.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess, and in hopes it might help someone else as I do.I do not pretend nor imatate to be someone I'm not. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. God bless you!......
Good morning!
Yesterday was another one of those days. I feel like an animal with parts of my body cought in traps! I don't know else how to explain this. Too bad it's not a toothache and I can't have what hurts pulled and have instant relief! lol That would be nice! :o) 
It was a nice surprise to see my daughter and my grandson last night! :o) The really cheered me up alot! :o)
I was talking to my son yesterday...and I had to 'jot' down a note. I had said that I 'can't' write anymore. He told me that he's tired of hearing me put myself down! What?! Was my come back! I asked him what he meant by this. He said that he hears me say at times that I 'can't' do certain things! So...I told him that I'm not putting myself down....I've 'lost' those abilities and will not get them back! Yesterday was a great day for hicking....if I were back to my 'normal' self...I would have been gone all day hicking!!! I tried to explain to him that everyday when I wake up....it's a 50/50 chance for me! So...he still doesn't understand. And it really hurt. As if I sit around this house because thats what I want to do?! I don't think so! He knows how I was before all of this attacked my body. I'd really love for my daughter to come and visit more often like she used to.
I'm just still trying to understand if I should go ahead and buy the case of band aids to put all over my body where I have pain or not! Because from yesterdays conversations....I think so! I don't know how else to explain this! I honestly don't. Anyone have flash cards?! lol :o)
Oh well.....I'm just thankful that I did get to see my daughter and my grandson last night. And I'm thankful that I have another day! :o)
Wishing all of you a great day....! :o) Gods blessings to all of you! :o)
Back to bed I go! :o)
23 comments:
sometimes men especially younger men have a much harder time with empathy towards how others feel
Empathy can be difficult to muster. And in your case, Lisa, your suffering is invisible to anybody else.
I know EXACTLY what you mean!!!!
Hugs,
Sugar
Time is what your son and daughter need time to grieve for you as a mum. You are not the mum they Want to see. You will have changed in there eyes. You do not understand your own body failings how can you expect them to. It will take many months for you and them to come to terms with the new mum.
love and hugs
Katie
if those could be in your shoes just for 1 day, then they'd know what your going through.. ((((((((hugs))))))
Love,
Cindy
What a beautiful family you have. Loved the photos of the little up and coming drummer! Our kids only want to hear we can do it all...my son is that way...he never wants me to say anything negative about myself. I hope you have a beautiful week...and that your daughter comes by again real soon, for another nice visit. Hugs and love,
Joyce
Good Morning Lisa Ü,
First I want to say thank you for visiting my journal and sharing your feelings about your daughter also moving away from home. It was so nice to connect with someone who understands the emotions of seeing them be the adults you want them to be yet missing the 21 yrs that they were yours.
I did wake up around 6AM this morning and decided to go into Brittany's room *sigh.* my heart felt as empty and sad as I thought it would. I just stood around and looked at all the empty walls, her bed gone and the rest in boxes. I couldn't stay in there.
I know you must miss your grandson like crazy! They have a way of making our hearts just grow with more love than we thought was possible. I enjoyed looking at the pictures of him, your daughter and you. He's a handsome young guy Ü.
I am going to add some pictures of our two grand daughters for everyone to see.
I feel so sad that your son is giving you such a difficult time. Just my 2 cents-but he seems angry that you are sick and that your life has changed. I pray that God will soften his heart daily to realize you are the one in pain and that you need his support.
I pray for you today to have a better day and too just be able too enjoy the moments God has blessed you with Ü.
Blessings
LadyMagnolia1963
Donna
Lisa, Hi Donna again. I wanted to ask you where do you get your beautiful graphics. And how do you add them to the side pages of your journal. I think your journal is so pretty and colorful. I'd love to learn how to do mine like that eventually. Any help would be appreciated.
Blessings,
Donna
I know exactly what you mean... the invisible symptoms. You feel horrible but look perfectly normal. It's frustrating. And I have to keep myself from acting sick around people so that they'll have something to associate with it. I started to do that and then said to hell with it. If they don't get it, they don't get it.
