Good morning!
I do hope that everyone is feeling good this morning. :o)
Well, I'm pretty much all cramped up today so far. I got 1 1/2 hours of sleep. My pains kept me awake all night. Nothing any different then any other day! :o)
Today, my home health aid will be here. I'm going to have to break down and ask for help. Do you realize how hard this is to do? Even to ask my family too. With this past episode of a flare up, I've lost so much more. I have no choice in the matter anymore but to ask for help. That feeling is as if I'm loosing my own self worth as well. Well, I've felt that a long ways back. Dignity. I'd like to keep that. Slowly it's going too.
I'm down to the point to where I'm not able to take a shower/bath or wash my hair anymore, by myself. :o( It's gone. Now I will have to rely on others. Yes, I use a shower chair. My upper body is going just as fast as my legs are now.
And my arthritis specialist wants me to do arobics in water? How? I can barely lift my arms, I'm not able to walk alone, and lift my legs. How would I be able to do that in water that has waves? I don't see it happening. 
Today, other then the above mentioned, I don't have anything else planned. Just still trying to figure out a way to make my pains feel better. :o)
I need to look up some more information on a few things that I've been experiancing. And, when I do find what I need, I will post it. :o) I like to do that just in case it will help someone else that may read this. ;o)
I guess I'm still grieving a bit. Over my losses of my body. I feel that it's not done yet. I would love to know how many tumors I have on my spine now! I really miss my old doctor...he was always on top of things! :o) When he left, and the doctor that he refered me too, doesn't know anything about fibromyalgia and how to treat it! :o( So, I kind of feel on my own! Yikes! 
I still have the shakes too! That one I don't get either! I gets to the point to where I can't hold things and drop things. My hands don't seem to want to work. gggrr! I'm getting slower.
Today, I'mnot really liking the way I'm feeling at all! I'm not coming down with anything, that I know. It's just the pains. I still have pain pills, but I just don't like taking them. I could have taken them last night, but I feel that I'm going to need them for a later time. I don't know why, but I do. I also would like to go back to Covington to G.I.V.E. and borrow another bed rail. The one I got really helps me. But I'm in need of more help in my bed. I have money to donate. I would just feel so bad if I borrwed something and did not donate back to them for their help. These people have helped me since I was diagnosed! :o) 
I know I can't go alone. I'll ask my son or daughter. I'm trying to think ahead as well. I've had things happen to me that I know means something that I will keep to myself. My choice. I'm not sure if many of you believe in this or not, but I've been able to just "know" things. I have dreams as well. Premanitions. This has been as far back as I can remember! Like when I wrote the entry about my stepdad and how I did not want my mom to marry him. I knew then he was of bad! Clarivoyant. It's not "evil." I don't want any "hate" mail saying that I'm an "evil spirit." I even had a dream of 9-11 a week before it happened! I wrote it down, and I still have it. I'll have to share it one day on here. The day it happened gave me never ending chills for more then one reason! :o(
I know things, but I don't know how I know them, if that makes any sense? My son has this gift as well, and my daughter has it too, but both have different types of things. My son can see aura's, I can't. This gift "runs" in my family as well. I've kept it in until now. I just thought, Oh well...I'll just talk about it. :o) You can believe what you want. Since I was diagnosed, I haven't been as "strong" as I used to be.
But, thats that! :o)
I'm going to go now. Please have a good and pain free day!
Thank all of you for your emails and comments! :o)
Gods blessings to you all! :o) 
14 comments:
You will never get hate mail from me. I hope you can feel better somehow today. I hate it that you are in such pain and i know it has to be so hard on you to ask for help but Lisa, ask! So you can get bathed and rested and comfortable.
love, lj
h
Have a beautiful day my friend. Your recent email after reading my latest entry really touched me...I appreciate your sharing with me your thoughts /feelings as you prayed for me.
I send my prayers for you also, with love.
Huggies, Sugar
Awww hun, feel better soon!
All my love and prayers
Love ya
xxxxxx
OH im sure your greiving no doutb about it. I dont know how you stand it. I wish you could get some in home help or find a place that would help you. My mom goes to the senior place they have some who are wheel chair bound in some kind of harness in the pool nad they get them to do what they can with thier arms in the water.
((((((Lisa))))))))) no hate mail from me either sweetie. And I do believe you about your preminitions. I too have that gift and so does my niece Sharon. It can be really scarey at times. I will have to make an entry about it all oneday. I shall keep you in prayer and hope you can get some relief soon from all your pain. Try and get some sleep dear. (((((((hugs))))))))))
Love,
Cindy
I have had preminitions (sp), too, albeit more so in my younger days. I thought of you last night, when I had trouble sleeping, thoughts on my mind. I wished that you could sleep some last night, and putting my inability to sleep in better perspective. I'm so sorry that you're in this level of pain. Of course it's hard to ask for help. I have a hard time asking for help for my father, and that's a lot easier than asking for myself. I do hope things go well today, and that your preminition is for something positive. -- Robin
I know it is hard to ask for but, I know that she will help. I think that you would enjoy being in the water. It is so good for the muscles. Whatever you choose, will be the right decision for you. Get some rest!
Kelli
http://journals.aol.com/kamdghwmw/noonmom
A graphic description of an exacerbation, Lisa. It's no shame to ask, Lisa, but appreciated the loss of independence it brings. Hope your pain can be brought to a more bearable level.
You can do water aerobics in a pool, Lisa. They have equipment to get you in and out of the water at rehab places. Ask your Doc about it. I think it might be good for you, and kind of fun, too.
I had to do pool therapy when I hurt my back a few years ago. It was fun, too!
Pam
Hi Lisa,
I sure can understand why you wouldn't want to partake in the water arobics. I don't blame you, that sounds crazy that he would suggest it.
I am sorry you are in such pain.
I wish I could do something to help you.
I believe so much in these powers you speak of.
I think that is so cool.
Must be scary thought at times to see bad things happening.
My day was for shit.
I had to go to insurance office again after work,
picked up son from tutoring,
Then went to car dealer, bought a car.
Was feeling so angry as to how/why this happened, woman running read light etc.
Got police report yesterday and had a witness. woman got ticket.
Thought tonight I would try to put it behind me and I come home and have a summons to go to Court on the 21 of March. I cannot believe this...I am beyond pissed.
This woman has infeseted my life, totaled my car, wasted my time with insurance etc.
NOW she's taking me to Court? I must take a day off from work.
I am so ANGRY!
Tell me Lisa,
any feelings popping into your head on what may happen?
Thanks,
Love you,
Donna
Mom, you know if I am not busy with Kayden, I will help you more than I am. Especially take a shower and wash your hair. :D And with the premonitions, I remember you telling me about 9-11. We all have our special gifts..lol. Again, I am sorry that your WHOLE body *literally* is crashing. I think the water arobics may help, but I can also see where you are going with "How in the hell can you be able to do it?" Hmmm, if only. :D Love ya mom.
Lisa, I got home from work late tonight, I am so sorry you are still in pain, I am sorry you ca'nt take a shower alone anymore :( Wow that is scary you sensed 9- 11 before it happened, God bless you always, Hugs Lisa
Dear Lisa; My heart goes out to you! I will pray for you and one day we will all be with our Lord and all will be Great!
God Bless you;
Michael Surber
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