourself to think negative, being positive thinking will help you on even the worse health days you are having. Take care. Arlene (AJ)

chat2missie said...

I hope you feel better about things soon.  Maybe as the warmer weather sets in, you'll feel better physically and mentally.  Have a good week.
Missie

kellygib1@hotmail.com said...

oh Lisa....I wish there was more I could do for you....they say everyone has a purpose and they say that God only gives you what you can handle...but this is when I question that.....seems like you have been through so much already.....I do hope you find peace within yourself....and as they say keep on keeping the faith....my thoughts and my heart go out to you....I hope you find what you are searching for......many prayers....
Kelly~

mortonlake said...

lisa,  i am so sorry,but sometimes people forget. they forget that it hurts  to feel unwell,to be unable to do what  they do.             you take care,   wish  i could say  more         mort  xx

pharmolo said...

At least the penny dropped with someone, Lisa. Your blog is called "Please don't take life for granted", but those around you should not take you for granted and forget about you. At this point it is even more important to bear you in mind.

hugsdoodlewacky said...

(((((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))))))))))I am glad that Dh finally figured out that you was upset.He should of woke you up,not anyone else,but,HimDh,should of done that and your DaughterI would be hurt to.I do care and love you aot.

gehi6 said...

I know sometimes I think well my daughter or son which ever will regret this when I am gone, and I just think that your daughter like my daughter is not always looking ahead to how much she will miss you, so as to be thoughtful and try to give you a memorable Easter day because so little gives you pleasure.  I know my daughter had been so busy Ihad not seen my grandchildren for months, so I planned to have them all over for Christmas lunch, and she said annoyed, that she would just rather do a lunch on Friday to a restaurant and exchange the gifts.  My grandsons don't think restaurants are that great!  I called up her brother and just sobbed and asked what was wrong with her she would not bring them over to my house for Xmas?  He calmed me down and said he would talk toher, but knowing how touchy she is, I said please don't tell her I practically screamed and cried to you about it.  He never says anything to her to upseet her, so he handled and they all came over for Christmas and it was a wonderful wonderful day. She is the one who needs help to be thoughtful.  Your daughter seems thoughtful most of the tme, but I thinkas long as you are on this earth they shouldbe trying to include you in everything, because as you said, all too soon it will be over.  When approaching death, we have these thoughts. And I think like you memories are forever.  Gerry  

swmpgrly said...

I am sorry you missed it , sometimes people get lost in the moment and dont realize that it hurts someone.

cuteallison1980 said...

That comment is certainly correct.  Treating you like this while you can still be a meaningful part of their lives is wrong.  I hope they realize that before it is too late.  Hope you have a happy tomorrow. : )

Allison

specialadyfink said...

I really don't think your daughter 'thought' anything past mom is tired and needs to rest or she'd be up.
Don't read anymore into it-yes you lost that time but you are losing so much more by brooding over it-we can't take our memories with us but we can leave memories behind.......
I hope I haven't offended you-you know I care....
connie