.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess,and in hopes it might help someone else as I do. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. May God bless you!......
Ok....this will be hard for me to write...so just alittle warning ahead of time. ;o)
I really haven't written much lately because I honestly don't know what to write anymore. It's like; Where do I go from here? I don't have an answer to that question. And I don't like that. I like to be on top of things and prepared. I'm not. I'm sorry if I start to sound like a broken record but, this is how I feel. This is the truth.
I'm afraid of the unknown and I don't know how to handle myself. When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, it was differrent for some reason and I just don't know why. But giving a diagnosis of MS seems very different to me. I don't know why. I have no answers.
I know I've tried a few times to write before. Things were taken all wrong. I'm truthful. I always try my best to describe what I'm feeling so you can understand. But...most people do appreciate those who do tell the truth and respect us for that. Something was worded wrong, (sometimes can't think of the right words at times) and then taken wrong. But still honest. In my opinion, if then some can't understand/handle my honesty/truth, then whats that say about you?
I truly feel like I'm waist deep in the world right now. I don't know which way to turn. Or even, who to trust to turn to. I do know that I have a huge mountain that I need to move. I have to admit...I can't figure out how. It's a fight. I'm fighting my own body. And I feel that my only deference is my mind! lol With my cognitive problems...! Joking! lol
I do feel like glass that's been shattered. And I need to pick up all of these little tiny shreds and glue them all back together. I feel almost defeated! Thats a hard one to admit to!
I'm challenged on how my mind is influenced by my body and how it will use the knowledge to my advantage! Basically a fight or flight situation. Believe me, I've had alot of time to think about all of this. And I wasn't going to come to my journal empty!
I'm not one that will give up! I will figure this out, and do my best to chart things and to follow details as best I can.
The last 3 days have been rough days for me. I've been taking notes on this. Right now, I have 7 pages that I plan on writing in this journal. All information on MS. :o) I've been going through so many searches and reading. :o) Knowledge is the best thing for me to have right now.
Plus....having a good listener helps too! :o) Even though I'm still trying to pull myself together. It does help to know I do have someone that is listening. :o)
I'm still trying to address the physical and the emotional aspects that goes along with this. So far as to what I've found, it's the same as the fibro. So....Thats good to know! :o) Thats one down and how ever many to go! lol :o)
I really do hope that my experiance and attitude toward life can help others that are going through the same as I am. :o) Even though I still feel like I'm wasit deep in the world right now! :o) I will get through this! :o)
If you can find something to laugh at, no matter what it is, it will help you get through your day! :o)
I'm very thankful that I have my grandson living here with me! LOL Now he's a hoot! lol Plus...he's also my little snuggle bunny too! :o) We took a nap together today! :o) It felt so good to snuggle. :o) I've been up all night again. I really need to sleep. Yes, this is still going on. I'm getting used to it! :o)
Just like everything else in my life that I have as an illness, I have to master the MS too! :o) And I will! :o) I do not quit! :o)
I think I'll try going to bed and see if I can sleep. :o) I sure hope so! lol :o)
Thank you all for all of your support! I wish you knew how much it means to me! :o) Gods blessings to all of you! :o)