Ok....again, I don't know where to start. A lot has happened this week! Whew....I want off of this ride! :o) So, if I'm all over the place...thats because thats how I'm going to remember all of it. (brain fog doesn't help either. lol)
I absolutly love this graphic. Beautiful! Yes, I am stauling. (sp)
I love this one too. And you know I will live my life my way! :o) I usually do, or at least put a good effert to. :o)
I went to see my heart doctor....I was 10 minutes late! I'm usually on time and early! But they said that it was ok because I'm already one of their patients. I was glad to hear that. If I wasn't, I would had to have paid a certain amount of money. I never knew that one.
I woke up at 4:00 this morning. Kind of early but I'll just take a nap later. I'm sure you understand that I have soooo much on my mind. So many things I need/want to do.
Wednesday evening I noticed that I'm starting to swell up again. This time, it's starting in my upper body. Like my face, chest and stomach. Thursday when my nurse was here, she had noticed it in my legs and feet as well. I was weighed and thats when I realized that I had gained 10 pounds! And it was over night! Fast! She told me to make sure I get as much rest as I can. So I did. She didn't do anything because I had my heart doctors appointment the next day. That was fine with me. I'm sooooooo getting tired of being touched, poked, pinched and squeezed! A big OUCHIE!
It would be nice when I see one of my doctors, that they could at least say something positive to me except, "This won't hurt!" lol Geesh!
You know the weirdest thing about my body swelling? It's the part to where I can actually feel it! Ick! No kidding! I proved it last night. When my whole body was swolling the last time, I had her measure my feet and my cankles. <--Yes, thats what they were. Last night, I had her help me measure my upper body. I'm going to be brave here and tell you all my measurements. Here goes; My calfs were 15 and 15 1/2, my right cankle was 11inches, the top of my foot around was 10 inches, my left cankle was 11 1/2, my left top of my foot around was 10 1/2, my left calv was 15 inches. My waist, measured last night is 48 inches! Yikes! I used to have a 19 inch waist! :o) Good memories! :o) My waist was 48 1/2 the last time. But right now, It's swelling mostly in my upper body. It makes it hard for me to breath. Especially when I lay down. I'm getting out of breath so fast. When I don't have my oxygen on, I use my inhaler.
I have this little thing that Legacy provided for me, to see how much oxygen I have in my blood. It's this little thingy that you put on your finger for 24 hours. This is going to be pretty easy to do.
My arms and hands are swollen as well. When I was at the doctors, (I seen a nurse practioner first) she noticed my hands and they both and my right foot, always are purple. I've showed them to all of my other doctors and they told me it was lack of circilation. This lady called it a name that I forgot already. She took my hands and examimed them both very closely. She said that she would like for me to be tested for the name of it that I forgot. But after the tests I have on Tuesday morning. I'm shceduled for an Echo, which I've had before. I can't remember the names of all the other tests, except for the last one. A stress test. Not the one that you walk/run on a treadmill. This one is when they give me a shot that will put me IN the start of a heart attack! I've had this done once before. It scares the hell out of me! I have to sign a bunch of papers just in case I might die! The last time I had this done, I just sat on the bed and relaxed. (well, as relaxed as much as I could) There are many people around you, so close that I don't really feel comfortable with....like being in my space. If that makes sense. But they do have to be there and where they're at. There was the doctor, a nurse, a clergyman, another person with the defibulators, (sp) and another that can crack me open as soon as needed! It's very overwhelming! The last time I had this test was in 2006. At that time, the results were that my lungs aren't very strong and the right side of my heart is damaged and starting to droop a bit. I've never heard of that one. But I guess my lungs haven't helped my heart any. Which has made the congestive heart failure. I also have a palpatating heart as well. Good Grief! It also isn't beating right, and again, I forgot the name of it too.
The doctor will be doing these tests in his office. It will take about 3-5 hours! I have to be there at 8:00 am. And yes....this scares me like nothing else has ever! Since I've already been through this before, it's making it worse because I already know what to expect. I survived the last one, so I'll survive this next one too. :o)
When I came home yesterday, I had to do something to just take the edge off of how I was feeling! Scared is what I was/am feeling! So I put Marlyn Manson in and blasted it! Kayden and I jammed to it! ;o) I like the way he redid Tainted Love. :o) Then I put in Gretchen Wilson to slow myself down. Music can calm me down quick. It worked.
Sorry about this entry being so long....as you can guess, my nerves are shot, I really need to talk and I'm scared. And thank you so much Cindy! You don't realize how much you've calmed me down when I read your email! :o) Thank you!
I have more things going on, but right now I just need to stop.
Thank ALL of you for your comments and encouraging words! It truly means so much to me! Thank you also for signing my guest book! :o) I appreciate all that you are all doing to help me to get through this. :o)
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about dancing in the rain NAKED!!