Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hi again!


.....Just to let you know, nothing in this journal's entry is toward anyone in specific, I use it to write my feelings, and about my illnesess,and in hopes it might help someone else as I do. And if you might take an entry wrong and feel that it is about you, I'm sorry but It isn't, it just may seem to coincide with your own life. May God bless you!......



Ok....this will be hard for me to write...so just alittle warning ahead of time. ;o)


I really haven't written much lately because I honestly don't know what to write anymore. It's like; Where do I go from here? I don't have an answer to that question. And I don't like that. I like to be on top of things and prepared. I'm not. I'm sorry if I start to sound like a broken record but, this is how I feel. This is the truth.
I'm afraid of the unknown and I don't know how to handle myself. When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, it was differrent for some reason and I just don't know why. But giving a diagnosis of MS seems very different to me. I don't know why. I have no answers.
I know I've tried a few times to write before. Things were taken all wrong. I'm truthful. I always try my best to describe what I'm feeling so you can understand. But...most people do appreciate those who do tell the truth and respect us for that. Something was worded wrong, (sometimes can't think of the right words at times) and then taken wrong. But still honest. In my opinion, if then some can't understand/handle my honesty/truth, then whats that say about you?
I truly feel like I'm waist deep in the world right now. I don't know which way to turn. Or even, who to trust to turn to. I do know that I have a huge mountain that I need to move. I have to admit...I can't figure out how. It's a fight. I'm fighting my own body. And I feel that my only deference is my mind! lol With my cognitive problems...! Joking! lol
I do feel like glass that's been shattered. And I need to pick up all of these little tiny shreds and glue them all back together. I feel almost defeated! Thats a hard one to admit to!

I'm challenged on how my mind is influenced by my body and how it will use the knowledge to my advantage! Basically a fight or flight situation. Believe me, I've had alot of time to think about all of this. And I wasn't going to come to my journal empty!
I'm not one that will give up! I will figure this out, and do my best to chart things and to follow details as best I can.

The last 3 days have been rough days for me. I've been taking notes on this. Right now, I have 7 pages that I plan on writing in this journal. All information on MS. :o) I've been going through so many searches and reading. :o) Knowledge is the best thing for me to have right now.
Plus....having a good listener helps too! :o) Even though I'm still trying to pull myself together. It does help to know I do have someone that is listening. :o)
I'm still trying to address the physical and the emotional aspects that goes along with this. So far as to what I've found, it's the same as the fibro. So....Thats good to know! :o) Thats one down and how ever many to go! lol :o)
I really do hope that my experiance and attitude toward life can help others that are going through the same as I am. :o) Even though I still feel like I'm wasit deep in the world right now! :o) I will get through this! :o)
If you can find something to laugh at, no matter what it is, it will help you get through your day! :o)
I'm very thankful that I have my grandson living here with me! LOL Now he's a hoot! lol Plus...he's also my little snuggle bunny too! :o) We took a nap together today! :o) It felt so good to snuggle. :o) I've been up all night again. I really need to sleep. Yes, this is still going on. I'm getting used to it! :o)
Just like everything else in my life that I have as an illness, I have to master the MS too! :o) And I will! :o) I do not quit! :o)
I think I'll try going to bed and see if I can sleep. :o) I sure hope so! lol :o)
Thank you all for all of your support! I wish you knew how much it means to me! :o) Gods blessings to all of you! :o)


17 comments:

pharmolo said...

You'll get through it, Lisa. It's a huge mountain to shift, but you will.

marainey1 said...

May God bless you too !  Yes those little ones do bring us many SMILES.  I just left got home from a wonderful visit with some of mine.  I miss them already.  But there will be another one coming this summer.  'On Ya' - ma

my78novata said...

its hard right now but I know you will make it

queeniemart said...

I am always here to read whatever you write and to listen. I wish the both of us could worry less about what someone else thinks and just pour it all out in our journals. You have such a good attitude even if you do not realize it. You are a fighter and you do not give up...even thru the pain and sadness and turmoil. You are helping others....you are a teacher, you tell us more about this disease which helps us know more and how to relate.
love,lisa

midwestvintage said...

 Take it one day at a time as I am sure you know.  The hug of a child will make many things better.  Love your sde tags.

                       Julie

hugsdoodlewacky said...

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kamdghwmw said...

Just look at the mountain and say mountain get out of my way, and just keep moving. One step a day will take you far. I know that you can do this. You are a strong women. I have faith in you!
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom

lisa41076 said...

Lisa, you are an inspiration to many, I'm glad you have your grandson around to make you smile, Hugs Lisa

nightmaremom said...

Lisa take it one day at a time.  If we had all the answers we'd be... well.. not sure but we'd be something :)
Love ya
d

toonguykc said...

Figure this out at your own pace and don't feel that you have to "understand" it all right now.  Find a pace that doesn't stress you.  And remember the little smiles and joys that happen despite everything.

Hug,
Russ

merry1621 said...

Lisa, You always have my support, prayers, and thoughts.  I hope things become more tolerable for you, I pray that you can find what you need to accept what you have to.  No one can tell you how and no one can do it for you. But lots of us DO love you and do care deeply about you and we would help if we knew how.  If you can t hink of something I can do, email me.  Merry

merry1621 said...

Lisa, you have great music, too! Merry

demandnlilchit said...

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inquestoftruth said...

You have a pretty journal...I just wanted to drop a note to tell you that you can always turn to and trust God..... He said we can roll our cares on Him, so you do that!   He is strong in our weaknesses.    
~Meg

emabecmar said...

your always in my prayers. (((((hugs)))))))
Love
Cindy

gehi6 said...

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dca721 said...

Hi Lisa,
No need to feel like a broken record.  I sure do understand where you are coming from.
You are scared.
I try not to think too much about the future or things I can not control.  I know it's easier said than done.  I have many things that I worry about and if I think too much I just get all freaked out.  I just try to put one foot in front of the other.  It's a hard world.
Having disabilities makes it even harder.
When I was diagnosed with RA before the internet.  I went to the library.  Got alot of information and it scared the heck out of me.  I worried about worst case scenario.  Most books I picked up seemed to only talk about how disabling the disease was, I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
Since my car accident, I am having back problems, numbness in my back and my hand.  I notice my typing is off.  Had an MRI.
Sorry to bend you ear.
I understand that you worry, I do too.
Try not to, it does us no good and stress is bad.
I'm sorry your dealing with all of this.
You are a fighter and I am proud of you.
Hope your weekend is well.
Love,
Donna