Sorry to hear you're feeling low again.
PS I didn't know you had a boarder...
PPS: Lighting candles for you today...
I think you should use those bandaids for my brother. I understand that you are not able to do the things you used to do and still would love to do very much. You have had this for a couple of years now, and I am more used to it than he is. Who goes shopping with you when you call me? Well if not I try to. I try to come over as often as I can. And I am not using Kayden as an excuse. I love you mom and hope that some people can actually see the real pain that you are going through instead of worry about some people that are no where close to the pain that you are in. :)
Love ya
:)*
Awwww Lisa, I love the pictures you posted, I am glad you got to see your grandson, I am sorry your son hurt your feelings, Hugs Lisa
i'm sorry your son doesnt understand.....and i hate to hear you feel so terribly...i liked the pics of your grandson.....i love when he plays those drums.
love,lisa
Lisa, I always love your entries. It makes me think about everyone else that is suffering from chronic pain, and illnesses. You are always so upbeat and positive and we need that!
Hugs to you...............Lori
Lisa sometimes it hurts more when people don't understand.When I have my off days I have stopped saying so to my kids on th etelephone for tthe same reason.They simply cannot understand there mUm is getting older and not what I always have been running around them left right and cenrte.So i understand how you feel when your son says this.Please try not to worry about it.Loved to see Kaden playing his drums now all around th ehouse Haaaa.I can see him in yrs to coem being a one man band LOL.He is so funny,but a clever boy at everything.Take Care. Lovely pics of Daughter Nena once more and yourself too.
Take Care God Bless KATH
astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES
h
I'm sorry you have so much pain. My sister and Mom both have fibromyalgia. I think I may have it too, but its not been diagnosed. Where did you get that tag with the waterlily on it? It says evie in the corner? I love it! Linda
I think your son understands but does not understand the extent...my sons are the same way....they see me....nothing on the outside looks different but they do not understand what is stopping me from going out or not feeling up to doing what I used to do...they know I am sick....they understand that...but not the extent of what that "sick" means....
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))....please know that there are people that do understand...at least you have your family that does come around and visit and do things as a surprise for you....
take care of you!!!
-Ellie
Lisa, you son knows, but doesn't realize all that goes on in your day to day health struggle that you go through. Don't think he is trying to be insensitive or cruel. Some times it's hard for the younger ones to understand, they see you up doing something or going somewhere then next time you can/t because of your pain, etc. All he truly wants is his Mom to feel 100 great all the time. Just give him a hug and tell him you love him and let you upset feelings go dear. Arlene (AJ)
I think a lot of people even though they say that they understand about our illness they don't. My friends even though they know that I am in pain and I am unable to do things sometimes they ask crazy questions. Like why can't you go swimming? Why can't you hang out with me shopping for hours? Why can't you get in the hot tub? I know that they mean well and I remind myself of that as I say choice words about them in my head. I also understand the 50/50 thing every day. Its just that way. Hugs. Tish G.
h
It's so frustrating when someone doesn't get it.
I'm sorry.
Love,
Donna
I also had a terrible time trying to explain what was going on when I had a really bad bout and was very weak and scared about being close to the edge. Especially since I could not put a name of a specific disease to it. We would all just kind of ignore it, as explanations were too exhausting. And upset my kids. To this day members in the family disagree with me about what happened! That is going some I think. When people are healthy, your disease may be surreal to them. I think it especially is to young and healthy kids, which is why they can often ignore what does not kill you. But too high of expectation does hurt. When I was in Utah my sister Margie sharply disagreed with me on what was going on after I came out of the hospital at 20. I could see she had not carefully read or taken in what I took great pains to write in my memoirs. I thought oh what is the use. She has her version of my decline and fall into complete disability and I have mine and never the twain shall meet! Ha. I have made an effort to explain and am going to forget it for a while, the reason why she was able to cintinue to work and make good money and I was not. I could only work sporadically and finally had to quit altogether. Gerry
Maybe your son should go to a dr. appt. with you and listen to what the dr. says! How old is he??? Arghh...I hate it when people just don't get it.
Hugs,
D
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