Monday, February 18, 2008

Here's to you II..........

 This is an entry from my other journal that I write in because at times I don't feel that I can be as open in this one anymore.
                                    Thursday, February 14, 2008


4:39 AM - "Fill in the____________!" And just understand...
Current mood: scared
Category: Life

I have so much that I want to say. But where to begin? And to get others to understand where I'm coming from. Once again, I say this all the time, "You don't know how YOU would react!" Thats one of my pet peeves. Hearing someone say, "Why didn't you/they?!" It's not like that! You, yourself would react in the only way at that time and it's a split second desicion. *In other words, you have NO idea what it's like until it happens to you or you've gone through it!* Make sense? I truly hate it when someone will say to me, "Why do you act differently, Why have you changed, Why are you acting like one of *My illnesess* has me and not I have it?" Etc... You know, Just shut up and let me go through my own grieving! How do you think you would react? Walk in my shoes for 5 minutes! Ok? Instead of hearing all of this stupid negative stuff, it would be nice to hear, "Hey, I'm proud of you and the way you're handling it, or, I can really understand why you've changed!" Once again just because I do not have an open wound gushing with blood, does not mean I'm not in pains and, " Yes, I could use a friend right now, or, Thank you for understanding me!"
If any of this makes sense, I'm glad that you do understand me, if not..I'm sorry that you're not very open minded then! It just really goes through me! And I don't know how many times I have to say this, "Hell yea I've changed!" Don't you think you would too?Duh! And do you know exactly how you would react when you get some bad health news? Nope!
All I want to do is to grieve and then be able to move on. Just let me please without saying that I've changed...!
For one thing, saying that I've changed and having it be used 'against' me, is as lame as they come! I'm not your scapegoat! I'm not your excuse! Just like I don't use my health problems as an excuse. Because it's a part of my life. Oh well! But there are stages I and others go through, just let me, ok!
I'm writing about this in this blog because I feel more comfortable. If I would in my aol journal, I'd more then likely get smacked with nasty emails and/or those nasty comments too! And thats always so adult like! NOT! And yes I do understand that the new diagnosis isn't a "death sentance!" I can't believe that someone actually wrote that! Like I said in that journal, to hear that I have congestive heart failure just bounced around in my head and when I actually seen it on paper in black and white, hell yea I reacted differently! Just like when I was told that I had progressive multiple sclerosis. My reaction was that I'm so glad that I finally know now and I thought I could handle knowing it now. Nope! About 7-8 months ago I litterly had a major melt down! It seemed to all hit me at once. My head was flooded with all kinds of things. I'm still grieving that news, then I got the new one. I'm so overwhelmed! And you know what, I'm allowed to be! Let me handle the way I know how to handle my health news.
Who knows, I just might put this in my aol journal. I'm at a point in my life right now to where I really could care less what someone thinks of me! Here I am, take it or leave it!

Signing off.....................



pharmolo said...

Not many people bother with empathy, or try to put themselves into someone else's shoes. I'm sorry you're still being harassed at this stage.


candlejmr said...

I completely agree with you.  I have never walked in your shoes and I would never try to tell you what to do or how to feel.  You are the only know who knows what YOU are going though.  Others can share suggestions and ideas and thoughts IF YOU WANT THEM...but sometimes, people just want to say how they feel and not have alot of advice thrown at them and that is unstandable too.  

I am new to your journal but I will be back to visit.  If there is anything I can do to make your day a little brighter....please let me know!


bjm125b said...

Lisa, try not to let the comments both you , and I understand that is hard to do sometimes, but you have to consider that some do not know how to re-act. As some of them have never had more than a cold or a bit of the flu from time to time. I am walking in your shoes in some of the cases of your heath, but no where near as many as you have. I kinda think that is why I never started to journal I just read them. I will send you an e-mail later on today right now I have to get out of this chair and go back to bed for a while...Love an huggs ...BJ

labdancer51 said...


ajquinn354 said...

Lisa, you are entitled to write any words you want without criticism from folks, it's your journal dear.  No one knows what anyone else is going through healthwise, emotion wise, etc. unless they are in your shoes.  You've had a lot of stuff put on your plate dear and it has to be hard to deal or accept what is going on with you with all your health issues.  I believe when most of us write back words to you, it's not to upset you, but offer some guidance or if any of us have been through something similar on health tests or health problems to try to offer some kind  guidance that might be able to help you. Know most everyone who reads your site, feels and cares for you and wish we could offer more than just words to you dear.  Arlene (AJ)

jmoqueen said...

Thank you for sharing this with us.  I love that about you Lisa that you are very straight and tell us like it is and if people can't handle that then clearly they have the problem not you xx  I'm here for you if you ever need a friend x


imgr8phil said...

Sounds like you aren't particularly have a great day today.  Neither am I.  Hope your Tuesday will find you feeling better than today.  Take care.


swmpgrly said...

I could never even imagine what you and a few other journalers ive been reading about are going through. I Dont think I could. I sometimes am amazed at some of the rude comments people leave some people in their journals. If you dont have anything nice to say , then dont say anything....thats my moto. Why do they feel the need to beat someone down who is already feeling down. I supose its to make themselves look superior in their own warped mind.
Sorry for the rant

cuteallison1980 said...

Be who you are and true to how you feel.  If anyone discounts your feelings that is more their problem than yours.  I understand how you feel.  Hope you have a happy tomorrow Lisa.  Luv ya!


heavenlybama said...

Lisa......I can understand where you're coming from especially with new diagnoses.  It can throw you for a loop until you can accept and deal with it.  Some people don't understand.  I've just been diagnosed with 3 new ones and I have not shared it in my journal yet.  I'm still undecided whether to share.  I'm just sitting on it right now though I want to write about it so bad.  Keep writing girlfriend.

seraphoflove9001 said...

Hi to everyone. I'm sorry if you might have taken this wrong. :o) Yes...I do love your comments because they do help me. Especially when you guys give me advise. :o) Because I do use it. :o)
Thank you,