Saturday, March 15, 2008

Logging

.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesses, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. And if there is something in what I write that "offends" you, options; don't read, or realize that this IS real life, and learn more about it! I also know that what I write in MY journal, that NOT everyone will agree with me and I don't expect them to! God bless you!......


 



I need to log about my day. I'm up now because I can't sleep. My lower back and my spine is hurting pretty bad today. I rested and I walked. I took a nap as well. I'm still having problems with my coordination and my memory. I'm pretty weak as well. I'm fighting my own body! It's difficult to do and it really wears you out.

I am wearing my oxygen and have been all day. For some reason, it helps.
I'm having a very hard time to try and have a conversation. I'm struggling just to have a small one. I get so frustrated because I'm not able to find the right words. This one is winning! I don't like that. I feel the need to win. My heart and soul are still the same as they were years back. I'm fighting my body. I used to use mind over matter and it worked, and now it doesn't even budge anything to the right direction. I guess it's like I'm short circising (sp). I'm so weak because of trying different things to try and help my body. I have to admit.....I'm startig to lose this battle! I'm upset about it. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.

I'm also noticing that if someone would ask me if I would like to do_______(fill in the blank), I have a hard time with deciding. Because it's not a day to day thing anymore, it's like every minute now. Because I don't know whats going to happen. I really don't like this. I've also noticed I've/am lost so much recently. And it's still happening. It's like every morning when I wake up, I have no idea on what I'm able to do that day.

Tomorrow I''m going to use my wheelchair. My balance seems to be acting up on me. And I'm not at all very gracefull. lol I can trip on a pattern on a rug! :o) And it's getting worse! I don't feel safe.
I need to go. I'm getting a bit dizzy again.Geesh! God bless all of you! :o)



 



9 comments:

specialadyfink said...

Oh Lisa...wish I had a magic spell to bring you out of this.
I am at a loss here...so much I wish for you....
God Bless....
~c~

katerh99 said...

Lisa, Have you asked your Dr. about giving you some Baclofen? It can ease the spasms. Progressive MS is such a bitch isn't it? Hang in there. You are an inspiration for all of us.

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))))))))If I could I would take the pain away fo you.Just know am praying.

emabecmar said...

((((((Lisa)))))))) my heart just breaks for you. Please don't give up. You fight this girlfriend, and fight it with all you have. You got 2 very good reasons to fight, and they are your grandson and the new baby. I have you in prayers always.
Love,
Cindy

dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
YOU are a fighter.
I love you.
Donna

trishaham said...

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ HUGS! ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

Tia

nelishianatl said...

You're quiet the warrior woman.  My heart and spirit go out to you during this fight.  Keep pressing on.  The children and the grandbabies need you.

(((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))

Nelishia
http://journals.aol.com/nelishianatl/PRAYINGANDBELIEVING/

swmpgrly said...

I wish I had some healing words

gehi6 said...

Oh Lisa, you are expressing so well what is happening to you, and I think most of us who read it can see inside your soul and tortured mnd and want to stay as your company in the narrows as far as we can go, holding your hand, touching your shoulder, giving you our love when it's just one more day,. another minute--Gerry