Sunday, March 23, 2008

sorry not so 'upbeat.

I do hope that everyone had or is having a great Easter Sunday today.
Again, I have to step back into the dark when it’s the holidays. I’ve had to do that all through my daughter’s life, and I find now, I’m having to do the samething with my grandson. And it hurts. I didn’t even get to see him look for his Easter basket. I was asleep and no one even came in to wake me up for it. My stomache is in nots, just like it used to be when my daughter was young. I’ve even asked before if we could at least see him on Christmas morning...nope, too busy with ’others.’ I’m so very tired of having to be back in the dark when it comes to holidays. It hurts me so badly. Like I said this morning, "Oh well, I’m used to it!" Which makes me feel like total shit.
I won’t be here that much longer anyhow, so it will make it easier on them to decide where they go. I hate hurting like this. I’d much rather be pissed then hurt. All I have planned to do today is to sit in my bed like I have to do every day. I'm sick of it.

Within a years time, I was diagnosed with 3 other health problems! These are life altering! Plus, it scares me. I have so much more that I want to do and say in my life. My grandbabies are my world! I live for them. I have so much love to give. But I guess not everyone will be. Yes, I wish these illnesses came with a ’handbook’ for me. But it isn’t that way, "I" have to be the one to figure it out and then go from there. And do you know how hard that is? Very!
My heart hurts.



imgr8phil said...

I'm sorry you are feeling so blue both physically and emotionally.  Take care and try to have a good Easter.


daddyleer said...

I understand your remark about "step back into the dark" at holiday gatherings. MS fatigue and symptoms prevented and prevent Patti from participation. As much as we have tried to adapt, we also always try to video tape. Because of her visual impairment she could actually SEE better when a tape was replayed on a large TV screen then she could have 'live'.

Wishing you the best 'possible' Easter.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

momiscool2 said...

I am sorry you are so down.
I will be praying for you.

am4039 said...

I'm so sorry that you are do depressed.  I know how much you love your grandkids and they are lucky to have such a wonderful grandma. Hugs and Love Marla

pharmolo said...

Very sad to hear you were not thought of for the Easter celebrations today, particularly as everybody SHOULD know how much you enjoy Kayden's presence around the house. It is simply not on for people to exclude their relatives who are of poor health, and it is most certainly not your fault. I hope you feel a bit better soon.


fasttrack58 said...

Bringing special thoughts on this Easter Day that you feel a bit of God's love on your saddened heart.....

nightmaremom said...

sending you warm hugs my friend

dca721 said...

I'm sorry about your Easter.
That is too bad.
It probably wasn't intentional, even so it is hurtful.
I know your daughter and grandson love you very much.
I had a crappy Easter too.
Since Jen died, I hate the world and am snapping at the people I love the most.
That doesn't make too much sense now does it?
Take care dear.

motoxmom72 said...

Sorry about your day today.  So sorry that your family doesn't take your feelings into consideration.  I know how that is.

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwww Lisa, I am so sorry you did'nt have a good day today, you are such an awesome grandma , Sending you big hugs ((((((((( Lisa ))))))))))))) Love Lisa XO

mleppard06 said...

i am sorry you have had a bad day, i will keep you in my thoughts and hope that things improve for you soon, they will get better keep your faith in human nature. take care mrs t xxx

hugsdoodlewacky said...

((((((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))I am so sorry you are hurting.Just know,I am praying for you.

luddie343 said...